Landon searched for a parking spot near the theater. Before they left the coffee shop, Landon had managed to score tickets to an animated film they’d both been jazzed about seeing at iPic, the upscale theater near him in Pasadena that also did dinner food and offered big recliners and couches instead of regular seats. It had seemed like a good idea—the movie, good food, and maybe some talk after, but no pressure to talk during the dinner. He’d had enough heavy conversation for the day.

Landon couldn’t believe he’d actually told Bailey about the truth behind the panic attack last night. Part of it was that Bailey was remarkably easy to talk to—for all that he liked to laugh a lot, he had the kindest eyes and a gentle demeanor that made Landon want to talk. He hadn’t been lying—it wasn’t a story he shared often at all. Savannah and he had been friends for years, and she didn’t know. Pike and some of his other friends from back then knew, but that was more because he’d had to take a semester off to recover.

Even now, his own father didn’t seem to know how to handle it, continuing to be in denial about the whole thing. A real estate agent in Santa Barbara, his dad had been accepting when Landon came out as bi in high school, but couldn’t seem to fathom a world where men could be assaulted. In his head, men just couldn’t be raped. And he’d never come right out and said it, but his dad put a lot of the blame on Landon having been drinking that night. Years of counseling had helped Landon to see that his dad was in the wrong and that he couldn’t blame himself.

Unfortunately, though, Landon had had that reaction from more than a few people, so he’d grown cautious about telling anyone, but Bailey had reacted more like his mom or Pike—righteous indignation on his behalf, believing him one hundred percent, and not blaming. But more than that, he’d been emphatic about wanting to try again, both for a friendship and for kissing. The friendship offer gave him a warm glow, while the kissing thing made his insides tremble, as if they couldn’t make up their mind whether to be excited or terrified.

He finally found a space and walked to the theater’s doors where Bailey was waiting.

“Sorry. I had to park a couple of blocks away. Everything else was taken.”

“It’s okay.” Bailey gave him a big smile as they went in. “I looked up the menu online, and I’m super stoked for this.”

“I’m just happy to see this one without too many kids being noisy in a regular theater.” Landon loved this particular movie studio franchise, had for years, but even his own niece and nephew got loud after a while.

“I purposefully didn’t tell anyone where we were going. All the kids would have been clamoring to come along.” Bailey had said earlier that he had three older sisters who lived in the LA area and had kids of varying ages and combinations. Landon had his hands full with his one big sister and her two hellions, so he felt for him.

They picked up their tickets and made their way to the theater. Landon loved Bailey’s infectious good mood, the way even an ordinary night out could be an adventure.

“Oh man, we get pillows and blankets,” Bailey enthused as they reached their seats. “This is so cool.”

“I thought you’d like it.” Landon let Bailey take the inside seat so that he could have the aisle. His anxiety was doing way better, but he was still on edge enough that having the outer seat would help. As they had last night, they decided to share food so that they could get more appetizers, including an order of sliders. Bailey liked things spicy but was otherwise easy to please, which was nice. Landon stuck to things he’d had before as his stomach was still a bit off from the anxiety medication. And he had a spare pill in his pocket, just in case, something he hadn’t done in years.

Despite everything, he did want a friendship with Bailey, and he was willing to push his comfort zone to make that happen, but he knew from experience that sometimes pushing led to backlash from his psyche. Better to be prepared.

The opening of the movie was hysterical with a homemade superhero suit, a surly teenager, and a pack of barking dogs. Then their food arrived, which was a nice distraction from his hyper-awareness of Bailey’s nearness. Their hands kept brushing as they reached for the shared appetizers while keeping their eyes on the screen. Each glancing contact was another electric sizzle up Landon’s spine. He couldn’t say what the food tasted like—his senses were too occupied with wondering when they’d touch next. After the dinner was eaten, Landon tried to return his attention fully to the movie, but it was hard—Bailey smelled like oranges again, and Landon’s body kept remembering the good parts of their kisses.

And it didn’t help that Bailey was doing a move straight out of Landon’s middle school years, leaving his hand on the shared divider, palm up. It was right there, not threatening, but there for the grabbing. Like a neon, “we could hold hands” sign. Landon kinda wanted to—like the caresses and kisses last night, it had been a long damn time since he’d had affection like this. But would Bailey assume it meant that they were going to kiss goodnight? Did Landon want him to assume that? Grrrr. He honestly didn’t know, and being tangled up in his thoughts kept him from taking Bailey up on the unspoken offer until the teen hero got himself in a jam with the bad guys closing in.

Fuck it. Landon wanted to hold hands. They’d sort the kissing stuff out later, but right now he really wanted to slide his hand against Bailey’s, link their fingers, squeeze. So that was exactly what he did. Bailey made a low, pleased sound, glancing down with a little smile before returning his attention to the screen.

Landon’s own awareness wasn’t so quick to get back to the movie, especially when Bailey’s hand got…active. Unlike the handholding of his teen years, this was borderline erotic, Bailey’s thumb sweeping against his palm, fingers stroking knuckles, exploring calluses. A few minutes of sweet torture, and Landon was painfully hard. From holding hands. And it was nice because as much as his body wouldn’t have minded something more, it was a family movie, not an R-rated makeout flick. And with kissing or groping off the table, he was able to relax, enjoy the simple pleasure of holding hands.

Bailey’s thumb moved to tracing circles, a gentle massage, one that relaxed more than Landon’s tight muscles. On the screen, danger was mounting, but inside Landon, a sense of calmness and rightness descended, and he sank into a sort of trance. And suddenly, the credits were rolling, and Landon was grieving the loss of contact as Bailey dropped his hand and the lights came on.

“That was great.” Bailey blushed as he said it, so Landon knew he meant the handholding as well as the movie.

“Yeah.” Landon hoped his arousal wasn’t overly obvious in the low light, and did some complex calculus in his head to get it to go down. He tried making some small talk about the movie as they made their way out of the theater, but his brain kept racing ahead, body primed for…something—what, he wasn’t quite sure.

“It’s a gorgeous night. Walk you back to your car?” Bailey asked. “I wouldn’t mind the exercise. We’re slated for rain next two weeks in Portland, so I need to soak up the good weather while I can.”

“Sure.” Landon was torn between grabbing Bailey’s hand again or shoving his own back in his pockets. Man, this not-a-date was damn complicated. “After my whole life here in Cali, the rain in Portland would drive me nuts. What do you like about living there anyway?”

“I went there for college because I wanted an adventure, and they gave me a scholarship. Stayed because I like my job at the portrait studio, even if it can get a little boring. It lets me work on my artsy stuff on the side, which is good. And the gallery culture is good there, but I do miss California, especially my folks. And my sisters keep procreating.” Bailey laughed, and unlike Landon, he seemed to have no indecision issues, taking Landon’s hand in a gentle grip.

It was late enough that the sidewalks were largely empty, no one to hassle them. And it wasn’t the threat of a bad comment that had Landon’s stomach doing back flips. He liked Bailey, like really liked him, and that was all sorts of problematic. And also thrilling, the rush of a new crush unlike anything else in life.

“I don’t mind being an uncle.” Landon squeezed Bailey’s hand so he wouldn’t think the contact was unwanted. “But every kid birthday is another chance for my parents to be in the same room. They divorced fifteen years ago and still haven’t mellowed to each other.”

“Ugh. Mine are still married, but my oldest sister is divorced and the family politics are intense. Her ex in-laws don’t speak to our part of the family at all. I feel for you. Oh and by the way, my mom liked meeting you. Says she can’t wait to see the finished calendar.”

“Oh do not tell me that.” Knowing he was blushing, Landon laughed. “The less I think about the calendar, the better.”

“I’m still going to email you tomorrow before I start the drive back, show you the finals of what I’m submitting.”

Landon could do without more naked pics of himself, but hearing from Bailey sounded good. “Drive safe. We’ve got Space Villager gaming later in the week, right?”

“I will. I love long drives. I’m stopping overnight with friends in San Francisco. I’ve done the fifteen hours straight through, but I’ve learned my lesson on that,” Bailey said as they reached Landon’s car. “And I’m looking forward to the gaming.”

They stood there, looking awkwardly at each other, all but pawing the ground like two uneasy dogs circling each other.

Finally, Bailey spoke, “Well, I guess I better let you get home…”

“Yeah.” Landon’s pulse sped up. If this was goodbye, did he really want to leave it like this? Not be brave? “Can I… Would it be okay if we hugged? I kind of want to.”

Bailey’s smile got broader. “Well, I more than kind of want to. So sure.”

He stepped closer but didn’t embrace Landon, letting him be the one to close the gap. Landon hugged him, but Bailey didn’t squeeze him back, keeping one arm at his side, the other gently resting on Landon’s back. No panic. Landon exhaled hard, not realizing how much he’d been holding his breath. They could do this.

Relief surging through him, he pressed a quick kiss to Bailey’s bristly jaw. “This was fun.”

“It was.” Bailey tilted his head, clearly willing for a kiss, but letting Landon make that call. Given that freedom, it was easy to stretch, slide his mouth over Bailey’s. They were out on the street, so he kept it brief. But still electric. He really did love kissing Bailey, loved how present he was, how kissing felt like the main show, not a trailer for some other more erotic act.

“Do you… I’m…” Landon wasn’t sure what to do now. A big part of him wanted to invite Bailey back to his place, but he was still afraid of a repeat of the previous night. What if he was starting something he couldn’t finish?

“I have to be up early.” Bailey gracefully answered Landon’s unasked question. “But I’m flying back in a month or so for my dad’s retirement dinner. You want more kissing then, I’m going to be majorly in favor of that, okay? But I meant what I said back at the coffee place—I’m happy to take things nice and slow.”

“I’d like that.” Landon licked his lips, which earned him another lightning-fast kiss from Bailey.

“Okay, I’m going before we say goodnight all night.” Bailey grinned at him.

“I dunno, that might not be such hardship.” Landon smiled back. “But email me when you get back to Oregon safely, okay? We’ll set up something online for later in the week.”

“I can’t wait.”

Neither can I. Landon watched Bailey stroll back down the street, whistling as he went. The guy was almost infectiously happy, and watching him made Landon feel light inside, like he’d drank a carbonated soda too fast. Giddy almost. Yeah, this is a crush. The key was going to be figuring out what to do with that information. A relationship between them would be doomed for so many reasons, but Landon couldn’t help the thrum of his pulse.