It had been a while since Vince had been a smitten teenager, but he remembered now how it felt to thrum with giddy excitement every time his phone pinged with a new message. His heart leaped with every damn one, even when he and Koby were having a conversation and he knew it would probably be him replying. Vince couldn’t stop himself from grinning.

Koby had sent him something extra special this time, though. Apparently, one of the art class students was a comic book artist. This guy, Gareth, had drawn a dramatic reenactment of Vince’s accident that took his breath away. Koby was asking Vince if he’d mind retweeting the art for Gareth’s exposure. Vince didn’t hesitate, knowing his fans would love it. If it helped Gareth get noticed by someone important, that would be even better.

Vince was happy to help an aspiring artist. But he was even happier knowing it would make Koby happy.

He’d do anything to make Koby happy.

“Why are you so perky?”

Vince looked up from his phone to see Maria standing by his bedroom door. She was holding on to the frame as she grinned at him like a cat that had caught the canary.

Vince rolled his eyes. “It’s Christmas.” He leaned back against his pillows and stretched his legs, crossing his ankles. “I’m home with my beautiful family on an extended vacation. Do I need an excuse other than that to be happy?”

“I don’t trust it,” Maria said. “You’re up to something.”

“Suit yourself,” said Vince playfully.

But he couldn’t help the little smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. He knew this thing with Koby couldn’t last, but most relationships didn’t last. If you went into every one feeling all doom and gloom no one would ever date. For now, he was reveling in their secret affair. It was one of the most daring things he’d ever done in his life. Besides, he was just enjoying spending time with Koby.

Vince had modeled for him a couple more times after hours and that had meant more kissing and sneaking hand and blow jobs. Koby had finished Vince in his mouth last time and Vince shuddered with pleasure every time he thought about it. But more than that, they texted all the time, just keeping each other up to date with their days. It felt so easy.

Maria narrowed her eyes at him and licked her lips. “Have you met a girl?” she asked in a singsong voice.

Vince huffed. “No,” he said truthfully.

“Have you met a boy?”

Vince almost flipped the phone from his hand as he jerked in surprise. A wave of dizziness rolled over him and he took a second to make sure his head injury wasn’t flaring up. “N-no,” he stammered, then took a deep breath.

Maria looked alarmed at him. “Jeeze, I was just kidding, Vinny. Touchy much.”

Vince cleared his throat and closed his phone screen. He’d opened a random app by mistake with his big thumbs and needed to make sure he didn’t accidentally order an Uber or voice dial one of the guys in Oklahoma.

“You just caught me off-guard, is all,” he said.

Maria frowned at him. “You’d really be that offended if I thought you were gay? Grow up, Vinny.” She rolled her eyes, then flounced off.

Vince blinked. He couldn’t exactly correct her as to why he’d freaked slightly, but he was happy to hear that she sounded kind of pro-LGBT rights. It wasn’t something they’d ever really talked much about in the family. Although his dad had been known to use homophobic slurs when things weren’t going his way for his teams. Everybody did that, though. Just because Vince realized it wasn’t cool now didn’t mean other people did. He’d have to try and gently educate them. Like Koby did.

The sound of his ringtone and the phone vibration made him start a second time, although not as violently as before. He turned the phone the right way around and realized it was Ely Hernandez calling, his coach from the Harriers.

“Hey, boss,” Vince answered cheerfully. It had been a while since he’d checked in, so it would be good to hear how the team was doing. “Congrats on making the playoffs.”

“Vinny,” Hernandez cried. “Man, it’s good to hear your voice. Thank you. These dumb nuts have been killing me out here, but yeah, we scraped through.” Vince assumed he meant the rest of the team. He wanted to defend them, but to be fair, they’d been having a bad time of it. Hernandez wouldn’t be interested in excuses. “How you doing? How’s the family?”

“Great, good, yeah.” Vince nodded to himself in his bedroom. “It’s been nice taking a break and everyone’s excited about the holidays.”

“Sure, sure.” Hernandez sounded distracted. “But you’re feeling better now, stronger, yeah?”

Vince frowned. It wasn’t like he’d strained a ligament and was getting fit again with physical therapy. He’d been knocked unconscious and suffered a concussion. Not a real injury, then, floated through his mind for the thousandth time.

“Uh, yeah,” Vince said, remaining cheerful. “I’m still working on my cardio and resistance training, don’t worry. But I’m staying away from two-hundred-and-fifty-pound guys running at my head, just like the doctor ordered,” he added with a laugh. He was making a joke out of it, but he did want to remind Hernandez that he was on medical leave.

“Yeah.” Hernandez drew out the word. “About that. I’ve been talking with Doc Carter, and, well, he thinks he was maybe being a bit too fussy. You know how he likes to mollycoddle!” He laughed but Vince didn’t. “Anyway, he thinks now he was too hasty signing you off for all the time. You should be totally fine to come back now.”

Vince’s world tilted. “Now?”

“Yeah!” Hernandez cried. “I figured we’d get you back in for a couple of weeks training before the end of the year, then get you off the bench in the new year. You’ll still have Christmas Day with your folks, naturally. But I figured you’d be sick of all that now. Bored, right? The team really misses you, so I figured…yeah. What do you say?”

Vince blinked, completely blindsided. Immediately, habit told him he had to jump on the first flight back to Tulsa. The team needed him, and his whole life he’d had it drilled into him that he couldn’t let the team down. The team came first.

But everything else in Vince’s body screamed he didn’t want to go. He wasn’t ready, not yet. Christmas Day was a week away. Hernandez wanted him to run back and squeeze in a week’s training, then pop back to Hidden Creek, then fly back out? Why not just wait until the new year liked they’d planned?

“I-” he stammered. “I don’t know, Ely. That was a mean ol’ bump I got. You mind if I see if the docs here take a look first?”

“Carter can look you over,” Hernandez said briskly.

Vince chewed his lip. No. He wasn’t going to jump just because Hernandez said so.

“There’d be no point getting on a flight all that way if I’m not cleared yet,” Vince said cheerfully, like he was doing Hernandez a favor.

“All that way?” Hernandez repeated. “It’s one state line.”

Vince laughed. “I just mean, they got a good hospital here. I’ll get an MRI or whatever they need, just make sure my melon’s not waiting to pop. Then I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

It didn’t give him much time to collect himself and head back, but it was better than nothing. Besides, he really did want to get the all clear of any swelling before he threw himself back onto the field.

Hernandez huffed and puffed. “Fine,” he said, not sounding thrilled. “You wanna go see some hick quack in bumfuck nowhere, knock yourself out. Or don’t.” He chuckled at his own tasteless joke. “Just get your ass back here, okay? The team’s falling apart without you.”

Vince frowned as Hernandez closed the call. How was that Vince’s problem? Yeah, he loved his team and wanted them to succeed, but Hernandez was supposed to be the one taking care of them. Not Vince. He was a linebacker, for crying out loud. He knew he was pretty replaceable. Just because he was the one always keeping everyone’s spirits up didn’t mean he was responsible for the Harriers’ success.

“Shit,” he said out loud, flopping back onto his bed and looking up at the same ceiling he’d stared at for hours as a teenager.

He’d known he’d always have to go back to his job – a job thousands of guys would die to have, Vince knew. But all he felt was dread. If the scan on his head came back anything less than one hundred percent better, he wasn’t going to chance it. He didn’t care who called him a pussy or yelled and screamed. He wasn’t risking becoming a vegetable for a damn game.

And…well, he’d been all prepared to have the next couple of weeks in Hidden Creek with his family. With Koby. If the scan was A-Okay, Vince would have to hop on a plane like a good little team player. As much as Hernandez had promised he could come back for Christmas, one day wasn’t going to make up for that lost time.

He felt like a fist was closing around his heart. He wasn’t ready. He hadn’t even bought Koby a Christmas present yet. Vince swallowed, telling himself this wasn’t goodbye forever. He and Koby could still text and call and video chat. Heck, Vince would come visit more often.

But would that be good enough for Koby? Or would Koby say it was just better and easier to part ways now?

The thought made Vince feel sick.

“Vinny!” Nonna’s voice came from downstairs. She sounded annoyed.

Vince hauled his ass off his bed. “Yes, Nonna?” he called back down as he walked from his room to the top of the stairs.

His nonna had her arms crossed and was glowering up at him. “You have a friend here.” She stomped off back toward the kitchen. Vince could smell meatballs and gravy cooking now he was out in the hall.

His stomach sank, assuming it was Koby. Why would Nonna be mad at him? Was she starting to figure something out?

But Vince’s insides dropped further when he jogged down the stairs to the lobby. Drew was standing there, looking sullen with his hands in his pockets.

“Damn, bro,” he said with a scoff as Vince approached. “What’s a guy gotta do to get a hold of you these days? You been ghosting me?”

Vince blinked and frowned. “No,” he said, although if he was totally honest, he knew he’d been paying less attention to Drew than usual. The thing was, he and Drew just weren’t getting along anymore, not like they’d used to when Vince had lived here before Tulsa. Drew was petty and crass and it seemed like all he did was irritate Vince now.

Vince was hanging on out of nostalgia. But you couldn’t build a relationship on that, not when Vince had changed so much.

“Then where you been at?” Drew shrugged his shoulders, his fists balled in his old Bears letter jacket pockets. “Because you ain’t been here. You never answer my texts. What gives?”

Vince wished he’d answered a couple now. But it felt like the more Drew messaged, the more Vince wanted to pull away. Fuck, he was a shitty person.

“I’m sorry.”

And he was sorry for his behavior. But it was like a light had gone off in his head. He didn’t want to be friends with Drew anymore or anyone like him. Vince didn’t have time for small-mindedness and nasty attitudes. He wanted to be around people who reached higher and saw the good in him. All Drew ever wanted was to drag Vince back down to his level, like crabs in a bucket.

“I’ve been working at the studio a lot,” Vince said truthfully, buying time. He wasn’t sure how you broke up with a friend. He wanted Drew to take a hint and let them drift apart, but he somehow doubted that would happen.

Drew sneered and shook his head. “You mean that dude Koby? Man, he’s messing with you! He doesn’t need all that time with you. He’s just perving on you or some gay shit. Tell him to work from photos from now on.”

“Hey!” Vince barked. He was vaguely aware of conversations all around the busy house faltering. But he was tired of this bullshit and fucking pissed Hernandez was trying to bully him into leaving town early. His temper snapped. “That’s enough, okay. I get you don’t like Koby, but he’s never done anything to you. So stop with the homophobic crap, all right? You’re better than that.”

Vince wasn’t sure Drew actually was better than that, but he figured if he said it, it might go some way to making it true.

“Never done-” Drew spluttered. “What the hell, dude? You suddenly best friends with him now? You ditching me for that fa-”

“Don’t you dare!” Vince roared, taking a couple of steps toward Drew and crowding his space. Drew shrank back. “Don’t you use that word.” Suddenly, everything seemed so much easier to Vince now he was pissed. “Look, Drew, I’m really sorry, but I don’t think we have anything in common anymore. If you wanna keep saying shit like that, we can’t be friends. Because there are a lot of queer folk in this town now and, well, I support them. Yeah, Koby is my friend and I don’t want to hang around people who hate him just because of the way he was born.”

Drew stared at him. Then he laughed nervously. There didn’t seem to be a single sound in the house now other than them.

“Man, I was just joking. C’mon? Don’t be like that.”

Vince folded his arms and looked down at his socks. “You weren’t joking,” he mumbled. “Maybe when we cool off, we can talk. But only if you’re willing to change. But…I just think we’ve outgrown each other, that’s all.”

He looked up to see Drew’s expression change from confused to hurt to absolute fury.

“You always thought you were better than everyone, didn’t you?” he exploded. “Vince fucking Russo, all-American football star. Too good for his friends he left behind. Too good for me! You – you fucking pussy with your fancy college. You don’t know what real work is!” He threw his hands up and rolled his eyes. “You know what, man? You know what? I’m done being nice to you. Everyone here moved on with their lives. You wanna throw away the only guy who still had your back – fine. Let’s see how these new queer friends of yours treat the token straight boy. So dumb he had had to do an extra year’s credit at the local community college just to get to real college.” He jabbed his own chest. “I coulda gone to college if I wanted, but they gave you the scholarship. You took that away from me! So you wanna call this quits? Fucking fine by me, you injury-faking loser.”

He rounded on his heels, snatching the front door open and slamming through the screen door, making it bounce as the front door slowly closed on him. He stormed all the way to his truck, barely throwing it into drive before revving it away from the curb.

Vince watched with a sort of mute horror. How many years had Drew been telling himself all that? How long had he been harboring a grudge against Vince?

“Wow,” Maria said from behind him as he shut the doors properly. He turned to see several cousins and siblings gathered around the kitchen door by their nonna.

Vince raised his eyebrows at them. “Sorry about that,” he mumbled.

Lucy snorted. “Good riddance.”

“You kicked his ass,” Tony said appreciatively.

Nonna was nodding, holding a crooked finger in the air. “I never like this boy,” she said, turning to go back to her meatballs. “You did a good thing, Vinny.”

While the others dispersed, Maria walked over to Vince, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I guess I was wrong about you,” she said with a proud smile.

Vince was glad they had his back over Drew and even more so that Maria realized he wasn’t a homophobic bigot. But as he took himself back up to his room, his heart was heavy. He still had his imminent return to Oklahoma hanging over his head like a black raincloud.

He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t sure what he wanted.

The one thing he did know was that he needed to talk to Koby. But not over the phone, face-to-face.

What he was going to say, he had no idea.