I stand in the bedroom of my grandparents’ house where I’ll be getting ready today. I look around at all the pictures from my childhood they have on display here in the room. All those amazing memories of time spent here on the farm. Even after they retired and had sold off most of the land, we still spent plenty of time here, making memories that will forever stay with me, that I hope to one day pass down to my own kids.

“Knock, knock.” My best friend and maid of honor, Zoey, opens the door and smiles at me. “How are you doing this morning?” she asks, handing me a cup of coffee.

“I’m good. Excited. Nervous. Ready to see Brad.”

“Ready to get started on your hair and makeup?”

“As ready as I’m going to get,” I tell her as I take a sip of the coffee. I hope the jolt of caffeine helps settle my nerves and this nagging feeling that just won’t go away. It’s a little unsettling, but I’m sure it’s just the nerves taking root.

“Sit down here and I’ll get started,” Zoey instructs. There are perks to having a best friend who loves both being a girly girl and her makeup. I’ve never been the girl who was obsessed with it, so I need all the help I can get on what’s going to be an important day.

Zoey pulls out her bag of makeup and sets out some items as I get comfortable in the chair she wants me in.

“Did you sleep well?” she asks as she starts by pulling my hair into a bun, so it’s out of my face and her way.

“So-so,” I tell her honestly. “After everyone turned in last night, I was just feeling so restless. I ended up going outside and sitting in the reception tent. Taking in everything and just thinking about our future.”

“Everything okay?”

I haven’t told anyone about this nagging feeling, the one where I’m about to make a mistake by marrying Brad.

“Can I tell you something that you promise not to tell anyone?”

This causes her to stop applying the foundation, and she puts down the sponge and looks me in the eye.

“Of course, you know you can always talk to me about anything.”

Exhaling, I sit up a little straighter in the chair. I bite my lip, stalling a bit longer, not really sure if I’m ready to share this worry that’s been plaguing me for a while now.

“You’re scaring me, Ren. What’s going on?”

“I’ve…” I pause, sucking in a deep breath, doing my best to calm my nerves. “I’ve had this nagging feeling the last couple of weeks, that has progressively gotten worse these last few days. Like I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my life if I marry Brad.”

“So, like, cold feet?” Zoey asks.

“I don’t think this is just a case of cold feet. I feel it in my bones, almost. When I sat outside last night in the tent, I tried to visualize my life in one, five, hell, even twenty-five years from now, and all I see is Sam next to me. I think I need to call off my wedding. I don’t think I can marry Brad.”

“Oh, Ren,” she says, pulling me into a hug. “Are you sure? Do you want me to go find your mom so that you can talk to her for a bit?”

Tears streak my cheeks as I nod, a million thoughts running through my mind. Today is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. One that I will remember forever, tell my kids and my grandchildren about one day. I’m not supposed to be sitting here, crying my eyes out, thinking about one man while I get ready to walk down the aisle toward another.

I hear the creak of the door opening again as my mom rushes inside the room and over to me. She wraps her arms around me, and the small amount of restraint I was holding on to breaks, the flood of tears and hiccupping sobs escaping from me.

“Shhh… shhhh, Ren. Everything’s going to be okay, sweetie,” my mom tells me, as she does her best to comfort me.

It takes me a few moments to slow the sobs and regain my composure. I accept the tissues Zoey found and is handing to me. I dry my cheeks and blow my nose before looking up at both of them.

“Oh, my darling girl. What’s wrong?” my mom asks.

“That’s the million-dollar question,” I tell her, trying to lighten the mood just a bit. “I’m just worried I’m about to make a mistake.”

“It’s normal to feel scared before getting married, honey,” she tells me. “I was a nervous wreck when I married your father, and look at us now. Thirty-three years later, and we’re still madly in love with each other.”

“I know, Mom, and I love Brad, I really do. I just can’t shake that he’s not the one I should be marrying.”

“I’ll support you in anything you decide, but are you ready to make that call? Do you want to talk to him, maybe see if you can work out some of your fears?”

I suck in a shuddering breath. Am I ready to face him and possibly break his heart?

“Isn’t it bad luck for me to see him before the ceremony?”

“So what, some people say and think that, but if you’re this distraught over the decision, I’d think it’d be best to talk to him. Let him know what you’re feeling and why, and come to a decision together.”

I take in a few deeper breaths, mulling over what my mom has just suggested. I don’t know what to do. I’m at such a loss right now.

“I love Brad, I really do. It would crush him to know that I’m struggling. I just don’t think I can do that to him right now,” I say to the room, stalling as I gather my strength and pull myself together. “I’ll be fine. Let’s get back to getting ready, and I’ll be fine. I’m sure it’s just a case of cold feet.”

I sit up straighter, wiping my eyes one last time. I’m determined not to think about this nagging feeling again. Today is the happiest day of my life, and I’m going to enjoy it.