Chapter Twenty-Five

AJ

As the warmth of September transforms into a slightly cooler October, Sawyer and I seem to fall into our own comfortable routine. I spend most evenings at his place, curled up at his side while I grade papers. We take turns making dinner, though by the time a meal is finished, we’re usually both pitching in and doing it together. We stop at the café every morning to get a coffee and breakfast pastry, which is not going so well for my growing ass.

Turns out though, I really like watching Sawyer while he works out.

I mean, working out with him. Yeah. That’s what I meant.

It’s Saturday night, and was my night to pick our monthly sisters’ night activity. I’m so excited to go! We’re headed to the batting cages later, where we’ll swing the bats and indulge in too much pizza and cheap beer. Sawyer helped me secure free reign of the facility tonight, which I’m sure cost him a pretty penny, but the manager’s son is one of Sawyer’s pitchers for the upcoming spring baseball season. I’m pretty sure he just had to make a few calls. Sawyer just dropped us off and is running to get the pizza and beer for tonight’s shindig.

Meghan follows me into the building through the back entrance. She’s been quiet since we picked her up in Sawyer’s car. I asked if everything was okay, to which she said was fine, but I can tell something’s wrong. Maybe she just didn’t want to say anything in front of Sawyer? I just won’t force the issue or make her feel required to talk. When she’s ready, she’ll spill.

Jaime and Payton arrive next, Ryan and Dean hot on their heels. I expect them to just drop the girls and go, but apparently when there’s baseball involved, there is no getting rid of them for even a minute. The guys head over to a side table, but they’re chomping at the bit to get into the cages.

Abby and Levi arrive next. They’re barely inside the door when it opens again. Everyone turns and then squeals in delight when we see Lexi and Linkin, each carrying a car seat through the door.

“Holy balls, what are you doing here?” Payton yell-whispers as we all gather around the two sleeping infants.

“He insisted I come tonight,” Lexi says, pointing to Linkin, as she gently sets Hemi’s seat on the table.

“I wanted her to get out of the house for a bit,” Linkin adds, starting to remove the restraining buckles from little Hudson.

“There was no way I was leaving them for even a second,” Lexi says, carefully removing tiny little Hemi from the seat. We all hold our breath as she maneuvers our youngest nephew into the crook of her arm. “I’m just not ready for that,” Lexi adds, tears filling her eyes.

“So we agreed to come for a little bit,” Linkin says, running a finger along the top of his son’s sleeping head. “It’s their first official outing besides seeing the doc.”

“Can I hold him?” Payton asks, her eyes misty.

“Of course,” Linkin agrees, kissing Hudson’s head as he gingerly sets his boy in Payton’s waiting arms. God, he’s such a good dad.

Payton walks over and sits down beside Dean, her eyes glued to the boy in her arms. There’s no missing the way she cries as she holds him close, whispering words that we can’t hear. Dean and Payton want a baby, but with her PCOS, it makes it very difficult to conceive. In fact, she was told it may never happen.

“How about it, Aunt AJ. Want a turn with this little one?” Lexi asks, standing beside me. My heart speeds up as it always does when I hold one of my nephews, but my breathing gets all weird too when I hold Hemi. In fact, I’ve only held him once. He’s so small and was in the hospital a few extra days to make sure his own breathing was where it needed to be and he was eating well.

“I’m not sure,” I whisper, taking in his itty-bitty little body.

“You got this,” she assures me, and nods to the chair beside me.

Sitting down, my hands start to shake as she slowly and gently lowers him into my arms. He’s light and I feel like my arm swallows him whole as I gaze down at the perfect little person I’m holding. He yawns big, holding my complete attention. My face starts to hurt from my smile, but I keep it there, along with my eyes, watching every move he makes.

There’s movement and talking around me, but my eyes are glued to the baby. I feel his presence before I see him. Sawyer slides onto the chair beside me and leans in to look at Hemi. He reaches over, his pointer finger gigantic compared to my nephew’s tiny hand as he gently strokes the soft baby skin of Hemi’s knuckles. Gently, I rock him from side to side, not really knowing what more I’m supposed to do with a sleeping baby.

As I stare down at the sweet little face, I feel Sawyer’s eyes on me. He’s watching me watch the baby. When I glance over, the rawness and tenderness of this moment strikes me like a lightning bolt. His eyes are full of emotions, ones that I’m sure match mine. “Do you want to hold him?” I whisper, afraid of waking him up.

“No way. I’m afraid I’ll break him,” Sawyer replies quietly with a grin.

“They tell me that’s not how it works, but I’m still skeptical. He’s so small,” I reply, glancing back down again.

“He’s perfect. A real fighter.”

“He is.”

Silence follows, which makes me glance up at the man beside me. I’ve always known I’d want to be a mother someday, but this is the first time I can really picture it happening. I can see a small little boy with his dad’s brown hair and blue eyes or maybe a little girl with dark ringlets and deep blue-green eyes that’s the perfect mix of her mother and father. My heart practically leaps from my chest.

Sawyer’s blue eyes smile back at me, a reflection of feelings neither of us has spoken aloud. I know where this is heading for me, but is it heading in that direction for Sawyer too? When he looks at me with so much adoration and gentleness, it makes me feel like we’re taking major steps toward Lovesville, population two.

He leans forward, his lips warm and soft against mine. It’s a tender, closed-mouth kiss, but causes the same butterflies to take flight in my belly as every other kiss he gives me. We’re interrupted by the creature in my arms who decides to let a bloodcurdling wail rip from his tiny little body.

I freeze.

Sawyer freezes.

We both stare at each other with fear in our eyes, neither of us too embarrassed to admit it.

“What’d you do?” he whispers, glancing down as small arms start to flail. His small mouth opens in rage, but the sound coming out is clearly that of a very pissed off adult. How can something so tiny be so loud?

“I didn’t do anything,” I gasp, rocking a little harder, completely afraid to move. “He started that on his own.”

“He’s probably hungry already,” Lexi says, coming over to retrieve the screaming infant from my arms. I miss him the moment he’s gone, but that doesn’t stop the huge sigh of relief that sweeps through me when he’s safely secured in his mom’s arms.

“That was terrifying,” Sawyer mumbles.

“No shit. I thought I broke him,” I say, leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes.

“Are you hungry?” he asks.

“I couldn’t possibly eat after that,” I confess.

“Okay, but the pizza’s getting cold.”

Instantly, I perk up. “Well, maybe just a slice or two,” I reply, jumping up and heading over to the pizza table.

Abby and Meghan are there, opening up fresh pizza boxes and removing the empties. Thank God I ordered enough to feed the guys too. Actually, thank God Sawyer told me to order two extras because the guys might be hungry too. I think he pretty much knew that our sisters’ night was going to be transformed into sisters and significant others night.

While Lexi is across the room, privately feeding Hemi, I offer everyone a beer. Linkin opts for a water (also thank God for Sawyer who grabbed several cold bottles), as does Levi, who has to work later tonight. I grab the case of Michelob Ultra and head over to my sisters. Abby takes one, but makes a face, and Meghan’s already on her second. I approach Payton and Jaime next.

“Here,” I say, holding a cold can out to Payton.

“Oh, uh…” she says, glancing around the room. “I’m not drinking tonight.”

“Oh my God, are you pregnant?” I holler, completely drawing everyone’s attention to our oldest sister.

“No!” she exclaims and her cheeks blush. “I’m not,” she confirms as Dean, who’s now holding Hudson, joins her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. He’s so natural with the baby in his arms and isn’t a big chicken to move around like me. “We’re not, but we’ve started Clomid to stimulate ovulation and possibly increase our chances of fertility, so I’m just taking it easy on the alcohol right now.” She shrugs her shoulder, but I can see the nervousness and the excitement in her eyes as they take this step toward conceiving.

“You guys,” Abby says, tears filling her eyes. “That’s so great.”

“Here.” I hand the can in my hand to Jaime, who shakes her head.

“Can’t. I am pregnant.” Her words stop me, and everyone else, in our tracks.

“You are?” I squeal, setting the can on the table and wrapping my older sister in a big hug. More arms wrap around us as my sisters all join the hug.

“I can’t hug! I have a little feeding machine attached to my boob,” Lexi cries from across the room.

“We’ll catch you on the next one,” I tell our baby sister, not really wanting to be over there while she’s feeding her infant son. And no, I’m not against breastfeeding, but it’s just…personal.

The guys all congratulate Ryan with guy hugs and back slaps, and there’s no missing the proud smile on his face that makes my own face break out in a blinding grin.

“We weren’t even trying,” Jaime confirms. “It was a total surprise.”

“That’s because I have super sperm,” Ryan hollers, earning an eye roll from his wife.

“They have one job to do, babe. It’s not brain surgery,” she sasses as he wraps his arms around her and pulls her in for a deep kiss.

“Super sperm,” he whispers against her lips, her arms circling his neck.

My eyes find Sawyer, who’s watching me intently. He gives me a look that seems indecent and makes me feel naked; it’s hunger and desire crashing together like our bodies do at night. Suddenly, I’m ready to leave our sisters’ night in favor of bedroom Olympics with a certain PE teacher who makes me so hot that my sisters could get sunburned if they look too long.

“Let’s get these cages warmed up,” Linkin says, “before we have to leave.”

And that’s how we spend the next two hours, eating pizza, drinking beer (well, some of us), and taking cracks at baseballs in the batting cages. Sawyer gives pointers, but only when solicited. Otherwise, he’s content to sit back and watch, talking to the guys and even holding Hudson for a few minutes.

When it’s my turn, I step inside the netting. Sawyer made sure the ball thrower thingy was turned down as much as possible for the one the girls are using, but I’m still surprised at how fast the ball flies by my face. Ha. Balls. Flying by my face. I can’t help the snort that slips from my mouth. Sawyer’s eyebrows rise with his smirk, as if he knows my mind was headed someplace dirty.

I take a few more swings, completely missing the ball as it sails into the net behind me. I’m about to throw the bat and give up baseball forever when Sawyer moves into the netted area with me. He steps up beside me just as a ball flies by, hitting the net once more.

“Come ‘ere,” he says, stepping up behind me. He wraps his arms around me, positioning me the right way. “Spread your legs a little more.”

“Is that an invitation?” I sass, moving my legs until they’re shoulder width apart.

“I’m already harder than hell watching you take swings, don’t tease me,” he breathes seductively against my ear. “Keep your eye on the ball. It’s coming,” he adds, sending dirty images careening through my mind.

And it does come. The ball, that is. I’m watching for it and ready, so when it’s in the right spot, I swing the bat. The crack of hard wood meeting the ball is satisfying, instantly putting a smile on my face. Glancing over my shoulder, my eyes collide with his smiling ones. “Great job.”

“Thanks,” I tell him, getting into position again for the next pitch. “I think it’s the teacher,” I add, shimmying my ass against the erection he mentioned.

He grunts and grabs my hips to halt my teasing. “Not nice,” he growls.

I don’t say anything as I swing at the next pitch, sending the ball flying high into the net above the pitching machine. “You could go pro,” he tells me, no mistaking the pride in his voice.

Laughing, I reply, “I don’t know about that, but this is fun when you actually know what you’re doing.” I take a few more swings before my arms start to tire. “You’re up, Slugger.”

Sawyer takes the bat and pulls me in for a kiss. The sounds of my sisters’ “awws” behind us makes us both smile against our lips.

“All right, Sosa, step out and watch how it’s done,” Sawyer says confidently, placing one last lingering kiss on my lips before heading over to the pitching machine. Everyone seems to gather around the protective net as he grabs a longer, heavier bat from the rack and heads over to crank up the pitching machine’s speed setting.

Then he takes his place behind the plate, and my entire body hums with desire. His stance is wide, his powerful legs taking up a pretty large piece of real estate at the plate. The corded muscles in his arms flex and jump as he twists his hands around the bat. The look in his eyes intense and completely focused as he stares down the machine, waiting.

And then the ball flies.

He swings with so much power, so much expertise, that when the cracking of the bat fills the room, it steals my breath. I’ve never seen anything like it as he takes his position for the next ball. When it’s released, the same thing happens. We watch it sail into the netting, high above the cage.

That’s how it continues as he hits the ten balls he put into the pitching machine. I don’t miss how every couple of swings, he stretches his bad shoulder, twisting and moving it around. I wonder if he’ll hurt later after this? But I don’t think he really cares. Not if the happiness reflecting from his blue eyes or the casual smile on his face is any indication. Sawyer’s in his element, plain and simple.

And it’s hot as fuck.

Like throw my panties on the ground, wetness running down the inside of my thighs, kinda hot. Now I can completely see the sex appeal that seems to follow pro ball players around from city to city. I’m only witnessing a small piece of his sexual magnetism at work (and not even on a real baseball field), but I totally get it now.

I’m a total bleacher bunny.

When he steps out of the cage, the guys are all over him, complimenting him on his hits and talking baseball. My sisters all look like they’re wiping drool off their chins, which causes a small burst of pride to swell in my chest. It also makes me a little thankful that my grandma isn’t here to witness Sawyer’s uber hotness in action. The poor old woman would probably have a heart attack.

I, however, zone in on how he’s favoring his right shoulder. Has he swung the bat like that since his accident? Could he have done a little damage just by hitting a few balls?

He catches my eye and must see the concern on my face. He’s approaching me before I can even register that he’s moving. “Everything okay?” he whispers, sweeping hair off my forehead.

“I should be asking you that. Did you hurt your shoulder?” I ask, slipping my hand under the sleeve of his t-shirt and gently rubbing the puckered skin left from his incisions.

Sawyer shrugs. “It was a little tight at first, but the more swings I made, the looser it started to get.”

I continue to massage the joint, rubbing my fingers around the back of his shoulder and down his arm, then to the front and back down his arm. His eyes become heavy lidded and I can’t tell if it’s just that relaxing of a massage or if he’s getting turned on.

Then he pulls me flush against his front.

Yep, turned on.

He wraps his arms around my shoulders as I inhale the musky, masculine scent that is this man. It might sound a little weird, but I could sniff his clothes and his skin all day long and never tire of it. If I could bottle it up and sell it, I’d be a millionaire for sure.

Before long, Lexi and Linkin take the twins home to get them ready for their bedtime routine. Everyone else takes a few more swings in the batting cages and the rest of the pizza is polished off. Well, everyone but Meghan. She seems…off tonight. More than once, I’ve found her gazing off at nothing with tears in her eyes. It makes my heart hurt for her, at the pain she’s still clearly carrying around.

And then it hits me.

October.

Three years ago, they moved in together. This was when they started mapping out their lives together. If only we’d known that the road would take them so far off course.

When I glance over again, she seems almost angry. Like she’s trapped inside her own head, lost in memories she can’t seem to forget, and unable to come up for air. I head her way and see the change as soon as she notices my approach.

“Hi,” she says, her voice slightly pitchy.

“Hey, you all right?” I ask.

“Yes, of course. Having fun. You?” Her smile is in place, but this isn’t Meghan. This is the face of a woman tortured, who’s putting on her brave, strong face to keep people from asking questions.

“Meg,” I start, grabbing her arm and pulling her a little further away from the crowd. “What’s wrong?”

She glances around and her eyes fill with tears. This time, they fall down her soft porcelain skin, unchecked. “He should be here, AJ. Josh should be over there, laughing and talking with the guys. He should be in the batting cages and tossing the ball around with Sawyer. He should be holding my nephews,” she chokes out, burying her face in her hands.

I wrap my arms around her shoulders and let her cry. Lord knows that in the last year and a half, we’ve barely seen her cry. It’s like she’s had to keep up some sort of Wonder Woman persona for appearances. Well, maybe now she’ll let it go. Cry. Yell. Kick. Scream. Let it all out so she can finally take a step forward, instead of being chained to her past.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers in my shoulder.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I tell her honestly.

“I’m messing up sisters’ night,” she sniffles, pulling back and wiping her eyes and nose on a Kleenex that Jaime has brought over.

“Pfff, are you kidding? Look at all of those guys over there,” I say, pointing over my shoulder. “I think they messed up sisters’ night long before you did with a few tears. Besides, Lexi cried three times in the two hours they were here,” I remind her.

“True,” she sniffs. “But she’s hormonal. I’m just having a pity party,” she adds.

“It’s not a pity party when you’re still dealing with a lot of emotions for an event that changed the entire course of your life, Meggy.”

She nods, but doesn’t say anything for a few moments. “I think I’m going to head home.”

“Why don’t I drive you?” I offer.

“No, I couldn’t ask you to leave everyone.”

“We’re done here anyway. Sawyer told the guy we’d lock up at ten,” I say, checking my watch. “In fact, I have an idea. Why don’t we have a sleepover tonight? You and me, some ice cream and a total chick flick movie? What do you say?”

“I couldn’t possibly pull you away from Sawyer. He did so much to set up tonight for all of us.”

This time it’s my turn to shrug. “I think he’ll be all right without me for one night. And besides, he’s coming to brunch tomorrow at the café with everyone. I’ll pick him up on my way in the morning.”

She doesn’t quite seem convinced yet, but I can tell by the way she hasn’t completely shot me down that she kinda likes the idea of a sleepover. So I don’t let her argue. The decision is already made. “I’ll just have to steal some clothes from you in the morning,” I tell her with a hip bump.

“Fine, but you better not drool on my pillow,” she sasses, hip bumping me back.

“I don’t drool! I’m too ladylike for that,” I quip, earning a snort from my sister.

With my arm around her shoulders, I pull her back to the crowd. Jaime gives me a knowing smile and Payton squeezes my arm as I walk by. I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t have a few more visitors for tonight’s sleepover.

Leaving Meghan with our sisters, I head over to talk to Sawyer. “She okay?” he whispers, placing one hand on my hip and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“She will be. She has her ups and downs, and unfortunately, tonight is a down. Listen, I think I’m going to stay with her tonight. She’s really–”

“Don’t say anymore,” he interrupts. “You’re needed with her tonight.”

I give him a grateful smile before sliding my arms around his waist. “How will I sleep without being next to you?” I ask, resting my cheek against his chest. His arms envelop me, surrounding me in his warmth and scent.

“I could ask you the same thing, Alison Jane,” he states simply.

“My car is at your house.”

“Take mine. You can drop me off at my place and go to your sister’s house.”

“Why don’t I just grab mine while I’m at your place?”

Sawyer takes my chin in his fingers and raises it until I’m gazing up at his big blue eyes. “I kinda like you taking mine.” Then he bends down and kisses me on the lips.

“Fine, but your car is way nicer than mine. I might get used to your fancy butt warmers,” I tease, even though there’s no need for seat warmers in October.

“You can drive my car anytime you want, but when you need your ass warmed, all you need to do is ask, sweetheart.” His eyes turn molten and a wicked little smile plays on his lips. My face heats up at the thought of Sawyer spanking my ass, but that’s not the only thing. My entire body seems to respond to his words.

We pull apart and help the rest of the crew pick up the mess we made. Sawyer makes sure the pitching machines are off and the facility is left in the same order it was in when we arrived earlier. When all of the tables are straightened and the trash is taken out back to the dumpster, we all head out into the cooler October night.

“You got her?” Payton asks as she pulls me into a hug.

“Yeah.”

“Call me if you need me. I’ll come right over,” she adds, kissing my cheek.

“Me too,” Jaime whispers in my ear when she gives me a hug.

“Levi’s working all night. Why don’t I join you?” Abby suggests.

“I’m sure she would appreciate that,” I tell her.

“I’ll run home and grab some clothes. She can ride with us to my place and I’ll grab my car,” she says and heads to Payton’s car, Meghan in tow. Levi drove his truck since he’d be off to work before the party ended, so Abby arranged to grab a ride home with our oldest sister and brother-in-law.

Meeting Sawyer at his car, he helps me into the passenger seat before getting into the car himself. Talk is small as we head back to his house. We both seem to find comfort in the silence, our fingers entwined in each other’s on his lap. My mind keeps going to Meghan and what she’s dealing with on a daily basis. I couldn’t imagine feeling that kinda loss regularly.

The thought of losing Sawyer, even though I’ve known him a fraction of the time Meghan knew Josh, feels like a knife piercing my gut. It hurts to breathe. Then the thought of our relationship not working out filters through my mind and makes it even worse. Even though we haven’t said the words, I know I’m in love with him, and the idea of not having him in my life one day is agony.

“Hey,” he says, bringing my hand to his lips. I glance around, realizing we’re already in his driveway by the front door. “Everything all right?”

I nod my head, unable to get words past the lump in my throat. As I gaze into his sapphire eyes, I realize that even though I’m terrified of losing him, the prospect of not being with him at all is much worse. Love is scary and most of the time, you’re in it blind, but as long as two people are on the same path, it’s supposed to be worth it, right?

Are we on the same path?

God, I hope so.

Even without having the answer to that question, I still find myself needing to say it. Speak those three words that I’ve only ever said one time before, and even then, I’m not sure it was real. But this? This feels real. And right.

“I love you.”

If he’s surprised by my words, he doesn’t show it.

Instead, his eyes soften and a slow smile spreads across his lips. “I love you, too.” He says the words moments before his lips plaster to mine and he’s practically pulling me across the car and into his lap. “Fuck, I think I fell in love with you that first night I saw you.”

My moan is swallowed by his mouth; his lips dominating and consuming me. The slide of his tongue against mine is like gasoline to the already scorching fire that has been slowly burning all evening. “Fuck,” he gasps, pulling his lips free from mine. “I want nothing more than to take you upstairs to my bed and make love to you all night long.” That makes me whimper. “But you’re needed with Meghan tonight,” he says as he places gentle kisses along my jaw.

“Maybe I can be a little late,” I suggest, gasping as his tongue tastes the sensitive skin under my ear.

“As appealing as that sounds, and believe me, baby, that sounds fucking amazing, we both know you need to get going.” He’s right. Dammit.

“Fine, but I’m sneaking out early in the morning. This is to be continued.”

“I’ll be waiting in bed for you,” he says, sliding his big hand tenderly along my cheek before kissing me once more. This kiss is closed-mouth, as if he’s trying to keep from ravishing me.

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Can’t wait,” he whispers before placing one last kiss on my lips and exiting the car.

I meet him around at the driver’s door and slide inside. Sawyer crouches down and gives me one more kiss. “I love you.”

My heart flies out of my chest with each declaration he makes. “I love you, too.”

When I pull away, it’s with a beaming smile on my face and hope filling my chest. After years of finding every frog in town, I think I finally found my prince. The man who monopolizes my thoughts, dominates my dreams, and makes me happy in between. Our time together is everything I’ve ever thought a real relationship would be like.

I finally found…the one.