Trigger
The playful banter between Beanie and Razz reminds me of what my mom had said when I went to her house this morning for answers.
“Tanner Nathaniel, what’s wrong with you? All this pacing your doing is making my skin crawl.”
“Ma, what happen to Razz and me?”
Ma looks at me confused and then her eyes light up. “Sadie happen. Jesus, when that girl came here you were smitten. She’d say jump and you’d say how high. It was the funniest shit watching you follow her around like a lost puppy. Sadie blinded you. You didn’t see anything but her. You told me she was the girl you were gonna marry and have babies with. She was going to be the one you loved until the day your body turned to ash. I thought your infatuation with her would die when you left to join the Marines, but it only got stronger.”
“But where was Razz?” I felt like a kid asking all these questions or maybe a man who had his memory wiped clean.
“She was on the sidelines. You had your eye on the prize and Raquel was no longer on your radar. The day you got on that bus to ship off was the day Raquel finally gave up on you. You may not have realized but you were that girl’s everything. She needed you like she needed air to breath.”
“We were just friends, Ma. She didn’t feel that way about me.”
Ma strides to the bookcase against the living room wall and comes back with a scrap book that looks like it had seen better days. She pushes it across the kitchen counter to me and the first picture is of me and Razz in kindergarten, toothless smiles and bunny ears. I’m hugging a little Razz to me like my life depends on it. The next picture is of me and Razz at the river floating on noodles lost in conversation. Then there’s a picture of me and Razz at Halloween when we were eight. She was GI Jane and I was GI Joe. Continuing to turn page after page of picture after picture of my childhood friend does nothing to soothe the torment my head and heart are battling. We were each other’s everything, but I know I was more hers than she was mine.
She only had her grandfather while I had a club and blood relatives behind me. I’m thankful that my mom continued to be involved in Razz’s life after I drop kicked her out of my life all for my own selfishness, but I was young and in love or so I thought.
“Take me to your torture chamber!” Beanie roars bringing me out of my mental dilemma as he throws his arm over Razz’s shoulders and walks her down the hallway.
I follow along with my sister and Spook to the second door on the right. Razz slowly opens the door and steps back as we all enter.
The room would be spacious if it wasn’t crowded with all her torturing devices. The walls are painted a bright teal. She has a banister across the ceiling with eye-hooks and pink rope attached. There’s a cross against the back wall and a bench in the far corner. She has a tall thin mahogany dresser settled against the wall closest to the door.
On the wall opposite of the dresser is a closet. Beanie opens it and turns on the light. Floggers, crops, whips and more rope are highlighted by the light and he runs his finger through the flogger.
“This is new, Razz.” He affirms and the green-eyed monster starts to come back to life.
“Yeah, isn’t it delicious?” She stands next to him and copies his movements with her fingers intertwining with the leather strips. “Mal bought it for me for my birthday.” She giggles. “Who would have thought that sex toys would ever be acceptable as a birthday present, but it’s my new favorite.”
I tense the closer they get to each other and want to interrupt their small talk, but a squeeze on my forearm has me looking at my sister who apparently can sense my mood. She shakes her head and mouths no. I relax my stance and remind myself she isn’t mine and I can’t go all alpha on her when she’s supposed to be alpha’ing me.
I cough to catch their attention. I have two days to get this shit situated before we head to Florida and I don’t want to waste a second admiring a damn flogger.
“Sorry.” Razz says as she turns with a slight blush on her cheeks. “Beanie, how do you want to get started?”
“I think a demonstration.” He winks at her and my blood boils.
“Ah, you want to be my bitch.” She says teasingly.
“Nope.”
She glares at him. “Seriously.”
“Yep.”
“Fine.” She huffs. “I hope ya’ll are comfortable with some skin.” She proceeds to take off her shirt along with her yoga pants and socks tossing them to the side. My breath stales as she stands in front of me in a matching purple lace bra and panties. She has a tattoo of a dragon on her left side. I begin to sway as the memory of Razz and I sitting on the bleachers at a football game in sixth grade rocks me. I don’t have a chance to relive it in depth before Razz continues. “Greer, you’ll probably be in some sort of lingerie and if your comfortable with nudity then topless.” My sister shakes her head in the negative. “Lingerie it is. We’ll go shopping and I’ll help you pick out a few pieces.” She turns to Beanie. “I’m all yours.”
Those words rip a growl from my throat and they all stare at me. I give my normal cocky grin as though it didn’t come from me, but from the snigger from Spook and Beanie, I think I failed.
Beanie’s face contorts from easy going to hard in an instant. “Kneel.”
My sister, Spook and I step back to give them space as I become mesmerized with Razz going to her knees. She places her palms flat on her thighs and bows her head. Her ankles are crossed behind her.
Beanie struts to the pink ropes and tugs. “Can I restrain you?”
“Yes, Sir.”
Beanie holds a hand out to Razz and she takes it pulling herself to her feet. He binds each of her wrists and bends forward as hushed whispers can be heard but not understood.
“Yes, Sir.”
He walks to the closet and lifts the infamous flogger from the hook. He dangles it in front of her and then glides it from her heel to her shoulder blades before he pulls back. The clatter of the leather against her skin makes me flinch, but the moan that releases from her lips makes my already hard cock turn to stone. It pulses against my jeans and aches to be released.
He strikes her a few more times and I watch as her eyes glaze over as she stares at nothing. It unnerves me that she’s so responsive to Beanie, but at the same time, it intrigues me.
He steps away from her and places the flogger on the dresser. “She’s zoned out.” He places his hand against her stomach as he wraps his arm around her placing his front to her back. “Greer, are you okay so far.”
“Yeah.” My sister croaks.
“This is basically what I’ll do to you except the next part Spook will take care of. I’ll give you the pain and he’ll give you the release.”
“Okay.” She says huskily and by the look of her and Spook I’d say they are looking forward to it.
I scrutinize Beanie’s hand as it slowly works its way down to the top of Razz’s panties and my fist clench. He slips beneath the lace and I know he’s grazed her clit when she bucks and shudders. Her head falls back onto Beanie’s shoulder and she moans. I can’t take it anymore. What the fuck is wrong with me? She’s not my girl, but the way my head and heart aren’t warring with each other makes me feel like she’s mine.
“That’s enough!” I growl.
My sister grabs my arm but I can’t turn away from Razz. I feel her brush her hand on my cheek. I relent and gaze at her. “She needs this, Trigger. She needs the liberation of an orgasm to pull her out of subspace quicker.”
“I get that, but it doesn’t have to be him.” I whisper yell.
She smiles mischievously at me. “Well, well, well! My little brother is love-struck for another damsel.”
“It’s not like that or maybe it is, but…”
A long, sensual moan erupts in the room and I glance back at Razz as she slumps against the tension of the rope. Beanie moves in front of her so she can lean against him as he unravels the bindings. He wraps her up in his arms and lifts her to his chest. My eyes follow helplessly as he strides to the door and opens it, moving down the hall to the room I can assume is Razz’s. I follow and take in the utmost care he provides her as he gently lays her on her bed and covers her. He kisses her forehead and stops abruptly as he turns.
“She’ll be fine in a few minutes. She just needs a reprieve.” I nod. “I know this is going to be difficult but just keep in mind that we know what we’re doing and I’d never hurt her.”
“I get that, but it doesn’t mean I like it.” I grumble.
He stares at me for a second trying to figure out my mood. “Let’s get a drink and sit.”
A few minutes later, we’re sitting in Razz’s living room sans Razz. I glance at Beanie with his head hung, lips moving but no sound emitting and a grunt here and there. He raises his head and his eyes connect with mine.
“You need to get your jealousy in line.”
“It’s not jealousy. It’s confusion and wonderment.” He just glares. “Okay maybe there’s a little jealousy.” I confess.
Spook chuckles. “A little my ass. You were about to go calm, cool and collected to raging asshole in sixty seconds. Your pretty blues need to open wide because you’ve never done that shit with Sadie.”
“This has nothing to do with Sadie, fucker.” I grit out. “Yesterday, I went through a time warp. I went back to being in middle school with my best fucking friend at my side like she was everyday growing up to my best friend being Dani and Ryker. My brain is roaring with questions that have no answers and every time I watch Beanie and her together teasing with easy banter and touches it pisses me off and I don’t know why.”
I make eye contact with Greer and she has tears in her eyes. “Little brother, I know for the past few months you’ve been lost and I miss you. I miss the playful man you were, but I don’t miss the lap dog you were either.”
“I wasn’t a lap dog.” I argue.
“Yes, you were and don’t disagree because deep down you knew you were. You dedicated so much of yourself to her and it was never returned. I know how that feels. I wanted my mom to love me back for years and it never happen. I was a pawn. I didn’t know what true affection and love were until I came to Georgia. I’ve felt the need to be loved back so much that even a little felt like a lot. Sadie gave you just a smidgen to keep you around. She may not have known what she was doing but that’s what she did.”
“Answer me this. Why do I now feel like I’d rather rip my own balls off than watch another man touch Razz when I haven’t as much as said hi to her in years?”
“Um.” Greer looks to Spook for help but he lowers his head. She elbows him in the ribs getting a grunt out of him.
“Fine.” He huffs. “Because she’s always been available to you whether you physically knew it or not. Razz has been subconsciously available to you, so there was no need for you to stake a claim more or less.”
“Am I just stupid? I still don’t understand.” I’m losing my patience with this conversation.
“Have you ever seen Razz with another man before the past couple of days?” I shake my head no because I haven’t paid that much attention to her comings and goings. “Exactly. Out of sight, out of mind. You haven’t physically had to see her with someone else and now you’ve seen her with Beanie touching her and teasing her like you probably used to do when you were younger.”
It’s like a light bulb goes off in my head. “Okay, so tell me how to get my best friend back.”
Greer looks at me with her eyebrow raised. “Is that all you want?”
Beanie interrupts. “That’s all he’ll get from her.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’ve been around for Razz for a few years now and the only people she let’s close are the ones that she knows will never overstep or hurt her. You’ve already hurt her once so unless she’s grown a forgive and forget button in the last twenty-four hours, you’re fucked.”
“We’ll see about that.” I mutter.
Beanie just challenged me to get my girl back and by the expression on his face, he knows it.