“This plant is called what? Orpa?” Leah asks, her fingers poised over her laptop keys.

“Orja. I think it’s spelled O-R-J-A.”

She leans back on my bed, balancing the laptop on her knees. “No results.”

“Please keep looking. Palaemon thinks the plant grows on land, too, and that both are needed to cure Damarian and me.”

“Remind me again who Palaemon is, please.”

“Flora’s father and the former king.”

“Right.” Her fingers hit the keys. “Nothing again.”

I tap my chin as I stare at the words “No results for Orja plant” on my laptop screen. “Maybe it goes by a different name.”

“How the heck are we supposed to find it, then?”

I have no clue, but there’s got to be a way. I’ve never been very good at doing research, which is why I’ve asked Leah for help. She’s not a pro either, but two heads are better than one.

“You seem different,” Leah says. “More…determined, I guess.”

“Well, if an invisible brick wall separates you and the man you love, and if you nearly died trying to save him, it kind of lights a fire under your butt.”

She whistles. “Sounds intense.”

“You have no idea.”

“This determination is good,” she says. “And you can count on me to help you.”

“Thanks.”

“Are you going to tell your mom?”

“I don’t know. I already regret telling her everything else. I just don’t want her to worry about me.”

“She’s your mom,” Leah says. “She’ll always worry.”

“I know. But I just want her to have peace of mind that I’m okay. She’s starting a new life with Louis and the kids and the last thing I want is for her to worry about her mermaid daughter who is losing her bond with her mate and may be single for the rest of her life.”

Leah studies her fingernail. “I was wondering about something…”

“Yeah?”

“Now this isn’t going to happen, but what if you and Damarian were separated from each other—for good—and there was no way for the two of you to get bonded again. Would you…?” She shakes her head. “Never mind. I feel like such a jerk for even asking.”

“It’s okay. I bet my mom and Damarian’s family is wondering about it, too. I don’t think I could ever be with someone else. I don’t think I can ever love anyone else.”

She’s still looking at her fingernail. “I guess…now you understand where I’m coming from.”

I place my hand on hers. “I don’t think I can ever fully understand how you feel, but…yeah, if I’m no longer with Damarian…”

“We don’t have to talk about this.”

“Maybe we should. I can’t hold everything in.”

“So…what about Damarian, then? Do you think he’d move on?”

A dream I had last year when I thought Damarian might dissolve our bond flashes in my mind. He was mated to another mermaid and she was pregnant. It was one of the worst dreams I’ve ever had in my life. I play with my sapphire bracelet. “I…I guess I’d want him to move on. I’d want him to be happy.”

“Is that how you really feel?” Leah asks. “You don’t have to lie to me.”

“Okay. I’d be really crushed if he loved someone else. I know what it’s like to have that strong bond only merpeople have. I don’t want him to be that close to someone else.” I look down at my knees. “But at the same time, I don’t want Damarian to mourn over me for the rest of his life—and merpeople live for many, many years. I just want my merman to be happy.”

Now Leah stares down at her lap. “I wonder if Jace feels that way, too.”

“I’m sure he’d want you to be happy, even if it meant you giving your heart to someone else.”

She swallows a few times and nods. “Yeah, I know he’d want that. All he’d want is for me to be happy.” She focuses back on her laptop. “So what should I search then?”

I sigh. “No idea. The plant is located in a special place in the ocean and it only reveals itself to someone who desperately needs it. Or to someone who has a close bond to a person who needs it. Maybe it has the same qualities on land.”

“Got it.”

We try many different search phrases, but still don’t seem to be any closer to finding the plant. When I glance at Leah, I see her tearing at her hair.

“Maybe Palaemon is wrong and it doesn’t exist on land. I’ll need to find a way to get it from the ocean and eat it. Maybe it’ll get rid of the poison.”

“Will it work on you, though? You’re no longer a mermaid.”

Good point.

My phone rings. I hope it’s not Mom. I really don’t want to tell her anything until I find the plant and know I can be cured. But when I scan the screen, I see it’s an unfamiliar number. “Hello?”

“Cassie? Hi, it’s Timmy. I hope it’s okay I called you. Your mom gave me your number. Well, Jim gave me your mom’s number because he wasn’t sure if he should give me yours, so then I asked your mom if I could have yours and she said I could. So I called you.”

I smile at how cute he is. It feels like forever since I’ve seen him and my other students. As much as I need to find a cure, I can’t ignore my life. I have no idea how to balance it all, though.

“Hi, Timmy! I’m glad you called. How are you?”

“I’m okay. Me and the other kids are worried about you. Well, the truth is that we don’t really like Jim. I mean, he’s nice and all, but he’s not you.”

A warmth I’ve never felt before flows over me. I knew these kids looked up to me, but I didn’t know how much they cared. Tears fill my eyes. Maybe because my emotions have been a mess ever since I found out about the poison. Or maybe because with all that’s going on, it’s nice to feel something good for a change.

“I’m sorry I missed the last three lessons, Timmy.”

“Are you sick?”

“Um, not exactly. I’m just preoccupied with some things. Grown up stuff.”

“Oh. Is there anything I can do to help? You know I’m a good helper.”

“Yes, I do. But unless you know anything about rare plants, I doubt you can help,” I mutter.

“Rare plants?”

“It’s okay, Timmy. I was sarcastic.”

“Oh. But maybe I can still help. What plant are you looking for?”

He’s such a sweetie pie for wanting to help me, but I can’t involve him with this. And honestly, I’m starting to lose hope that this plant even exists on land.

“Thanks, Timmy, but it’s okay. I’ll make it to the lesson tomorrow. Promise.”

“Yay! Thank you so much, Cassie! I can’t wait.”

I smile as I hang up. “That kid is too cute.” I frown. “Well, if I lose Damarian, at least I’ll have something to focus myself on.”

Leah wraps an arm around me. “I’m not about to lose hope and I won’t let you either. If that Paloosy merdude says that plant exists on land, then we’ll find it.”

I laugh. “You’re so terrible with names.”

She grins. “Nah, I know his name is Palaemon. I was just trying to get you to smile. And it worked, didn’t it?”

My cheeks hurt from the next smile. “You are a woman of many wonders.”

She grins again. “I know.”

***

Sleeping alone sucks. It makes me wonder how I’ve ever slept alone in the past. Two nights ago, all hope was gone. I was so depressed I couldn’t even get out of bed. Now, I have some hope, even if it’s a miniscule amount. I hope Leah and I will have more luck today and actually find something. Because if today is also a bust, I worry all my hope will be completely gone.

At least I have my surfing class to look forward to. As I dress into my wetsuit, I tell myself to be one hundred percent there for my students. Sometimes I forget how much they mean to me. I can’t let them down.

Eating along sucks, too. My chest stiffens at the thought that this might be my new reality. I’ll have to switch out my king-sized bed for a smaller one because I wouldn’t be able to stand all that empty space. I’d have to learn to cook for one. Clean up after one. Shop for one. Walk to the beach alone.

No. I’m not giving up yet.

“Yay, Cassie’s here!” Mikey says as soon as I walk up to our meeting spot. “Your uncle sucks!”

“Hey, that’s not nice,” I say as I lower my board to the sand.

“But it’s true.” He pouts.

“He hurt his leg surfing two years ago,” I tell him. “He’s not yet back to where he was, but I think he’s pretty decent.”

“Not like you,” another student says.

“Stop it. You’ll make my head big. Do you want me to get a big head? I mean, just imagine me having this humongous head and a tiny body. I’d look funny, wouldn’t I? And I definitely wouldn’t be able to surf. The weight of my head would make topple over.”

They giggle.

“You’re weird,” Mikey says, still giggling.

“Cassie!” Someone hugs me from behind. “You’re here.”

“I told you I would be, Timmy, didn’t I?”

He runs around and holds out a piece of paper. “Look what I have for you.”

“Cool, let me see.” I assume it’s going to be a drawing or maybe a note telling me how much he and the others missed me, or maybe a get well note or something. But as my eyes move over the words, every part of me perks up. “Where did you find this?”

“I was online all night looking for rare plants. Then I came across a website that lists stores that have unique and hard-to-find-stuff. Do you think that shop will have what you’re looking for?”

I grab him for a hug.

“Too tight!”

I loosen my hold. “Sorry. But how did you find this? My friend and I were searching for something like this for hours.”

“Um, because I’m a kid?”

I pull back to give him a look. “Are you calling me old?”

“No! But you’re twenty, right? That’s kind of old.”

I playfully whack the back of his head. “You’re only ten years younger than me.”

“But ten years is a lot!”

I laugh and hug him again. “Why did you do this for me, Timmy? You spent the whole night researching. You didn’t have to.”

“Because he has a big crush on you!” Mikey says. “Cassie and Timmy sitting in a tree. K-I-S—”

I kick sand on his feet. “Get out of here before I send you home and tell your mom I no longer want to teach you how to surf,” I joke.

“No! I love surfing!” He runs away.

I look at Timmy. He blinks at me with wide, innocent eyes. “Well…because of everything you did for me after Kayla died. You came to see me to make me feel better. You’re always talking to me about her. No one does that, not even my mom and dad. You help me keep her memory alive.”

I hug him again. “You’re an amazing kid, Timmy. I’m so glad I was able to help you get through your sister’s death. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks.” He gently pulls free. “So you think the store has the info you need? Why are you looking for a rare plant anyway?”

I pat his head. “It’s just a project. And it’s the only lead I have now, so thanks so much. But are you ready to surf now?”

“Heck yeah!”