I DROVE TO MY FAVORITE park, the one I used to go to before going into the Marines. After parking my truck, I strapped my iPhone to my left bicep, popped the earbuds into my ears, selected the loudest, angriest music I had, and cranked the volume. Running usually cleared my head. I could usually lose myself in the simple, repetitive motion of placing one foot in front of the other and the music being pumped into my ears through my earbuds.
It wasn’t helping. I was mentally running through every worst-case scenario. I was doing everything in my power to keep my anger under control.
I was angry with Sarah for leaving my brother. They had dated throughout high school. They did the long-distance thing when Ryan left for college. I had already been a Marine for almost two years at that point, so I wasn’t around for it. Personally, I couldn’t see how he did it. I wouldn’t have been able to. But somehow, they made it work, and were married shortly after he graduated. I came home for the wedding, and I had never seen him look happier. All through high school, he’d been a geeky, awkward little nerd, but he was my brother and I was fiercely protective of him. There were times that it was difficult to see him as a man with a wife. He would always be that scrawny kid. And I really had a hard time picturing him with children. But I knew he wanted a family. Lucas was born a year later, and, to this day, I regret missing his birth.
I’m not a particularly religious man, but if there is a God, I was angry at him. In that instance, I chose to believe there was a God if only to justify my anger. How could something like that happen to a thirteen-year-old? He should be entering puberty, taking an interest in girls, stealing his father’s porn magazines. Instead, he was lying in a hospital bed with his head wrapped in a bandage, fighting a battle he could very well lose.
Without realizing it, tears came to my eyes and threatened to spill over.
Now, that protectiveness I’d always felt towards my brother had been extended to Lucas.
That sense of powerlessness snuck up on me, and I ran harder, enjoying the burn I felt in my thighs and calves. My feet would be killing me later, but I didn’t care. I needed to get it out of my system. The anger would poison any help I could give to Ryan, and I couldn’t let that happen.
Lost in my thoughts, I almost didn’t see him until it was too late. But my attention was drawn to his yellow, long-sleeved shirt. In August. It acted like a beacon, and I again wondered why he was wearing long sleeves in August.
David.
The pull I felt toward him seemed almost tangible, like an invisible cord was wrapped around my waist. Without conscious thought, I jogged up to him. I swear, he looked like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights, frozen in place. His eyes were wide, and I couldn’t tell if it was from surprise or terror.
He was adorable!
I approached him slowly, like you’d do with a kitten you’re trying to rescue. I pulled my earbuds free from my ears, and said, “What’re you doing here?”
He glanced back over his shoulder, to the entrance of the grocery store and back at me.
I got the point. Shopping, of course. Smooth, Adam, real smooth. Jackass!
I could tell he was nervous, and a large part of me wanted to take those nerves, that sense of unease, away from him. I didn’t understand why. I simply felt it on an instinctual level. It made no sense to me. I had met him less than twenty-four hours earlier, and I was wishing I could take his discomfort away. I decided on a different tactic. “Thanks for your help yesterday.”
He seemed to brighten at that. “I’m glad I could. It was for your nephew, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Did he like it?” He glanced down at the cement, but I didn’t miss the hopefulness in his tone, almost like he was looking for some sort of approval, which surprised me. He didn’t need my approval for anything, but I felt the need to give it anyway.
“He was still pretty out of it when I left last night, so I didn’t give it to him.” I said, running my hands through my damp hair, “I’m sure he’ll love it. He’s a lot like his father; obsessed with one thing and has to get everything he can get his hands on. I just haven’t gotten the chance to give it to him yet.”
David tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Why not? I got the impression that you were going to see him right after leaving the store.”
“I was. I did. He’s…he’s in the hospital.” That last piece slipped out. I didn’t mean to say it.
His eyebrows knit together in concern. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Is he okay?”
I sensed he would be able to tell if I was lying. I debated the appropriateness of telling him about Lucas. Should I tell him about the leukemia? Was it even my place? I went for broke. “He has leukemia.”
David gave a gasp, and brought his hand to his mouth, slightly covering it. “That’s awful! He’s being treated, right?”
Now I looked at the ground. I felt like a little kid, shuffling my feet. I didn’t want to unload my problems on him, but I couldn’t stop the word vomit once it started. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. He was just diagnosed yesterday. My brother and I are going back to the hospital when I get home to check up on him.”
His arm lifted as if he were going to reach out to me, then he stopped, seeming to catch himself. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me too. Thank you. So, I’m just out for a jog. Needed to clear my head and burn some energy.”
“Understandable. How’s your brother holdin’ up?”
“He’s a mess. It’s his little boy. I mean, yeah, I know Lucas is thirteen, but every parent sees their kid as ‘their baby.’”
Darkness passed over David’s eyes for a split second, then was gone. He probably didn’t realize that I caught it, but I did. And in that instant, I knew I wanted to take away whatever had caused it. Had I said something wrong? No, I didn’t think so. But it still caused me concern.
“Plans for the day?”
David glanced around and shrugged his shoulders. “Grocery shop then head home, I guess. Nothing major.”
Sounded boring to me. But, at that moment, I would have taken boring any day over what I knew I would be dealing with later on.
David paused for a moment, as if he were searching for the right words. “I’m sorry to hear about your nephew.”
“Thanks.” I was afraid I would make things awkward the longer we talked about Lucas. I didn’t want the conversation to end. I didn’t want to leave. But I knew that Ryan was waiting for me at home. “Actually, I should take off. Ryan’s probably going berserk right now.”
David’s shoulders seemed to slump a little, as if he was disappointed that I was leaving.
“Um…okay. Nice seeing you again,” he said.
“You too.” I tried to give him a grin, but I may have failed. He looked sad, dejected, like a kid that had wanted one thing for his birthday, and ended up getting something completely the opposite.
We each turned, me in the direction of my truck, and him to head into the store
Stupid, stupid, stupid. What’re you doing? DO something! Say something!
I stopped and turned. “Hey, David?”
He also stopped. Thank Christ, or I would have felt dumber than I already did. “Yeah?”
“Can I…um…call you sometime. Or text. Or something. I mean, if I have a…comic book question?”
Smooth, jackass, real smooth.
His cheeks pinkened, and he looked down to the ground. I could see the embarrassment rolling off of him. But, to my surprise, barely over a whisper, he said, “Yes. I’d like that.”
My stomach did a little flip and I did an internal cheer. “Yeah?” I couldn’t help my stupid grin. I knew it was there, but I couldn’t make it go away.
He was grinning too.
I undid the Velcro strap holding my phone to my bicep, opened up my contacts, and created a new one, titled simply “D.” “Cool. What’s your number?”
He told me. I entered it, then repeated it back to him, just to make sure I had it right. Once saved, I opened my messaging app and fired off a text to his phone. A second later, I heard his phone beep. He pulled it from his pocket and looked at the screen.
“That’s me. Call me or text me. Anytime.”
He didn’t look up at me, instead seeming to study his phone. All I got was, “Okay.” But I wasn’t put off by it. We had just met the day before, after all. We weren’t the best of friends. We were barely acquaintances. But I had every intention of changing that. I suspected that I would have to go slow, though, or risk scaring him away. My gut was telling me that scaring him off would be the worst possible thing that I could ever do. I didn’t understand why, but had learned a long time ago to trust my instinct. It had saved my ass more than once in Afghanistan. Something about this felt right.
Re-strapping my phone to my arm and popping an earbud back into my left ear, I said, “Cool. I’ll talk to ya soon.”
He gave a shy little grin and waved.
Again, ADORABLE.
Reluctantly, I turned and jogged back in the direction of my truck, leaving him standing in front of the grocery store.