The café reeked of grease and coffee. Skip slipped on his sunglasses and settled into a booth in the back hoping to go unnoticed. The sun was making a valiant attempt to pierce the pewter skies. He felt hung over, which would have been fine, if he had overindulged last night. He hadn’t even had a beer. God, he wanted a beer for breakfast, and a week to sleep.

He leaned against the wall, letting his mind wander. He’d left the Marine in the bathroom. The kid slept hard on the floor, but he’d slept. Skip hadn’t, and he didn’t know if it was because he was in pain, horny, or terrified of the younger man.

The seat next to him dipped, and someone leaned over him, her nosy nose pressed against his neck. “Morning Sunshine,” she said in an annoyingly perky voice. Skip wanted to shove her face away and growl at her.

“Stop sniffing me.” He did growl at her, but Sam laughed. She was irritating like that.

“You didn’t use my gift. I should be insulted. That’s quality stuff. Sells for a hundred bucks an ounce. Would have done you a world of good.” She whispered just for him to hear. Her lips grazing his cheek. “Would have done our boy Chad a great service. He’s too uptight. Needed some hot lovin’.” She purred in his ear.

Skip did push her off this time, more gently than she deserved. He blinked and sat up. They weren’t alone. Rose and Lu sat across from them in the booth smirking at them.

“Freaked the kid out is all it did. And seriously, he’s half my age. What the hell were you thinking?” Skip whispered, though he knew the other two could hear everything they were saying.

“I was thinking that Skip isn’t denying swinging that way, even just a little.” She settled into the seat beside him. At least she was off him. The knowledge in her eyes startled him, but he refused to react.

“What if Skip doesn’t swing in any direction? Have you ever thought of that in your conniving little mind?” He pulled his glasses off to shoot her a hard glare. He didn’t like being played, and he sure as hell didn’t like seeing the kid played by an expert barracuda.

“So, are we finally getting the big confession? Our Skip is coming out as asexual. Who called that one?” Rose said from across the booth. She poured coffee from the pot that seemed to appear from nowhere.

“Blake,” Lu answered, and poured her own cup, sipping it black. “If you count dickless as a synonym for asexual.”

“Remind me why I like you people?” Skip pushed the upside-down cup away. He sure as hell didn’t want coffee this morning. Maybe a glass of milk and some toast to settle his stomach. He pointed at the three of them in turn. “I’m not asexual. Not that it’s anyone’s business. And I do not fuck men half my age. Or anyone half my age. I am not having some midlife crisis, and need to get myself something hot and young to prove I’ve still got whatever it is I didn’t have in the first place. And… and…” he pointed to each of them to drive home the point. “And… I like being single. Single is a valid lifestyle choice.”

“Being alone is not good for anyone, Skip. Look at Colt. He—” Sam started to argue, but Skip slapped the table causing the silver to clatter.

“Who said I’m alone? I’m not alone, and I’m not lonely, and I’m not Colt. And, goddamn, can we let Colt rest in peace. His life was tragic enough without having the people he considered his closest friends crucifying him post-mortem. He never could come back from the divorce. Leave it at that.”

He wanted to leave but was too tired to push Sam out of his seat. He seriously didn’t want to go back to the room he was sharing with a hot-bodied man, who was pushing buttons he hadn’t allowed to be pushed in years. If the roads were open, which he doubted, it would be a few more hours before he could get a ride back to his Jeep. He could hike it, but after yesterday, he wasn’t ready to put the pack back on.

The women stared into their coffee cups, guilt on their faces. “We should have done more for Colt,” Rose said, a couple of minutes later. “And Chad. I don’t know. After the other night… what if we could have done more for them? We know she lied. We weren’t in his corner. We didn’t think about what it would do to the boy.”

Skip turned the coffee cup over and poured half a cup; he added three spoons of sugar and half a cup of cream.

“Want some coffee with your cream?” Lu asked, smirking at him as she took another cup of black brew.

“Superior bitch,” Skip smirked back and sipped his coffee-flavored cream. She shot him a middle finger. Everything was normal.

“He has PTSD,” Skip said with a shrug. “That’s obvious. It’s not from his childhood. We don’t know a damned thing about his childhood. His mother loved him, probably too much. He made a choice to serve. What else was there to do that wasn’t sticking our noses in where we didn’t belong.”

“He said there was never any abuse— at least not the kind she accused—” Sam stopped talking before she said what Skip knew she was going to say.

“You don’t have to watch your language around me. I know what she said I did. I didn’t. Yet, here we are pushing something that should not ever be because?” He didn’t understand their meddling. Why in the hell would she think Skip would sleep with the man? “I’m not gay. Let’s just leave it at that.”

His phone rang and he looked up in time to see the Marine standing one booth away. He checked his phone. There was nothing he could do about the Marine. “Excuse me, I need to take this.”

Sam stood up to let him slide out. He nodded to the Marine, as he swiped his phone and put it to his ear. “Hey, I was just getting ready to call you.”

* * * * *

Chad slid into an empty booth after Skip passed by on his way outside. Whoever he was talking to on the phone had made his face light up. His voice had dropped an octave or two, all the signs of someone he cared about… deeply. He picked up the menu, even though he wasn’t hungry. He wanted to get a start to his car, so eating something now would get him through the long walk. His pack was still in the room. He was done here. His dad was in a place he’d never find again, but it was what his father wanted. The tree on the lake was a lovely resting place. Skip had said it was his favorite spot. That was good enough for Chad. Time to move on.

He’d heard enough of the conversation before Skip had noticed him to know he’d stayed far too long. These people were crazy. Not his circus. Not his monkeys. Right now, he had no monkeys, and his circus was far, far away.

He’d heard Skip say he liked being single. He was happy. Chad had enough money to do whatever he wanted, for as long as he wanted. He didn’t have to rejoin any circus.

He just didn’t know what he wanted to do.

Skip walked past the window outside pacing and talking on the phone. He turned to face the window, his face beaming with happiness, all for whoever was on the other end of that phone call. He looked up and met Chad’s gaze. The happy glow went away. He dropped his gaze, and Chad read his lips before he hung up.

“I love you too.”

Skip wasn’t exactly as single as he led his friends to believe.

Chad’s stomach churned with dread. He’d wanted to get a glass of milk and some toast, but there was no waitress working the floor. He started to leave, but Skip dropped into the seat across from him and groaned. “I am too old for this. It’s frigid out there. My joints aren’t happy campers right now.”

Chad didn’t say a thing; he sipped the water that waited on the table, and tried to pretend he hadn’t been spying.

“The fuck, Sam?” Skip growled out, while Chad had been looking at the table. He looked up to find Sam standing beside the table with Skip’s phone in her hand. “You nosy bitch.”

“Just seeing who our Skippy was professing his love for. You know, not five minutes, after declaring himself happily single.” She swiped the phone, lifting an eyebrow at Skip. “Should have locked it before setting it down.”

“It should have locked itself.” He made a grab for the phone. Sam danced away as the other two women leaned over the seat behind Skip. “Fucksake!”

Skip slumped in the seat. He tapped the table almost nervously, as Sam made tutting noises. “Ooh, Skip has a boyfriend named Brian. Nice.” She swiped again, and Skip slid low in the seat and closed his eyes. He’d gone so pale, Chad could see his freckles standing out in stark relief. “He’s a hottie… oh my god.”

“What? Is he naked?” The long-haired biker chick Lu grabbed the phone from Sam, when she didn’t answer. Her face went nearly as pale as Skip’s. “That’s Jimmy and Norah’s Brian,” she said, and Skip went even paler.

The other woman Rose was standing with them, as they flipped through Skip’s phone. Chad stood up and took the phone. It didn’t matter what was on the phone; it was wrong to torment the man like this. He tried not to look at the picture, but it was there. Skip looking just like he did now, on the beach, shirtless, his arm around a man who looked exactly like Chad remembered him, from the time he’d sat on that same beach. Maybe even younger.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Skip said, his voice breaking when he took his phone back. He didn’t close it or put it away. “He’s my son.”

Sam sat down beside Chad, hard enough to make Chad bounce. She took the phone back, and looked closely at the two men holding the phone where Chad could see. There was no doubt the two were related. Absolutely no doubt. She looked at him, and tapped the screen. “He looks exactly like Brian O’Daly.”

Skip nodded. “That’s the name on his birth certificate, sure.”

“Norah and… oh god… Jimmy’s son—”

“Is my son, yes.” Skip took the phone back and tucked it into his jacket pocket this time.

“How long have you known?” Rose pushed into the seat with Skip, crowding him when he looked like he was getting ready to bolt. Chad didn’t blame him.

“Since he was sixteen. I was in Georgia, and I stopped in to say hi. I hadn’t seen them since…” He shrugged and swallowed hard, his face still very pale. “Summer of ’89. They weren’t happy to see me.”

Rose laid her hand on Skip’s and twined their fingers together. He dragged in a deep, ragged breath that sounded almost like a sob to Chad. Skip looked up, meeting Chad’s gaze, before flicking over to glare at Sam. “He’s been with me since he was nineteen. Jimmy threw him out. He got married a couple of weeks ago. Jimmy rejected him again. He’s twenty-seven and it’s been hard on him. He’s happy right now. I don’t want this getting back to Jimmy. I don’t want shit about it. Brian doesn’t need that in his life.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Sam said, sounding hurt by the accusation. The waitress chose that moment to finally make an appearance. No one knew what they wanted. More coffee. “I thought… I didn’t know…” She stopped talking and closed her eyes. “I guess we all thought you had a heartbreak in the past, and that’s why you never seemed to want to settle down. We didn’t know it was… Norah.”

Skip shook his head. His eyes appeared glassy. His gaze distant. “Nah… I was nineteen. She didn’t break my heart. It’s just… better this way.” He looked at Chad, when he said that last part. “I need to go now. Okay. Just let me out.”

Rose got up, and Skip slid out. He left quickly without looking back. Sam took Chad’s hand and patted it almost absently. “He might need someone to talk to right now,” she said quietly. “He’ll go back to the trail.” She slid out of the booth, and all three women went back to the other booth. Sam paused and caught his arm as he stood to leave. “Tell him… tell him it stays between us. He’ll tell the others when he’s ready… or never, if that’s his choice. I seriously thought it was a bit of harmless fun, you know.”

Chad nodded, and left the woman standing there to go chase after a man he shouldn’t give a shit about. Because she’d ordered him too. He was so used to following orders, he didn’t even question the order. Go check on this guy… or maybe he was going to anyway, and needed permission to act on the impulse he shouldn’t have.

The snow had stopped sometime in the early morning. The sky was starting to clear. It was almost as if the day before hadn’t happened. The winter wonderland he was trudging through proof enough that he hadn’t hallucinated the trek down the mountain. The ground crunched beneath his boots. The pines drooped under the strain of the snow. He could see his breath on the air. Two days ago, it had been spring and green and the air was so clear it hurt to breathe.

He stopped at the room and looked inside. Skip wasn’t there. All Chad had to do was go inside and grab his gear, and he could be gone. He had a map of the area, and the road wound down the side of the mountain to the tavern about fifteen miles south. He could hike that in a few hours and not feel a thing.

He locked the door and followed the path, back to the trail they’d escaped from last night. The snow was lighter here, the trees were denser, but everything still sparkled in the emerging sunlight. The splash of bright color broke up the white and green color scheme. The figure sat on top of a picnic table, slumped over his knees. The green-striped hat dangled from his fingertips.

Skip heard him coming and sat up straight. He seemed fine. No tears to be seen. There was no reason for tears as far as Chad knew. He walked slowly, waiting for Skip to tell him to mind his own business. He never did. Chad stopped right in front of him, and for some reason, decided that putting his hands on the man’s knees was a good idea.

Skip looked up at him with wary eyes. He sighed loudly, and wrapped his cold fingers behind Chad’s neck when Chad leaned over, and placed his mouth on Chad’s. Skip spread his knees, and Chad knelt on the bench between his feet to wrap his arms around the man. Skip opened his mouth and slicked his tongue over Chad’s mouth, asking for entrance. Chad opened for him, letting the man suck on his tongue, as they kissed.

“You’re too young for me, Chad,” he whispered against Chad’s mouth without letting him go. If anything, Skip pulled him closer, spreading his legs wider until their bodies fit together. “God, I want you. Since the moment you walked into the tavern, I’ve wanted to know what it would be like to hold you and kiss you.”

“Would it matter that I’m twenty-three, if I wasn’t Colt’s son?” Chad had to know why the man rejected him. He had to know why he was going to leave here without knowing what any of this meant.

Skip broke the kiss and leaned away. He cupped Chad’s face in hot hands and swiped his thumbs over Chad’s lips. “It matters… for both reasons.”

“And because people might think the rumors were true?” He hadn’t wanted to ask that question. He’d taken an interest in Skip, all those years ago. Skip had never noticed.

“Do you want me to say I would have looked at a ten-year-old? You were a little kid. Whatever puppy love you had then… that’s all this is for you. I’m just some fantasy you built up, and this isn’t what you think it is.”

Chad knew that much. He’d never said a word to Skip. He’d never had a chance. Maybe at sixteen, when he first felt the urge for male flesh… maybe then. And now for the same reason. “Then why are you kissing me?”

Skip pushed him away, and slid off the table. He walked a couple of steps away, but turned back. “Because I saw a beautiful man walk into that bar. One I’d kill for one night with. You’re still a beautiful man, but now you’re his son. I’m not that guy, Chad. I’m never going to be him for you. I have a son.”

Chad didn’t understand, until it was too late. “I don’t need a daddy, Skip,” he shouted, but Skip was too far away to hear.

* * * * *

I don’t need a daddy. Skip heard the words echoing through the silent cobwebs in his brain while he packed. And again on the shuttle, all the way down the mountain. I don’t need a daddy.

Skip wanted to do things to the man no sane, loving, father would do to a son. He couldn’t look at Chad, or Sam would sniff out what he was feeling. She’d already decided more was going on than simple room sharing. No one really spoke on the shuttle ride back to base camp. Blake and Stewart looked like heart attacks waiting to happen. Darren and Rose’s husband stared out the windows, dark circles under their eyes. The women cast furtive glances Skip’s way, but no one spoke.

The shuttle dropped them off at the lobby and they trooped inside. Skip had planned to spend one last night at this lodge, now he wasn’t so sure. He wanted to get away from people, and try to get back on solid ground. He had a deadline approaching, and sticking around was the last thing he wanted.

Blake and Lucinda checked in while the others stood around acting like strangers. Darren offered to drive Sam down to San Francisco. Rose and her husband broke away to discuss their plans. “Is it really only Sunday?” someone said, catching Skip off guard.

Had it only been two days since they met in the tavern? They usually made most of the week before dragging their asses out of the woods.

“My flight isn’t until Wednesday,” Sam said to Darren. Skip leaned his heavy pack against the wall, and wondered what he’d do here for three more nights. If Chad stayed, Skip knew exactly what he’d be doing. The longer the young man stayed within temptation’s reach…. I don’t need a daddy. And Skip already had a son.

How would he tell Brian he’d hooked up with a man younger than him? He’d never told his son, he’d ever hooked up with any man. Younger or older. Not that Brian ever asked.

“You’re leaving, aren’t you,” Sam said from across the room. Her gaze fixed squarely on Skip. “You’re not going to hang around just for the hell of it, this time, are you?” It was more than an accusation. She sounded hurt.

Skip looked up at the exposed rafters. Too many memories haunted this place. He’d lost his virginity in a cabin at the far back of the property. And his heart. She’d been right about the heartbreak. Just not the heartbreaker.

“Not this time, Sam,” he said to soften the fact that he was deserting them.

His voice carried through the room, and everyone turned to stare at him. Blake and Lucinda stepped away from the desk. Darren and Rose stood beside Sam.

“You’re not coming back?” Darren said this time, surprising Skip. Skip shook his head. He’d known it was coming, the end of their era. He never thought he’d be the one to end it.

Darren was the first to step forward. Skip didn’t expect the hug. Or to have Rose and Lucinda wrapped around him too. Blake and Sam stood off to the side, anger and disbelief in their eyes respectively.

“Come to Cliffside, this fall,” he invited, knowing they wouldn’t come. “There’s plenty of room.”

They made promises they wouldn’t keep. He backed away, avoiding the Marine, and the hurt in Sam’s eyes. He needed to go…

I don’t need a daddy.

… Before he did something stupid that could never be undone.

“Excuse me, but who drove the Subaru Forrester?” The manager interrupted Skip’s great escape. The feeling of dread washed over him at the question. He’d helped Colt buy that fucking car, and it had delivered its owner to his place of rest, serving its purpose to the very end.

“That would be me,” Chad said, his voice level and disinterested. He was just answering a question about an old car. One that meant nothing to him.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but a tree fell during the storm the night before last. We managed to save most of the things in the trunk. I have the boxes here in storage. But the car… it was a total loss. The hotel is prepared to offer compensation. Our insurance will contact you regarding the matter.”

Skip tried to tune out the news. He tried to drown out the ringing in his ears. But he knew. Just like he’d known all those years ago that this was where he was supposed to stop. This was where his car had chosen to die. This was where his life had started again. He was never going to walk away from fate; he knew that now.

“Is there a shuttle or a taxi that can take me to the nearest town, where I can rent a car?” He heard Chad ask, his scalp prickling a warning. Leave. Leave now. Run.

He ignored the warning. “I can give you a lift.”

Chad turned to face him, his blue eyes devoid of any emotion. He nodded and turned back to the desk. “Tell me where my car is?”

Twenty minutes later, Skip pulled into the parking lot of the same mechanic who’d taken his old bug thirty years ago, and waited for Chad to make his decision on what to do with the remains. He came out carrying a bag of things he’d salvaged from the car with a grim smile on his face.

“They gave me cash for the scrap. It looks like a hot dog bun, all caved in down the middle. Something tells me Dad would get a kick out of that. He hated that car. More than anything in the world, he hated that car. I never understood why he kept it for so long.”

Skip didn’t understand either. He never did understand Colt. “I’m heading north to Oregon. Where do you want me to drop you?”

Chad sat very still, for a long time, holding a picture in his hands. He offered it to Skip. It was from the year they’d all met, when they were so young and innocent. Skip had forgotten how long his hair was then. Almost all the way down his back. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a haircut, probably when he was nine or ten. He looked exactly like what he was, some throwback to a different era that the rest were trying so desperately to emulate. He saw their faces. He remembered that day. He could still feel Jimmy’s hand on his shoulder. He could still feel his mouth on him in the dark.

Jimmy, the one who’d taken the place of the father he’d lost when he was too young to know that a man like Jimmy could never love another man.

He gave the picture back to Chad. His heart ached too much to look at it any longer. “You keep it.”

Chad caressed the picture where Colt would be. He didn’t need a daddy. He’d had one.

“I’ve never been to Oregon,” Chad said, and tucked the picture into the bag and set it on the floor behind Skip’s seat. “I have nowhere else to go, and all the time in the world to get there.”

Skip reversed out of the lot without saying a word. His heart hammering in his chest, as he headed for the highway that would take him north. Because he had a deadline, and there was no sense in sitting around arguing with the fates.