Chapter Twelve
Trace
“So, what is it you do again?” I asked the woman across the table from me. She picked up her glass of wine and sipped deeply before she responded.
“I work in advertising,” she replied, and before I knew it, my mind had vanished off down a path that led straight to Cierra.
That had been my problem ever since I had gone to my grandmother and asked her to set me up. There was nothing wrong with the women—in fact, under any other circumstances, they were the kind I would’ve loved to take out and romance and do God knew what else to. But I felt as though I was doing them a disservice because Cierra was always on my mind. My resolve to forget about her by meeting other women had failed miserably.
The woman I was with that evening was a perfect example. Victoria Pettinger. She was tall, beautiful, intelligent, and came from the kind of family I knew mine would be all too happy to have connections to. We were at an upscale restaurant she’d picked, the food was great, the wine flowed, and the conversation was about as solid as could be expected for a first date, yet I still found myself drifting off at every available moment to think about Cierra. Even though I was acting like an idiot and being unfair to Victoria, it didn’t make it any easier to shake how much I wanted Cierra, and how firmly she seemed to have lodged herself into my brain.
“Oh really?” I managed to sound interested, figuring I should at least try and show her a good time. “For who?”
“This publishing agency. I got offered a job at my dad’s company but I wasn’t interested. Technology’s not really my thing, you know? Present company excepted, of course.”
“Appreciated.” I managed a smile and took another sip of wine. We were just at the start of the meal, and I still had a good couple of hours before I could slip out and head back home. I glanced at my watch and instantly felt like a jerk when I looked up and saw that she’d seen me do it. I didn’t want her to feel like she wasn’t worth my attention, but I knew this was a waste of both our time. I should’ve just called it there and gone home, but I didn’t have it in me. Besides, I was damn sure my grandmother was keeping tabs on the dates she was setting me up on. I had no doubt she was making sure to use her deep and far-reaching network to make sure that I’d been nothing but a perfect gentleman to these women, and that they’d liked me.
I hadn’t planned on going out that night, but when Cierra told me she had a date, anger surged through me and I wanted to punch the hell out of the guy who was going to spend the evening with her. I could tell she was surprised by my reaction, and I didn’t blame her. Hell, I was surprised at how pissed I was. When she left, I promptly went back to my office and invited Victoria for dinner. Childish? Yeah. Lame? Sure. Pathetic? Fuck yeah. And now all I could think about was how I wished Cierra was the one sitting across the table from me.
“So, what are you thinking for the main course?” she asked, glancing at the menu. I tried to keep my expression engaged and bright, but I knew my awkwardness had to be clear on my face because hers dropped.
“Is everything all right?” she asked.
“Everything’s great.” I flashed a big smile, not wanting her to think she was wasting her time here with me. I felt shitty for dragging her all the way out here just for me to use her as nothing more than a distraction from Cierra. I made a pledge to myself to do what I had to in order to make this night even vaguely enjoyable for her.
Victoria was the first dinner date, but she wasn’t the first blind date. First, there had been the flautist who played with the city’s symphony. I had to wonder what kind of stuff she could pull with her mouth, but she was dull and self-involved; I found myself drifting off within the first half hour of our conversation, grateful I had the excuse of work to end it early. Then there was a magazine editor who was a little too brusque and reminiscent of my own grandmother for me to get truly invested—no wonder she had liked her so much. And now here I was sitting opposite a woman who my grandmother had sworn up and down would be totally perfect for me.
On paper, she was. She was sophisticated, charming, and an appropriate age. Dating her could’ve been the improvement to my image I needed to confirm to all our investors that I was trustworthy and worth more than those sleazy back-page tabloid stories. But despite the fact that the conversation was flowing and the evening had been nothing but pleasant, I just couldn’t find the chemistry crackling between us that I did between Cierra and me.
I knew I was being fucking stupid, that I was spinning my wheels when it came to Cierra, but she was the only one who interested me. Even when I was at work and trying to keep focused, I found myself drawn to thoughts of her, to what she was doing, to whether or not I could feasibly invite her back to my office for another long meeting now that Lindsey had returned from sick leave. I just wanted to spend time with her, get to know her, do things to her that I’d never done to anyone else before. She brought out this raw desire in me that seemed to overwhelm the logical thinking parts of my brain and left me dizzy with excitement and need for her. I’d never felt anything like it for anyone in my life, not even when I’d been a teenager experiencing all of this for the first time. It was this intense, heady mix of sexual desire and something deeper, much deeper, that I was struggling to articulate or put my finger on.
But all I knew for certain was that the woman sitting opposite me right at that moment didn’t flick any of those switches for me. I took a deep breath as she scanned the menu, knowing I had to put her out of her misery before I wasted her entire night.
“Victoria,” I said, and she looked up at me.
As soon as she clocked my expression, her face dropped. “Let me guess, you have to get out of here?” She sighed, raising her eyebrows ruefully.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “But I’ve got—”
She held her hand up. “Spare me the excuses. Just let me finish this glass of wine and leave with my dignity, okay?”
I nodded and gestured for her to take as long as she wanted as a wave of relief settled about my shoulders. She sipped slowly and eyed me with something close to amusement.
“What is it?” I asked, and she cocked her head at me.
“I’m not sure, but there’s something going on that you’re not telling me about.”
“You could be right,” I answered carefully, not wanting to give too much away.
She clucked her tongue. “That secret, huh? Intriguing.”
“I have that effect on people.” I flashed her a smile, and she settled back into her seat.
“Maybe we could do this another time,” she suggested. “You have my number, right?”
“I do.”
“Well, give me a call when something isn’t going to come up at the last minute. I know you’ve had your hands full with taking over at Velocity. Tonight was obviously not a good idea. Let’s try again on a weekend when work isn’t on your mind. It might do you some good.”
“I’ll bear that in mind.” And I meant it. Our date had come about as an impulse fueled by anger and regret over Cierra’s date. Bad mistake on my part, and I was relieved Victoria was taking it like a good sport.
She finished the last few dregs in her glass, then stood up. “I’ll see you later.” She grabbed her bag from the floor and headed toward the door. While rubbing my temples, I watched her go. I need to get my shit together. I’d just let the kind of woman I would’ve once been all over walk out without me. I shook my head and handed my credit card to the waiter.
I have to figure out how to get over Cierra.
I strode out of the restaurant and into the chilly night air.