“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” I cried in frustration. My garbage disposal had broken in the middle of my attempt at a Turkish recipe. ‘Never put potato peels in the garbage disposal, Mari,” I reprimanded myself.

 

Thanksgiving had put me in a good place. I caught up with my sister and her crazy life. Dawson warmed up to me more than ever. Ginger got in the habit of calling me ‘Mommy’. The drive back to the airport was without event. Even the weather seemed perfect.

 

I growled at myself, muttering as I looked for my plumber’s number. “I just had to put the peels in the disposal. Couldn’t throw them in the trash like a normal person. Just like me to ruin a perfectly good day. That’s what I do best.”

 

The old man picked up on the first ring, and he greeted me with, “Mari! What a surprise!” I could picture him smirking.

 

“Yeah, Mr. Nolan. A surprise, indeed,” I replied sarcastically. It was our inside joke. He pretended I didn’t break something every few weeks, and I followed his lead.

 

“So, what’s the problem today?” he asked.

 

“My garbage disposal. I…”

 

“Threw potato peels in it again, didn’t you?” he finished for me.

 

“Yes,” I said in a small voice. I looked down, ashamed of myself. No matter how many times that man warned me, I still forgot and made the same mistake. Good thing he was such a patient man. Of course, I paid him well for his services, too.

 

Mr. Nolan didn’t require long explanations, and I sighed, putting the phone away. What would I do now? I glanced at the counter and saw I had all I needed to continue my experiment. Somewhat relieved, I turned on the oven and set the temperature. In ten minutes, the dish was layered for baking, and I checked the oven temperature. It needed about five more minutes, so I decided to do my check up on the fridge.

 

“I should drink more milk,” I told myself, grabbing yet another expired carton.

 

“Maybe you should have breakfast more often.” I jumped and spun at Dawson’s unexpected intervention, warming instantly. I welcomed him with a big smile, and he returned it with his devastating crooked one, his tall body leaning in the doorframe with his arms crossed over his broad chest. The picture was completed perfectly by the fact he still wore his black riding gear. Heart. Melting.

 

“You think?” I asked, not really caring for an answer.

 

He nodded. “You barely eat anything before lunch. That has to be unhealthy.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and I melted into the embrace. I hadn’t seen him much the last couple of days, and it felt wonderful to be surrounded by his scent again. I couldn’t stop smiling as I pressed my cheek to his chest. “How have you been?” he asked.

 

“Fine. Mostly at school or here. What about you?” I reluctantly put some distance between us to look into his eyes.

 

“Same, working a lot.”

 

I frowned. “What about…” I was afraid to utter the words.

 

He shook his head and tried to pull me closer again, but I resisted, catching a shadow that passed over his face. I wanted to know why. I wanted to be his rock, and his reluctance to talk about the Valves only made me more concerned, even if I knew his intentions were good.

 

“Tell me, Dawson. I promised I would help with anything,” I pressed. He let go and looked away. “Let me make some coffee, and we’ll talk,” I suggested, though I kept my tone strong. I made it a suggestion that couldn’t be denied. Then I gasped. “Oh! My moussaka!” I ran and slid it in the oven, set the timer, and fumbled with the French press, trying to ignore my trembling hands. What could it be? I dreaded the worst when it came to them.

 

“Don’t worry, baby. I’m trying my best to put a plan into action.”

 

“I don’t care about that!” I exploded, hurt by his words. His eyes widened with surprise. He didn’t expect such a strong reaction. But I was tired of being shut out. “I don’t care about the reassurances that everything will be all right. I want to know that it already is. I want to help you deal with all of it. Talk to me, Dawson!” I shocked myself, not realizing just how much pain had built up in me.

 

He hung his head, shaking it. “It’s not pretty. It never has been, baby. You are my way of dealing. With everything.”

 

“You need to talk. I can help, even just listening. To your concerns, fears. All of it. You say I am, but I feel like you’re using me the wrong way.”

 

“I am?” he smirked.

 

It irritated me to smile, and anger rose in my gut. I hated him for changing the subject, trying to distract me. “I’m serious, Dawson. I should know what’s happening to you so I know what to expect.”

 

“Why?” he challenged. “I’ll always come to see you, always keep you and Ginger safe. What else is there to talk about?”

 

I couldn’t settle my anger, wanted to shout and cry. But I couldn’t. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, like trying to hide his connection to the Valves anymore. But I still felt he kept me on the fringes, still had something hidden, and that prospect filled me with dread. There was a struggle inside me, wrapped in a thick layer of frustration. I couldn’t find the words to make him see I was right, too, that I needed to be involved in his fight. And that he needed all the support he could get, deserved it.

 

I stepped to the window, grabbing the sill as I did every time something proved too much to handle. My body tensed, and my knuckles turned white as my grip tightened – my way of mustering up every shred of strength to keep my tears at bay. I even held my breath, afraid exhaling would cause me to burst into uncontrollable sobs. I counted, to ten, then twenty, and beyond, fighting to steady my breathing, and I managed to release my hold on the window sill. It wasn’t time to throw fits. I needed a clear head. But I couldn’t turn and face him yet.

 

“I know you’re protecting us, Dawson. And I trust you implicitly. But you need something for yourself, someone who can and will listen. I know the worst part of this business, and I can be that for you.”

 

His face was grim, his jaw tense. “I don’t need anyone to share these thoughts, baby. I know what I have to do, and I’m doing it. I don’t like that I still have to play my role in the organization any more than you do, but why would I need to talk about it? It’s ugly, and I can’t talk shop that easily anyway.”

 

Once again, he had brought me to tears. His words reduced me to nothing more than a ball of hurt and frustration. Still, I looked into his eyes as I spoke. “Why, you ask? Why share? Because this isn’t just about you! Because I have a burning need to help you and know you’re okay. I’m not asking because I like hearing gory details. But I have to. That’s what a girlfriend is supposed to do. Given the choice, I wouldn’t know the Valves even exist, or what their business is. But I need to because you need to get the weight off your chest and soul. Because I love you, I want to share that burden. And I need you to know you aren’t alone, not anymore. What is so hard to understand about that?” I stopped to catch my breath and hid inside myself, my face hot and flushed and tear stained. My voice had grown hollow and broken with the words I’d emptied in desperation.

 

But Dawson wouldn’t let me crawl into my mind and put up walls. He came to me, grabbed me chin, and lifted my face to his. He bent and kissed my lips. It wasn’t a sweet kiss but one full of fight. A fight for us. All the hardships we encountered, all my tears and pain, all his secrets and determination, poured into it and filled both of us. My lips gave way under pressure, tired and numb to his assault. I melted, leaning against him, unable to breathe properly.

 

He wrapped me with strong arms and lifted me in the air. I felt lightheaded and welcomed the support. He cleared the counter with a swipe of one hand and planted me on it. He broke the kiss for a breath, and I opened my eyes. A slow wave of pleasure washed over me as I caught his gaze. Their dark seduction burned, speaking louder than words ever could. He thanked me, owned me, loved me, and wanted me, all at once. Everything about that gaze pinned me down.

 

In mere seconds, we exchanged what we could never say. He eased my quivering body with another kiss, and I gradually took it in, forgetting about anything else. I only smelled his masculine scent, the hint of leather swirling in it, and I tasted his mouth. I felt his hands wander over me, groping hungrily for me. He cupped my breasts, and I gasped as he squeezed my flesh mercilessly, my body responding with equal force. I buried my hands in his hair and pulled him closer as he pressed his hips between my legs.

 

He wasn’t satisfied with just one part of me, his hands roaming over my belly and back, pulling off my clothes as he went. I followed his lead, ridding him of his leather gear as fast as I could move. A sense of urgency and starvation took over, as if our only salvation was to come together as one. Like having each other would end everything – the good and the bad. There would only be us, together.

 

When I finally felt his hot skin beneath my touch, my core quivered with anticipation. Knowing my body like his own, he lowered a hand between my legs and slipped his fingers under my jean skirt, lifting it. He found my clit and rubbed it fast, making me gasp and my body shake with each stroke. I grew weak, consumed by the sensation, and I grabbed his shoulders to steady myself.

 

He kept a crazy pace, tormenting my nub with the determination of pure desire. His free hand kneaded my ass with a firm grip and, soon, I was conscious of nothing but his touch. He raised my skirt higher and rid me of my panties, eager to have me. I spread my legs as wide as I could, giving him a clear view of my wet pussy, assuring him of my need. He licked his lips and met me gaze, my face slack as I stared with lips parted, filled with desire. He held my eyes captive as he penetrated me in one swift thrust.

 

His cock shocked me for a split second, but pleasure flooded on the heels of his entry, and my head fell back, the sweet sensation of his possession coursing through me. I didn’t take long to reach the edge, and he supported my body as I leaned back on the counter, letting go of the remnants of self-control. He didn’t wait for me to be ready, didn’t spend time preparing me with slow strokes before shoving into my tight pussy to his hilt. I loved the waves of shock rippling through me, and he kept ramming into me, holding my hips securely in place.

 

A stray moment of clarity washed over, and I heard myself moan and cry out. My mouth was dry, my body aching for more. He didn’t disappoint, as if he had a direct link to my mind. He picked up the pace and lifted my hips for a better angle, sliding in and out harder and deeper. The tension built inside, and my body trembled with each thrust. Small ripples turned into tidal waves crashing over me, my chest stinging with my gasps of pleasure. I wasn’t sure I could handle it, but he stroked once more, and I shattered, falling over the edge and drowning in bliss.

 

My muscles contracted as I lost control, and Dawson played me like a violin, moving inside me expertly, making me come again and again. I was so lost to reality, I barely noticed the sweet warmth of his release as he came, pushing his cock deep into me just before collapsing on top of me. I kissed his neck, incapable of moving my limbs.