My sister had never been that silent for that long, and I finally turned to peer at her through my fingers. Her face was a mask of shock, and I recognized it as the exact feeling that had come over me when I’d first realized what was going on. Way back, the day after I’d nearly been attacked by one of the Valves and had faced Dawson with the threat of calling CPS. I’d been throwing up everything by my toenails, and I’d thought at first it was a virus or food poisoning or maybe just the sick feeling I got at the decision I had to make.

 

But then, somewhere in the midst of it all, I’d realized I was late for my cycle, by close to a week. I’d still tried to convince myself otherwise, especially when the nausea had gone away. Then, the hunger had come, with strange cravings and an aversion to certain smells. Up until the day Dawson left, I’d convinced myself that the stress had caused my body to malfunction and that, eventually, I’d start my cycle. But I’d managed to run to the drug store while Ginger was at a playdate and get a pregnancy test, and the result had been a very clear positive.

 

There was no more denial, and now, I had to face the facts.

 

“Have you told Dawson?” Georgie asked, finally breaking the silence with a raspy voice.

 

I shook my head miserably. “He’s in prison, Georgie. He’s got enough on his mind right now, just trying to keep his hope alive, his head down, and his hands clean. The last thing he needs to worry about is another kid. And it’s not like he’s going to see me all big and fat with a beach ball in my stomach.”

 

“Are you crazy, Mari?” she hissed. “So what’s the plan? You call him from the delivery room and say, ‘congratulations, you’re a father?’”

 

I shook my head. I hadn’t really thought of a plan. If I added things up right, then when Dawson got out early, our child would be about sixteen months old. That gave me a lot of time to figure out what to say and how to say it. “I don’t have a plan right now, obviously, since I didn’t plan to tell you yet, either.”

 

She was suddenly on her feet and tugging me up off the couch. When I looked at her, I saw excitement and enthusiasm, and I felt her joy radiating around me. “This is incredible news! I know the circumstances are rough, but this is something to celebrate, Mari! You’re going to have a baby!”

 

I couldn’t help but smile. I hadn’t been able to appreciate the beauty of something growing inside me yet, the idea of having something that lived and breathed, something I could hold that was part of me as well as part of Dawson. It hadn’t been on my roadmap, that was for sure, but it would have been a welcome surprise had it not happened at the absolute worst possible time.

 

“Doesn’t it make you happy?” Georgie practically squealed. I must not have looked very happy about it because she frowned and asked, “You aren’t thinking of…”

 

“No!” I cut her off because I didn’t want to hear the rest of her question. “No, this is my child. I could never do anything but raise it.” I realized how wild this was and said, “I can’t believe there’s a life growing inside me. I never understood just what a miracle it really was until now.”

 

“Of course it is!” Georgie agreed, hugging me again. “Oh, I get to be an aunt! I mean, with Ginger, I’m already an aunt, I guess, but I feel like she’s more like a baby sister or a really good little friend. But this is my niece or nephew we’re talking about!” She held me back by my shoulders and looked at me, beaming. “Well, that explains the nausea, the appetite, the color in your cheeks, the couple o extra pounds, and maybe even the fact that you didn’t care for the way I smelled when you actually liked it three weeks ago.”

 

I nodded. “I would say so.”

 

“Mari, you have to tell Dawson. It’ll give him a reason to work harder to get out sooner,” she told me. “He needs something like this to assure he won’t let that temper of his I know has to be right under that calm, sexy exterior get the best of him. You can’t keep it a secret forever.”

 

That wasn’t the idea. “I can’t tell him yet. And I don’t want to talk about it around Ginger yet. It’s something we’ll discuss in time, when I can’t hide my stomach from her anymore. She’s got plenty of classmates with brothers and sisters. I can explain it to her, but I don’t want her writing a letter to Dawson and talking about it.”

 

Georgie didn’t like that at all. “It’s one thing not to mention it, but to take measures to make sure he doesn’t hear about it at all is deceptive. Mari, what are you doing here?”

 

I jutted my chin out defiantly. “I’m doing what I have to do to keep everyone safe and happy.” She gave me a look of disbelief, and I pressed harder. “If I tell Dawson, he’s going to go out of his mind with worry. He’ll be on edge, and if anyone says the wrong thing or speaks to him in a slightly wrong tone, I can’t guarantee he’ll hold it together. I would rather face the brunt of his wrath for keeping it from him than have him in there for another five years knowing he had a child he’d never met.”

 

I was done arguing, and I turned away from her. “If you don’t support that, I understand. But it’s my decision, and I have a right to make it.”

 

She didn’t say anything for a minute, and then she surprised me once again. “I’m sorry, Mari. I didn’t mean to be unsupportive. You’re right, it’s your decision. Just keep the lines of communication open in case you change your mind.”

 

I looked at her over my shoulder to find her completely serious once again, and it made me smile ruefully. “Look at that. For once, the baby sister is giving me advice. I’ll take it under consideration, okay?”

 

“That’s all I’m asking,” she said, holding her hands up in surrender. “That and one other thing. If you have a girl, her middle name should be Georgina, and if it’s a boy, George.”

 

I laughed and embraced her tightly. “Keep dreaming, Georgie. The name fits you, but I’m not naming my child after you!”

 

She sighed, deflated. “I had to try.” Smiling again, she said, “Well, that’s the happiest news I’ve heard in a while. It puts me in the mood for a comedy, or maybe a feel-good movie. Have a seat and kick up your feet so we can get this party started.”

 

I did, and she chose a dramatic comedy that had one of those really fulfilling endings. By the time it ended, I was ready for bed, and I said goodnight to my sister before slipping quietly into my bedroom and under the covers beside Ginger’s peaceful form. She barely even stirred as my weight shifted the bed, and I lay on my side facing her back so I could stroke her hair. She was a beautiful little girl, and I loved her dearly. Looking at her now, in the blue tinted moonlight, I wondered if I would have a little girl. I imagined Ginger would love to have a sister, someone to dress up and fuss over.

 

But I also thought she would enjoy a brother. And I had to admit, the idea of having a boy and a girl left things even, so I would never worry that there was anything I hadn’t experienced as a mother.

 

I didn’t expect the child Dawson and I had created to look like Ginger. After all, she didn’t belong to either of us biologically, and this baby would come from our gene pools. But I could hope that the baby had silky hair and an innocent face with bright eyes like she did. I pictured Dawson as a child and knew I wanted our kid to look like him more than me. I’d been an awkward kid, but I somehow knew intuitively that he’d been graceful and sexy since he was very young. Nothing awkward about him.

 

At some point during my train of thought, Ginger rolled over and snuggled her face into my chest. It was soothing to feel her even breathing, and it helped me slow down the racing thoughts in my head. Eventually, it lulled me into my own light rhythm, and my eyelids fell shut as I drifted off to sleep.