Vince’s head was spinning and he thought he might be sick as he kicked his truck into drive and tore away from the college. What the hell was he doing? Why had he literally fled from Koby? He was being a crazy jerk!

He tried to slow his panic down. His mind was a mess, though.

It had been a mess before he’d even made it back to the art department. Drew was acting really weird with him and Vince couldn’t seem to wrap his thoughts around it.

Drew had been one of his best buddies since middle school. They’d been inseparable for several years – basically until Vince went off to college – and Vince had missed him since he’d been away. He had so many memories of them rocking out to Guns N’ Roses and riding their bikes through the woods and sneaking into the movies to watch scary films. If Vince ever got married, he’d kind of pictured that Drew would be his best man.

But now…

These past few weeks hadn’t been great. In fact, the more time Vince spent with Drew, the more uncomfortable he was getting. He said stupid shit all the time and his homophobia was becoming both more apparent and more alarming as the days went on.

Would Vince have noticed the bigotry so badly if he wasn’t hanging out with Koby now? Or…had been. God, why had Vince lost his cool like that? He pulled his truck over suddenly, deciding he needed a strong coffee. That Grind place was just down the road and should be open for another hour or so.

Vince swung his truck into a parking spot, killed the ignition and dropped his face into his hands.

Koby had tried to kiss him. And Vince had behaved like an unforgivable jerk. He should go right back there and apologize. But he had no idea what he wanted to say. How did he feel?

Vince grabbed his keys and stepped out of the truck into the cool evening air. His heart rate was starting to slow and he rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his thoughts.

Was he really that unwilling to kiss Koby?

He thought back to his gay porn evening the other night. Would it really have been so bizarre to try? He liked Koby a lot.

Was that the problem? He was scared of ruining a friendship?

Or was he scared of what kissing a man might mean about him?

He pushed his way into the cool interior of Grind, Christmas music hitting him the same time as the smell of coffee beans, baked goods and nutmeg. Boughs of holly hung from the ceiling and there was mistletoe attached to the bell over the door. There were a fair few people inside, but not a horde. Vince really hoped no one wanted to get his autograph or pose for a selfie right then. He felt like a train wreck. His head was starting to hurt, which always worried him after the concussion.

“Well, look who it is,” Doris drawled, wiping down the long counter where the cash register sat alongside a display cabinet of gingerbread people and cookies cut like Christmas trees. She raised an eyebrow at Vince. “My old gym buddy. What can I get you?”

“Uh, just a latte, Doris, thanks.” He fumbled for change from his pocket, almost dropping several quarters.

“What size?” she asked with a hint of impatience. “To drink in or take away?”

Vince finally retrieved a ten and slid the rest of his money back into his jeans pocket. “Uh, large. To go.” He frowned. Was he going to go back to Koby?

“Well, don’t you look like someone peed in your cornflakes,” Doris said.

A blond guy sitting at the counter in an official HC fire department T-shirt choked on his protein smoothie. “Eww, Doris!” he protested.

“Plenty of other seats, Channing.” Doris gave him a withering look, then turned her attention back to Vince as she began making up his drink. “Well?”

Vince shrugged. The guy next to him got up, taking his drink elsewhere, shaking his head. That meant he and Doris were relatively alone for the moment.

“I think I just made a big mistake,” Vince said.

He wasn’t sure why he was telling this near stranger his troubles. But she had a mom-like air about her, and there was no way Vince could talk to his own family about this. He was so desperate to unburden himself he decided he didn’t care. He pulled out a stool and sat down, giving Doris a pleading look.

“What if you’ve made a friend,” Vince continued, “then that friend tries to kiss you, and you don’t know if you want to kiss them or not?”

“Life’s too short,” Doris groused, her gaze on the coffee she was making. “Don’t be a damn fool and try the kiss. You don’t like it, don’t do it again.”

Vince swallowed, feeling guilty. “What if you didn’t do that. What if you…ran away, practically screaming?”

Doris flipped a switch, filling the air with the noisy sounds of the milk frother, all the while looking shrewdly at Vince. “This kiss you run away from with a guy, per chance?” she asked, pulling no punches once the machine stopped.

Vince glanced around to make sure no one was listening in, then looked down in his lap shamefully. “Maybe,” he mumbled. “Yeah.”

Fuck. He thought he was being so open-minded and embracing all these new ideas. He’d been excited to see how Hidden Creek had progressed. Then the first hint of something gay himself and he chickened out like a…

He was going to think ‘pussy.’ But that was his family talking. That was Drew’s kind of word.

That was the problem, wasn’t it? It was okay for other people to be queer. But what would people think if he was?

“I…I’m not gay,” Vince practically whispered.

Doris grunted and slapped his coffee down in front of him, snatching up the ten-dollar bill. “Ain’t nobody just plain old ‘gay’ anymore, sugarplum. Get with the times.” She snorted and gave Vince back his change. “You think you might be bi or something?”

“Not really.” Vince frowned.

“You sorry you might have upset this boy?” Doris asked, hands on her hips.

Vince shrugged. “Yeah, for sure.”

“Think about it.” Doris winked, picking up her dishcloth again to wipe down the display counter.

Vince frowned. “I’m upset because he’s my friend and I might have hurt his feelings.” Doris kept wiping the glass. “Okay.” Vince yanked the coffee to him. “I might be a bit confused, too. But…I can’t be bi. I just…my parents won’t accept a queer kid!”

“Oh, honey,” Doris scoffed with an eye roll. “Your folks got so many kids under their feet, they ain’t gonna notice one of them’s queer!”

Vince chewed his lip and rubbed the side of the disposable coffee cup. He was positive it wouldn’t be as easy as that. If he even was bi. Now the panic was subsiding, though, it was being replaced by shame. He really wished he hadn’t ditched Koby like that. Especially not after he’d failed so spectacularly to defend Koby to Drew earlier in the day as well. Koby didn’t know that, of course, but it was eating away at Vince.

He’d frozen when Drew had thrown the word ‘queer’ out like it was dirty. Vince wished he could have snapped at him that it wasn’t okay for him to say things like that. But he kept hoping Drew would stop acting this way and things would go back to how they were at school. If Vince called him out and made it ugly, they might never be able to come back from it.

So Vince had let Koby down then and he’d abandoned him now. Shit.

Koby had tried to kiss him, right? Vince hadn’t imagined that? He sipped his coffee. His brain had slowed down enough now to think that through a little further.

Did he want Koby to kiss him?

He did have pretty lips. Vince had noticed that during their first modeling session. Vince thought Koby was awesome, and if he was honest, he was starting to realize he had a thing for that damn kilt he had on yet again today. Not just that it was cool. It…did something to Vince’s insides.

“Do you think K-my friend,” he corrected himself, “will be upset I ran out on him?”

“If you have to ask that, I’m guessing that answer’s ‘yes,’” Doris said, not looking up from where she was dispensing green tea bags from a box into the glass jar that was displayed on the counter.

That sent a horrible wash of guilt through Vince. Fuck. He had just been saying how much he wanted to protect Koby, then not two minutes later hurt him himself. Was he any better than those bullies from their school days?

He almost got up and ran back to his truck that second. But…what was he going back to if he did? Did he just want to apologize to Koby?

Or did he want to pick up where they’d left off?

Nerves flashed through Vince’s guts. But there was something else there too.

Was it desire?

“Okay, so, say I was bi,” Vince blurted out once Doris had served another customer and they were alone again. “My family wouldn’t understand, I guarantee you. But what the hell would the NFL say when I go back to Oklahoma?”

“If,” Doris said.

Vince frowned. “What?” he said. She just shrugged. He blinked and considered what she meant for a second. “No, when. I have to go back and play ball.” Doris was now rearranging orange-spiced muffins. “That’s all I’m good for. I can’t do anything else but play ball. I know the concussion thing’s a consideration, but…well, what else am I going to do?” Doris shook her head and raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. Vince frowned. “I guess I’m jumping ahead, anyway. Right? Kissing a friend doesn’t mean I have to tell the whole world or anything.”

Doris slapped her dishrag down on the counter, folded her hands and leaned forward to look Vince in the eye a few inches from his face. “What are you still sitting around here for?” she asked incredulously. “Go kiss the damn boy. You’ll have plenty of time to fuss over all that crap after. But ain’t gonna be nothing to worry about if you’ve already broken his heart.”

The idea of breaking Koby’s heart sliced pain through Vince’s chest. No, no, no. Vince may have been confused about several things, but he definitely knew he didn’t want that.

“Thanks, Doris.” Vince jumped from his seat and grabbed his coffee.

She waved him off like she was swatting a fly. “Yeah, yeah,” she drawled. “See you at Pilates.”

Vince rushed back out into the evening air, taking a deep breath to chase away the last of his headache. Dusk was falling and everywhere he looked, fairy lights seemed to be twinkling. As he dashed over to his truck, fumbling with his keys, Vince just hoped he wasn’t too late.

Please still be there, he begged as he reversed out of the parking spot, speeding back toward the community college.