32
Sleepovers…with children
[Hank]
Friday evening, I have another intake meeting with the counselor and Lawson. Things do not go well. Lawson is agitated and acting out, and I worry I’m the problem. He has no idea who I am. I have no idea if he remembers his mother, and I’ll never know if she mentioned me to him. It’s nearly ten o’clock when I find myself outside Midge’s door. She hasn’t been answering her phone, and it makes me nervous. Her boys are with their dad for the weekend, and she told me she didn’t have any plans, so when I knock I’m a bit surprised.
“Elston?” I question. “Is your mom home?”
“She’s already in bed.” He lingers at the door, holding his arm up high on the wood, showing off his thin muscular frame. He’s built for seventeen but not like my forty-three.
“It’s early. She okay?” He’s not inviting me in, but I’m not leaving until I have an answer. Not to mention, I really want to see her. I need to talk.
“I think so.” He twists to glance at the staircase.
“Aren’t you supposed to be at your dad’s?” It’s none of my business, but Midge mentioned the trouble continues with his father.
“Yeah, but Mom said I could stay home this weekend.” He looks down at his feet and shrugs. “I got a date tomorrow night anyway.”
My brow rises, and silence grows between us. My leg twitches. I suddenly find I’m a little itchy to see his mom.
“Elston, may I speak to you like a man?” His head pops up, bright eyes looking right at me. “Ever love a girl, kid?”
Elston tilts his head. “If you want to speak to me like a man, how about you not call me kid?”
“Fair enough.” My lips twist, holding back a chuckle. Kid has balls, I’ll give him that. “Ever lay with a girl? I don’t mean sex. I mean sleep next to one. Just hold her.”
He tips up his chin, hesitating a second before answering. “Yes.” Rubbing a hand over his head, he looks away. “It seems even more intimate than sex.”
My eyes widen. There’s that word again. “But you cared about the girl, right?”
He swings his eyes back to mine. “Of course.”
“Then I hope you’ll understand. I’d like to step upstairs and check on your mom.”
His eyes narrow. “You do realize she’s my mom.” He shudders. “Just…ew…”
“Kid, don’t ever ew over your mom. She’s still a woman even if you don’t want to think about her like that. Believe it or not, she can be more than a mother. She’s a person. And one I care about.”
He nods, and I’m hoping we understand each other, though having no practice with teenagers, boys, and their mothers, or anything else related to kids, I have no idea. He surprises me by stepping back.
I take the steps two at a time, slowing my pace as I near the top. Slipping into her room, I find the space dark with moonlight streaming through the large window. I kick off my boots.
“Midge,” I say softly, not wanting to scare her yet feeling guilty for waking her. She faces away from me, so she rolls, looking over her shoulder.
“Hank? What are you doing here?”
“I tried to call, but you didn’t answer. Wanted to make sure you were okay.” I sit on the edge of the bed. She’s tucked in, and I don’t want to take more advantage than I have, especially if Elston decides he wants to check on us. Suddenly, I feel like the teenager, but I don’t care. I need to be close to her. Shifting to my side, I curl up behind her. I force her to roll back to the position she held so her back is to my chest. Wrapping an arm over her waist, I tug her closer to me although the blankets are in the way.
“Where’s Elston?” she asks.
“He let me in.” I pause. “I want to be intimate with you.”
She giggles as she shifts to look at me over her shoulder.
“Is that code for sex because I can’t with Elston in the house, and besides, I have my period.”
What? Shit. I release her and press up on my elbow. “Are you okay? Do you need something?” I’m harping like she’s sick instead of something natural.
“No.” She chuckles at my overconcern.
“Then can I be intimate with you. Close like you said the other day.” I’m holding my breath, because I really want this with her
“Of course, honey.” She rolls back to face the window, and I wrap over her again. Breathing into her hair, I nuzzle my head into the back of her neck.
“Rough night?” she prompts, knowing I saw Lawson.
“I’m worried I won’t connect with him. There’s so much to learn, and I’m so behind. So much time has passed.”
“You’ll be fine,” she says softly. “Parenting doesn’t come with a manual even if you knew him as a baby. Every day is one day at a time.”
“I’ve heard that saying before. Every day in rehab.” I don’t really want to talk about that experience right now, though. “Why does life have so many steps?”
“Sometimes, I think life is just one step at a time. Addiction or not. Can’t change yesterday. Can’t do anything about tomorrow. Just gotta deal with today.”
“Lady, I love you,” I blurt into her neck. We both freeze a moment, and I need her to look at me. I perch up on my elbow again and gently press her shoulder to twist her to face me. “I mean it, Midge. I didn’t just say it to say it. I love you, intimately.”
“I love you, too, honey.” Her lips curve slowly, and I lean forward to kiss her. Her mouth is sweet on mine, icing on my cupcake of happiness at the moment. I pull back too soon for both our liking but with her monthly predicament and Elston in the house somewhere, I don’t want to push anything. I just want to hold her, something I can’t say I’ve done often in my life. I cuddle up behind her again, tugging her as close as the blanket barrier will allow. Wrapping my arm over her, I hold tight, almost afraid she’ll slip away. Her arm loosens from the covers, and she slips it over mine. Holding my wrist, she leans forward and kisses my knuckles. It’s intimate, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m in a good place.