- Sebastian -
hen I looked up from my watch, Javier was wheeling through the door.
I’d already moved the extra chair at the table, so I stayed seated and waited for him to park across from me, the smile on his face a perfect reflection of my own.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said.
“Trouble down at the station?” I asked, my stomach growling as a Philly cheesesteak drifted past our table.
“Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the usual junkies and assholes.”
“Sounds like my office.”
He splayed his hands on the table. “So what’s new?”
I spotted a few gray hairs, which surprised me since he was younger than I was, though I’d heard having an infant at home could do such things. “Nothing and everything.”
His lips twitched. “Start with nothing.”
“What can I get you handsome boys?” Bernie asked, her wrinkles lifting with her smile.
I shook my head. “I wish you wouldn’t flatter us, Bernie. It goes straight to our heads every time.”
“Your handsome heads.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Two Philly cheesesteaks and—” Javier raised his thick brows at me. “Fries?”
“Not for me,” I said, sliding my menu behind the napkin dispenser. “I’ll only fall asleep at my desk.”
“That’s the plan I’m on,” Javier said, lifting a finger. “Just one order of fries then.”
She scribbled on her notepad. “What about drinks?”
“Two suicides,” I said, knowing Bernie would be delighted. She’d been mixing soda for us since we were ordering off the kid’s menu and neither Javi nor I was willing to give up the tradition.
“Okay, so nothing because…?” my brother said after Bernie went to place our order.
“Because Tiffany’s still doing my head in.”
He scrunched his face.
“But at least we’re not dating anymore.”
“Yikes. How did she take it?”
“Better than I thought.”
“Think you’ll ever see her again?” he asked.
“She’s sleeping in my office, so chances are good.”
His neck lunged forward.
“It’s temporary, but I couldn’t boot her out with nothing. She needs help.”
“What kind of help?”
My eyes swept across the diner. “You know the lady who hangs out with the seven dwarves?”
“Jesus Christ,” he said, letting his head fall back. “You gotta be kidding me.”
“I wish,” I said. “But on the plus side, she’s been going to meetings every day this week.”
“You sure about that?”
“I might be tracking her phone.”
“Fuck, Sebastian. Don’t you have better things to be doing?”
“Sure, but she’s vulnerable, and she needs help. Plus, I feel responsible.”
“How could you possibly?”
“Because I should’ve realized she was in trouble sooner. And she’s a good person. Or at least, I sincerely believe she can be a good person again once she deals with her demons.”
“How long are you willing to wait?”
I shrugged. “I figure if she gets better, great. If she falls off the wagon, I’ll send her to a full-time treatment facility. That’s as far as I’m taking it.”
“That’s too far, in my opinion.”
“Well, maybe I’m a total schmuck, but I have a conscience, and I don’t want her life story to be that things were going really great until she met me and got kicked when she was down.”
He leaned back in his wheelchair.
“Why are you making that face?”
“No reason. Just impressed that Saint Sebastian is so determined to live up to his name.”
I groaned.
“But you know I don’t get why you’ve stuck by her this long anyway—”
“Because I’ve been settling.”
“No shit.”
“Seriously,” I said, smiling at Bernie when she dropped off our fountain drink blends. “I think I’ve been so fortunate career-wise that I figured I’d have to settle in my personal life because nobody gets lucky across the board.”
“And you’re done settling?”
I nodded. “Turns out I’m the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth.”
He pointed at me. “Don’t talk about Mom that way.”
“Get off your high horse. I’m being serious right now.”
“That’s a dick thing to say to someone who’s never going to ride a horse again.”
I furrowed my brow. “When did you ever ride a horse in the first place?”
“Never.”
“Okay, wow. I am a dick. My bad.”
He did a slow clap like he’d been waiting twenty years for my admission.
“I found Lily.”
His face dropped. “What?”
“Well, I didn’t find her. I ran into her.”
“In the city?”
“At The Atrium.”
The whites around his eyes grew. “And?”
“I think I might still love her.”
He laughed.
I didn’t.
“You don’t mean that.”
I slid my drink closer. “I know it sounds crazy, but it’s possible, right? It’s not like we ever broke up.”
“Just because you had no closure doesn’t mean you’re still in love.”
“I know that, but my feelings for her are still there.”
“After the way she blew you off?” He shook his head. “She put you through the ringer, man. Like your feelings were nothing.”
“It felt that way at the time, but it wasn’t personal,” I said. “Her dad got murdered, Javi. She panicked. It’s understandable.”
“I know, but it wasn’t your arms she ran into.”
“We were kids! How can I not at least try to forgive her for that?”
He stroked his jaw with one hand.
“Seriously, we have no idea how traumatic that must’ve been for her. Losing both her parents in the space of a few years? And then suddenly being responsible for Paige? Can you even imagine?”
His head fell to one side.
“Surely the least I can do is cut her some slack when life sure as hell hasn’t.”
“I get what you’re saying,” he said, laying a hand across his chest. “And you know she was like family to me, too. But you weren’t the only Rodriguez she turned her back on.”
“I thought you’d be excited.”
“I’m relieved she’s okay,” he said. “I’m relieved she’s alive and well.”
“I feel a but coming on.”
“The but is that she didn’t run to you, Sebastian.”
I swallowed.
“You were supposed to be her person, and she didn’t turn to you when the unthinkable happened.”
“What if it was a freak accident?” I asked. “What if it wasn’t personal for whoever killed her dad? It could’ve been our house surrounded by police lights that night.”
“It wasn’t, though.”
“Thank God.”
“And even if it had been, you would’ve turned to her. I know you would’ve.”
“So what?” I asked, my chest tightening. “You think I shouldn’t even try to get to know her again? That I shouldn’t even try to understand what she was thinking back then?”
“I can’t tell you what to do. All I know is that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they deal with trauma.” His face always took on a stern expression when he referenced the horrors of war, even indirectly. Even after all the time and distance that had come between him and the front lines.
“I know.”
“And she ran away,” he said. “Not to you. Just away.”
I clenched my jaw.
“Do you really want to invest in her when you know that she could do that to you again anytime?”
“She wouldn’t. Those circumstances were extreme.”
“So was her reaction to them.”
I took a sip of my drink. It was mostly Dr. Pepper, but Bernie had definitely splashed some Fanta and Coke in there.
“Look,” Javier said. “I’m only playing devil’s advocate because I can tell you’re excited.”
“Of course I am.”
“But I urge you to tread carefully,” he said, holding my gaze. “Because she broke your heart, and that’s just about the worst thing you can do to somebody.”