Chapter Nineteen

AJ

Tears fill my eyes as I watch Lexi and Linkin though the window. Linkin is skin-to-skin with Hudson, while Lexi sits in the rocker, skin-to-skin with little Hemi. The nasal cannula is there, providing him with a steady stream of oxygen. The NICU nurse, Charissa, said that his oxygen levels are already improving, and that the pediatrician is confident they’ll be able to remove the oxygen very soon.

It’s a beautiful sight, one I’ll never forget.

Longing rears its ugly head, choosing this most inappropriate time to swoop in. Linkin is watching his wife (unofficial, that is) as she talks to their younger son. The smile on his face steals my breath and makes my heart bleed, especially in light of what happened at Sawyer’s. No, we’re not anywhere close to the same place as my sister and her unofficial husband, but I was under the impression we were in a good place, slowly progressing toward a solid relationship.

Apparently, I was wrong.

“I’ve never seen anything so beautiful,” Grandma says, walking up beside me at the window.

“I agree,” I whisper, a soft smile playing on my lips.

“And there’s nothing better than admiring a gorgeous, shirtless man, holding a tiny newborn baby. If I still had my ovaries, they would have exploded,” she adds with a bit of sass.

“Why must you be so weird?”

“Nothing weird about appreciating a view like that,” Grandma flaps.

I opt to move along, steering the conversation away from Linkin’s (admittedly) sexy abs and back to them as a family. “They’re going to make wonderful parents,” I say, unable to take my eyes off the scene.

“How are you?” she asks, waving at Lexi as she throws us a wide, over the moon with happiness, smile.

“Fine.”

“I had hoped you’d bring that sexy baseball player with you again tonight so I could ogle him a bit more,” she says.

“He had…plans,” I stumble, knowing full well that the great Grandma Inquisition of the Year is about to commence.

I wait, trying to figure out if a quick trip to the bathroom fretting a sudden spell of stomach flu would keep her nosiness at bay. Of course, if I go that route, I’ve pretty much ended any future contact I might have with Hudson and Hemi tonight, and that isn’t worth a fake bout of puking.

“Plans, huh?”

“Yep. I’ll be seeing him tomorrow,” I add cheerfully, mostly because it’s completely true. We have a Monday morning staff meeting at seven, and therefore I’ll be forced to see him.

Not that seeing him will be a hardship. Oh, no. I could gawk at that man all day long and never get tired of it, especially after seeing him naked. Holy hell, God outdid himself when he created Sawyer Randall. But at the same time, things were left…weird and tense. Something happened with his ex-wife, and I’ll be damned if I know what.

My siblings all arrive and everyone oohs and aahs over the boys. Dad is exceptionally proud and even tears up a bit when he recounts how amazing his daughter was, and how cool and collected Linkin was in the delivery room. When Lexi had asked him to come in, it was to stay with her for the long haul. She had always pictured Mom being in there with her, but since she wasn’t with us anymore, she extended the invitation to Dad.

He’s currently standing in front of the window wearing his Proud Grandpa t-shirt and smiling an enormous grin, big enough to see from space.

When Grandma moves on to bug one of my older sisters, Meghan slips in beside me. “Everything all right?” she asks, a concerned look on her face.

“I guess,” I mumble, looking around and noticing no one paying us any attention. “Something weird happened tonight.”

“Define weird,” she encourages.

“We had a really great afternoon after we woke up, but then his ex-wife showed up,” I start.

“Wait, you’re telling me Carrie Doherty showed up at Sawyer’s house? Is that why he’s not here?” she asks.

“Honestly, I’m not sure why he’s not here. He was in the shower when she arrived and she started in on how much he cheated on her during their relationship, and even went on to insinuate that he’s probably already doing it to me.”

“Do you believe her?”

“No,” I reply instantly, because deep down, I don’t feel like Sawyer’s a cheater. “I really don’t think he’s that kinda man, but hey, what do I know? I’ve judged that book cover wrong before.”

“No shit,” she grumbles with a humorless chuckle.

“So then he comes down and asks me to go to the kitchen. They were in his foyer for like ten minutes by themselves. I didn’t even eavesdrop, Meggy, can you believe it? I stayed put and finished cooking our dinner.

“When I realized it was silent, I went looking for him. He was in his room, a far-off look on his face. I asked him to come down for dinner and he said he wasn’t hungry. Then suggested I go to the hospital by myself.”

She gives me a questioning look. “That’s it? He didn’t say why?”

Shaking my head, I confirm, “Not at all. I wanted to push, to ask why he was suddenly distant, but I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it. Something happened and maybe he just needs to work it out for himself.” I glance back in the room and notice the new parents making their way toward the bassinets.

“Could be. Do you think he’ll call you?” she finally asks. Isn’t that the million-dollar question?

“I don’t know, Meggy. Everything was fine before she showed up. Then after she left, he completely shut me out. I hope he calls, but I’m not sure he will. It was like he already checked out.”

“Well, give him a little time, and definitely don’t give up on him. He seemed great the few times I’ve been around him, and the guys love him.”

“I kinda have a soft spot for him too,” I confess.

“I bet. He’s pretty easy on the eyes,” she adds, bumping my shoulder with her own.

I laugh. “Easy, Grandma, or you’ll pop a lady boner in the middle of the NICU.”

“Shut up,” she laughs, hitting my arm before wrapping her arms around me. “I love you, AJ.”

“I love you too, Meggy.”

After a few minutes of silence and watching Lexi and Linkin try to tear themselves away from the babies, she finally says, “You know we’re the only two single ones left.” I nod instead of answering with words. “But do you know what? It’s not meant to be, like you seem to think. You may have found some of the duds in this world, but that’s not your destiny. You’re going to have a wonderful life, filled with love and laughter.”

“You think?” I ask, my eyes filling up with tears.

“I know it,” she responds, her own eyes glistening with moisture.

“You know, there’s love and laughter in your future too, right?”

She sighs and looks back as Linkin wraps his arms around a crying Lexi. She wants to stay with the babies, but it’s time for them to go. “Maybe I had my chance, AJ. Maybe my forever has already passed me by.”

“I don’t believe that for a second and you shouldn’t either. I know it’s hard now to look too far into the future, but you don’t have to look that far. Just take it day by day and when the time is right, you’ll have everything you’ve ever dreamed of. I promise.”

Meghan doesn’t reply, but I can tell she heard me. The tears welling in her eyes leak down her face and fall onto the floor. I couldn’t possibly fathom what she’s going through. Since Josh died, she just sort of stopped. She’s going through the motions, but she’s not living. Oh, she puts on a good show, but I see a lot of the smoke and mirrors she uses to hide her pain.

Someday. She’ll get there someday.

I know it.

* * *

“They look nothing alike. Are you sure they have the same father?” Grandma asks Lexi, stunning the entire room silent.

“Grandma!” Lexi charges, her face turning red.

“What? I’m just asking. This is a no-judge zone, Lexi Lou, so if you have any of those confession time things like Abby and Levi, it’s okay to say it. Get it out,” she says, waving her hands around encouragingly.

“Woman, you’re about to be booted from this room on your ass,” Linkin thunders behind her, clearly having heard her comment.

“Oh, don’t get all bent out of shape, big guy. I was just asking. I read an article about a woman who had sex with two different men within twenty-four hours. She was pregnant with twins, and when they arrived one was black and the other white.” We all just stare, completely stunned by her story.

“Really?” Abby asks, dumbfounded.

“True story. It was on the Internet and you know they don’t lie there. Right, Orvie?” Grandma asks her husband.

“Right, sweetums.”

“How does that happen?” Meghan asks.

“Well, during her ovulation, she released more than one egg. The woman had the sex with one man and his spermies fertilized her waiting egg, where she became pregnant. Therefore, when the hoochie mama slept with the second man right away, he fertilized the second egg. Double the sex. Double the babies, Meggy Pie.”

“That’s…a lot of fertilizing. Thanks,” I mumble.

“Well, just to clear up any confusion, both of my sons are Linkin’s. Just because they have a bit of size difference doesn’t mean anything,” Lexi defends, hormonal tears in her eyes.

“I think Hudson looks more like Linkin,” I add, trying to smooth over some of the extra tension that has suddenly joined us in the room, like a long lost family member.

“Agreed. He definitely has Linkin’s more squared jaw and fuller lips,” Payton decides.

“And Hemi looks more like Lexi. His hair is lighter, like hers. His eyes are more almond-shaped, like hers. His nose is small and cute, like hers. And he’s a fucking fighter, like her,” Linkin says, walking toward his unofficial-wife, who’s sitting up in the hospital bed. “I’d be honored to have one, if not both of my boys, look just like their mother.” He bends down and plants a firm and possessive kiss on her lips.

“And if you ever suggest there was another man in her life again, I’ll have to hide all of your husband’s Viagra and lose the key to your little playroom,” he adds, standing up to his full height (which seems gigantic when he’s in front of Grandma) and crosses his arms over his wide chest. Damn, this man is huge.

“What? You wouldn’t dare!” Grandma huffs, crossing her arms over her chest to mirror his stance.

“I will if you ever make your granddaughter cry again by asking something stupid.”

The room is quiet as we watch their showdown. They seem to square off, neither wanting to cave first. Grandma has the capacity to go a long damn time when she wants to, but the way Linkin is holding his ground, I’d say he’ll outmaneuver Grandma this time.

Her face breaks into a wrinkly smile. “My word in heaven, you sure are swoonworthy when you turn into an aggressive, overprotective husband, Linkin Stone. I think I like you more now than I did before,” she says, walking forward and wrapping her thin arms around his waist. Of course, I can tell she gooses him by the way he quickly straightens and blushes a dark shade of red.

Then she goes to Lexi and hugs her. “I’m sorry, dear. You know I didn’t mean to upset you. You have two beautiful baby boys, and they are the perfect blend of you and your husband.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t want Linkin to take your Viagra and lock you out of your weird little room upstairs that we won’t be discussing any further,” Lexi says.

“But he can’t have the Viagra!” Grandma hollers. “We need that! How else will we be able to play cards every afternoon at three?”

“You need Viagra to play cards? What kinda cards are you playing?” Jaime asks.

“The naked kind, Jaimers. With lots of the sex.”

“Hell yes!” Grandpa bellows from his chair along the wall, causing all further talk of sex to die a quick death.

As I drive home that night, my mind fills with more Sawyer-related questions than I have answers, and as I slip into bed at ten, images of the reason why I have all of these questions accompanies me under the covers.

I just don’t understand.

Everything was fine.

Everything was great.

Then suddenly, it wasn’t.

Grabbing my phone, I check to make sure I didn’t miss any texts. There weren’t any earlier and there aren’t any now. I set it back down on my nightstand and grab a steamy paperback that Abby lent me. I should be able to submerge myself in the story until I can’t keep my eyes open, but once again, I’m only thinking of Sawyer.

Setting the book back down on the table, I reach for my phone.

Me: I met the two most perfect little boys in the world tonight. I hope you had a good evening. ‘Night.

Watching, no little bubbles appear to let me know he’s read and replying to my message. I continue to stare, willing a return message to pop up, for an embarrassingly long time before I finally take the hint and put my phone away.

Maybe he’s busy? Working out? In the shower? In bed already? He didn’t get much sleep the night before, so maybe he’s already passed out, and he’ll see my message and reply tomorrow. Right?

But as I slip farther into my bed and curl up with my pillow, dread starts to overpower my positive outlook.

I guess the only way to know if he’ll text in the morning is to wait until morning.

* * *

The morning drones on brutally slow, especially in light of checking my phone first thing and not finding a reply. When I arrive at school, unlock my door, and head down to the teachers’ lounge, I return to find my desk empty. After the last two weeks of daily yummy treats and deliciously frothy caramel coffee, I’m not sure I’ll be able to drink the brown sludge in my cup.

I should start bringing my own coffee.

I head back to the teachers’ lounge for our morning staff meeting like I’m heading to the guillotine. Dead man walking. Or woman, I should say. It’s like my feet are encased in concrete. The room is already filling quickly, but thankfully, Brandy and Natalie have saved me a seat between them in back. Thank God I don’t have to sit by talky Mrs. Porter or stinky Mr. Simpson, or well, any of the chairs in the front row. That’s where the ass-kissers and the hard of hearing convene.

Just as Mr. Stewart enters the room, a flash of gorgeous man wearing a Jupiter Bay Hawks t-shirt (a little too deliciously snug in the arms, if you ask me) and pair of black basketball shorts enters the room. My word, that man is pure sex.

“Agreed,” Natalie mumbles, causing me to glance her way.

“What?”

“You just whispered that the man was pure sex. I’m assuming you’re not talking about Stewart because ewwwww,” Natalie replies.

“Stewart is soooo sexy,” Brandy coos. “He does this thing when he’s reading and looks at me over his glasses. I swear,” she shivers visibly. “He’s completely doable in that nerdy kinda way.”

“Can I have everyone’s attention,” Mr. Stewart bellows from the front of the room. “There are just a few things we need to go over this morning…”

And that’s when I completely lose focus.

Since he was the last one in, he’s left with one of the up-front seats by the door, also right next to stinky Mr. Simpson. It gives me the perfect profile view to do a little stalking. Okay, you’re right. Stalking is such a harsh word. Maybe intently watching is a better fit. All eyes are on the boss in front, therefore my eyes are on him.

He looks…tired. I mean, not that I care. The man did pretty much boot me from his house yesterday afternoon and completely ignore my text. That alone should be enough reason to not care how worn down he is. The only thing I should care about is when I’m getting my panties back from the chandelier.

Those are expensive panties.

But the more I look at him, I can see more than just fatigue. Sure, there are bags under his eyes big enough to carry my shoes, and worry lines around his mouth that aren’t normally there. His hair is a bit askew, which isn’t typical of the beginning of his workday. His shoulders are hunched, almost in a defeated manner. His entire appearance is just…so not like him.

I try to pay attention to what the principal is saying, but it’s hard. My focus just keeps returning to the weekend and the man I spent it with, which pretty much sucks donkey balls in regards to implementing the new programs our administration has been working on for this school year. New programs? What new programs? I just fantasized about the PE teacher screwing me against the banister and have no idea what you just said.

That’ll go over well.

I feel eyes on me. Trying to keep my own eyes trained on Mr. Stewart, the temptation to look is just too great. But when I glance his way, he’s not looking at me at all. It’s actually Bryce Lehman, who’s sitting almost directly in my line of sight of Sawyer. He gives me a warm smile, but it does nothing to my heart or my lady parts.

When the meeting’s finally over and the students are starting to arrive, Principal Stewart dismisses us to prepare for our day of teaching the youth of Jupiter Bay. I stand up, my ass already sore from sitting on the hard metal chair, and turn to my friends.

“Educational, as always,” I mumble, earning nods from both Natalie and Brandy.

“As always,” Natalie agrees.

“Uh oh, ladies. Don’t look now, but randy Randall is looking this way,” Brandy leans in and whispers.

I can’t help it; I turn and glance toward the front of the room. Unfortunately, he’s already heading out the door and doesn’t turn back around to give me another glance. I feel his exit like one of those polar plunges, jumping into freezing water in the middle of winter. It’s heavy, painful, and makes me feel like I can’t breathe.

Happy Monday.