Chapter Eleven
Lucian
“How dare you bring her here without telling me,” I bark out before Aidan has made it more than a couple of feet into my office. “Where in the hell is she now?”
He looks guilty but resolute as he says, “She’s back in the facility. She was only here overnight.” Expelling a breath, he sinks into a chair in front of my desk. “I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t something I had planned. When I went to visit her on Friday, her doctor asked if I’d given any more thought to signing her out for a short time. They’re interested in her case since this is experimental medication and she’s doing so well on it. They want to see if she can rejoin society and feel that exposing her in small measures would be helpful to her recovery.”
“We’re not talking about someone with social anxiety here, Aidan. She slit my fucking throat and killed my child! So they give her some new wonder drug and then decide to thrust her back out into the world? The whole thing is dangerous and unethical. How did they know she wouldn’t kill you in your sleep?”
“I locked her bedroom door,” he admits quietly. “It wasn’t that I feared her doing something to me, but I wasn’t confident she wouldn’t wander off somewhere during the night. She’s not used to any type of freedom.”
“You saw how she reacted to Lia. It scared the hell out of me,” I admit. Truth be told, I was distracted all through dinner with Debra and Martin, and then I was awake most of the night with images of Cassie hurting Lia.
Aidan’s face has gone as white as no doubt mine is. “I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry, Luc, everything happened so fast that before I even had time to think, much less remember you were stopping by my apartment for that contract, we were walking in the door. I would have never let that happen if I’d had any idea you were there.”
Shoving back from my desk, I ask impatiently, “Do you have any cigarettes?” That’s about the last thing I want, but smoking a joint while drinking a bottle of whiskey is probably out. I’m just hoping a smoke will help in some way to release the freaking tension choking me.
He looks startled by my abrupt subject change but pulls a pack from his suit pocket. “Um, yeah, right here.”
“Let’s go up to the roof,” I snap as I stride toward him.
He gives me a wary look before standing. “I’m not sure I want to go anywhere that far from the ground with you right now.”
His comment surprises a brief smile from me as I imagine how my demand must have seemed to him. “I either smoke one of those nasty fuckers or I kill someone. You’ll just have to take your chances that the first option will work so that the second won’t be necessary.”
“That’s really comforting,” he mumbles as he follows me out my office door. When we make it up to the roof, Aidan doesn’t waste any time as he hands me a cigarette. “For God’s sake, start puffing,” he encourages as I lean over his lighter.
After a couple of deep inhales and exhales, I grimace in distaste. “If Lia smells this on me, I’m blaming it on you.”
“I thought you were getting by without resorting to smoking,” he says as he releases a cloud of smoke from his mouth.
“Well, I have been until that clusterfuck over the weekend. It’s not going to be a regular occurrence though since I can’t do it around Lia and I don’t intend to spend my life standing in the front of my apartment building smoking. Not to mention, it’s just damn disgusting.”
“Shit works though, doesn’t it?” He smiles faintly as we finish in silence.
When I’ve stubbed mine out, I pick up our earlier conversation. “That can’t happen again, Aidan. I know we’re at cross purposes here, but surely you can see where I’m coming from.”
“Of course, I can,” he says earnestly. “I’d feel the same in your shoes so I do get it, Luc. I would never try to push her on you.”
“What happened after we left Friday night?” I ask out of some type of morbid curiosity.
“She never mentioned anything about you or Lia afterward. She answered basic questions when I asked, but that was about it. It’s almost like dealing with a small child,” he admits wearily. I can see he’s disappointed and I wonder what he was expecting from her visit. Maybe that she would instantly return to the person she was before. If he has any memory at all, then he should hope to hell that she stays as she is now.
“I know there’s not an easy answer that will make both of us happy, but we have to come up with something,” I say as I stare out at the surrounding area. The city I love is once again beginning to feel like a prison thanks to Cassie.
He clears his throat. “Luc, I’m going to take a leave of absence for a while.” I can do nothing but gawk at him for a long moment, stunned into silence.
“Aidan, that’s not necessary, brother. We can figure something out.” A sense of panic fills me at the thought of not having my best friend by my side. We’ve seen each other through every high and low in our lives for years. I don’t want to lose him over this.
He lights another cigarette, but I wave the pack away when he offers it to me. My stomach is in knots now, and I can’t imagine a load of nicotine will help. “We’re all she’s ever had, Luc. Her father bailed out long ago so that just leaves me.” He looks at the sky and laughs humorlessly. “I don’t even know if it’s about being in love with her anymore. Time and tragedy have chipped away at that. Even without those feelings though, I love her and I’ll always remember her as that scrappy little girl who was determined to be one of the guys. That’s who I’m trying to save. I don’t even know the other Cassie.”
His revelation leaves me completely flabbergasted. That’s the first time I’ve heard him concede that his feelings might not be what they were for Cassie. A part of me is relieved because I had started to wonder if he wasn’t somewhat deluded about a possible life with her. “I’m sorry,” I say and mean it. I love Aidan and it tears at something inside me to see him so defeated. “We’re family here. You don’t need to distance yourself to help her.” Even as I say the words, they sound hypocritical even to my ears. Hadn’t I just told him earlier that he needed to keep Cassie away from me?
“I’m going to rent something close to the clinic and give her recovery my full attention for a few months. That way, I’ll be able to let her spend time with me away from there without having to worry about us running into someone she knows. And it’s not just for you; it’s for her as well. I hadn’t given much thought to what it could trigger for her to come home. I don’t think that’s the best idea for her right now. Especially with no one really knowing what could happen when and if her full memory returns.”
“Ah fuck,” I mutter. I can tell by the tone of his voice that he’s already made his decision and I won’t be able to sway him. Still, I give it one last try. “You don’t have to completely relocate to help her. You’ve already been spending a lot of weekends there. Why not just keep it that way. She can still come stay with you wherever you’re staying.”
Finishing his second cigarette, he says, “I’m tired, Luc. I’ve spent years running back and forth to put out fires where needed. I need to take some time off and decide where I go next. I want to be able to say that I gave her a fighting chance to recover. Even if nothing changes, I think I’d be able to move on knowing I really tried.”
“No one could ever say you didn’t try. She’s damn lucky to have you in her life.” I extend a hand to him and then pull him into a hug when he takes it. We both step back after that, attempting to collect ourselves. “Take all the time you need.” I don’t bother to say it aloud, but I’ll continue to pay him just as if he never left. Aidan is a part of Quinn Software just as he is a part of me and I’ll always have his back, no matter what. Even without that, he’s a partner in the company and will never hurt for money. It’s almost impossible for me to imagine him not part of my daily life.
“I’ll finish up things with Kenson by the end of the week, and then I’m going to take off. I’ll still be in town every few weeks to check on my apartment.”
“Let me know if you need anything at all,” I offer sincerely.
“You just take care of Lia.” He smiles. “Sam has already told everyone far and near that there will be a little girl Quinn in the near future.”
With everything that’s happened, I’d forgotten that my best friend didn’t know about our ultrasound results on Friday. Fuck, it’s hard to believe it has only been a few days since then. We walk back downstairs, joking about terrifying future boys who dare to look at my daughter. My heart is heavy though because I feel as if I’m finally living my life while my friend is losing his.