THE GENEROUS FALL of snow had turned Vermont into a winter wonderland. They drove over covered bridges white with snow and through villages decked for the holidays. They passed storefronts decorated with fresh green wreaths and windows strung with sparkling lights. Harriet saw pretty clapboard homesteads and people overloaded with parcels struggling home through the snow. And then there were the mountains, their snowy peaks and forested slopes cradling the villages below.
“I never believed in love at first sight until now. It’s magical,” she breathed. “Like something from a Christmas fairy tale.” The words caught in her throat. This was Christmas as she’d imagined it should be when she was a child and trying to escape the reality of her own.
Of course reality had been nothing like this.
In their house, Christmas had been another day to be endured. Worse, if anything, than other days because of the pressure to spend it together. Oh, they’d gone through the motions, opening presents, eating food. Sadly, her father’s temper didn’t take a holiday. If anything it was exacerbated when he was caged with his family. A wife he loved, but who didn’t love him back. Children who understood none of it.
Would things have been different, Harriet wondered, if they’d known the truth?
Ethan was driving, his hands steady on the wheel as he tackled the increasingly challenging road conditions.
“This fall of snow is lucky for them. Good start to the winter. Are you cold?” He glanced at her briefly. “You haven’t taken your hat off.”
“I’m good.” And she had a reason for not removing her hat. A road sign flashed past and she squinted at it. “Moose Crossing?”
“They have to cross exactly there or they get a ticket.” Ethan kept a straight face and she laughed.
“I may be a city girl, but I’m not stupid.”
He slowed his speed as they approached a bend in the road. “It’s a warning to motorists. If there’s one thing you don’t want to hit around here it’s a moose.”
“I’m sure the moose would agree. Can’t be a happy experience for him, either.”
He glanced at her with a smile and a shake of his head. “Only you would think about the emotional impact on the moose.”
“What were you thinking of?”
“The probable injuries incurred by the driver. I’m assuming you’ve never had a collision with a moose. They have long legs. If you hit one at night the likely scenario is that they come shooting through your windshield and that’s one hell of a lot of animal landing on you. The result isn’t pretty.”
“Have you ever seen that happen?”
“Not many moose in Times Square.”
“Oh funny.” She pulled a face. “You worked out in the boonies, and you’ve visited here every year for decades. You must have had a moose encounter.”
“Only when hiking.”
“Are they dangerous?”
“They’re probably more scared of you than you are of them.” He turned down a narrow lane and she craned her neck to see through the trees.
“The lake is frozen! People are skating.”
“If there’s one thing Vermont has plenty of, it’s ice.”
“What about wildlife? Any bears I should know about?”
“They’re hibernating. If you’re lucky you might see white-tailed deer, snowshoe hare, coyote, bobcats and the odd porcupine.” He pulled up outside a rustic gate. “We have to walk from here. It’s not far.”
Trees drooped under the heavy load of snow, the silence broken only when the weight of their burden became too much and it thudded to the ground in a soft avalanche of white.
Harriet stared upward feeling as if she were a million miles from her life.
Her eyes stung. She told herself it was because of the cold, but she knew she was lying.
It was because she’d never been anywhere more beautiful.
Behind her, she heard the slam of the trunk as Ethan removed their cases.
The path had been cleared recently, although judging from the layer of new snow it had snowed again since. Their footsteps were muffled and their breath clouded the freezing air. She felt the cold penetrate her gloves, stinging the tips of her fingers. She didn’t care. They turned a corner and there, right in front of them, was a cabin that looked like something out of a fairy tale. A tasteful blend of wood and glass, it merged with the forest as if it were part of it. The cabin was framed by the forest and set on the shores of the lake.
Harriet admired it. “I’m beginning to understand why you come back here every year.”
“This is a relatively recent development. Jackson upgraded the place when he took over. Made a few changes.”
“I think the place is gorgeous.”
“Wait until you see inside.”
They stamped the snow from their boots and stepped through the door.
Harriet stared up at the cathedral ceiling and the glass windows that soared into the eaves. In the corner of the room a pretty iron staircase led to a sleeping “shelf” overlooking the forest.
Roughly chopped logs had been stacked in a basket next to the flickering fire and someone had hung tiny lights from the rafters, turning the whole place into the adult equivalent of a fairy grotto. Deep cushioned sofas faced each other across a rug and tall bookshelves made from reclaimed wood hugged one wall of the cabin.
It occurred to her that if she hadn’t challenged herself to agree to dog sitting she never would have met Ethan, at least not properly because she didn’t count the whole bruised ankle incident. And if she hadn’t met Ethan, she wouldn’t be here now. Which proved, once again, that Challenge Harriet paid dividends. Doing things you’d never thought of doing led to discoveries like this one.
Harriet walked across the room, feeling her feet sink into the soft rug. “I want to move in and live here forever.”
“Yeah, it has that effect on people.” Ethan dumped their cases by the door. “It’s one of the reasons it’s a success. Some of their guests have been coming back for years. Jackson could have crammed in more lodges, but he chose to keep it exclusive. Each cabin feels secluded and intimate. You wouldn’t even know there was anyone else nearby. Which is handy if you feel like having sex in the hot tub on the deck. Unless that’s something Harriet Knight would never do.”
She turned her head and met his gaze. “It’s definitely something Harriet Knight would do.”
But first there was something she needed to show him.
Hoping she hadn’t made a mistake, she slipped off her coat and finally pulled off her hat, watching him the whole time.
His eyes widened. He opened his mouth, but no words emerged.
It was the reaction she’d been hoping for.
She smiled. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
He swallowed. “You had it cut?”
“No, a madman attacked me with a pair of scissors when I was in Bloomingdale’s. Of course I had it cut.” She stroked the ends of her hair self-consciously. It still felt strange to have short hair brushing against her jaw.
“Have you had it short before?”
“Never.” And she still wasn’t used to it herself. Her whole life she’d had hair down her back. Now it swung in a short cut that ended at her chin. “I was worried you might hate it.”
“I love it.” He crossed the room toward her. “It makes your eyes look huge. And you have great bones. You’re beautiful—”
“Keep talking. Don’t stop.”
“I have to stop. I can’t talk and kiss you and I really have to kiss you.” He slid his fingers into her hair and brought his mouth down on hers, the intimate slide of his tongue the most erotic thing she’d ever experienced. Heat blasted through her, spreading through her body. He wrapped his arms round her, his arms strong, and she melted against him, passion consuming both of them.
She felt the hardening length of him and might have done something about it there and then if it hadn’t been for the fact that from behind them came the sound of someone clearing his throat.
Ethan released her reluctantly and both of them turned toward the sound.
A man stood in the doorway of the cabin. He was dressed in ski gear and had the bluest eyes Harriet had ever seen.
“Came to check you’d settled in, but you don’t seem to be having any problems on that score.”
“Ty—” Ethan crossed the room and the two men greeted each other. “How’s Jess?”
“She’s going to be the youngest slalom champion in history.” Tyler’s eyes glowed with pride. “No one can catch her.”
“Chip off the old block.”
“Seems that way.”
“And Brenna?”
“Pregnant.”
Ethan grinned. “You’ve been busy. How does Jess feel about it?”
“She can’t wait. She’ll have the baby on skis before he or she can walk.” Tyler’s gaze rested on Harriet. “You brought a guest.”
Harriet recognized him from the photo on the book jacket of the autobiography she’d found in Ethan’s apartment. The front cover had been a photo of him skiing what appeared to be an almost vertical slope, and the back cover had been a photo of him holding a gold medal and laughing at the camera.
“I’m Harriet.” She stretched out her hand but before Tyler could take it two large Siberian husky dogs barreled through the door, almost knocking the two men down.
“Stay! Sit,” Tyler bellowed but both dogs ignored him and headed straight for Harriet.
Tyler swore fluently but Harriet stooped to greet the dogs.
“Well, aren’t you beautiful. Gorgeous, gorgeous dogs.”
Tyler exchanged an astonished glance with Ethan, who shrugged.
“Harriet loves dogs and she’s good with them.”
“In that case she’s going to fit right in around here. I was going to apologize for their terrible manners but maybe I’ll save my breath.”
“They’re the most beautiful dogs I’ve ever seen.” Harriet dropped to her knees on the rug and buried her hands in the fur of the dog closest to her. “I love Siberian huskies. What are their names?”
“That’s Luna. She’s the one with the brain. Devoted to my daughter. Pines when she’s away. The other one is Ash. He’s more of a bruiser. Seems pretty taken with you. Do you have a dog back home?”
“Not my own, but I’m thinking of it.” She stood up and Ash immediately head-butted her leg, annoyed to have lost her attention. “I have to find a breed suitable for apartment living. Nothing as large and bouncy as these.”
“Yeah, they like to use up every inch of the forest. If you have everything you need, I’ll leave the two of you to unpack. Dinner is at seven. It’s family night, so no excuses accepted. We’ll catch up properly then. And we’ll find you boots and skis.” He left, the dogs bounding ahead, and Harriet watched them go.
“Family night?”
“The O’Neils have a rule that once a week everyone eats together, no matter what is going on and how busy they are. All of them. Grandparents. Kids. Dogs. No exceptions unless you’re out of the country.”
She felt something uncurl inside her. “I’m not family.”
“You’re with me. That counts.” He picked up the cases. “I’ll take these through to the bedroom.”
Harriet glanced up at the shelf and felt a stab of disappointment. “That’s not the bedroom?”
“It’s not the master suite.”
“But we could sleep there?”
“It’s where I sleep when I come on my own. Do you want to sleep there?”
“Yes! How can you even ask? It’s like being part of the forest.”
“Then let’s sleep there, but we’ll keep our stuff in the main bedroom. That’s where the bathroom is. Do you want to take a shower before dinner?”
“Who exactly will be at dinner?”
“Most of the family, probably. Is that a problem?” His expression changed to one of understanding. “Strangers. Dinner. Your two least favorite things. But these are good people, Harriet.”
“Yes.” Harriet glanced down at her black jeans and her soft sweater. “Should I dress up?”
“You look great. And that sweater looks amazing with your new short hair.” He pulled her against him and brought his mouth down to hers in a kiss that almost made her wish they didn’t have to go to dinner. Given the choice she would have stayed right here, in this amazing cabin, and watched the snow gently layer on the trees.
She comforted herself with the knowledge that these people had dogs. How bad could they be?
All the same, she felt nervous as they walked the short distance to the main house.
As Ethan pushed open the door that led straight into the big farmhouse kitchen, Harriet saw what felt like a million pairs of eyes turned in her direction.
Ethan closed the door, locking in the heat. “This is Harriet.”
“Harriet!” A woman rose to her feet, all smiles. “I’m Elizabeth O’Neil, Ethan’s godmother. My three sons, Jackson, Sean and Tyler, their grandparents Walter and Alice—”
The introductions seemed to go on and on and blurred in her head. How many people were there? Nine? Ten? Was Kayla married to Jackson or was that someone else? No, the dark-haired girl was Brenna and she was pregnant, which meant she had to be Tyler’s wife. And the woman talking to herself in French while she cooked was Élise, Sean’s wife. Jess, Tyler’s teenage daughter, was away at a training camp…
She wished they were wearing name tags.
And she wished they weren’t all looking at her.
It was her turn to say something.
“G-g-g—” The word refused to leave her mouth and she froze. No. No! Why now? She felt the familiar wash of panic. The usual desire to run, but Ethan was standing behind her, his body a solid wall of protection and reassurance.
And she realized she had two choices. She could run, as she’d done that night with Ethan. She could mumble her excuses and leave and no doubt the O’Neils would be very polite about it, or she could face it and find her way through it. Running was the easy way out. Running wasn’t the challenge.
Staying put and trying again, that was the challenge.
She forced herself to stand still. Forced herself to breathe and take her time.
So what if her words weren’t smooth? Did it really matter? This time she was not walking out. She was not calling her sister. She was not going to make a vow never to walk into a room with a bunch of strangers again.
She was going to deal with the issue as best she could.
She felt Ethan’s hand on her shoulder and the reassuring squeeze of his fingers.
She pushed her hair away from her face, conscious of the snow dusting her head and her shoulders. And tried again, this time starting with a different word. “It’s good to meet you all.”
The moment the words left her lips, she felt a rush of elation.
She’d done it.
This time, she hadn’t run from the obstacle. And she discovered that an obstacle didn’t seem so much of an obstacle if you knew you could get to the other side.
The two Siberian huskies, Ash and Luna, came bounding across to her, as did a small miniature poodle with the sweetest face she’d ever seen.
It leaped up at her, leaving paw prints on her black jeans.
“Maple!” It was Jackson who called the dog but Harriet bent and scooped her up.
“Are you Maple? And you live with these two big bruisers? How’s that working out for you?” Her words flowed, as if her previous lack of fluency had never happened.
“It’s working out just fine,” Tyler drawled, “because she’s the one in charge. Don’t let her size fool you. She’s the boss.”
“It is the same in our house.” Élise waved the wooden spoon she was holding. “I am smaller, but I am absolutely the boss.” She eyed Sean and he gave a deceptively placid smile.
“I never argue with you when you’re cooking, angel.”
“Those dogs shouldn’t be jumping on our guest.” Elizabeth fussed but Tyler waved a hand.
“Harriet is a dog lover. She’s fine.”
Harriet would have agreed. She was fine. She really was fine.
How many things had she avoided doing in case she stammered? All those phone calls. Her issues with strangers. Most of them were tied in with her anxiety about stammering and what people thought about her.
And honestly, who cared?
No one, just as no one seemed to care that Élise spoke with a strong French accent.
Still holding a wriggling, ecstatic Maple, Harriet joined the O’Neils at the table. She was filled with a whole new confidence. Challenge? What challenge? “I spend my whole day around dogs, but sadly not my own. I’ve been thinking of changing that. I hadn’t thought of getting a miniature poodle.”
“She’s a rescue. Jackson found her tied to a tree—” Tyler reached out to help himself to bread but his mother slapped his hand.
“We have a guest.”
“I know we have a guest. There are napkins on the table, which only happens when we have a guest. If napkins are a sign we can’t eat, I hate them more than I did before.” He closed his hand over a bread roll and his mother shook her head in despair.
“What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing is wrong with me. I’m a normal healthy male and I’ve been on the mountain all day expending calories like there’s no tomorrow. I’m starving. If I don’t eat there won’t be a tomorrow. Also, if I eat I can be civil to our guest. If not, I’ll be unconscious and Sean will have to resuscitate me.” He tore the roll in half and spread it thickly with butter.
“What makes you think I’d resuscitate you?” Sean yawned. “For the record, I’d push your body out of the way and eat your portion. And I’ve been operating all day, so don’t look to me for sympathy.”
Sean was a doctor, Harriet remembered. Orthopedic surgeon. Jackson was the businessman.
“No one looks to you for sympathy.” Tyler scowled at Sean. “You’re the least sympathetic doctor on the planet. God help your patients.”
“Sympathy is a wasted emotion, especially since my patients are mostly unconscious.”
“They have no idea how lucky they are.”
“Ignore him.” Elizabeth handed Brenna a deep bowl filled with the most delicious-smelling soup.
As Elizabeth served food and Sean and Tyler continued to argue, Harriet had a chance to glance around the room. There were bunches of herbs drying above the range, surfaces gleamed and everywhere she looked there were family photographs.
She noticed that the grandmother, Alice, was knitting at the table and mostly ignoring the arguing going on around her. Everyone was relaxed and comfortable.
Family night.
She felt the hard ball of tension inside her gradually melt.
This was how it should be. Love and respect simmered in the air. It was there in the teasing, in the laughter, in the listening.
This was what she wanted. She wanted a big scrubbed kitchen table with scars that showed the passage of family life. She wanted to be surrounded by this much laughter and this much love. She wanted people to be able to disagree without fear, to voice differing opinions without animosity.
She wanted family night.
Sean and Ethan started talking about some medical development and Kayla covered her ears with her hands.
“No hospital talk at the table, Sean, that’s the rule.”
“All I’m saying is that I was called to the ER last week to see—”
“La la la,” Kayla sang loudly, “I can’t hear you.”
Sean rolled his eyes and gestured to Ethan, indicating that they’d grab some time later.
The door opened again and another man entered carrying an armful of logs. He was older. In his sixties, Harriet guessed, but still handsome in a rough, outdoorsy sort of way. His hair was gray and he had the kindest eyes she’d ever seen.
Elizabeth put down the plate she’d been holding. “Tom.”
The look they shared excluded everyone else in the room.
Harriet knew she should look away, but she couldn’t. When had her parents ever looked at each other like that? Never.
There was a tight feeling around her heart. A sting in her throat.
“No romance at the table.” Tyler covered his eyes. “Spare us.”
Did Elizabeth’s sons mind that their mother was marrying again? She could see how that might be a sensitive topic for them.
“Sit down, Tom.” Jackson pulled out the chair next to him. “You need to eat while there’s still some food.”
“Don’t hold back,” Sean advised. “That’s the way to starvation in this family.”
Tom’s smile indicated he was familiar with the rules of the house. He nodded at Harriet and then turned back to Elizabeth. “I fixed the shower in the Hayloft.”
The conversation continued, back and forth, switching between subjects, occasionally punctuated by the dogs.
If there was tension, it was well hidden.
She felt an almost unbearable longing. She knew what she was witnessing was precious. It was love in all its different forms. Mother to child. Grandmother to child. Man to woman. Brother to brother. Husband to wife. It was all right there, a perfect web of love.
Some people might look at a mansion and covet it. They might want to fill their closet with designer labels, or travel the world.
What Harriet coveted was right here in this room.
They drew her into the conversation, asking her about herself, about the dogs, about living in New York. After only an hour in their company, she felt more at ease than she ever had with her own family.
For these people mealtimes were something to be celebrated, a chance to get together and share stories. Despite Tyler’s griping about food, napkins and visible displays of affection, it was clearly an important night for them. Nothing like her own family gatherings, which had been something to endure.
By the time she and Ethan left to return to their cabin, she felt as if she’d known the O’Neils forever.
“Lovely people.” She virtually danced along the path, a feat in itself given the ice.
Ethan held her hand tightly to stop her slipping. “I don’t know what’s happening to you, but I love it.”
“What’s happening is that I nailed today’s challenge. I did not run out the door.” She punched the air with her free hand and saw that he was grinning.
“I’d say you kicked your challenge in the butt.”
The moment they stepped through the door of the cabin, he caught her to him and kissed her.
“I’m proud of you. You’re incredible.”
She kissed him back, feeling powerful and capable of anything. Anything. When she lowered her hands to the zipper of his jeans, he raised an eyebrow.
“Miss Knight, are you doing what I think you’re doing?”
“I am.” She closed her hand around his erection and heard the breath hiss through his teeth.
“The bedroom is—”
“No.” She pushed him back and they both tumbled onto the rug in front of the fire. In less than ten seconds both of them were naked. It wasn’t the first time they’d made love, but it was the first time she’d been in charge.
She kissed her way down his body, taking her time to explore, allowing her mouth to roam. She couldn’t remember ever feeling this way before, having this fierce craving to discover. She wasn’t just discovering him. She was discovering herself, and it was a heady experience. Up until recently she’d tiptoed through life, careful not to draw attention to herself. Now, there was no more tiptoeing, and she definitely had his full attention. She went where she wanted to go. Did what she wanted to do, and what she did drew a rough sound from somewhere deep in his throat.
She felt the sudden acceleration of his heart under her hand, felt the hard muscle of his abs tighten as she moved lower and took him into the heat of her mouth. She heard his breathing grow heavy and felt a whole new powerful feeling that came from knowing what she was doing was driving him wild. He fought for breath, moaned her name and she gave and gave until his hands hauled her upward and she finally moved over him, straddling him.
In the firelight she could see the bunched muscle of his shoulders and the glitter of his eyes as he focused on her face. She knew she was flushed. She knew her hair was tangled from his hands. It didn’t matter to her. It certainly didn’t seem to matter to him.
Murmuring that she was beautiful, incredible, driving him crazy, he gripped her hips and entered her with a slow upward thrust that filled her completely. The sheer intensity of it stole her breath. She felt her body yield to the demands of his and the thrill of the masculine invasion made her heart race and her tummy tighten. All she was aware of was him, and the hot aching need that spread through her body.
She closed her eyes.
Sex with Ethan was an intimacy she’d never known before.
And then he started to move. He moved with a slow, relentless rhythm that sent pleasure coursing through her. With each stroke he went a little higher, a little harder, urging her close and closer to the edge until there was nothing in her mind except this. She didn’t care about the past. She didn’t care about the future. There was only now. And he made the most of now, driving into her until her body was screaming for more, until sensation after sensation crashed down on her and the contractions of her body rippled along his shaft, taking him with her.
Somehow, much later, they made it up to the shelf and lay together looking at the snowy forest, luminous in the moonlight.
She felt dazed. Drugged. And happier than she could ever remember feeling.
Ethan stroked her arm. “I was afraid you were going to find this evening daunting. I was worried that by putting you in a room with a large number of strangers, I wasn’t being fair on you.”
“It was great. And I’m glad I stammered. Falling and discovering that you can get back up is good for confidence. Right now I feel as if I can do anything.”
He pulled her closer. “And now you’ve discovered you can do anything, what’s next for Challenge Harriet?”
“No idea. But I’m tired of not doing things because I’m afraid of screwing them up. I really wanted to meet your friends. Your godmother. And I loved them. I love the O’Neils.” She snuggled closer. “I can see why you come back here whenever you can.”
“It’s a great place. At one point I even considered getting a job here.”
“In the hospital where Sean works?” She tried to imagine Ethan away from the frenetic pace of New York City. “Why didn’t you?”
“I enjoy where I work. The ER in a place like this would be different.”
“You mean like skiing accidents and injury by moose encounter.”
“That kind of thing.”
“I can’t believe the whole family run this business together. It’s wonderful.”
“It’s not as picture-perfect as you might think. Jackson gave up his job to take over the place and save it from crumbling into the dirt. He could see what needed to be done to make the place a viable business in a busy market, but his grandparents didn’t want change. Jackson and Walter—they locked horns a million times when he was trying to upgrade this place. In the end he brought in Kayla. She worked for a company in Manhattan. He decided an outsider who could view the whole thing without considering the emotional elements might be the answer to the problem.”
“So she stayed and never left.”
Ethan grinned. “It wasn’t quite as smooth as that. From what Tyler told me, Kayla was a city girl and arrived in her elegant coat and heels. Took a while for her to warm up to the place. Literally.”
“But she did. And she fell in love with Jackson.” It sounded perfect to her. “How did Tyler meet Brenna?”
“They virtually grew up together. Brenna lived in the village.”
“And they run the ski side of things?”
“Yes. They all pulled together to make this place what it is now. For a while it didn’t look as if it would happen.”
“But they got there in the end. They found a way.” And that was how it should be, Harriet thought. She wasn’t stupid. She didn’t expect picture perfect. She never had. What she’d always dreamed about was a family who stuck together and supported one another through thick and thin, as the O’Neils had. Anyone could be there for the good bits. That was the easy part. The part that mattered, the part that really tested love, was to be there for the bad. “Do they mind that their mother is marrying again?”
“They want her to be happy. It helps that they like Tom. And he fits in well. This place has been home to him forever.”
“Did you bring Alison here?” She told herself that she wasn’t jealous. She was interested, that was all. She wanted to know him better and somewhere deep inside her she knew the key to understanding him was to understand what had gone wrong with his marriage.
“Once. It was too quiet for her. Not enough going on. She’s a city girl. And she had no interest in skiing, so that didn’t help.”
“You don’t talk about her very often.”
“There’s not much to talk about. She’s my ex-wife. We tried. We failed. That’s it.”
He condensed it into a few short sentences. A few weeks ago she might have left it at that, but she wasn’t the same person she’d been a few weeks before. “Why do you see it as failure?”
“I didn’t win any awards for husband of the year.” He pushed her hair away from her face. “Did I mention that I love your new haircut?”
“Good. Why do you blame yourself?”
“Because I was already married to the job. I couldn’t give her the relationship she wanted.”
“But didn’t you meet her when she was filming you in the ER?”
“Yes.”
She lifted herself onto her elbow so she could look at him. “And she fell in love with the handsome hero who saved lives.”
“Maybe, but that isn’t what the job is. Not really. They can make it look glamorous on TV, but the reality is something different.” He lay back against the pillows, taking her with him so that they snuggled together looking at the trees beyond the wall of glass. “Growing up, my dad was my hero. He was a respected part of the community. Everywhere we went, people greeted him. Going to buy a loaf of bread from the store turned into a half-hour trip instead of the ten minutes it should have been. People would stop him and ask him things and I never saw him impatient. Never once saw him turn them away or tell them to see him in clinic hours. If someone was distressed, he was there. Time and time again, I saw him step up. When a kid went under a truck at the County Fair, when a man was beating his wife and the police wanted my dad to go with them. My dad was there. And I wanted to be exactly like him. I wanted to make a difference.”
“Were you ever tempted to work in the community like him?”
“No. Because I wanted my home life to be separate. I didn’t want to bump into my patients every time I left the house. My parents’ marriage worked because my mother understood the man he was, and she never tried to change him, not even when she was scraping burned dinners into the garbage or hosting a dinner party by herself because my dad was out helping someone else. Of course it helped that she was a doctor too.”
“Why would she try and change him?”
“Because that’s what usually happens.”
She asked a question that had been on her mind for a while. “How long were you and Alison together before you decided to get married?”
“A year and a half. Maybe a little longer.”
“And during that time you didn’t stop working?”
He frowned. “Of course not.”
“So she knew exactly what your job entailed when she married you.”
“Your point being?”
“She could hardly blame you for doing the job you’ve always done. She fell in love with you because of who you are. The job is part of who you are. Did she expect you to give it up?”
“No, but I think the reality was a bit more than she expected.”
“And you blamed yourself for that?”
“I worked long hours. Unpredictable hours. That’s a fact. I was unreliable. That’s a fact too. I missed dinner parties, journalist functions she wanted to take me to—she told me after one of our rows that the only thing she could depend on was that I wouldn’t be there for her if she needed me.”
“Maybe you wouldn’t have been there for her socially, but if she’d needed you in any other way you would have been there.”
“You seem very sure about that.”
“I am. You’re loyal to your friends and your family. I’ve seen it. And you prioritize. But your job is important. What you do is important. I don’t think you were the problem. I think the way you felt about each other was the problem. A relationship is like a jigsaw, isn’t it? The pieces have to fit together if it’s going to work.” And her parents’ relationship hadn’t worked. The pieces hadn’t fitted. She could see that so clearly now.
His arms tightened around her. “You know a lot considering you’ve never been in love.”
Until now. Harriet stared into the darkness, acknowledging the truth.
She loved Ethan.
It had happened gradually, without her even noticing. Maybe she’d fallen in love with him a little that day she’d first met him in the ER. Not because of the gentle way he’d examined her ankle, but because of the questions he’d asked. He’d been determined not to let her go before he’d satisfied himself that her injuries weren’t the result of any kind of abuse. That was the type of man he was. He was the type of man who would look after his sister’s dog even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. A man who was determined to make a difference in the world, and who would step in front of a friend even though doing so put his own life in danger. The type of man who made friendships that lasted a lifetime, and who could indulge the devil inside himself and ski a double black diamond run.
The type of man a woman could easily fall in love with.
Whenever she’d thought about it, and she’d thought about it often, she’d imagined love would be a gentle, comforting, enveloping feeling. Like bathing in warm water or being wrapped in a blanket. She hadn’t expected it to feel like this. Hadn’t expected the wild intoxication that felt as if she’d inhaled an illegal substance. It made her giddy. It made her want to smile at times where no smile was warranted. When she was feeding one of the dogs or occupied by some mundane task like peeling potatoes.
This wasn’t how she’d thought it would be. She’d gone on dates, hoping to find love, and had never expected to find it when she wasn’t looking. And yet that was what had happened. She’d fallen in love with him piece by piece, heartbeat by heartbeat. With each glance, each touch, each conversation, she’d slid deeper. She wasn’t sure if she felt ecstatic or terrified.
But she knew what his reaction would be.
He’d back off. Withdraw. Protect himself, and believe he was protecting her.
He’d end the relationship.
And she wasn’t ready for that. That, she thought, was a challenge too far.
So she said nothing. Simply lay in the dark with her secret, thinking of all those times she’d thought about falling in love and wondering why she’d ever thought it would be simple.