The truth shall set you free
Lost in thought, Sofia hadn’t even touched her sandwich.
“What’s with you lately?” Naomi crunched into her pretzel.
Sofia came back to earth and glanced at Naomi, who was staring at her. “You’ve been really spaced out the last couple times I’ve seen you. Something wrong?”
Sofia picked up half of her sandwich, but then stopped and put it down again.
“Can I tell you something and you promise you won’t lose respect for me?”
Naomi’s eyes widened. “Wow, sounds juicy.” She put the rest of her pretzel in her mouth and leaned her arms against the picnic table. “Sure, I would never lose respect for you.”
Sofia took a deep breath and wondered if she should. It was killing her, and she hadn’t told anyone. Not even Sarah, who she normally confided in when it came to her relationship with Eric. She was just too ashamed. Naomi, at least, was more detached from the whole situation. She hadn’t even met Eric.
“I did something I regret so bad.” She bit her lip. Naomi watched her, but didn’t say anything. “I kissed another guy.”
Naomi’s eyes widened again, but she still didn’t say anything. She seemed to be waiting for Sofia to continue. Sofia briefed her on her history with Brandon. Then she told her about the kiss and about the part she felt most guilty about—the fact that she had wanted it. That in that moment, she’d wanted more.
“I don’t know why I didn’t just say no. All I kept saying was I can’t.” She shook her head, feeling a weight in her chest. The same weight she’d felt since that day. She thought maybe telling someone might lift it somehow, but it hadn’t.
“Sofia.” Naomi reached across the table and touched her hand. “It’s okay. It was a new experience for you. He was trying to seduce you, honey.” She giggled. “Sounds like it almost worked, too. A lesser woman might’ve given in, you know.”
“But I did give in,” Sofia argued, “I let him kiss me… touch me. And… I touched him back. It was—exciting. ”
God, how could she live with herself? If she ever found out Eric did something like that, she’d die. She put her hand over her face.
“But you stopped, Sof. A lot of women wouldn’t have.” Naomi pulled Sofia’s hand away from her face. “Listen, we’ve talked about this. So you were curious. It sounds to me like you had a deep-seeded crush on this guy from way back. The opportunity presented itself when you least expected it. And I hate to say it, but I think he may have taken advantage of it.”
Sofia stared at her, confused. “Why do you think that?”
nd hisofia stare
“Well, you said you always thought he was smarter than most people gave him credit for, right?”
Sofia nodded, thinking about it.
“I’m sure he picked up on the fact that he made you a little nervous even back in high school. Then he comes back and you said he made you feel things you shouldn’t be feeling.” Naomi shrugged. “He probably picked up on that, too. Sofia, you’re a very attractive girl, no guy would pass up the opportunity to at least try to kiss you, if they thought they had a chance.”
Sofia wanted to be mad. She really did. If Brandon tried to seduce her even after saying he respected that she was with Eric, that was pretty low down. But the truth was if Naomi was right, it was her own fault. She gave him the initial green light and he just went for it. Hell, he even gave her the opportunity to stop him and she hadn’t.
***
That Friday, Eric was not getting out early, so he wouldn’t be home until the next morning. Sofia still hadn’t been out to run in the back walkway since the kiss. She hadn’t planned on going back out there until Brandon was gone, but after her conversation with Naomi, she knew she wouldn’t feel better until she did something.
She folded the paper with Brandon’s poem on it, and stuck it in her shorts pocket. Her morning run had been extra early today. She hadn’t been able to sleep anymore so she got up and took off to the beach. After thinking about it during her entire run, she made up her mind.
Alex was in the kitchen, making a protein drink like he usually did every morning. He turned to her as she walked in. “Why are you up so early?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” was all she responded as she grabbed the knob to the back door.
“I thought you just came from running.”
“I did.” She turned it only to find it locked.
“So where you going now?”
Annoyed at his questioning, Sofia turned the lock. She hated that even as an adult, Alex still questioned her constantly. “Brandon’s leaving tomorrow. I just wanted to tell him something before he leaves.”
“You’re not going out there to race him, are you?” The annoyance on his face was so typical. Neither he, nor Angel had said anything to her since Brandon brought it up, but the expressions on their faces that night said it all. They didn’t like it.
“No,” she said as she walked out. “I’ll be right back.”
Brandon was on his way back from the park. He was shirtless, and from the sweat that glistened over his body, she could tell he’d been running for a while. He had a headset on and wasn’t looking up. No way was she touching him to get his attention. Instead, she made the noise he usually made to call Troop, and the pup immediately tugged the leash to try to get to her. Brandon looked up.
In an instant, that sensual smile spread across his face. He pulled the ee pt tarphones out of his ears. “Hey, I didn’t think I’d be seeing you out here anymore.”
“I’m not here to run.”
His eyes took her in from top to bottom. He had to be wondering about her running gear. “I just came from running… at the beach.”
His smile seemed to wane a bit. “Listen Sofia, about what happened. I hope you’re not upset with me, I’m really sorry—”
“I’m not,” she lied. She’d never regretted anything more in her life, but she didn’t want him thinking it was that big a deal to her. He didn’t deserve that kind of significance in her life. No man did, except Eric.
“It was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did, and I’m glad I got it out of my system.” She shrugged. “Eric’s the only guy that’s ever kissed me. I was bound to get curious sooner or later. But that was it. That’s all it was.”
He stared at her for a moment and before he could say anything, she pulled the poem out of her pocket. “I found this. I wanted to ask you.” She unfolded the paper and handed it to him. “Can you tell me what it means? I’ve never been able to figure it out.”
His eyes seemed curious at first, then he read it and laughed. “Wow, this is such garbage. I can’t believe I thought my poetry was any good back then.”
“But do you remember what you meant by it?”
“Those were my dark days, Sof.” His eyes didn’t have the same hold on her as they had when he first got back. “I remember always trying to put into words that people didn’t know the real me, only what they perceived me to be. I never had a chance to prove them otherwise, so I didn’t even bother.”
Of course. God she was so dense. Then she remembered. “You said if anyone would get it, it would be me.”
He smiled. “You remember that?”
She frowned. The last thing she wanted was for him to know just how much she remembered that and for how long. “I have a good memory.”
“Your brothers always acted like you were this fragile little naïve thing that needed to be protected, and everyone bought into it. But after talking to you that whole semester, I saw how independent and strong-willed you really were. You didn’t need them. But you never got the chance to show them,” he shrugged. “I thought you might be able to relate.”
He folded the paper back into the square she had it in and handed it back to her. “I’m a little flattered you held on to it this long.”
“I tacked on my tack board. Everything on there is ancient.”
He nodded. “I’m outta here tomorrow, you know—first thing in the morning.”
“I know. That’s why I came out here.”
“Really?” He seemed pleased. “To say goodbye?”
“Well that too, but…” She fidgeted with the paper in her hand, glancing down at it. “I wanted to tell you… I want you…> < to know that I would never do anything to hurt Eric. I love him more than anything,” A lump began to grow in her throat. The same lump she’d felt during her phone conversations with Eric all week. “I already explained to you about the kiss. My only regret is that I didn’t say what I should’ve. And it’s been bothering me ever since.”
He stared at her. “What’s that?”
“You asked me if I wanted to, and I said I couldn’t.”
His expression softened into a tiny, but undeniably smug smile.
“I don’t. I want that to be perfectly clear.”
The smile was a little bigger now. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure, damn it. I wouldn’t be out here if I wasn’t. Saying goodbye to you wasn’t nearly as important as making sure you didn’t leave tomorrow thinking that I do.”
She wouldn’t say it only because she didn’t want to sound hateful. But if it hadn’t been for her need to make sure he knew, she would’ve gladly let him leave without so much as a wave.
“You can’t tell me you didn’t feel anything, Sof.”
“What I felt was a guy trying to seduce me, Brandon. A guy who knew I was in a relationship and who was leaving in a couple of weeks.” She could feel herself getting heated, but she wasn’t sure who she was more annoyed with, Brandon or herself for even having to have this conversation. “Eric has loved me since we were kids. It’s never been like that with him. Obviously, all you wanted was casual sex, an entirely foreign concept to me. It took me by surprise.”
“That’s not all I wanted.” The smug smile was wiped away and he suddenly sounded defensive.
Sofia shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, Brandon. I just wanted to make sure you knew. I don’t want to, and I’m sorry if that’s the impression I gave you.”
“Don’t apologize, Sof. I just hope this didn’t ruin things between us.” His expression softened. “Next time I come back, can we start off fresh? Forget this ever happened?”
Sofia nodded, but didn’t dare take a step near him. Instead, she waved. “Bye, Brandon. Take care.”
He smiled and waved back. Sofia walked away feeling a little better, but the guilt still outweighed any relief she’d gained from that conversation.
***
Eric stared at his laptop. Not bad. After Sofia’s outburst about Asia, he hadn’t gone back to the café where Asia worked—not until yesterday. He felt a little bad that he’d promised Asia he would put together a professional-looking online portfolio for her acting career. She told him about the horrible one she’d done on her own, contributing the lack of work she’d gotten lately to how sorry it looked. Eric could put a portfolio together with his eyes closed. All he needed was all her info and pictures.
He hadn’t seen her since promising Sofia he wong width="48uldn’t. Deciding it wasn’t a big deal, he’d gone in one last time yesterday. He told her he probably wouldn’t be back, making up something about his schedule changing, but he could still do it for her and email it. She’d emailed him all her info last night, and already he was almost done. He was impressed with the amount of theatre work she had done so far.
Since Sofia told him she was going to run this morning, he didn’t call her when he got home. He would finish up on Asia’s portfolio, then give Sofia a call. It was still early. This time he wasn’t taking any chances. He wanted to talk to her first thing today and tell her about it. He really hoped she wouldn’t make a big deal of it, especially since he had no intentions of ever seeing Asia again. He’d email her when he was done and that would be the end of it.
He probably could’ve finished last night, but as usual, he was being a perfectionist and obsessing over the site. There was a knock at the door. Eric left the laptop on the counter top and walked over to open the door.
“You’re home?” Sofia smiled big.
Eric pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. “Yeah, I was gonna call you, but I figured you were running.”
“I was, and I saw your car in the driveway.” She kissed him then leaned her head against his chest. “God, I love having you home.”
They walked back into his house, closing the door behind.
“You hungry?”
“Yes, I’m starving.”
“Cool, let’s go get some breakfast. I have something I wanna talk to you about.” He leaned in and kissed her, noticing the concern in her face. “Relax, it’s nothing bad. Just let me grab my shoes from my room.”
He dug in his closet for his shoes. After a few minutes of digging, he remembered they were under his bed. When he walked back out of his room, Sofia was standing in front of his laptop, staring at the screen. She looked up. Her eyes were more questioning than angry. “She sent you all these pictures of herself?”
“Yes, because I offered to help with her portfolio. It’s what I was going to talk to you about, babe.”
She stared at him without saying anything.
He walked up to her and cupped her cheek with his hand, glad that she let him. “I hadn’t gone back to the coffee shop since the day we discussed it.” Eric did his best to explain it and hoped with all his might there wouldn’t be another blow up.
There was an abundance of him kissing her and caressing her face as he spilled it all. Every detail—he wasn’t keeping a thing from her. She didn’t say anything the entire time he explained, and Eric was sure that was a bad sign. He braced himself when he was done and waited.
“After this, you won’t have to see her or talk to her for any reason, right?”
Eric smiled, relieved. “Right.”
Her reaction to it all had been a pleasant surprise, but after breakfast, he was having second thoughts. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet the entire time they ate. He hated to bring it up again, but she was acting so weird, he had to. Once in the car, he glancedar,een at her before he turned it on. “Are you sure you’re okay with me doing this for Asia? Because I promise you after this I won’t be in contact with her at all.”
Sofia snapped out of the same daze she’d been in all through breakfast. “No.” A weak smile spread over her face. “I’m fine with it.”
“Then what is it?”
She shook her head and stared out the window. “Nothing.”
Damn it. He should’ve gone with his gut and just stayed away from Asia all together. He hated for Sofia to have any doubts. Being away from her all summer was hard enough.
They drove back to her house. She wanted to shower and change before they did anything else. He went back to his house, finished up the portfolio and sent it off, feeling a relieved to be done with it. That was the last time he’d ever bring Asia up again.
A few minutes after he was done, he got a text from Sofia.
Almost done. Come over. I made empanadas last night. You can have some while I finish getting ready.
Eric smiled and grabbed his keys. He loved everything Sofia cooked for him, but her empanadas were one of his favorites. He never even had any until she made some for him some years ago.
He knocked once before walking in her house. The only car in the driveway was hers. She was on her way down the stairs when he walked in.
“Hey.” She hadn’t snapped out of that mood, barely smiling as she walked down the stairs.
She hugged him when he reached her. Eric wasn’t sure but she looked ready to cry. “Sofie, what’s wrong?”
She pulled away from him. With one hand over her face, she barely got the words out. “You’re going to hate me.”
Eric stood still. He had no idea what she could mean. He reached his hand out to her. “C’mere. Don’t be silly. I could never hate you.”
She pulled away and crossed her arms in front of her. The tears in her eyes unnerved him.
“What’s wrong? Tell me.”
She walked around the sofa and sat down. “Eric, I did something so wrong. I wasn’t going to tell you, but I just can’t take the guilt anymore. I have to.”
Like a drum, he felt his heart jump start. Guilt? So wrong? His stomach tensed. He almost didn’t want to know. He took a cautious seat on the sofa across from her. He gulped, staring at her big, anxious eyes. “All right, tell me.”
“When I ran with Brandon last week, he asked me to come over his place. He wanted to show me some of his Marine things.” Eric’s eyes went from hers to her hands. She kept intertwining them together, unnerving him that much more. “He showed me pictures and metals and stuff. Then we went into his bedroom…”
Eric stood up. Something pierced into his chest. “What did you do?”
Tears rolled down her cheeks. “He just wanted to show me a gun his dad got for—”
“What did you do, Sofia?” He wasn’t sure if anyone was homanyto e and he didn’t care. He raised his voice, feeling on the verge of losing it. “What the fuck did you do in his bedroom that has you crying?”
She stood up. “Not that!”
“Then what?” Visions of her and Brandon assaulted him. He felt sick to his stomach.
“He kissed me,” she whispered, staring at her hands, “and I let him.”
Eric stared at her for a moment, unable to breathe. He gulped hard, unbelievably feeling his own tears coming. “Was that the day you called me and said you missed me?”
She glanced up at him, her expression torn. Another tear made its way down her face, and she nodded. He’d known something was wrong even then, but he never would’ve imagined this. She took a step forward. “I’m sorry… it was a huge mistake.”
He stepped back, afraid of what he might do if she touched him. There was no way he could be in the same room with her right now. The hurt he felt was so intense, the blood pounding through his body was deafening. She willingly went into Brandon’s bedroom and let him kiss her. What else had they done?
Eric spun around before his tears could betray him.
“Eric, I love you!” she cried.
He waved his hand back at her and rushed to the door. Never in his life had he felt what he was feeling at that moment. He hadn’t cried openly since he was a child and he’d forgotten how hard it was to hold it in.
Remembering how he and his friends had referred to guys on television as pussies for crying over girls, he held it in, but only until he was in his car. The pain of Sofia’s betrayal nearly suffocated him as he drove home. He’d never look at his beautiful Sofia the same way again.
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