I HATED GOING TO THE dentist as a kid. The sound of the drill and the little metal prong tools they used to scrape my teeth terrified me. I would scream and cry every time my mother made the appointment. Then I would cry the entire way to the dentist’s office. To this day, I still get queasy if I have to go. That was nothing compared to how I was feeling going with Ryan and Lucas to the hospital. I couldn’t reconcile in my head that leaving my nephew in a cold, sterile hospital room was a good thing. I couldn’t convince myself that the haggard look on my brother’s face was worth it. Regardless of the reassurances given to us by Doctor Trundell, I still felt an overwhelming sense of unease, like Lucas was going into the hospital and never coming out. If I was feeling that, I knew Ryan was as well.
Ryan looked so forlorn and defeated. I know he and Lucas had a good time while I was out with David the previous night. But Lucas was in bed by the time I’d gotten home. Ryan had looked completely reenergized, but now that energy seemed to have been sapped.
More tests were run on Lucas, then he was settled into his room. A television was mounted on the same wall as the entrance door. A bathroom large enough to accommodate a wheelchair was off to the left of the entrance and a small closet sat next to it. Otherwise, the room looked barren, colorless, lifeless. It needed a few things, and I knew exactly what.
Lucas had just fallen asleep and Ryan had pulled the chair to be next to the bed, angled so he could see the television.
“You gonna be okay for a little bit?” I asked him.
He looked up, but I don’t think he really noticed me. “Yeah, where’re you going?”
“I have an errand to run.”
He looked like he didn’t believe me, but nodded his head.
As I left the room, I pulled out my cell and shot a text to David.
-You working?
I took the elevator down, left the hospital, and leaned against an outside wall, waiting.
Finally, my phone buzzed. -Yes. Didn’t think I’d hear from you today. How’s Lucas?
-Settling in.
-Good. Hope everything’s ok.
-Me too. I have errands to run and Ryan’s with him.
-Cool.
-Talk soon?
-Sure.
I jumped into my truck and drove.
As I pulled into the parking lot behind the comic shop, I glanced at the metal stairs leading to David’s apartment. The memory of our kiss was still fresh, and I sat in my truck for a moment, closing my eyes, and allowing myself to replay it.
Not for the first time, I wondered what was happening to me. I had never met anyone that had the same effect on me that David did. Some of that may have been circumstance. You didn’t date other Marines. You get together, hook up, get off, and go about your business as if nothing had happened. It was more common than people realized. Something about David made me want to date him, made me want to woo him. I wanted to feel…worthy of him, and I had no idea why.
Finally breaking myself from my thoughts, I got out of the truck and walked around to the front of the building.
A big bruiser of a guy was behind the counter. I hadn’t seen him there the two times I’d been in.
I scanned the store for David, and, finally finding him, made tracks in his direction. He was standing at one of the shelves, clipboard in hand, taking inventory, I assumed, and seemed completely oblivious to me until I was standing right next to him.
He turned to me, and his jaw dropped. “Adam, what’re you doing here?”
A fit of nerves bloomed in my belly and my fingers began to itch with the need to reach out and touch him. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and started bouncing on the balls of my feet. “I need your help.”
He looked absolutely confused, and utterly adorable, all at the same time. “My help? What do you need my help for?”
The behemoth from behind the counter silently came up behind David, placed a hand on his shoulder, and said, “Everything okay here?”
I instantly got pissed. Who was this guy and why was he touching my David?
Jealous much?
David turned his head back to the behemoth, flashed a small smile, and said, “We’re good.” Then turning to me, he said, “Greg, Adam. Adam, Greg.”
Greg lifted his hand from David’s shoulder and extended it to shake mine. I’d swear there was more strength in that shake than was necessary. He looked me square in the eye and said, “Good to meet you.”
Was there a threat in his tone? I couldn’t be sure.
“So, you didn’t answer the question,” David said, turning back to me. “What do you need my help with?”
I glanced between Greg and David, and said, “Posters.”
David scrunched his eyebrows together, confusion obvious. “Huh?”
“I need posters. Lucas’s room is so…empty. I want some posters to put up, liven the place up a little.”
Greg’s hand shot up. “That’s all you.” Then he sauntered back to the front of the store.
David watched his retreating back and shook his head.
I leaned in and whispered, “What’s his deal? Did I do something to piss him off and not know it? Is he into you?”
He snorted. “Hardly. I have no idea what’s up with him. We hardly ever spoke before this morning.” Then, casting his eyes to the floor, he said, “You don’t have to worry. I’m not into him.”
“Yeah?” I felt the smile spread across my face before I was even aware it was happening.
He looked at me, and his face lit up. “Yeah. See, there’s this hot Marine I have my eye on.”
I played along. “Anyone I might know?”
“Naw, doubt it. Although he is about your height, same kind of tattoos and beard. But I don’t think you know each other.”
I gave him a playful shove on his shoulder then immediately shot a look over my shoulder for Greg. All I needed was for him to misinterpret that.
“Follow me,” David said, grabbing my arm and leading me to the far side of the store.
Standing in front of a massive rack that looked like a book, he started flipping. Each “page” had a poster under thin plexiglass with a number written on a small piece of paper in the lower right-hand corner. “How many do you want?”
I thought for a moment. “Two for each wall. Maybe one for the bathroom.”
“Preference?”
My immediate response was, “You,” but I bit that back. “Huh?”
“Hero preference. I already know he likes Spider-Man, so that’s a given. Anyone else?”
I shrugged. “No idea.”
He grumped, shaking his head. “Fine. Left to my own devices it is.”
He continued flipping, stopping occasionally to read the number on the bottom of a poster, completely unaware that I was watching his lips move as he read. Those same lips that I had kissed the night before, and the same lips that I was forcing myself not to kiss now. The yearning was so strong that I was almost grateful when he bent at the knees and pulled a thin roll from the rack, handing it to me.
He repeated the process five more times. I tucked the posters under my arm, and he turned to me. “Anything else?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I have no idea. I just want it to look cool in his room. What do kids his age think is cool?”
“You’re asking me? I’ve never been cool a day in my life.”
“You are to me. You will be to him.”
David blushed and looked down at the floor embarrassed.
Giving in to impulse, I placed a finger under his chin and tilted his head back up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
He waved a hand in front of his face. “No, it’s fine. I’m just not used to…”
He didn’t need to finish. I knew what he meant. “You will.” If I have anything to say about it.
He stared at me, and I swear, something passed between us, some connection, like that tether, tying me to him more. I wanted nothing more than to yank on that tether and pull him to me. I wanted to tell him what an amazing, strong person he was. I wanted him to believe in me and in himself. I never wanted to have to worry about another scar on his arm.
But I did none of those things. The moment passed with a deep inhalation of breath from him. When he finally spoke, his voice was a rasp. “Books?”
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I said, “Huh?”
I know. Brilliant. I’m a master of the English language.
“Does he need any more books, any more trades?”
“No idea. That was the second book I picked up last night, right?”
He blushed again, obviously remembering what happened after I bought the book. “Yeah.”
I thought a moment, then said, “Sure.” At that point, David could probably sell me on anything.
He guided me over to the trades and scanned the bindings.
“Crap.”
“What?”
“We’re out of the third one. I’ll have Owen order you one. I can let you know when it comes in.”
“You don’t have to try so hard to get me to come back, ya know.” I smirked.
“Oh, I gathered that,” he said, then led me toward the register.
A statue caught my eye to the left, and I veered off in that direction. Apparently, David didn’t catch on until he had reached the counter and turned to speak to me. Frowning, he looked around the shop, his eyes finally landing on me. “Find something?”
I pointed at the statue of a red and blue costumed Spider-Man clinging to a grey brick wall. “Is this for sale?”
“Adam, trust me, you don’t—”
“I do. How much?”
“Two hundred and fifty dollars,” he said, coming to stand next to me.
My jaw hung loose. “Seriously? For a statue?”
“Yeah, seriously. I told you, you don—”
“I’ll take it. It’ll look cool on the table next to his bed.”
“Are you serious?”
“Absolutely! Got a box?”
David gently took the statue off the shelf and carried it to the front counter. Setting it down, he said, “Be right back.” And headed toward the back of the store, leaving me with Greg, who kept giving me the stink eye.
What was up with that dude? David barely talked about him and had even said they barely spoke. So why suddenly was Greg acting like he was David’s designated protector?
David returned after a moment. Pulling Styrofoam from the box, he re-encased the statue and slid everything back into the box. “You sure you want it?”
“Absolutely.”
Greg’s gaze bounced between David and me, as if he were waiting for one of us to tell him to begin ringing up the order. I nodded to him, silently telling him to proceed, then turned to David. “What time are you off?”
“We close at six.”
“Crap. That may be too late.”
David frowned. “For what?”
“I was hoping you’d help me put this stuff up in his room.”
He seemed to brighten at that. He glanced at Greg, then said, “I can’t.”
Greg tossed the posters in a long bag and handed it to me. “Go.”
“You sure?”
“Positive. I have a feeling if you didn’t you’d be a moody bitch for the rest of the day anyway. Try to be back before we close, ‘kay?”
David opened his mouth to protest, probably the “moody bitch” line, but I grabbed the statue’s box, shoved it into his arms, and grabbed his shirt sleeve, tugging him out the door.
He actually seemed to giggle.
Once in the car, he leaned back in his seat and I began to drive. “I can’t believe he let me leave.”
“What is his deal, anyway?”
David shrugged. “No clue. Like I said, we barely spoke before this morning. I guess Trish called him last night to tell him about our stopping by.”
“Um…why?”
He shrugged again. “Again, no clue. Maybe they have no lives and need to talk about mine.” He gave a nervous laugh at that. “Anyway, he pulled me aside this morning and told me about the call, and basically warned me to be careful.”
“Of me?” I was slightly offended and kind of pissed off. Who was that guy to judge me?
He gave a slight shrug. “I guess. Turns out his little brother’s gay. There’s a story in there somewhere, but we haven’t talked about it. I’m sure when he wants to, he will.”
Then he added, “If I thought I needed to be careful, I wouldn’t be here right now. I…I trust you.”
I sensed it took a lot for him to say those three words, “I trust you.” I got the impression that trust didn’t come easy for him. Not for the first time, I thought about the scar on his arm and wondered if his trust issues and the scar were somehow related. While I would have liked to have known the cause, I had enough sense not to ask. Discussions around sensitive topics tended to make people uncomfortable and shut down. He was just opening up. The last thing I wanted was for him to shut down again.
We had to stop at a drug store along the way to pick up tape. I had considered asking at the front desk of the hospital for it, but I assumed they weren’t accustomed to relatives of patients redecorating the rooms, even if it was a poster—or six.
Arriving at the hospital, he helped me carry our loot up to Lucas’s room. Lucas was passed out and Ryan was seated in the chair next to his bed. He cast a wary eye in my direction, then his gaze drifted toward David and his eyes went wide.
I made introductions in a whisper, and Ryan shot me a knowing smirk. He knew exactly who David was, that he had been my date the previous night.
Nodding in Lucas’s direction, I asked, “How’s he doing?”
“Okay, for the moment. He just finished the last-minute tests and he’s resting. Treatments will start later this afternoon.”
I nodded my understanding.
Pointing to our bundles, Ryan said, “What is all that, anyway?”
David piped up, “Posters. Adam thought it would make your son more comfortable. Less of a hospital feel and more of a home feel.”
“I got ‘em from David’s store,” I added.
“‘K. Think it’s allowed?”
“Quite honestly, I don’t give a shit if the hospital likes it or not. This is a children’s ward and there’s nothing in here that feels…well…like children are in here. Besides, what’re they gonna do? Kick him out?”
Ryan gave me a wry smile. “No, Probably not.”
“No ‘probably’ about it. Now, go grab a bite. We’ve got it covered here.”
“I don’t want to leave him.”
“I know. But you won’t be any good to him starved or passed out from exhaustion. Go! David and I will hang out here and hang up the stuff.”
Casting one last look at his son, Ryan turned to me and said, “I have my cell on me. If anything changes, call me. I’ll be right in the cafeteria.”
“Will do,” I agreed, and he walked out the door.
David and I hung the posters, trying to place them strategically throughout the room so that they were all easily viewed from the bed. The job itself wasn’t that difficult. I was just anal about it. It had to be perfect.
Once the statue was unboxed and placed on the table beside Lucas, I took a seat on the bed, careful not to jostle it too much and wake him.
David sat in the chair and looked around the room. “This is a really cool thing you did; do you realize that?”
I looked around and tried to see what he was talking about. All I saw were posters and a statue. David clearly saw it differently. “I just want him comfortable. He’s gonna be here awhile. I want it to feel as close to home as I can make it.”
David looked thoughtful. “You care about him a great deal, don’t you?”
I grinned. “I do. I didn’t even know the kid. I’ve been away most of his life. And now that I’m back, I feel like I’ve missed most of it.”
“That’s only because of what’s going on right now. He still has a full life ahead of him. The three of you just need to get through this.”
“You’re right. I know that up here,” I said, pointing to my head. Then, pointing to my heart, I added, “I’m trying to convince this of the same thing.”
“You will. It’ll take time. You’re going to need to see improvements in him before you’ll believe he actually is improving.”
“Makes sense. But how do I believe it?”
“One step at a time.”
We sat in silence for a short time as I watched Lucas breathe.
“Ever think about having kids?” David asked.
I pondered the question for a moment before answering. “Truthfully?”
“Of course.”
“They scare the hell out of me.”
David snorted. “Me too. I work in a comic shop, remember? They can be holy terrors, running through the store, tearing things off the walls or throwing books onto the floor. And don’t even get me started on the messes they make with food and candy. But all that aside, I think you’d be a good father.”
Pride swelled in my chest at his words. “What makes you say that?”
“I see how you are with Lucas. I see the lengths you’re willing to go through to make him comfortable. Hell, there’s all of this,” he said as he waved his hand around the room at the posters. “Most uncles wouldn’t go to these lengths for their nephews. Imagine what you would do for your own child.”
He was right. I knew it into the depths of my soul. I had wanted kids but never believed they were in the cards for me. “When I came to terms with being gay, I naturally assumed I’d never have the chance. That was one of the reasons I went into the military. Without kids, what purpose did I serve? Ryan was an adult, about to start a family. He didn’t need me anymore, and I didn’t want to get in the way.”
“That’s admirable. It really is. But what do you want, now that you’re out?”
You popped into my head again, and I had to bite the word back, keeping the word trapped in my throat. It was too soon, I reasoned, and there was too much going on. So, I swallowed that word. “Right now? Just to get through the next month, for Ryan and Lucas to get through it, together and in one piece.”
“And then after?”
I didn’t know how to answer. I hadn’t allowed myself to think that far ahead. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll figure it out when I get there.”
We fell silent again, until I finally said, “Some second date, huh?”
“Meaning?”
“Well, as second dates go, they aren’t usually spent in a hospital.”
“No, they’re not,” he agreed.
“So, I owe you a do-over.”
He grinned. “Hardly.”
“But I do.”
“No, you don’t. Listen, I understand until this is over, Ryan and Lucas are going to be preoccupying most of your time. That’s the way it should be.”
“I get that. But what about…”
“What about what?”
I glanced down and picked at the hem of my shorts. “What about you?”
“Me? What about me?”
“The timing of all this is just so fucked up. I can’t expect you to sit around and wait.”
He stood from the chair and crossed over to sit beside me on the bed. “Let me ask you something. If we had a conventional second date, like dinner and a movie, can you honestly tell me that you wouldn’t be preoccupied with what was going on here?”
Guilt began to worm its way into my gut. “No, I’d be worried sick.”
“So would I. I wouldn’t want you preoccupied. I’d want you focused. And right now, your focus has to be on your family. I understand that. I’m not sitting around and waiting. I’m right where I want to be.”
He reached over and took my hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing the back of it. “Honestly. It’s okay.”
He said it with so much conviction and sincerity, I believed him. And, as if to emphasize what he had just said, he leaned his head into my shoulder, and we watched Lucas sleep until Ryan returned.