Angie had offered to drive me to the airport, and I agreed. She talked about her wedding plans with Fox, and I promised to fly back for the event. I kept my gaze pointed out the window, only half listening. I hadn’t slept at all last night, devastated by Ryan’s lack of response.
It had hit me all over again how much I missed him. How much I had missed him ever since New York. Missing him became so all-encompassing that it was like a black hole had opened up inside me, sucking up everything else so that I could no longer do anything but think about him.
“Ryan troubles?” Angie correctly guessed. She knew all about my epiphany.
“I texted him last night, and he didn’t answer. I guess it really is over.” My voice caught on the last word, and I focused on breathing in and out.
We came to a red light, and Angie held out her hand. “Let me see.”
I gave it to her, and she quickly read through my short messages. “I can’t believe Ryan didn’t say anything back. I mean, if you could see him . . .” Her eyes went wide, as if she’d just admitted to something she shouldn’t have. “What I meant to say was if he could see you, see how much you’ve grown and that you’re willing to own up to your mistakes, I think it would change everything.”
“Yeah, I’m super self-actualized now.” And super alone.
“I didn’t mention it before, but Ryan’s throwing a party tonight to celebrate his new single.”
With Skyler Smith, I reminded myself.
“If you want, I could find out what’s going on.”
“No!” I told her, taking my phone back. The light turned green, and Angie reluctantly moved with traffic. “He was pretty obvious here. I have to take the hint.”
“If that’s what you want.”
What I wanted was Ryan back in my life, but I was trying to accept that as a non-option. “The worst part is the guilt. I really wish I could at least apologize, if nothing else.”
“The best thing you can do with guilt is learn from it. And move on.”
“I’m trying,” I told her. “But I feel like this horrible, selfish brat.” No wonder Ryan got over it so quickly.
“You are an emotional, fiery artist and a wonderful daughter and sister and friend who made a mistake. You are allowed to make those. You’re human, after all.”
I knew she meant well, but it didn’t really help.
About twenty minutes later, we arrived at the airport. I hugged her goodbye and promised to text or email or whatever I could do when I was overseas. I grabbed my brand-new passport as I jostled my way through the crowd. This would be my second time on a plane, my first going out of the country.
Thinking about flying made me remember the first time I’d been on a plane. After I’d walked out on Ryan. A thousand sharp icicles pierced my heart, and I nearly doubled over from the pain of it all.
I found my brothers waiting for me next to the computerized ticketing station of our airline. They all looked at me warily, most likely not sure what I would say or do. I hadn’t talked to them since the vote at Fitz’s apartment, when they’d tried to help me see the reality of my situation.
Better to admit to the truth up-front than let this thing drag out. I set my Martin guitar case down. “You guys were right. I messed up and was a total idiot with Ryan.”
All three of them grinned in unison.
“You should apologize to him,” Parker said. “Someplace private where none of us will be forced to watch.”
“Yes. I don’t want to see Maisy groveling,” Fitz agreed, putting his arm around me.
Parker nodded. “There is something fundamentally weird about that image.”
“You guys are crazy,” Cole interrupted their exchange. “I’d pay good money to see Maisy publicly admit she was actually wrong about something.”
I punched him in his arm, and he pretended to be wounded before winking at me.
“Come on,” Parker said. “Let’s get this new tour started. Tickets are this way.”
“So are you going to apologize to him?” Fitz asked me, keeping me close to his side as we followed our brothers.
“I already did. I texted him. He didn’t answer. So I guess that’s it, then. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Right?”
Fitz looked thoughtful. “That surprises me. That doesn’t seem like something Ryan would do.”
I shrugged one shoulder to indicate he already had done it. “At least I’ll always have you guys.”
“You’ll always have us,” he agreed, but his voice sounded distant. Like he was thinking about something more important than this conversation. I saw Piper walking across the terminal, hips swaying as she smiled and waved at us. Fitz smiled lovingly, dropped his luggage, and ran across the airport. When he reached her, he picked her up and swung her around in a circle. Piper threw her head back and laughed before settling in to kiss him hello.
I did have my brothers and the band. For now.
But how long would that last?