I rejoined the other guys in the front lounge. I hoped I looked nonchalant and like I didn’t care about Ryan or anything related to him. A few minutes later, Fox got on the bus, followed by Vince, and it was time to head out. They gratefully accepted the two remaining brownies, and I found a trash can in the kitchen area for the paper plate and aluminum foil.
The bus rumbled to life and then made beeping sounds as Vince backed up. Finally, we were officially on the road to Las Vegas.
I looked out the window, watching as the other buses started up and followed us, like a massive metallic caravan. I couldn’t help but grin. It was happening!
Ryan came into the lounge, and it was like somebody dumped a bucket of ice water on me. Fitz’s words echoed in my brain. I didn’t want to be the reason we lost this gig. But at the same time, I was still drawn to Ryan. I wanted to talk to him. To sit by him.
It was going to take a few hours to get to Vegas. I decided the best way to deal with my Ryan issue was to just stay away from him. I headed into the bunk alley and settled into my bunk after putting on the clean linens and blanket provided. I climbed into my new bed and realized it was a good thing I wasn’t claustrophobic, as the bunk had the look and feel of a coffin.
The previous tenant had left some Command hooks on the wall, and it ended up being a good place to hang up things I needed close by, like my toiletry and makeup bags. I tried to read one of the books I’d brought with me, but my jumbled, confused mind wouldn’t allow me to concentrate.
I made up my brothers’ bunks as well. Not because they weren’t capable of doing it themselves but because I needed a reason to stay out of the lounge, and I needed to keep busy. I even tried taking a nap, but that was an epic failure. Mainly because some kind of video-game playing was happening in the lounge. I knew this because of the excited, muffled yelling I heard from their end of the bus. Someone would shush them, and then it would happen again.
I knew what a mistake it would be to date a famous musician. And I had to keep reminding myself that my family’s entire future depended on my staying away from Ryan De Luna.
More whooping and yelling. Now, somebody was singing about an after-party. It sounded like Cole.
This was going to be excruciating.
Somehow the hours passed, and we finally pulled into the parking lot of the Palazzo in Las Vegas. I grabbed my carry-on and headed for the front, careful to avoid eye contact with Ryan. A flustered Piper came on the bus. “There’s been some kind of a mix-up, so there will be a slight delay before we can get into our rooms. Irene’s made everyone lunch. She’s setting up outside.”
“Irene?” I heard Parker ask as we filed off the bus, and I hoped for her sake she wasn’t young and hot, or she was about to get some serious attention.
“I have a pretty strict eating regimen, and even though the venues would provide catering, I’ve found that it’s easier to have my own gourmet chef.” Ryan said it apologetically, almost like he was embarrassed. I didn’t know why. If I could afford it, I definitely would have my own personal chef. “Her bus has fewer bunks and a huge galley kitchen, so she can cook while we’re traveling. She also has a mobile kitchen she uses at the venues. She’s amazing. There’s a lot of fighting to be on her bus.”
Even though I’d been reminding myself for the last four hours why Rule #1 existed, just being a few feet away from Ryan was enough to make me forget. I wanted to make him laugh. For him to turn and smile at me. To tease me.
I was only halfway through Day One.
I was so screwed.
“You’re the new opening act, right?” I turned to see who had spoken, and it was the woman just behind me in line for lunch. She had well-defined arms and braids down to the middle of her back.
“Yes. I’m Maisy.” I offered her my hand, and she shook it.
“I’m Ashley. I’m one of the backup dancers. You should come eat with us.”
Maybe this was what I needed. To hang out with the women on the tour.
Ashley scooped up four additional boxes for the other dancers, and I offered to help carry them. We made small talk on the way back to her bus. She was from Chico, California, and she’d been on three of Ryan’s tours.
The first thing I noticed when I boarded was the overwhelming smell of incense. I was getting secondhand hippie from it. Their bus looked exactly the same as mine, only with a lot more purple and animal-print pillows on their couch.
“Y’all, this is Maisy. And this is Monique, Britt, Megan, and Mariette.”
Then I shared this brilliant observation. “Wow. That’s a lot of M names.” They all smiled at me politely, but there really wasn’t a good response to my comment. I immediately felt stupid.
We passed out the boxes, and I sat down at their table. Inside the box was a delicious grilled flank-steak salad with mixed greens, walnuts, and other vegetables I couldn’t identify. Which probably meant I was not eating enough vegetables in my regular life. I seemed to be the only one actually eating. As best as I could tell, the dancers were simultaneously discussing the merits of nearby clubs, their current favorite music video, the best shade of lipstick from a particular company, and which TV show they should binge-watch next.
It was almost like being in a foreign country with a culture I didn’t quite understand and a language I didn’t speak. I’d never spent much time with groups of women. There were a couple of girls I hung out with during the day in school, but I was always so focused on music and then my mom that I hadn’t made the time for friendships. Angie was the first close female friend I’d ever had.
“What about you, Maisy? Do you want to come dancing with us tonight after the show?” Ashley asked. “And bring those fine bandmates of yours?”
Of course, I immediately wondered if Ryan would be going out dancing with them. If he flirted with these beautiful women the way he flirted with me.
If I was just one of many.
I was not into clubbing. “The guys in the band are my brothers. Who you might want to avoid if you’re into commitment and relationships. I’m not sure what my band is doing tonight after the show. Maybe I can go? One of my brothers said something about an after-party.” I hoped that wasn’t hurtful or offensive.
Ashley shook her head. “Girl, whatever you do, do yourself a favor, and do not go to Ryan’s after-party in his room. Don’t get me wrong; he’s better about some things than he used to be, but that boy is a heartbreaker.”
This was something I already knew and kept reminding myself about, but my body apparently didn’t care. My brain tried to tell it that even strangers were warning us away. “What do you mean better than he used to be?”
“He used to be really bad about starting shows on time, partying too much. Nonstop women. Then something changed. He seems like he doesn’t really do that kind of stuff anymore, but I wouldn’t take the risk. People don’t fundamentally change who they are.”
It made me wonder what had happened. Why he’d changed.
And if he would change back.
“Yeah, I haven’t seen him hooking up with a random girl or groupie in a long time,” Britt said. “But aren’t you traveling on his bus? He might try to get with you.”
“I am. Maybe I should move in here with you guys.” I said it in a joking manner, but I was ready to grab my bags if they’d have me.
“We’re full up. For some reason, the crew thinks if we live in close proximity with them, we’ll suddenly fall in love,” Ashley said with a laugh. “If anything, it has the opposite effect. Boys can be kind of gross to live with.”
“I’m used to living with a bunch of men.” That was the result of being raised with all boys. I was accustomed to the smells and the humor. I’d found that men were usually easy to understand, and so, usually easy to live with. Most of their motivations were based in something physical, like food, women, or sleeping.
A loud whistle sounded outside the bus. “What is that?”
“Piper,” Ashley explained. “She loves that stupid whistle. It means she wants everybody to gather together.”
I finished up my lunch and followed the dancers off the bus, throwing away the box. I told the girls goodbye and went off to find my brothers.
“When are you going to introduce me to your new friends?” Parker asked as I came to stand beside him.
“I was planning on never.”
“Spoilsport.”
Piper used the whistle again. “Okay, the hotel situation has been fixed. We have a private elevator for our use only. You must have your key card to make the elevator function. We have access to the Prestige lounge, which means free breakfast, drinks, and appetizers, as well as concierge service. We’ll be passing out your key cards and today’s PD. Once you get them, you can head up to your rooms.”
“PD?” I repeated.
“It means per diem. Money they give us that we can spend on whatever we want every day. Food, transportation, that kind of stuff. It’s meant to cover basic personal expenses,” Fitz explained.
That seemed generous, but Fitz told me it was pretty standard. Piper handed us our key cards and envelopes. “Don’t forget your sound check at five o’clock today. There will be a car waiting for you outside the lobby at four thirty to drive you over.”
I thanked her and then checked out the envelope once she’d left. Wow. There was seventy-five bucks inside.
Vince had already off-loaded our instruments and our luggage, and there was a fleet of bellhops with baggage carts waiting to help. Fitz took over, getting everything organized. As we went into the lobby, I looked for Ryan.
To my disappointment, I didn’t see him.
Which almost made me miss out on how extravagant and beautiful the lobby was. The high arched ceilings were held up by white columns, and there was a center rotunda over a fountain, flowers, and trees. For a second, I wondered what it would sound like to play in an area like this one.
Our bellhop led us to the elevator and took us up to our floor. My room was next door to Fitz’s, and Cole and Parker were directly across the hall. I opened my door while my brothers tipped the bellhop and sorted through our stuff.
“We’re going to drop off our suitcases, and then we’ll meet up in Maisy’s room to go over our set list for tonight,” Fitz instructed, but I was too busy trying to take everything in.
I had expected a standard hotel room. Bed, TV, bathroom.
What I got was a full-on luxury suite. A set of double doors as I first walked in led to a bathroom tiled with off-white and black marble. Past the bathroom was the sleeping area, with a king-size bed made up with white linens, a textured beige satin headboard that went all the way up to the ceiling, and a gray velvet bench at the foot of the bed. I dropped my carry-on there.
Because there was still more to see!
I stepped down into a sunken living room. There was a huge wraparound couch that could have easily sat my entire family, a fully stocked minibar, and a view that seemed to overlook all of Las Vegas.
My brothers and I could have shared this room. There were even two televisions. It felt like too much space for one person.
I’d left my door slightly ajar, and I heard my brothers come in.
“Not too bad, right?” Parker asked, looking out at the view with me.
“I can’t believe we’re here,” I told him.
“Come on, let’s get to work,” Fitz called out, ever the voice of reason.
Parker sat down on the couch, and Cole had his phone out. Fitz started spreading out a bunch of papers on the coffee table.
When he had sufficiently organized them, he cleared his throat. “If you guys are okay with this, I was thinking we should add Maisy’s version of ‘One More Night’ to our set list. It’s a song the audience already loves, and maybe they’ll look us up online. Get us more views on our videos, more downloads of our songs.”
“That’s a great idea, Fitz,” Parker said, and Cole nodded his head.
Logically, I could see the wisdom in it. But did I really want to sing that song over and over again? I was trying to distance myself from Ryan, not do things that would make me think about him.
I decided I needed a short mental-health break. “I’m going to use the bathroom,” I told them. “Be right back.”
After taking much longer than was necessary, I returned to the living room, where my brothers all stared at me.
For a second, I worried I had toilet paper attached to my shoe or something. “Why are you all looking at me?”
“Because we were just talking about you, so when you came in, we stopped.” Cole never could lie to me.
My other brothers responded to that with “Seriously, dude?” and “Way to go, WikiLeaks.”
Something was very off. “I thought we agreed I was an adult and should be treated like one. What’s going on?” We hadn’t been out of California long, but my thoughts immediately turned to my mother, and fear clung to my heart like plastic wrap. “Is Mom okay?”
“Mom’s fine,” Fitz said. “I mean, I’m sure she’s fine. I haven’t heard anything. It’s just . . . remember how I told you about our financial issues? There was something I didn’t tell you.”
A brick formed in my throat and slowly drifted down until it settled deep in my stomach. “What?”
He exchanged glances with Parker. “We’re three months behind in paying for Mom’s facility. And if we don’t come up with the money by next Friday, they might kick her out.”
“How could you not tell me about this?”
“I thought getting this job would solve all our problems.” Fitz looked down at his hands, not making eye contact. “But because tonight is our first performance, we won’t see a paycheck for at least two weeks. I’ve been trying to work something out with the facility’s administrator, but he’s not budging.”
It would make more sense to ask the tour manager for an advance. I could see why Fitz wouldn’t want to do that. It might make us seem like more trouble than we were worth.
So maybe I could talk to Piper.
Or Ryan.
If they would be willing to give us an advance, everything would be okay.
“You don’t need to worry about it,” Fitz continued. “We’re going to get the money. I just have to make the administrator understand that.”
While the money situation was certainly stressful and worth freaking out over, that wasn’t really a reason to be talking about me. Cole had specifically said they were talking about me. This was some kind of diversion. I faced Cole. “What were you really talking about?”
Cole let out a huge sigh, like he didn’t know what to say. He stayed quiet for about a minute, shrinking under all our gazes. Then everything came out in one breath, as if he couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Dad just announced on his Facebook page that he had another baby.”
Rushing wind filled my ears, making me temporarily unable to hear. My chest constricted, and I could literally feel the rage bubbling up inside me, along with the beginning of an anxiety attack.
I wanted to break something. I wanted to punch a wall.
I also wanted to curl up in a ball and cry until my heart stopped hurting.
Parker reached for me. “You can talk to us, Maze.”
I didn’t want their sympathy right now. Or them telling me how they understood.
I was pissed off at Cole for being Facebook friends with our father.
“I’m going for a walk to cool off,” I told them, grabbing my key card off the dresser. “Don’t follow me.”
I left the room and headed for the elevators, not knowing where I could go to be alone. But I saw the backup dancers all laughing and talking as they waited for the next elevator. I could not make small talk and jokes and smile with the tsunami of grief that had welled up inside me.
So I walked the opposite way, tears blinding me, pain in every step. What was wrong with my father? Why did he keep doing this?
He’d abandoned our family after finally confessing that he’d cheated for the entirety of his relationship with our mother. She’d thought Cole was a onetime deal. She had no idea he was impregnating and carrying on with women all over the country as he toured. He told her he couldn’t help himself. That he loved who he loved and didn’t like using birth control. He literally had dozens of children.
And now he had one more.
At the end of the hallway was a staircase with a notice that an alarm would sound if I opened the door. I noticed a small hallway off to the left leading to a set of double doors recessed into the wall. If I sat here, even if my brothers went looking for me, they wouldn’t be able to find me. I slid down the wall, laid my head on my knees, and let myself sob.
But because this was me, of course one of the doors opened.
“Maisy?”
Three guesses as to whose room it was, and the first two don’t count.