Brian stayed out all night. He hadn’t wanted to go back to the room after that kiss. He didn’t want to face his friend now that Zack knew the truth about him. Hell, he hadn’t wanted to… what? Go back to find himself unwelcome.
Would Zack turn his back on him now that he knew? After that kiss and the look in Zack’s eyes when he’d left him on the deck, Brian just didn’t know anymore.
He let himself in just as the sun was rising. He’d sat on the deck and watched as Mexico came into view. They’d docked not long ago and that’s when Brian remembered they had a reservation to tour the local ruins.
He found Zack just as he’d found him yesterday morning before his run, lying sprawled face down on the bed. This time he was completely naked, his clothes tossed around like he’d been in a hurry to get undressed.
Maybe he had been. Maybe he’d found some woman and brought her back. Maybe Brian had passed her in the corridor or in the elevator. He went past his sleeping friend and stripped. He needed to sleep, but he wanted to see the ruins. He settled for a shower. A long cold shower.
He didn’t flinch when Zack stepped in behind him and turned the water to hot. They didn’t speak. He let Zack take the soap from him and leaned back against the wall pretending they weren’t jerking each other off in silence because it was habit. It wasn’t habit. It was messed up. Letting himself fall in love with a man who would never be more than… his brain stopped when Zack’s mouth covered his. He came in Zack’s hand, moaning into his mouth. Like this was normal.
Zack followed him over. They washed and dressed. Forty-five minutes later they were going through Mexican customs without even saying good morning or kiss my ass to the other.
* * * * *
Zack sighted Brian through the camera, he was having the time of his life. His smile made Zack smile. Hell, Brian made their whole group smile. He’d forgotten the man did this kind of thing for a living. He had their bus looking out the window at everything the guide said in Spanish or something he saw that he thought was interesting.
The ruins took Zack’s breath away. The great stone pyramid rising out of the jungle had Brian bouncing like a kid in a candy store. Zack could barely keep up. It was hot and humid and he was sweating and the lack of breakfast and too much late-night liquor wasn’t helping. But damned if he’d let Brian know he was hurting. Brian wanted to climb the damned thing. The steps were narrow and steep. Brian made it about fifteen steps up, Zack snapped the picture. When he was back on the ground one of their tour mates took the camera, and got a couple shots of Zack and Brian together with the ruin in the background. On the second shot, Brian wrapped his arm over Zack’s shoulder and jumped up forcing Zack to catch him. And that’s what the camera caught, Zack holding Brian in his arms. What the camera didn’t catch was Zack hitting the ground under Brian’s weight about two seconds later.
It was fun. He’d had fun. They’d stayed on the ground. No zombies attacked. Life was good. The drive back was hot and the sleepless night caught up with him and he nodded off on Brian’s shoulder.
“So how long have the two of you been together?” He heard someone ask, but the voice was strange and seemed to be floating off in the distance somewhere.
“We grew up together,” Brian answered from just as far away. “Like since birth I guess. He lived next door until his parents were killed in a car crash. He went to live with his grandparents for a while, but we got back together for college.”
“You’re so happy together, makes me think the world is a better place than it is,” the woman said and Zack wanted to say they weren’t together. But even if he could wake up enough to do it, he couldn’t. The very thought of Brian going back to California next week was almost more than he could bear.
“Yeah, well, after the honeymoon comes real life, we’ll see what happens when it’s not pyramids and buffets.” He could tell Brian was joking but he could hear something just beneath his friend’s laugh. Something he couldn’t name. Something that broke his heart.
“I’d sell my soul for a buffet right about now,” Zack mumbled, trying to break through the sleep hazing his brain. “And a hat. I think my scalp is sunburned.”
“We’ll get you a sombrero in town, Boo,” Brian said patting his hand.
“And a taco,” Zack added because a taco would be good.
“And a taco,” Brian agreed. The woman laughed. Zack’s heart did weird shit in his chest.
They found a little café not far from the docks and had lunch with the entire group. It was nice. The frozen margaritas were incredible. Brian went off for a while and came back with a straw Panama Jack style hat for him. “Can’t have you burning on the first day. I’ll never get you up on that hang glider if you’re burnt to a crisp.”
Zack felt all the blood drain from his face. “You’re not kidding, are you?”
“No, babe, I’m not kidding, we will be soaring over the trees at some point. You will just have to wait.” Brian tugged him up from the chair. “Now come on, we should go pick up things for the family. Or else they’ll think we never left the room.”
“What would we be doing in our room for ten days?” Zach knew the moment the words left his mouth that he should have thought before speaking.
Brian raised a single eyebrow and gave him a devilish smile, “I’ll tell you later, babe, when we’re alone, in the room.”
The ship was scheduled to depart at six that evening. He and Brian just made it back as the crew was getting ready to close the hatch. They were in the elevator when Brian shoved his shopping bags at Zack. “Here, take these up to the room will you, I need to run to the store. You’re going to be feeling that burn in a bit and we’re out of snacks.”
“I can go with you?” Zack offered, but Brian shook his head. He punched the button for the Lido deck. “I’ll be a few minutes. I know you’re hurting. Go on, I’ll be right up.”
Zack trudged through the corridor carrying the shopping bags full of souvenirs they’d bought mostly for Brian’s sisters. He dropped everything on the bed beside the towel flamingo and kicked his shoes into the closet. His feet practically screamed with pleasure at the touch of the cool carpet. He took his camera to one of the chairs and collapsed into it.
Looking through the photos he found one of the two of them on the bus. It must have been taken when he was asleep because he didn’t remember Brian giving anyone his camera. Brian was looking down at him, a look of pure love on his face.
Zack swallowed around the lump in his throat. Brian was in love with him. And he’d probably been in love with him for a long time.
Or maybe Zack was mistaken. Brian could have been looking out the window at a bird in a tree or something. The sun was setting outside their balcony when Brian came back. Zack looked up and for one brief moment, he saw the same soft look on his friend’s face.
“Oh look, a flamingo,” Brian said, his attention focused on the towel animal on the bed. “Zack, did you get a picture of the flamingo towel? We totally need a flamingo towel picture.”
Of course Brian hadn’t been looking at him that way, why would Brian look at him like a love-sick puppy when there were flamingo towels to coo over?