Chapter Twenty-Two
Katie
Tonight was the first time I truly understood what Cash meant when he said they all worked to keep Crue and Avory’s secret. Blackmail? Truck decoys? It was all a little insane, to be honest. But like I’d said a dozen times, I’d never lived this life. I’d never had a secret worth protecting. I’d never had people literally out to get me. It was a good thing the Devil’s Share crew had so many kids, ‘cause they needed each other.
Avory unbuckled her seat belt when she saw headlights headed our way. “You kids have fun.” She leaned forward, her hands on our seats, kissing Cash’s cheek and then mine. “See y’all tomorrow.” Then she hoped out of the truck. Crue opened his door and she jumped inside, crawling over his lap to her seat.
“Your life is way more interesting than mine.” I rested my elbow on the center console and then my chin in my hand.
“Oh, I don’t know about that.” Cash had a smile on his face I could see it from the light of the dashboard. He took a right, turning down a dark dirt road. He drove a few more feet and then pulled to the side, throwing the truck in park and turning off the lights. “I’m sorry things got weird at the party.”
“Is that normal?” I moved my arm when he pushed a button, lifting the console back and out of the way.
He unbuckled and scooted closer to me, putting his hands on my thighs. “It’s not abnormal, I guess.” He shrugged. “Not that this is at all what I want to talk about right now, but in the past, it wouldn’t have been such a big deal.” He looked down. “Crue would have agreed to take her out, said he’d call her. Then I would have been the one going in his place.”
“But she seemed awful.”
He chuckled quietly. “I told you, the girls that want to hook up with my brother…they don’t even know him. They don’t care about him. They want the picture for their social media or they want the connection to my family.”
“All of them? They can’t all have been bad.” Right?
He hung his head. “No they weren’t all bad, but they were all…misguided I guess. I don’t know, baby, and I really don’t want to keep talking about this. I hate that I did what I did. I hate that I lied. I hate all of it, okay?”
I hadn’t been trying to upset him, I only wanted to understand where everyone was coming from. “How many of them did you, um…”
“None.”
“Really? I thought you hooked up with them. I thought that was the whole point. ‘Crue was a fuck boy.’ I think I’ve heard every member of your family say that.” It was like an affectionate nickname.
“I didn’t, you know, go all the way with any of them.” He swallowed. “We’d fool around and then I’d leave. Nine times out of ten the girls would tell their friends that we’d done a lot more than we actually did.” He rubbed his palms up my thighs. “Crue doesn’t know. He never asked though.”
“So you’ve never?”
“Oh, uh, no I have. Just not, um, as my brother.” He shook his head. “I had to draw a line somewhere, you know? I had to be able to sleep at night.” He took a deep breath. “You’re too good for me, Katie. I don’t deserve your time.”
I should have never brought any of this up. Making him feel bad about himself hadn’t been my intention. But I could see the change in him. I could see the light slowly leaving his eyes. It was almost like he was shutting down right in front of me. I reached out and put my hands on his face, making him look at me.
“You are amazing and good and kind. You protect the people you love. And you’ve changed my life over the last few days. Can’t you see that? You taught me to let go. You taught me to make my own choices. You made me see myself the way you see me. I’ll never be able to thank you enough, Cash Matthews.”
I knelt, and then sat down in his lap, his hand automatically going to my lower back to draw me closer. To hold me tighter. “I don’t want you to go.” He was looking up at me, his expression vulnerable. “I don’t want this to end.”
My heart was pounding in my chest as I shook my head. “I don’t either.” I barely got the last word out before his mouth was on mine. He was kissing me like he never had before. He was rough and demanding; he wasn’t treating me like I was breakable this time. Like he was afraid to hurt me or scare me off.
I loved it, and I wanted more.
I reached down and grabbed the hem of my shirt, pulling it off and tossing it down beside us. His hands trailed up my back, being careful as he unhooked my soft lace bralett. His mouth moved to my breast, giving attention to one nipple and then the other, careful to avoid my still tender bandaged tattoo. I let my head fall back as I ground against him seeking release. I knew now how good he could make me feel, and I was greedy for it. Cash taught me how to want, and in this moment, that was my favorite lesson of all.
“Lie back.” He put his hand on my hips and guided me gently off his lap, pushing me until I was lying down. My knees were bent at the waist, my legs too long to stretch out fully. Cash grabbed the back of his shirt, pulling it off and handing it to me. “Put this under your head.” I balled it up, doing what he said. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. His whole torso was one solid muscle, his every move so confident. When he reached for the button on my shorts, I lifted my butt, helping him slide them off.
“Do you trust me, baby?”
“Yes.” And I did. I knew he wouldn’t take things any further than I was ready for. I knew that he’d never push, that he’d never hurt me. I trusted Cash with my body, and more importantly, I trusted him with my heart.
He put his hand around my ankle, moving one of my feet down to the floor. I’d never felt more exposed in my entire life as I did when he looked at me. His eyes traveling down the length of my body. “I guess we can check seeing you naked off the list.”
“Stop it.” I covered my chest, trying not to laugh at his dumb joke. “Or I’ll put my clothes back on.”
He took my hands, laying them back down at my sides. “Well, now if you do that, you won’t get to find out how much fun this next part is.” He hovered over me, kissing my lips, my collarbone, my breasts. Making his way down my stomach, his teeth grazing my hipbones.
When his mouth closed over my clit, I cried out his name, my hands fisting at my sides. Nothing had ever felt as good as his mouth on me. Nothing. Until he slipped his finger inside my core. I arched my back, instinctively seeking…more. I couldn’t seem to stop moaning, I bit my lip, trying my best to be quiet.
“Katie.” I opened my eyes when Cash stopped and said my name. He was looking at me, a cocky grin on his face. “There is no one around for miles. I want to hear you. I want to hear how good I’m making you feel, baby.” When I nodded, he fastened his mouth back down on my center.
And I wasn’t quiet, not even a little bit. It only took another few seconds before I was screaming his name as I came.
***
Cash was walking me home, which meant he was walking me to Halen’s window. “I, uh…are you okay with what happened tonight?”
“Well that Melanie chick seemed a lot fucking crazy. And—”
“No. I meant in the truck, after the party.” He was holding my hand but looking down at his feet. It was like he was nervous about my answer.
“Uh, did you not hear me scream your name?”
He snorted. “I mean, I just.” He sighed. “I don’t ever want to push you. I don’t ever want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
“Cash. You didn’t.” I stopped walking, pulling him around so I could see his face. “Please stop worrying about stuff like that. If I’m uncomfortable, I’ll tell you. I promise.”
He took my face in his hands. “I don’t want to screw this up.”
I smiled. “Impossible.”
“I actually drove you out in the middle of nowhere for two reasons. We only really got to one of them.” His eyes searched mine for a few seconds before he spoke again. “I don’t want this, us—I don’t want us to be over when you leave the compound.” He shook his head. “I know you’re going to Europe, but maybe we can keep talking? Maybe I can see you when you get back?”
I nodded. “Okay.” One simple word came out when what I really meant was hell to the yeah I want to keep talking to you. “I’d like that.” I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed his lips. I’d take what I could get when it came to Cash Matthews. We’d known each other for like five days, it’s not like I should be looking for a declaration of love or anything.
He let go of my hand to slide the window up once we reached it, helping me through and then climbing in after me. “Are you going to stay?” I looked at the bed, then at him. I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to lay me down on the mattress and touch me some more.
He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I would love to stay.” He kissed my forehead. “But I need to head home and check on Crue.” He gestured to the wall separating Halen’s room from Avory’s. “His truck is at the house and he isn’t with Avory.”
“How do you know?” I narrowed my eyes. “X-ray vision? Twin powers?”
He chuckled. “Her window was closed all the way. It squeaks when it opens so if he’s in there he leaves is slightly ajar.”
“Ah.” Less cool than if it’d been twin powers. “See you tomorrow?”
“Of course.” He dipped me back, kissing me, and then lifting me up. I threw my legs around his hips, making him groan. “You’re killing me, baby.”
“Maybe tomorrow I could touch you for a change.” I grinned when his hands tightened on my ass. “You like that idea, huh?”
“I like it more than you could ever possibly fathom.” He walked me over to the bed and dumped me on the mattress. “Now. I’m going to get out of here and go check on my twin.” He pointed at me. “Stop saying things that make me want to take off all your clothes instead.”
“Good night.”
He winked on his way back to the window. “Night, baby.”