Wide eyes stared back at me in the full-length mirror. Only two weeks later, and Mrs. Plack had organized an engagement party. I stared at my black Alexander McQueen cocktail dress and bright red pumps, and sighed outwardly.

Taking a step toward the balcony that overlooked the backyard, I watched everyone below mingling among themselves. Cocktail tables and tents spanned the back of the Plack estate.

When Mrs. Plack had said she was throwing us a quaint engagement party, I didn’t imagine that everyone from the city and my work would be invited. She’d even surprised me by inviting Aunt Diane and Kendy. I scanned below me and looked upon Brian as he stood by Caroline. I knew this must be especially hard for him. The buzz around the office had been bad enough, and here he was, at my engagement party. Inwardly, I cringed.

I’d felt the tension rising between us as this day approached. I wondered if he’d imagined all this when I’d initially told him about the deal. Not only was I living a lie, but by choosing me, he was also living in it too.

“You look stunning.”

I turned around, and Kent loomed behind me. I wondered how long he’d been standing there, watching me. I hadn’t heard him enter.

“Thanks.” I took in his sharp black suit and skinny tie. “You look dashing yourself,” I said, giving him a melancholy smile.

He offered his hand. “Ready? Everyone has been waiting for us.”

I took a deep breath, and when his hand met mine, I found comfort in his touch once again.

When we were downstairs, I socialized with the guests. At Kent’s side, Mr. Plack introduced me to hundreds of people. All their faces were a blur, and I forgot their names the moment after I’d been introduced.

When I finally distinguished Aunt Diane and Kendy among the crowd of unknowns, I excused myself from the Plack men and made my way toward them, almost running to their familiar faces.

Kendy jumped up and down as I approached, and she wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me so tightly in one of her trademarked hugs. I could barely breathe in her hold.

“I’m so happy for you, Beth Boo!” she said, using her squeaky voice.

I stifled a laugh because with all this pretending, Kendy played the part very well. I wondered if she was secretly enjoying the acting. It was Aunt Diane’s turn to engulf me into an embrace, and I squeezed her back tighter, realizing I’d missed them so much. They were the only family I had left.

Continuing to make my rounds, I tore myself away from both of them and searched for Brian. In the corner, right by the bar, I found him staring at the drink in his hand while Caroline and Jim conversed next to him. When Brian saw me, his face lit up.

“Hey, engaged one. Congrats!” Caroline said, stepping in to reach for my hand.

“You owe me one. I introduced you to your future husband,” Jim said, raising his wine glass.

“Thanks. Yeah, I owe you big time,” I said, my eyes drifting to Brian’s.

Caroline continued to talk about how grand the party was and how Karen Plack had gone over the top with the planning. I couldn’t agree more. I’d had no idea that this was what Mrs. Plack considered intimate. Caroline pointed behind me, directing my focus to Kent, who was trying to get my attention. “You’re one popular girl tonight,” she said before tipping her wine glass back.

I said my quick good-byes to Caroline and Jim.

I gave Brian a small hug and whispered discreetly, “Just a little longer.”

He said nothing as he nodded.

I maneuvered through the crowd toward Kent, who was standing on the top of the steps, holding a wine glass. When I approached him, he took my hand. When I felt his fingers against mine, I instantly relaxed.

“My mother asked me to say a few words.”

Kent cleared his throat, and one by one, everyone turned to his direction.

“I’d like to take this time to thank everyone for coming. It means so very much to us that everyone we care for, who has impacted our lives in one way or another, is here to celebrate with us. I never thought I’d be up here, saying this speech, and about to get married. But then, I met Beth.”

I glanced at Mrs. Plack, and tears were in her eyes while Mr. Plack’s arms surrounded her.

“And to my beautiful fiancée and future wife…”

I looked to him as he continued to speak. His gaze raked my face with such intensity that it sent butterflies straight to the pit of my stomach.

“Thanks for being there for me and for being who you are—innocent, fun-loving, and honest.”

His voice dropped slightly, and when his eyes fixed upon me, I felt that undeniable connection, that electricity between us.

“You make me look at everything in a new light. You’re the reason I get up every morning and the reason I laugh every day.” He leaned into me and framed my face with both of his hands. “I will never care for anyone the way I do for you. My life began when I met you.”

His speech left me breathless. The intensity of his brown eyes consumed me. Absolutely consumed me. I was drowning deep into a sea of chestnut and for a moment, I forgot that we were surrounded by a mass of people. When he bent down, I held my breath, closed my eyes, and let his lips meet mine for the first time.

My body responded automatically, and I was free-falling into an empty space of bliss. I didn’t want it to stop—ever. My heart raced in my chest, and I couldn’t think of anything but this kiss and his lips, but I needed more. I wanted more. I gripped his shirt, fisting it with one hand and pulled him toward me until my body was flush against him. I heard myself moan against his mouth as I tasted mint on his lips. His masculine cologne filled my nose. I was engrossed by everything that was Kent Plack, and it was not enough. We were not close enough even though we were basically molded into one body.

His kiss was all-consuming, touching my whole mind, body, and soul and I swore, if he released me, I’d die.

I tilted my head, wanting more of him, because our nearness was not enough. I felt just the tip of his tongue against mine, and before I opened wider to let him in, his hands moved from my face to frame my shoulders. He began pushing me, moving away. My eyes were still closed as my brain screamed, No!

His body was no longer flush against mine. He took a step back, and the only thing left touching was our lips. He slowed his movement to a few pecks, and he distanced himself slowly as if he didn’t want to break from our connection either.

Opening my eyes just confirmed my thoughts. His eyes told me that he wanted more, that he needed more of me and what I could give him. His look alone, a look of desire, transformed the butterflies in the pit of my stomach into something else—something deep, dark, and not so innocent. We stared intently at each other, his chestnut brown locked onto my emerald green. His breathing was hard and labored as if he had just run a race, and all I could feel was the pounding of my heart in my chest.

And then, I heard it all around me.

Applause.

The applause broke me from my trance. I blinked, noticing the consistent hollers around us, and I blushed pink, feeling as if everyone had interrupted something that passed between us. Immediately, my senses heightened. I realized where I was, and what I just did. My head flipped up to scan the crowd for Brian. I saw him standing next to Kendy. His mouth was set in a straight line, and his hands were fisted in front of him. Emotions rushed through me in that one instant. Confused, dazed, and angry with myself, I wanted to hit something.

Kent pulled me to his side. “Once again, thank you for coming,” he announced.

My arm wrapped around his waist, and I pressed my fingertips into his side. “Yes, thank you all for coming,” I said, facing the crowd.

I dug my fingers a little harder, and from the corner of my eye, I saw Kent’s teeth clench through his smile.

How dare he! How dare he kiss me in front of this crowd and how dare I kiss him back.

It was the WTF moment, and I had absolutely no idea what had just happened or what had just passed between us. When the applause and commotion died down, I disengaged myself from Kent. I ignored him as he yelled out my name while I walked away before half-running through the crowd to look for Brian.

People stopped to congratulate me once again. My body went through the motions of nodding my head and accepting half-hugs, but my eyes were scanning the crowd for Brian.

I walked the grounds, but I couldn’t find him.

“He left.”

I wheeled around, and Kendy was standing behind me.

My stomach dropped as I took in the discouraged look on her face. “Where did he go?” My voice was barely a whisper.

“Probably home.”

“Okay.”

I made my way to leave, but Kendy reached for my arm, drawing me back.

“Beth, you can’t leave your party. He’s upset. Just let him be for now.”

“I’m not sure why Kent did that, but I have to apologize to Brian. I have to talk to him,” I said, clenching my dress with both fists.

Kendy shook her head and exhaled a heavy sigh. “You’re so blind. For someone who had straight As all through high school and college, you have no idea, do you?” she huffed, scanning my face. “Kent is in love with you, Beth.”

I reeled back as if her words had slapped me in the face. “He’s just that believable. He has more to lose than I do, so he has to be,” I contested.

“He’s believable because he’s living the truth,” she said, exasperated. “You should start living yours,” she said, taking a step closer. “I’ve known you all my life, Beth. No one knows you better than I do. I know how you are, how you think, how you’ve tried all your life to be perfect, to make the right decisions, so you don’t turn out like Jamie.” Her face was sympathetic. “You’re not her. You can’t control everything, and you especially can’t control who you fall in love with.”

At her words, I blanched. Stepping back, I shook my head. “I’m not in love with Kent,” I whispered, staring at her in disbelief.

“Then, why did you kiss him back, Beth? Why, when you look at him, it’s as if he’s the only guy in the room? Why, whenever we are on the phone playing catch-up, you briefly mention Brian, but your voice hitches a tone higher when you talk about Kent?”

“Stop! Kendy, whose side are you on?” I yelled, pulling away from her.

She reached for my arm again. “Beth, I’m on your side. I’ve been on your side since you were six. I will forever be on your side. I just wish, instead of doing what you think is right, for once, you would do what’s going to make you happy. Follow your heart.”

“I’ll fix this,” I said mostly to myself.

I left Kendy and stomped back to the foyer. Kent was surrounded by a group of people when I walked up to him. Engrossed in the conversation, he barely noticed my arrival.

I tapped him on the shoulder. “Can I talk to you?”

He cast me a glance and smiled. “Sure, baby, one second.”

I waited the longest two seconds of my life, and I tapped him again. “Hey, can we talk now?”

“One sec.”

I widened my eyes. “Now,” I demanded.

The group of four stared in my direction. I didn’t care if I looked like the controlling psycho fiancée. We needed to talk and it needed to happen on my terms.

Kent smiled, entertained by my reaction. “Sure.”

I took hold of his hand, ignoring the warmth I felt, as I pulled him through the crowd, into the house and in the study. I shut the door and locked us in. “I’m sorry, but what was that?” I asked, exasperated, pointing to the door behind me. I was determined to get things back in control.

“What was what?”

When the dimple emerged on his face, I lost it. How Kendy could believe I would fall in love with a man who could possibly drive me to jump off a cliff was insane.

“That kiss!” I said. “What was that? You can’t do that. Why did you do that? You just can’t,” I said in one breath.

He scanned my face. “I had to make it believable, Beth,” he whispered.

“It was believable all right. Brian believed it, and he left.”

At Brian’s name, his eyes dropped to the ground. “I forgot about him,” he said, talking mostly to himself.

“Well, you can’t forget about him. In all of this, he’s been the most patient. He’s upset. I saw it on his face. He’s upset, and Brian never gets upset.” I shook my head. “I hope I haven’t lost him.”

He lowered his head, pinching the bridge of his nose, as he shut his eyes. “You haven’t. He’s not stupid enough to leave you.”

“You don’t know that! He’s the last person I want to hurt, okay?”

“I’m sorry.” Kent said, lifting his head to meet my eyes. “I don’t know what came over me. If you want, I’ll talk to him.”

“No, I’ll talk to him myself.” I turned to walk away as I heard Kent call my name from behind me.

I ran out of the room, down the hall, and straight outside. I rounded the corner where there wasn’t a person in sight and gripped my shoulders tightly as goose bumps formed on my arms from the brisk air. I looked up at the clear night sky and to the twinkle of stars that weren’t present in the city. I used the white brick of the house to support me as I slid down to the ground. I allowed my head to drop into my hands as I took three deep breaths, breathing deeply through my nose and exhaling through my lips.

I squeezed my eyes tightly, seeing only darkness. I was frustrated that Brian had left, confused as to why Kent had kissed me, and even more taken aback that I’d let him. I convinced myself that it had been because of this charade, the lie we were living, and that was the reason I had been so confused.

But Kendy’s words from earlier rang in my head, and I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. I couldn’t control how I felt or how Kent’s touch and the way he gazed at me made my heart stutter. Maybe I was in love with him. Maybe I wasn’t. I didn’t know anymore.

All I knew was that I couldn’t be with him. He lived his life on a whim. He loved the lavish lifestyle of being with different women all the time and he held no responsibilities. The one thing I valued most about myself was the fact that I was responsible.

I had met my other half. He was just like me. He was hardworking, we shared the same values, and he was someone who I had always pictured myself ending up with. That was Brian.

But why did I kiss Kent back?

I shook my head, continuing to take the deep breaths through my nose to try to calm my raging pulse.

The more I couldn’t control my feelings, the more frustrated I felt because in my whole twenty-three years of existence, I’d never felt so out of control.

The next morning and into the afternoon, I kept calling Brian. I left multiple messages. Although I was confused as hell about everything going on in my life, I knew I needed to do the right thing, which was to fix things. I always did the right thing.

After leaving my apartment at noon, I grabbed a sandwich from the deli. As I was eating lunch, I glanced at my phone for the hundredth time. Still no missed calls.

As I headed back to my apartment, I spotted Brian leaning against the exterior door, looking lost in thought. His baseball cap was angled low, so I couldn’t see his eyes. As I approached closer, he glanced up. He looked so forlorn that I just wanted to give him a hug to console him, so I did.

Tiptoeing, I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my head in the nook of his neck. “You left,” I whispered.

His broad arms encompassed my lower back. “I’m sorry.” He squeezed me tighter. “I just didn’t want to ruin your night.”

I inhaled his masculine musky scent. “You ruined my night by leaving,” I said.

His chest expanded. “Would you be mad if I told you that hearing you say that makes me happy?” He released me and moved to grab my hand. “Let’s walk.”

I glanced at our hands laced together as he led me across the street toward Millennium Park. I stared at the silvery bean statue gleaming in front of us. Gazing straight ahead, Brian seemed wistful, deep in thought. I looked to him, but he continued to blankly stare at the park ahead of us.

With each step forward, dread washed over me. It was as if I was walking along this long cliff, knowing there was a deep, deadly drop at the end. My heart constricted because I knew where this was heading. We reached the park and stopped at a bench in front of the statue. Brian released my hand, and I immediately hugged him. I wanted to be close to him to apologize for what I had done, for putting him through all of this mess.

I tapped my forehead lightly on his chest. “Don’t say it,” I whispered.

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” he said softly, as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Whatever you are going to say, I don’t want you to say it.” I bit the inside of my cheek to stop all the emotions running through me.

Releasing me, he tugged my hand and pulled me down to sit on the bench. He inched away from me and placed his forearms on his knees. His head hung low as we both fell silent. My eyes focused on an older couple holding hands, walking at the other end of the park. I wondered how we’d ended up here because this was not how it was supposed to be. This was not how I’d planned it to be.

Brian moved to face me and held both of my hands in his. “I can’t do this anymore, Beth.”

The back of my eyes instantly burned. I’d known this was where we were headed when we took this walk, but I hadn’t really been sure until now. I had hoped it wasn’t going to happen, but he’d just confirmed my fear.

“Brian—” I said, staring down at our hands linked together.

Stopping me before I could even continue, he huffed, “It’s not friendship anymore for him. I see it. I see the way he looks at you. It’s so familiar.” His eyebrows drew in. “It’s the same way I look at you.”

“It’s not like that,” I said.

“I know the symptoms, Beth. He’s in love with you.”

He heard my sharp intake of breath.

“He’s not in love with me.” I shook my head, trying to deny it. But Kendy’s voice and what she said the night before rang loudly in my ears.

Brian’s smile turned wistful. “After spending so much time with you, how can he not be? It was only a matter of time.”

This is not happening. This is not how it’s supposed to be.

Brian was supposed to be my happily ever after. I didn’t know if I was ready to let him go. “He’s not. I can promise you that he’s not. He’s not, Brian. He’s not in love with me,” I said.

Brian closed his eyes. “I took the job in New York.”

The air was knocked out of me, and my shoulders sagged. My argument had been for nothing. He was leaving me.

I stared at my pink flip-flops on the ground as a lump formed in the back of my throat. “When did you take it?” I asked, my voice barely audible.

“I took the offer this morning, Beth.”

He moved to touch me, but I recoiled. I knew tears would flow if he touched me.

“I want you to come with me.”

At that, my eyes flipped up to his face. I looked into eyes that were bluer against the backdrop of the clear sky.

“Beth, this is a good opportunity for me, and I’m sure with recommendations, you can get an underwriting job there. In New York, you will be able to move up faster.” He looked at me with expectation and hope.

“It’s too late. I’ve set things in motion. The wedding is in less than a month. It’s too late,” I pleaded.

“I know this is your way out of debt, Beth. He’s offering you so much, and it’s selfish of me to ask this of you.” He paused, briefly closing his eyes. When he opened them, I saw such sadness. “I’m asking you to choose. I am asking you to choose because I can’t watch you walk down the aisle with another man when I’ve fallen for you. I can’t do it. It’ll break me.”

I looked into this man’s eyes. He was the ideal male and the kind of person every little girl dreamed of marrying. He was a man so like myself in so many ways when it came to work and values and life.

But then, my thoughts drifted to Kent. Although he had many faults, too many to count, in the end, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go back on my agreement when it had been set in place before I became serious with Brian. Kent would be broken from my betrayal, and most of all, I couldn’t do that to him.

“I can’t,” I said.

Brian’s eyes filled with such anguish, losing the tinge of hope he’d just had a moment ago. When I reached to touch him, he reeled back, nodded twice, and stood. He left me on the bench, never once glancing back.

I stared at my pink flip-flops as I gripped the bench, feeling the cold steel underneath me, while I wondered why I was always picking Kent when the perfect guy was right in front of me.

I hadn’t cried last night. When I’d called Kendy and she didn’t answer, I hadn’t bothered leaving a message. I’d had the urge to call Kent, but I hadn’t. That would have been the ultimate wrong thing to do given that he had been the main reason Brian and I had broken up.

I did what I did best and treaded through the day. I got up for work and walked into the office with a fake smile on my face. I’d debated on calling in sick, but I hadn’t. I would have to face Brian sooner or later. Even though I dreaded seeing him after what had happened, it still saddened me that he would be leaving for New York.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Caroline said, glancing up at me from her computer as I walked into my cubicle.

I dropped my bag on my desk. “Hi,” I said, placing my laptop into the docking station and adjusting my chair.

“The engagement party was so much fun. Seriously, Karen Plack knows how to throw a party. Are you ready? Less than a month, and you will be married.”

“Yeah, I’m excited,” I said in a fake cheery voice, when all I wanted to do on this Monday morning was crawl back under the covers and into bed.

My eyes stayed glued on my computer screen the whole day. I walked the entire length of the floor to avoid passing Brian’s desk. It was just too soon to see him.

Just when I thought I was in the clear while I was packing up to go home, I saw him approaching our desks, carrying his bag and a file folder. He walked directly past my cubicle and to Caroline, not once looking my way.

It hurt.

“Caroline, can you give this to Jim?” He handed her a file. “Oh, and hey, make sure you come to happy hour in a couple of weeks for my going-away party.”

He smiled his easy smile that I used to see directed my way.

“I’ll be there,” Caroline said. “Aw, you’re going to miss the wedding. You’re leaving before then.”

That was when he acknowledged me. “Oh yeah.” He angled himself in my direction. “It’s okay. You won’t miss me. I’ll be the last thing on your mind that day.”

Stab.

“But I do wish you happiness and luck with Kent. He seems like he makes you really happy.”

Stab.

“You must see some really good qualities in him that I can’t see. But hey, he has money, and money rules the world.”

Big stab.

A knife could have cut the thickness in the air. I forced a smile on my face, but I felt my cheeks flush because I was embarrassed that Caroline was listening. That feeling transformed into annoyance, and that feeling was directed to the blue-eyed male standing in front of me.

He had every right to be upset. I could admit he had been the most unselfish person in this situation. So, if he was upset, that was justified. What was not justified was showing anger that he had never shown me in front of Caroline, someone who knew nothing of my situation.

Caroline’s eyes widened as she fixed Brian with a stare and glanced back in my direction.

I twisted to face him, still smiling. “He does have great qualities—ones that I’d rather not repeat in front of Caroline,” I insinuated, deepening my voice.

Caroline’s face developed into amusement while Brian looked like he’d swallowed something spoiled. He fisted his hands as if he was going to punch something. He straightened his back, and I could see him working the muscles of his jaw. When he stomped down the hall, I followed. He walked into the elevator, and I stepped in right behind him.

“What was that?” I snapped.

He flipped around to face me, and I rocked back a step. I’d never once been afraid of Brian, but this time, I had to admit that I was a little scared. His anger was brewing, and I knew he was holding back.

“What was what?” he asked slowly, hands fisted to his sides. “Me telling the truth, and you basically admitting you’re a slut?”

I flinched. It was as if he’d slapped me on the face, hard. I pulled the emergency button, and the elevator halted with a jerk as the alarm rang loudly around us.

“Slut? I have been intimate with a total of one person, and that was in high school. I have never slept with Kent—ever. The first time I ever kissed him was at the engagement party, and that was his doing.”

I pointed toward the elevator door. “That insinuation back there was not meant for you. That was meant for Caroline, and I said it to save my butt. She doesn’t know my situation, and for you to basically tell her was not cool. That’s not right. You’re mad? Fine, be mad at me. Don’t bring other people into it,” I snapped.

“What the hell did I do wrong?” he yelled inches from my face.

I reeled back at the increased fury in his tone, distancing myself from his anger.

“I gave it my freakin’ all in this relationship. I waited for you, for all this crap to go down. I’ve been patient. I want to know—what did I do wrong?” He ran one of his hands through his hair until he reached the base of his neck.

“I have told you from the beginning what Kent and I were. I told you about our situation, and you still wanted to be with me. I told you everything. I’ve never lied to you. You were asking me to back out of a deal that I’d made before you and I were serious. You knew all of this,” I responded. “Why are you so upset? You’re the one who broke up with me. You left me,” I said, placing both hands on my chest.

“I left you because you broke my heart. I did it for me, not you. I couldn’t take it anymore. Can’t you see that?” A look of incredulity crossed his face and he backed away slowly as his eyes turned cold. “You’re so selfish. I can’t believe I never saw that in you. Love truly is blind,” he said.

It was another slap in the face. This time, it had been harder because I realized it was the truth.

I was the girl who always did the right thing, who always walked the straight line, and who always put other’s needs above her own. I was the girl who thought before I acted, who contemplated the consequences before I did anything. And I’d worked hard my whole life to get to where I was today.

For once in my life, I hadn’t been thinking. I’d acted on impulse, and I’d wanted the easy way out.

I pushed the elevator button to continue our descent to the first floor.

“You’re right,” I whispered. “I wanted to be debt free, and I wanted to keep the perfect boyfriend after it was all done. If I was selfish along the way, I’m sorry. For once, just once, I just wanted it all.”

The elevator doors opened on the first floor, and I stepped out. This time, I was leaving him behind.