Chapter Two
Lia
“So, are we talking castration here or just a bullet to the ass?” Rose asks, looking deadly serious. “I’m telling you, after being cheated on by pencil-dick Jake, I’m happy to take care of this for you.”
I flop down onto the sofa next to her and run a hand through my hair. The fact that I don’t even know where to start is somewhat scary considering the shit I’ve lived through. Will there ever be a time that my life will be uneventful and boring? Most people wouldn’t wish for that like I do. Not that life with Lucian Quinn could ever be humdrum, but I’d be more than happy to meet him at the door each evening with a standard, “How was your day, dear?” No, not us though. I had to go and discover an absentee parent. When Rose sticks me in the side with her finger, I finally say, “I’m not ready to do him any bodily harm at this point, so hang tight.”
“For you to leave him, Lia¸ it must be something major. You two are crazy about each other.”
I rub absently at my chest, wondering if I’m too young to have pains there. I fear it’s actually just my heart hurting though. I’m reeling from my discovery today and I desperately need the man I love. Unfortunately, he discovered my father’s identify weeks ago and didn’t tell me. Because of him, I was completely blindsided earlier. I’m so angry and hurt that I alternate between wanting to scream and hit something to feeling the overwhelming urge to cry.
Never in a million years could I have imagined a meeting with my college advisor would inadvertently trigger the revelation of my biological father’s identity. My mother had guarded his identity like a national secret. I had long ago resolved myself to the fact that I would never know who he was. In truth, after living with an abusive mother and then an even worse stepfather, I’d come to hate all thoughts of my real father. What kind of man would leave his child to endure the cruelty and malevolence I had? Certainly not a man I’d ever want to meet. Now though, everything I believed had been blown to bits. My father is a rich and powerful man, if the appearance of his offices were any indication. He had seemed genuinely shaken and distressed when I’d blasted him about leaving me behind with my mother. He claimed to have never had any knowledge of my existence and a part of me believed him, knowing how evil my mother was. Still though, it was a bit surprising she would choose to live a lesser lifestyle just to get back at him for leaving her behind. Maybe she thought he wouldn’t care or support her, but I had to think that the man I met today, who surrounded himself with his brother and niece, would have taken care of his obligations. She had even named me after him, either from some bit of nostalgia or as a sick joke. Knowing her, I would almost bet on the latter.
Turning on the sofa to face Rose, I say, “I met my father today.”
Her face goes ashen before color blooms back into her cheeks. Her mouth moves, but no sounds escape. She visibly swallows before saying huskily, “What? I thought you didn’t know who he was?”
“I didn’t,” I admit, “but Lucian did. He found out and kept it from me. He said that he didn’t think I could handle any more stress after my attack.”
Grabbing my arm, Rose whispers, “Oh my God, Lia. If he didn’t tell you, then how did you find out?”
I tell her about my meeting at the college we both attend. I had been angry when my financial advisor had informed me that my semester’s tuition had been paid for. I had automatically assumed that Lucian had taken care of it, even though he’d promised me he wouldn’t. I had explained to him just that morning how important it was to me that I make it on my own. I had worked hard for years to acquire and keep my scholarships. I had asked my advisor to print a copy of payment receipt, intent on confronting Lucian with it. It wasn’t until I was back in the car that I saw the notation on the bottom saying the payment was from Lee Jacks with Falco Industries. At that point, I had felt like complete crap for being pissed at Lucian when it was actually just an error. With the financial office already closed, I’d looked up Falco Industries and had been happy the address was just across town. Never once had I considered I was on my way to meet Lee Jacks, my father. An unexpected series of events had led me straight to his door and I had been operating on pure adrenalin ever since.
“Lucian came home as I was packing and tried to talk me out of leaving. He said…he loved me. Can you believe he finally said those words as I was stuffing my clothes into a bag, so angry with him that I couldn’t see straight? I swear I wanted to slug him, which makes me sick. I lived for years with a mother who thought hitting someone was the answer to all of her problems and at that moment, I felt just like her.”
Taking my shoulders in her hands, she shakes me lightly. “Lia, that’s bullshit. I’d have wanted to deck him, too. Hell, I took a shovel to my ex-boyfriend’s tires and I’d have probably taken his kneecaps out as well if he’d been around. That doesn’t make me like your mother, well hopefully, and wanting to slap Lucian for keeping something so important from you, doesn’t make you a bad person either. It makes you human. I’d be worried if you weren’t angry with him.”
Shuddering, I admit, “I don’t like feeling so out of control. I’ve always been proud of the fact that no matter what has gone on in my life, I still managed to stay calm. Showing emotion in my house only made everything worse. My mother thrived on getting a reaction from me. I finally figured out that she moved on faster if I just stayed impassive. Crying and yelling only fueled the fire. Being a boring wimp wasn’t a challenge for her. She didn’t enjoy hitting me if she couldn’t break me.”
When Rose’s hand flies to her mouth, I realize what I’ve just said to her. Of course, she knows about my past, but I’ve tried to downplay what my everyday life was like for eighteen years. She’s not used to hearing me talk about it in such matter-of-fact terms, and I instantly regret doing it. If she starts crying, there is no way I’ll be able to hold it together. I’m too close to the edge. When her eyes squint, I brace myself for sympathy, but instead get, “That old dried-up cunt. If she weren’t already in prison, I’d be on her ass like stink-on-shit. She had better hope she never gets out. If she does, I’m picking her up from jail and taking her to an abandoned building somewhere.”
I stare at Rose for a full minute, almost picturing the scene in my head. I swear I can see her throwing my mother into the trunk of her Prius then straightening her cashmere sweater before getting behind the wheel. She’d look in the rearview mirror to make sure she didn’t have a hair out of place, before adding a coat of pink lip-gloss. I begin laughing and I’m sorely afraid I’ll never stop. When Rose’s laughter mingles with mine, it only gets worse. My ribs are hurting and I can’t catch my breath. This is exactly what I needed—a moment of levity to counter my horrible day. The ringing of the doorbell cuts through the lighthearted moment like a knife. “Don’t answer it,” I say hesitantly, knowing I don’t really mean it. I’m still mad, hurt, and every other emotion in between, but a part of me can’t stay away from him. Nothing could have stopped me from walking out of his apartment earlier, but I fear there is little that will keep us apart. Our bond is too strong. He can no more give me my freedom than I can take it. Be it good or bad, we are bound to each other. I can only hope we both survive intact.
Rose gets to her feet and looks at me. “What’s it gonna be? You know he already knows you’re here, but I’m game for ignoring the doorbell all night if you are. Of course, he’s likely to freak out and knock the door down or call the cops, so you need to factor that into your decision.”
I begin to stand, but Rose waves me off. “I’ve got it. I need to have some fun out of this,” she adds with an evil grin. When she opens the door, I can make out the top of Lucian’s head, but she doesn’t let him across the threshold for at least two minutes. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but it’s a good bet she’s making some threats. Finally, she moves aside and waves him in. I see his eyes searching the open floor plan apartment before landing on me. I see the look of relief cross his face and know he’s been worried. Brushing her hands together, Rose clears her throat loudly before saying, “Well, I think I’ll go call Max and tell him that I’m feeling the need to do something to Jake today. That should be enough to get him going. I love it when that man starts lecturing me.”
Lucian stares after her as she walks off. I know he’s trying once again to reconcile the demure homemaker image she presents with the badass she truly is. He looks back to me and shakes his head. “That girl scares me. This might make me a pussy, but I’m glad she fixated on Max. Unfortunately for Jake, torturing him is her way to get to do it.”
“Well, Jake kind of brought it on himself,” I point out, not really feeling sorry for Rose’s ex. Lucian looks a little uncomfortable at my statement. I guess guys sticking together is universal, even when they aren’t friends.
Instead of commenting though, he walks over to where I’m sitting and lowers himself to the table in front of me. My legs are now between his larger ones and his hands are on my knees. It feels as if he’s trying to make certain I don’t run, which I have no intention of doing. I told him less than two hours ago that I didn’t want him to follow me until he was ready to talk about his past. If he’s here now, then I can only assume that’s what he’s going to do. He rubs a soothing circle on my thigh before saying, “I’m sorry, baby. That should have never happened to you today. I…didn’t know for sure before your attack that Lee was your father. His involvement with your mother was uncovered, but Lee himself didn’t approach me until after you were home from the hospital.”
“It was when I came into your office, wasn’t it? I hadn’t even thought about it until just now.”
Lucian inclines his head. “Yes, that was our first meeting. He had just received confirmation that you were his daughter and he wanted to see you.” With a wry smile, he adds, “I thought he was going to kick my ass when he noticed the cuts and bruises on your face.” Lucian looks solemn, thinking. “Then it became obvious to me that he had no idea you’d been abused by your mother and that you had just been released from the hospital.” He takes one of my hands in his. “I’m not trying to defend his absence from your life, baby, but he was devastated when I told him some of what you’d endured. I apologize because I know that wasn’t my place, but I was just so damned angry at him for not being around to protect you.”
He looks so tormented that I put my other hand on top of his. “It’s okay. I did pretty much the same thing for that reason when he and I talked.” Taking a deep breath, I add, “But you should have told me at that point, Luc. I know I was a basket case, but that was too big to keep from me. He even showed up when we were having dinner at Leo’s. That wasn’t an accidental meeting, was it?”
“No, I have little doubt that he was there to see you,” Lucian agrees. “He was tired of being put off and needed you to know who he was. I think he also wanted to have some time with you while you weren’t on your guard with him. He’s a very successful and influential man, but I could tell how impressed he was with you. I wouldn’t have guessed it of a man like Lee, but his pride in your accomplishments was obvious that night, at least to me.”
Instead of voicing further anger and frustration over what he had kept from me, I put that aside for a moment, wanting to appease some of my curiosity. “Did you know him before all of this?”
Lucian seems to relax slightly as he says, “We’ve met on several occasions. I actually purchased the apartment from his company.” I gasp in surprise, knowing the price tag must have been in the millions. “He and I aren’t friends, just acquaintances.”
I don’t particularly want to voice the thought I’m most anxious about, but I know I have to ask. “What type of man is he?” Lucian is now shifting nervously, which makes me uneasy. I’m not sure if I even want to hear the answer to my question at this point.
“As I said, I don’t know him that well. He is quite well known in North Carolina and the surrounding areas, I would imagine. He appears to have varied and vast business interests and holdings.”
Disappointed, I ask, “So you don’t know anything about his personal life?”
I can almost see the denial on the tip of his tongue before he seems to think better of it. “To my knowledge, he has never been married nor does he have any children—other than you. He does seem to be close to his brother Peter, though.” Pinching the bridge of his nose before meeting my eyes, he adds, “I don’t know how much truth there is to it, but I’ve heard rumors that Lee used to operate in very gray areas.”
My gut clenches as I whisper, “Are you saying he’s a…criminal?” Oh, my God, could my long-lost father have made an appearance in my life only for me to learn that he is no better than my mother? Even though I had been in shock for most of our earlier encounter, he had seemed to care about my feelings—or at least he’d put on a good show. I feel almost sick as I wait for Luc’s answer.
Seeming to notice the distress in my voice and expression, Lucian moves from the table to sit beside me on the sofa. Before I can protest, he reaches over and pulls me onto his lap. As I try to move away, he says, “Stop, baby. Just let me hold you. We both need it.” I allow myself to relax because he’s right; we function better as a unit than we do separately. Within the circle of his arms, my world feels as if it’s back in alignment again. Nothing has been resolved between us yet, but even as my mind attempts to be the voice of reason, my body knows its other half too well to be denied. I feel his lips press against the top of my head before he begins speaking. “Lee, from what I’ve heard, basically grew up on the streets. When he was older, he worked for a man named Victor Falco and went on to inherit his business when he died. Falco was long rumored to be on the other side of the law. It’s possible Lee is only guilty by association with Victor’s reputation. As I said before, I have no proof either way.”
A startling thought occurs to me and I pull back enough to look up at Lucian. “Do you think he had anything to do with my mother turning herself in? Her sudden attack of conscience has been completely baffling to me.”
Lucian trails a finger down my cheek, and I see his answer before he speaks. “Yes, I’m quite certain he made that happen.”
Feeling my throat tighten as if gripped by unseen hands, I manage to choke out, “And my stepfather? Was that just a coincidence?”
“Baby, I honestly don’t know. I do know he was determined that you never be hurt again. As to how that translates, only Lee has that answer, and I doubt very seriously he plans to share either of those circumstances with you or me.”
I settle back in his arms, thinking of what he’s just told me. How do I feel about possibly having a father who may also be some type of vigilante? I believe Rose calls it jail-yard justice. Of course, I’m thinking that her version of that with Jake is a bit different from Lee’s. I have no idea how I’m supposed to handle the possibility that my birth father has not only shown up after twenty-four years, but he’s taken care of the people who terrorized me. It’s overwhelming to imagine there might be a grain of truth in something that sounds so far-fetched. How else can I explain what’s happened, though? It’s almost as if God never heard my cries or prayers, but now He’s noticed, and He’s righting all the wrongs heaped upon me. Yes, it sounds fanciful and deluded even, but how can I dispute this as truth when my mother sits in a jail cell, having to answer for her crimes, and the evil heart in my stepfather’s body no longer beats with life?
“It’s a lot to take in,” I admit, feeling overwhelmed.
“It is for me as well,” he agrees. “If you get to a point where you want to meet with Lee, then I will be happy to accompany you. On the other hand, if you don’t want to see him again, I will support that as well. I don’t think it’s anything you have to decide today. Just give yourself time to think about it. I won’t let him pressure you. It’s your decision whether or not he ever has a place in your life. He has to accept that.”
“I’m still angry with you, Luc,” I find myself saying. The fact I’m snuggled in his arms makes a mockery out of that statement, but my feelings of hurt and betrayal are still very raw. It’s ironic that he’s the one to wound me but also the only one able to soothe me.
“I know you are, baby. You were right when you said that my secrets are tearing us apart. I will tell you whatever you want to know, but can I ask for one concession from you first?” I agree warily, hoping he doesn’t ask for more time. That’s the one thing I’m not prepared to grant. Turning beseeching eyes to me, he asks quietly, “Can we go home to talk?” As if thinking I’m going to reject his request, he quickly adds, “I’ve never told anyone what happened that last day with Cassie, and it’s…hard to fathom talking about something so private in someone else’s living room. I promise that if you want to leave me afterward, I’ll bring you back here. Just…please?”
“All right,” I acquiesce, without protest. Truthfully, I’d rather be at his apartment while we talk. It’s not that I believe Rose is standing at her door listening—although she probably is. I feel more comfortable in the apartment I’ve called home for weeks now. Those walls sheltered me while I clawed my way back to sanity—and Lucian—after my assault. The one place in my life that has felt safe to me.
As if afraid that I’ll change my mind, Lucian stands, still holding me in his arms. “Is there anything that you need to take with you?” He looks distracted and I honestly believe he isn’t even aware he’s still holding me. I cherish his instinctive need to care for me. To be nurtured after so many years of neglect is something I will never take for granted.
“My bags are still at the door. We can get them on the way out.” I wiggle and he tightens his hold. “You can put me down now. I’m perfectly able to walk.”
My heart stutters as he gives me a look filled with anguish. “I’m afraid you’ll run from me again.”
“Luc,” I begin gently, “I’ve agreed to go with you. I’m not going to run. I told you where I was going earlier so it’s not as if you didn’t know. No matter how angry I get, I wouldn’t do that to you.”
He drops a kiss on my lips before saying, “I wish I could believe that.”
“Luc…” He doesn’t give me a chance to finish my sentence. He slowly lowers me to my feet before taking my hand.
“Ready, baby?” His tone is lighter, but he is far from relaxed. The tension emanating from him is palpable. My leaving earlier has had a profound effect on him. He’s shaken and clearly afraid of my reaction when he shares his past with me. He fears I’ll leave him, but I can’t imagine anything he’ll say that will make that happen. I’ve asked for his disclosure—I’ve given him no alternative. If he wants me, then he has to come clean. It’s not that I believe he shouldn’t have had a past before we met. He admits to casual sexual relationships and I’m sure there were many. He’s a rich, drop-dead handsome man who would have never lacked for willing women. Do I like to think of him with someone else? Hell no, what woman would? I don’t even want to know those types of details.
Cassie is different, though. His relationship with her has shaped him into the man he is. Even all these years later, she owns his nights and haunts his dreams. He wakes gasping for air, filled with an agony that only cocaine can ease. He has told me that she aborted their baby, but there is more there—much more. Something like that, while traumatic, shouldn’t be causing the type of dreams he has. In order for Lucian and me to be together, I have to know about her. It’s vital to the survival of Lucian and our relationship. I hope that in talking to me about her, he can finally be free of whatever demons haunt him.
I leave him briefly in the foyer to let Rose know. I knock on her closed door and she calls out for me to come in. She’s lying on her disheveled bed holding her phone. The grin on her face tells me that she has likely made good on her threat to call Max. She puts the phone against her chest and looks at me questioningly. “I’m going back to the apartment so Lucian and I can talk for a while.” She doesn’t try to talk me out of leaving; she simply gives me a smile that says she’d never expected I would stay.
“All righty then. You two kids behave.” I thank her and promise to call if I need to come back. As I’m closing the door behind me, I hear her say, “Max, I understand, but I don’t think I can help myself. When I’m alone, I’m just overcome with the need to make him pay.” I turn quickly, thinking I need to stay if she’s that close to the edge. When she gives me a smile and a thumbs-up, it hits me. She is pushing Max’s buttons. I think she couldn’t care less about Jake now. He is just a means to get to the man who has her complete attention. Poor Max. I’ve never met a more determined and goal-oriented person than Rose. If she wants him, then he should go ahead and wave the white flag now—he’s going down. I predict by the time their conversation is over, Max will be on his way over to talk her out of whatever she is threatening to do.
Lucian is standing at the door waiting for me. He looks down at my bags and back to me. I know he’s asking if I plan to take them. I nod, trying to reassure him that I’m not leaving, no matter what he reveals to me. It’s ironic, I know, considering how fast I packed and left after finding out about my father. What he doesn’t know though, is that even as angry as I was with him, I almost turned around a dozen times. Whether I live or die has mattered to so few people in my life. How could I possibly turn my back on the man who has guarded me with everything he is? He has only recently said the words—he loves me—but haven’t I felt it almost as long as I’ve known my feelings for him? He has shown me in every way possible that he’d do anything for me. Today he will give me the final part of himself that he has been holding back. He will share his pain with me, and no matter what the story, I will stay. In my heart and soul, I know we were destined to find each other. Two damaged, broken people looking for the person who could make them whole again. I am his and he is mine. Of this, I am certain.