As much as Bailey wanted his camera back, he wasn’t sure he wanted to see Landon again so soon after Landon had said he didn’t want to try for a relationship. Bailey hadn’t slept at all once Landon went upstairs, which was why he’d been in enough of a daze when his mom picked him up that he’d assumed his camera bag was inside his backpack. Ever since getting his first professional-grade camera, he’d never once left it somewhere. It was a testament to how rattled Landon had him that he’d nearly misplaced his most important possession.

Well, maybe, second most important possession—first being his heart, which he’d lost to Landon only to have it stomped on. And he knew Landon had been reeling from the panic attack, afraid, and not really meaning to hurt him. But he had. And while Bailey wanted to be his friend, it was also going to take him some time to get over the loss of what might have been.

When the doorbell rang, Bailey really wasn’t sure he was ready. Would this be the last time he ever saw Landon? Fuck, he hoped not. He opened the door with that cheerful thought rattling around his brain. Landon stood on the porch, holding Bailey’s camera bag. He looked worn out—dark circles under his eyes, messy hair, rumpled shirt, and jeans with scuff marks on the knees.

“Hey.” Landon didn’t immediately hold out the camera.

“Hey,” Bailey echoed lamely. “You want to come in?”

“I…ah…no.”

Bailey sighed, unable to control his disappointment. Guessing this was goodbye after all, he held out his hand for the bag and managed to grit out, “Thanks for finding it.”

“Listen, I know you probably hate me right now, but could you come with me? I want to show you something at my lab.”

“I don’t hate you,” Bailey said wearily. “I’m frustrated and upset, but I don’t hate you. And I promised my mom I’d be here for dinner in a few hours, but I guess I could grab some shoes.”

“Thanks.” Landon bit at his lower lip.

Setting his camera bag on the hall table behind him, he had to admit that curiosity was a large part of why he agreed to Landon’s unlikely invitation. That and even if they weren’t destined to be lovers, he did still want to be friends. Eventually. When he wasn’t so conflicted. But he’d said he’d go, so he put on shoes and called out a goodbye for his parents with a promise to be back to help make dinner.

In the car, Landon stayed quiet and focused on driving, which Bailey was okay with. He wasn’t sure what to say anyway. At his university, the parking lots were as empty as one would expect from sunny spring Sunday when even diligent students and professors gave in to the temptation to be outdoors.

“I probably shouldn’t be bringing you here, but hopefully no one will be here to give me heck.” Landon walked quickly across the campus.

“Oooh. Top secret stuff?” Despite himself, Bailey was intrigued.

“Well, some of it. But the bigger concern is that if we break something, heads will roll.” Landon gave a weak laugh. He used a badge to enter a large, brick building, and headed for the elevator.

“Ah. I am clumsy. Maybe this is a bad idea. I mean, I can do hands in my pockets like a kid on a field trip…”

“Dork.” Landon bumped his shoulder, a hint of his former good humor showing through. “You’re not that clumsy. And I’m the nervous one, so if anyone’s breaking a laser, it’s probably me.”

“Don’t be nervous.” Bailey wasn’t sure whether that would help, but he had to say something.

“Too late.” Landon used his badge plus a keycode to access a room on the fourth floor. “This is my lab.”

“Wow.” Bailey looked around once Landon turned on the overhead lights. The windowless room with high ceilings was big but crowded. Equation-covered white boards lined three of the walls, with a row of tables on the back wall with complicated setups of equipment and wires, including wires dropping down from the ceiling, and the electronics-looking equipment on the high shelves above the table appeared better suited for a fighter jet cockpit.

Most of the stuff on the tables looked high tech and complicated, as if one wrong breath could cost the university thousands of dollars. In fact, some was inside giant plexiglass cages surrounding the equipment benches. In the center of the room, computers and monitors dominated, along with some free-standing equipment.

“So…um…I don’t bring people here. Like my parents have never seen where I work. But I wanted you to see.”

“I’m really wishing I’d brought the camera. I’d love to get some pictures of you doing…whatever it is you do here.” Bailey wasn’t being flip—he’d love to capture the man in his element, the way Landon seemed to have visibly relaxed upon entering the space. He might not know what any of these things did, but he could tell they were important to Landon.

“I’ve always studied energy in various forms of the quantum system. Amplitude spectroscopy of solid-state artificial atoms is my latest research.”

“Ah.” For the first time, looking around this space, Bailey really understood that Landon wasn’t just smart—he was a fucking genius, like the kind on TV lecturing about universes and theorems.

“Basically I use light to study energy. I find areas—spectroscopy diamonds—where we can see transitions, interference patterns and other stuff that show us the atom’s spectrum.”

“Cool.” Bailey nodded like he understood more than a rough outline of what Landon was saying.

“What we do is find ways a really broad bandwidth can use a single small frequency to study energy scales that are a lot bigger.” Landon’s tone was patient, and Bailey could see how he was probably an awesome professor.

“So like you do things in miniature to understand things that are really big?” Bailey hoped he was getting some of this.

“Exactly.” Landon beamed. “That’s what I’m trying to say. I spend a lot of time—years—on the minute details, on the smallest adjustments, before I can even think about extrapolating to the big picture. People think of physics as having these huge ‘eureka’ moments, but that’s not really how it goes—it’s lots of little tweaks, a lot of time mired in the weeds so to speak.”

“So like it’s a can’t-see-the-forest-for-the-trees problem?” Bailey really was trying to keep up.

“Yeah, that’s kind of what I mean, but it spills over into my life. I get all caught up in little details and tiny variables, and I tend to miss the big picture until it’s too late.”

He had a feeling Landon was trying to work up to some point about them, but he was having a hard time guessing what it might be. “I tend to be the opposite—I see the big picture first, what I want the outcome to be, then I fiddle with the details until I can match that vision.”

“See, I like that about you.” Landon gave him a tentative smile. “And I think you knew that we might fit as more than friends—you had that vision early on. But I got all hung up on the little variables.”

“Like the fact that I’m not some petite princess?” Bailey couldn’t help the bitterness that seeped into his voice. “It’s okay to admit that this would all be easier for you if I wasn’t…me.”

“But I like you. I meant what I said last night. I’m glad you’re you. I wouldn’t change you—I like all of you, the whole package. And you make me happy. And that’s the big picture I keep losing sight of. I look forward to your messages and calls. My stomach flutters when you come on cam. You make me laugh. I love kissing you. All the data points to me falling for you.”

“But you need to run a bunch more experiments to be sure?” Bailey had a lot of patience for Landon, but it wasn’t endless.

“Not necessarily—I think the data’s there. You were right this morning. We do fit well together. And that scares me. But if I’m honest, feeling this way about anyone would scare me. I’ve spent a lot of years holed up here, not having relationships. It’s easier to focus on numbers instead of opening myself up to hurt.”

“If it helps, I’m scared too,” Bailey admitted. “There’s a reason I’m not in many pictures—it’s easier hiding behind the camera. Easier to see what everyone else’s picture is. Risking hurt and rejection is hard, and I’ve been reluctant to go there. Hanging back on the edges of the frame has always seemed simpler. But I really want to take that risk for you. With you. You make me want to try.”

“I’ve never really felt this way about anyone. I’ve had crushes, sure. But this feels bigger, scarier. And so I pushed you away. This is like the world’s most convoluted apology…” Landon sighed and gave a little laugh. “Sorry. I’m trying, but I think I’m bungling everything all over again.”

“I understand getting scared. And honestly, I don’t want to be some big…challenge for you. I hate the idea of causing more panic attacks, even accidentally. It’s okay if you don’t want to go there.” That was hard to say, but Bailey needed to get it out. “I care about you. So much. I don’t want to sabotage your mental health just because I’m selfish and want you in my life in that way. A good friend wouldn’t push you, and that’s what I want to be first and foremost—a good friend.”

“You are.” Landon grabbed Bailey’s arms, pulled him closer. “And I’ve spent a long time not doing things because of the risk of a panic attack. You’re right that it would be easier to just not try for a relationship with you, but I don’t think it would be best for me. I like my life with you in it. And if that means an adjustment period to get to the outcome we both want, then maybe I just haven’t found the right variables to tweak yet.”

“Is it wrong that you talking science gets me hot?” Bailey laughed. “As long as this isn’t the part where you shine a laser at me and shrink me—”

“I told you. I like you. All of you.” Stretching, Landon pressed a fast kiss to Bailey’s mouth. “And I am so, so sorry if I made you feel bad about things you can’t control. I honestly think it was more fear of any relationship more than any sort of external factors. Sometimes when working on an experiment, I fixate on the wrong things, draw the wrong conclusions.”

“Well, I think the conclusion about us being good together is the right one. And I’m game for continuing to work on…how did you put it? The variables. We can tweak things. Together. Figure out what works to make you the most comfortable.”

“Both of us,” Landon corrected. “Figure out ways to make us both comfortable. Deduce what works for us.”

“I’d like that. A lot.” Bailey’s sinuses burned. “Science is slow. I’ll try to be patient while we work things out. Maybe we rushed into the sex—”

“Hey, now. I liked the sex.” Landon bumped their hips together.

“Me too.” He gave in to temptation and brushed his mouth over Landon’s in a soft, lingering kiss. “But I have a feeling we shouldn’t fool around here. Some of these laser things have to be thousands of dollars right?”

“Add a zero or two.” Landon laughed. “How about I show you what they can do, then we go back to my place and run some experiments of our own?”

“Oh yes.” Bailey pressed a breathless kiss to Landon’s lips. “Wait. I promised my parents dinner. Come to Sunday dinner? My sisters will be there, so one more isn’t an issue. Or is that too boyfriend-y? Too fast?”

“I want boyfriend-y. Yeah, we can do dinner after this. But I still want to get you alone at some point.”

“It’s a plan.” Bailey’s heart stuttered. Maybe this was how they were a good fit—he could see the outcome he wanted, them together forever, and Landon could see all the little steps that would need to happen to get to that point, and between the two of them, they would actually make that future happen.

Landon started fussing with equipment, and Bailey allowed himself the pleasure of watching him work while clinging to that vision. They would make this work. It wouldn’t be easy, but he knew in his bones that it would be worth it. Landon was worth it. They were worth it.