37
Worth the wait
[Hank]
After two hours, I decide to quit looking like a stalker on their front stoop. I’m up to thirty-seven text messages and endless calls going unanswered. Liam looks bored sitting with me, and we’ve run out of shit to talk about. We cover baseball, girls some more, the bracelets a third time, and his brothers. Not his mom. Not his dad. I’m thankful for the company, but my ass numbs from the brick. I need to regroup, so I drive home, and to my surprise, a welcomed package sits on my front porch.
“Thank fuck,” I mutter as I exit the truck and rush up the walk. “Lady, I’ve been waiting for you at your house. Where you been?”
Her eyes hide behind large, round sunglasses. A shaky hand comes to the edge, adjusting the frame on her nose.
“I’ve been sitting here, waiting for you.” I chuckle in relief although the presence of humor remains missing between us. I fold down to sit next to her on the wooden steps, and she moves over. The movement makes a statement. She doesn’t want to be close to me. Her lip trembles as her eyes remain forward. Under the side frame, I see a tear forming, and I want to reach over and take it from her. No more tears because of me, Midge, my heart screams.
“I guess we’re quite a pair,” I say softly, bumping her shoulder with my bicep. If we’ve been waiting for each other at our respective houses, that says something positive about us, right? There’s still an us, right? I rub at my chest when she shifts away from me. Her eyes still forward, she speaks.
“I just want to hear it from you. Just tell it to me honestly.” Her fingers spread on her jeans and then ball into fists as if she needs to hold something. I reach for her hand and force her fingers between mine. Her head hangs, her eyes burning into our joined palms. I squeeze, warning her I’m not letting go.
“Ronin came to the crisis center. It was teen day, and we intake new kids. It’s one of my favorite days, like I told you.” She keeps still, but she’s listening. Step one complete. “Stephie snuck into the center. Remember her? She was at the party, when we met, and once again at the garage.” Her head swivels to mine, and I want her to remember our first meeting, the one in the bathroom, when she looked into my eyes and I wanted to take all her worries. Instead, I think I’ve given her more concern. That changes now.
“Anyway, Stephie overdosed.”
“Sweet cheese.” Her body shifts, and she squeezes my hand. I’m grateful for her knees leaning against my thigh suddenly. One more part of us connecting.
“When she came to Restored Dreams, she wanted drugs from me, but I swear on a stack of Bibles dripping in holy water, I do not do those things anymore.” My eyes focus on the lenses shielding hers, but it’s not enough. I need to see those pretty things even if they’re brimming with tears. I push the frame upward to rest on her head. She’s so fucking beautiful even though she’s been crying for too long.
“Ronin came into a meeting room when Stephie tugged at me. Being on drugs can increase the adrenaline, increase your strength. She grabbed me, and I stumbled. When Ronin walked in, it looked bad. I admit it was easy to misinterpret. He rushed out before I could explain, and when I went to follow him, Steph had passed out. We had to call an ambulance. I’ve been at the hospital most of the night.”
“Did she live?” Midge swallows as she asks.
“She did.” I pause for a moment, my hand growing sweaty as my heart races. I need to come clean. “She told me things about Kit. Whether true or not, they were nice to hear. Kit didn’t have many girlfriends. Other women were either jealous or wanted to take advantage of her. The groupies following the band weren’t really a threat, though. They didn’t want Kit’s fame; they only wanted the band.” Midge tugs at my hand, but I draw it to my thigh and place my other hand on hers. “My point is…I let Kit go a long time ago, but I think bits and pieces still haunted me. I don’t mean for them to do it. I haven’t really been with someone exclusively since Kit, so my ideas about relationships might be a little skewed. While I want to be loved, I have to give it fully in return. I understand that, and I want to give it all to you, little lady, because I feel you give so much to me. I’m an ass.” I chuckle, my forehead furrowing as I beg her to understand. “I see you looking at me, and I talk myself out of it meaning anything. I hold my breath, waiting for you to walk away.”
“But—”
“But you haven’t yet. Each time there’s an issue, you actually come to me, and it’s refreshing. You don’t run away, you run forward, and I want to catch you.” My lip curls. Fuck, I want so much more than just to catch her. I want to hold her forever.
“I can’t compete with a dead woman, Hank. I’m sorry. I want to be respectful, and I want to understand. I knew I wouldn’t be someone’s first, not at this age, not after already being married, but I can’t keep feeling like she’s between us.”
“I understand. I put her there, but you also have to know you are my first. I’ve never felt this way before. Never.”
Midge’s brow squeezes so tight, her skin crinkles. I lean forward and kiss her there. “You’re my first, because I love you and you love me back. Not in a selfish way. Not because you need something from me. You’re just here, and I want to be here with you. I want more, too, little lady.”
Tears flow freely, her shoulders slumping forward.
“No more tears, though, baby.” Her body continues to lean, and I wrap my arms around her, dragging her up into my lap.
“I’m too heavy for you.” She sniffles, squirming on my thighs.
“You’re a weight I want to carry. And no, you are not too heavy for me.” I kiss her temple before pitching forward. Her arms wrap around my neck, and she lets out a little squeak as I stand, cradling her to my chest.
“Hank, what are you doing?”
I spin for the front door, taking the few steps toward it. “I’m carrying you over the threshold.” I press the door open with my shoulder, then kick the door shut and head for the stairs. She nestles into me as we climb to my room. Gently, I lay her on my bed and sit to unlace my boots. She watches me, unmoving as I tug them both off.
“Midge, let me make love to you, intimately.” The request is so direct, she blinks. She remains lying back, and I realize it might be too fast. I’ll hold her, just feel her heart beating with mine. Instead, she sits up and removes her light jacket. I shift to lie next to her, cupping her cheek with one hand.
“I love you,” I say, and then I kiss her. Every kiss has been a discovery. The first kiss. The slow kiss. The quick kiss. The lingering. The hot as fuck. But this kiss, it’s new once again as we take our time to work over one another, sucking, sipping, licking. I don’t know how long we’ve been at it, but eventually, it grows more urgent. Clothing gets removed between more kisses. My shirt is discarded, so her delicate fingers can trace over my abs. Fuck, I like when she touches me. Her sweater goes, so I can cover each breast, latching on until her nipples peak and a red mark blossoms. Jeans follow, and I stand to peer down at her. Her hair sprawls over my pillows, her limbs spread, ready for me. Removing my own jeans, I watch her watch me. The intensity in her eyes says everything. She wants me. She wants more from me. She’s a fantasy, and one I’ll never grow too old for.
I grip her ankles and slowly drag her toward me. I want to take my time, but I’m also so hard. My dick dances before me, stiff and eager to enter her. My palms climb her shins, wrap over her knees, and lift her by the back of her thighs. My knees bend, pinning me to the edge of the mattress. Holding her body like this, so open, so pliable, I can’t wait to connect with her. My dick springs forward, aching to make us one. I hold her where the curve of her ass meets her legs and drag her along the length of me. She’s slick and ready, and I want inside. I want more.
“I don’t want any more barriers between us.” I mean condoms, ex-lovers, miscommunication and anything else that keeps us separate. “I want to own every crevice, every crack of you, little lady. Fill you and seal you to me.” My voice scratches, rough and raspy as I slide through her tender folds. She’s coating me, and the sensation is unreal. I watch my ministrations and then look up to find her watching us.
“But I don’t want to just fill you, I want to fill you up, your heart, your soul. All of me for all of you.” Her eyes jump to mine as her clit pulses. She clenches her thighs, and I sense she’s getting close, waiting for me, but I want her to hear me—her love to hear mine.
“Do you get it? Do you understand me?” I’m practically growling, but I’m not fierce. I’m intense. I need her to know. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” With that, I slip into her; I’m slow, purposeful, direct until my dick disappears completely. I love this connection, this feeling, this sensation. I’m bare in there, raw and exposed, because that’s how I feel with her. That’s how I want to be with only her.
As I drag back, her thighs fight me. She wants me to stay in her depths.
“We’ll get there, baby. I promise.” After a few slow thrusts, I can’t take the lessened pace. She’s frantic on the bed, and I love how she wants to race. Not rush for a finish line but sprint nonetheless. My speed increases, choppy at first until we find the dance, our bodies moving as one. With my hands under her knees, she opens so wide for me, drawing me into her heat.
“I love you like this.” I stammer, the force of me entering her shifts the bed. The headboard taps at the wall. The frame scratches on the wood floor. I don’t care. I want every sound to be from her, from us together. “But I love you…more.”
Finally, she gives me the sound I seek most—my name on her lips as she screams with pleasure.
+ + +
Hours later, we linger in bed. It was a rough start to a Sunday but pure pleasure to forget everything and spend the day between the sheets. Midge called her sons to say she’d be out all day. She told me she’d explain everything to them later. As she lay spent from round two, her thighs wrapped around my hips while my head rests on her chest, she strokes my hair. Her short, blunt fingernails cause me to shiver, but at the same time, I relish the touch.
“What do you think will happen to Stephie?” I perch up on my elbows, suddenly concerned Midge hasn’t gotten the message. I love her, only her.
“I hope she gets help, but she can’t be my problem. I don’t mean that coldly, but she’s too close to me in some ways, and she needs someone outside her past.”
Midge nods, her eyes drifting off to the left.
“Seeing her like that, it was an eye-opener for me.”
Her gaze returns to mine. “How?”
“All that I’d done. All that I could have been. The spiral went deep for me. It was another wake-up call. Looking back, I can see I didn’t really want that life.”
“Is it that easy to say?” She’s still brushing over my head, and my body feels so replete. I don’t want to talk about old things anymore, but I want her to have all the answers.
“Maybe. Hindsight is twenty-twenty and all that. I think one reason I corkscrewed so far down was because I just wanted someone to love me for me. I wanted to be somebody’s someone.” I lean forward and kiss her. When I pull back, I kiss over her heart, slow and steady just like things should be. Her hands cup my head, and she forces me up to look at her. Her bright brown eyes glint with gold.
“You are.” She pauses as her lips curl. “To me.”