CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Undercover

On the way back to Xavier’s penthouse, Marco stayed silent while I left a message for Detective Mancini. Over the automated greeting on Mancini’s voicemail, Marco’s loud sigh peaked my interest. The tension radiating from the driver’s seat was clouding my determination.

“What’s wrong?” I placed my hand on his knee.

“All of this makes me nervous.”

“You’re not the only one.”

“We can’t just storm the castle.”

I chuckled. “You’re right. But I have a bag full of evidence, a potential listening ear connected to the authorities, and the biggest weapon of all.”

“I’m afraid to ask.”

“The fact that I don’t give a fuck about them or their agenda, and that I’ve been trained in all the ways the media can fuck you over.”

“Elaine, what if Xavier gets caught in the crosshairs? He is associated with them. Even if you have the evidence to vindicate him, they could hold up his life for years. And what about you? If there’s any record of you…”

He had good points. None that I wanted to consider, even though I knew I would. I placed my hand back on my lap and stared at the blur of buildings sweeping by my window.

“Bella, I didn’t say those things to upset you.” He threaded his fingers between mine, lifted my hand, and kissed it. “I know you’re excited. Hell, I’m excited. I never imagined we’d get this close to having a solution, but my first concern is us. All of us—you, Xavier, Sebastian, and most of all, me. Can you imagine what they would do to my tight ass in prison?”

I shot him an incredulous look.

“OK. OK. Kidding aside.” He kissed the back of my knuckles. “I love you. I love us. I won’t let anything break that. And I know you don’t want that either.”

He was right…but shit. “So how do you propose I meet with Detective Mancini by myself?”

“Why do you need to? I can be there with you.”

“Ahhh… I’ll probably have better success without you.” I lowered my eyes to my lap where I brushed away invisible lint.

He glanced over at me, his eyes narrowed, his words edged with suspicion. “Why?”

“I sort of…had a fling with him when he was investigating my father’s case. It was only once and was fueled by my desperation to feel connected to someone, anything really. We left everything on good terms.”

“Oh, that does complicate things.” He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. “How about meeting him at the coffee shop around the corner from Xavier’s apartment, and I can sit at another table?”

“That should work.”

There was a long silence that hung in the SUV. “You don’t…I mean…you don’t still have a thing for this guy do you?”

I laughed. “I don’t think I had a thing for him when it happened. He was just the only person who understood what I was going through. That I could talk about my father with. I wasn’t dating anyone else. Gretchen was at college, and I was overwhelmed.”

He squeezed my hand. “I still think that you should tell Xavier and Sebastian about today. I understand your worries, but the only way this is going to work is if we do it together. I’ll give you some time to think about it; it’s been a long day, but there is too much at stake.”

* * *

Later that night Xavier ordered take out. Sebastian had to deal with work that required his attention. He kissed me quickly on his way to his room. “Sweet dreams.”

“You too.”

Marco grabbed a plate of food, and on his way around the counter, kissed my neck. “Since I had your attention all day, and I have some things I need to take care of, I’m going to let X have you all to himself tonight in case you two want to talk.” He winked and then placed his lips softly on mine. “But I’ll dream of you.” Another kiss. “I always do.” He retreated to the living room.

With Marco’s departure, I sat beside Xavier at the counter on a high leather stool. Guilt started to bubble from inside. I worried about his reaction to the day’s events—that I started a plan without him. Thankfully, only an exchange of small talk commenced.

After we finished eating, Xavier washed the few dishes we had dirtied and turned to face me while wiping his hands with a dishtowel. He stared at me. “Do you want to stay out here or retire to our room for the night?”

My response caught in my throat. Our room. Dinner together. Post meal cleanup? Once again, I had lost myself in the fantasy and was pulled out of it by normalcy. Since nothing had been predictable since we met, those mundane moments were the shocking elements. But this was who we would be when the curtain closed. When the play the Society wrote for us came to an end, it would be this—endless nights of dinners together, cleaning up, and time in our bed. And I wanted it. I wanted exactly that. To come home and tell him about my day, to do all the basic things life required, and to climb in our bed every night. But if I lied to him, I’d risk that dream.

He set the towel on the counter and walked to me. “Elaine, what’s wrong?” He stroked his hand down my cheek.

I pulled myself from my reverie. “Nothing. Why don’t we head into the bedroom?”

He took hold of my hand and led the way. Once inside, he closed the double doors behind us and bent to kiss my forehead. “Since you got home so late, why don’t you go take your shower? I know how that relaxes you, and then come to bed.” He brushed the hair from my eyes. “Missed you today.”

The tears started to well in my eyes. I would tell him, but I needed to figure out how. The shower was the perfect opportunity.

“OK.” I stood on my tiptoes and caressed his lips with mine.

He smiled. “I’ll meet you in bed.”

I shuffled to the chair where I’d placed my suitcase when I first got here, but it was gone. “Xavier? Do you know where my suitcase went? I want to grab a change of clothes.”

When I turned to face him, he sat on the edge of the bed, undoing the cuffs of one shirtsleeve. “I put your clothes in the closet. I hope you don’t mind.” He leaned down and removed his shoes. He sat up and continued, “This is your home. I don’t want you to feel like you’re living out of a suitcase.”

I took slow, deliberate steps to the closet and opened the doors. There my clothes hung neatly next to his.

“Oh, and I picked up a few things for you and put them in the bathroom.”

I studied the garments, trying to hold back the tears. The future was a fucking tease. Showing me all I could have, just before taking it all away. The chances of things going well with the Society were slim. I glanced back at Xavier who fiddled with something on the nightstand.

Grabbing my neatly folded nightgown from the wooden shelf, I disappeared into the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. Even I could see the uncertainty in my eyes. On the counter sat my favorite brand of shampoo and soap with a note.

 

I filled all of the drawers on your side of the bath with all the things I could remember you using. Some I had to improvise. But anything your heart desires, just say the word. I love you. Xavier

 

A sob caught in my throat. I was crying over stupid fucking toiletries. I grasped the handle on the vanity drawer as my knees buckled under me. It wasn’t the sight of deodorant that left me weak; it was his thoughtfulness, his normalcy, and our plight. I had to trust him. It was a risk to include him, but an even bigger risk to betray him. Unlike his moment of misguided stupidity, my exclusion of him would be willful.

I pulled myself off the floor, took another look in the mirror, and wiped my tears. To love him, I needed to learn to trust him, and if I couldn’t, I’d welcome the destruction it brought.

After my long, cleansing shower, I emerged from the bathroom along with a cloud of steam.

Xavier sat shirtless, tucked into bed with his glasses on and a book in his hand. He looked up and smiled. “Feel better?”

He had never looked so handsome. And he was mine.

I stood, drinking him in.

Over the top of his glasses, he met my gaze. He closed the book and set it on the nightstand.

I fought the tears of realization. We deserved this. We deserved each other. If somehow our meeting wasn’t by happenstance, I would make it the most perfect thing the Society had ever done. Xavier was only a risk if he acted alone. I would see to it that he never thought of himself that way again.

With slow, calculated steps, I strolled to the bottom of the bed.

He sat up and removed his glasses setting them next to the book on the nightstand.

With first my right knee and then my left, I crawled toward him.

He breathed my name, “Elaine,” and licked his lips.

I held his gaze until our faces were inches apart, and with deliberate slowness, I captured his lower lip between my teeth and nibbled softly.

He closed his eyes, his warm breath caressing my lips, but he made no move to touch me, instead savoring my caresses.

I breathed against his mouth, “I missed you.” Placing one hand on his neck, I pulled him closer. While my lips trailed a line of kisses to his ear, I whispered in a nearly inaudible voice, “Thank you.”

In an equally soft tone, he all but sighed the words, “For what, my queen?”

I captured his earlobe between my lips, and then placed a tender kiss on the shell of his ear. I closed my eyes and inhaled. On the exhale, as the tears of relief fell, I spoke the undeniable truth, “You.” Heavy droplets slipped down my cheek and dripped onto his shoulder.

His hand smoothed over my wet hair and stopped on my cheek. When I leaned back to look at him, it was like looking at a mirror. His wet, red-rimmed eyes peered back at me.

Neither one of us said anything for several moments while we witnessed the physical manifestation of our connection, that undeniable force that brought us together, run in streams down our faces. There was nothing in that moment to say, only feel. His hand trembled against my cheek, the tendrils of wetness collecting around his hand before rolling along my chin. It was as if every tear was a purging of doubt.

I moved to kiss him, but he stopped me just shy of his lips.

The warmth of his breath blew over me as he said, “Marry me.”

Pressing my lips against his, I murmured, “Yes.”

His body went rigid, but his trembling hand shook harder as he used it to clutch the back of my head.

I swallowed his sobs while my mouth moved hard and hungry against his.

He hugged me tightly, forcing my face against his neck. On a shaky breath he confessed, “I never thought you’d say it. I started to wonder if our connection would make me a fool. Did I push too far? Could you ever forgive the mess I made of your life?” His arms wrapped tighter around me. “I started trying to convince myself that whatever you’d give me was more than I deserved.” He kissed my hair. “But our connection, and hope, would have kept me asking.”

I should have expected nothing different. Xavier had spent his life adrift in a sea of his own turmoil, always clutching at anything to stay afloat, to survive. Surviving had always been good enough, but he deserved to be rescued. Truth be told, I deserved it too. I knew in that moment, beyond any other truth, we were here to save each other.

He planted tender kisses on my neck.

I leaned in, savoring the feel of him. “No more hoping. No more doubt. Something put us in each other’s path, be it an orchestration of madness or fate, but either way we are fused by circumstance. When all’s said and we’re done paying the price for our happiness, I want to walk out of the shower each night and see you just as you were tonight.” My words caught in my throat. “The truth is, in that moment, the idea of living my life without you was more frightening than any of the ridiculous excuses I used to avoid giving you what you deserve—devoted love. I love you. I won’t punish you with hope and doubt.”

“Oh, Elaine…” His lips captured mine in a passionate kiss. He pulled away abruptly, leaned over and opened the nightstand drawer, and grasped something in his fist. He fixed me with a gaze from his glistening blue eyes. “I’d love to tell you that I had some master plan, to take you out for a night on the town and fall down on one knee under the stars, but that’s not who we are. I knew that if you ever agreed to be my wife it would be just like this—intense and passionate, just like our love. So I bought your ring, prepared to wait forever.” He urged me to straddle his waist and sit facing him.

When I was in position, he took my left hand in his and slid something on my ring finger.

I closed my eyes, knowing that once I opened them again, reality could not be denied. With a deep breath, I opened them and gazed upon the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. Dozens of small diamonds accented a large, tension-set, round-cut diamond. I tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come.

“Thank you.” He kissed me. Squeezing my hand, he devoured every emotion flowing over my expression, reflecting them in his glossy eyes. “I’ll make you this promise now.” He raised my hand to his lips and kissed just above the ring. “You’ll be in every part of my life. I want you to know all there is about me. No secrets. Nothing separate. I want to wake up with you every day.”

I took a deep breath, my gaze wandering back down to the stone glittering in the light as I splayed my hands over his chest. “Then I’ll start. There’s so much I need to tell you about today.”

He tugged me to him. “OK. But first, I’d like to make love to my future wife. Any objections?” He kissed my neck and rubbed his erection against me, causing my skin to flush.

“No objections. But you might not like what I have to say.”

“Does it change the answer you just gave me?”

“No.”

“Are you leaving me?”

I smiled. “No.”

“Do you still love me?”

“Of course.”

“Then it can wait.” He bunched my nightgown around my waist and ran his hands over the curve of my ass. A sultry growl rumbled in his chest. “Mmmmm…no panties.” He trailed a line of delicate kisses along the ridge of my collarbone. “Rise up for a moment. Let me pull down the covers.” I did as he asked. He pushed the cover down the bed and scooted his body toward the headboard.

He stared into my eyes as he grasped the hem of my nightgown, raising it over my head. His fingers smoothed over the skin on my arms. His moan was deep and throaty. “I want nothing between us.” He tossed it aside. Our gazes connected once more, the intensity almost frightening. He grasped my hand that wore his ring and raised it to his mouth, kissing my finger just above the metal. Letting go, he grasped his cock in one hand while the other dug into the flesh of my ass. “Take me inside you, Elaine. I want to feel us.”

Without further thought, I slid down his shaft, seating myself perfectly against his pelvis. I was in control, so I set the pace—slow and steady. This wasn’t about getting to completion; this was about love and fulfilling the bond we’d desperately fought for.

The more I stared into his eyes, the more I seemed to feel everything he felt—the love, the trust.

He didn’t care what I had to tell him, and I knew in that moment, he would forgive anything. His love was unconditional and for any of this to work, it had to be the same for me. With each rise and fall of my hips, tiny gasps left his lips. His hand rested on the side of my face while he stroked his thumb back and forth across my cheek. There was only us in this moment and I was his wife-to-be.

Lost in the sensual synchronization of our bodies moving together, we forgot about time, about the world, and the troubles surrounding us.

Xavier straightened his back, licking and kissing up my throat until he reached my ear. “My wife… Mmmmm…I do like the sound of that.” His hands curved around my shoulders, guiding me to a new position. “Lay down. I want to sink into you.”

I slid off him, rolling onto my back while he followed, never allowing more than a whisper of space between us.

He nestled himself between my legs and plunged his cock into my heat, forcing a soft moan from his lips.

I loved the feel of his weight—how it pressed me into the mattress. I felt so protected. So loved.

His kiss was rough and demanding, as his hips smacked against my pelvis with each thrust. “I want to come inside you. Be part of you, even if only for a little while.” He touched his swollen lips to the divot on my throat and drove into me with all his passion.

Gasp after gasp, he barreled us toward completion.

Without a word, without announcing my fall, I quaked around him, allowing him to feel his victory.

“Oh, Elaine…” His mouth covered mine. His back stiffened, arms rigid as he surrendered. He filled me hot and slick with his release. I welcomed his weight as he eased down, resting on top of me. Tracing my fingertips over the thick ridges of muscles lining his spine, I basked in our bliss. This was more than sexual completion, more than a climax: it was a joining of souls.

He kissed me gently between halting breaths. “Whatever it is you have to tell me, you needn’t worry. I would follow you to hell and back, and then back again.”

I closed my eyes and realized, for the first time, I had no doubts about his words. Every declaration was absolute truth.