Nightmares.
Never in his worst nightmares did he ever think something like this would or could happen. In his heart, in his mind, someone as beautiful as Sam would always be laughing and dancing with the smile that stole his heart years ago. Apparently, someone had other plans and anger filled him with such ferocity that he wanted to turn to the bottle to smother the feelings. He wanted to get so drunk that he wouldn’t be able to think or feel or even walk, but he knew he couldn’t. He had to be there for her. He would do anything for Sam. Even dying for her if that was what it took to make her whole again.
It happened so suddenly. His head continued to spin thinking about the accident.
They had been having a great vacation at Myrtle Beach, enjoying the same pleasures as most of the tourists when a careless teenager came around a corner faster than he should have. They hadn’t seen him coming until it was too late and weren’t able to move out of the way in time.
Chris found out the driver had been drinking and smoking marijuana before he got behind the wheel. After the accident the teenager was able to walk away as if nothing had happened. He looked at Chris with drunken eyes as they both watched the paramedics put Sam in the back of the ambulance. She was clinging on for dear life.
Chris wanted to choke him. He wanted to punch him, but he wanted to ride with Sam to the hospital more and going to jail wasn’t an option. She needed him and he would always be there for her.
The hours passed as he waited in the emergency room lobby. There wasn’t anyone there for either of them since they were so far from home. Chris had to deal with his emotions alone and was struggling harder than ever before. The horrific image of her being hit by the car continued to haunt him. Seeing her lying on the hood then placed in the ambulance wouldn’t leave his mind for years to come, if ever.
Hours later he sat in the hospital room with her after she came out of surgery. The doctors had to operate because her left lung collapsed from the impact of the vehicle. She also had a head injury and a broken right arm but the doctors hoped she would recover from all her injuries. He prayed more than ever. He begged God to heal her. When the doctor saw him next, his heart sank further and all hopes were held together by the thinnest of threads.
“Mr. Tyler, good morning.”
The middle aged and greying doctor spoke as he walked in the room. Chris lifted his bloodshot and tired eyes and realized he had been in a daze and didn’t see or hear the doctor walk in. He must have looked like a train wreck, but didn’t care.
“Is she going to pull through Doc?” Chris asked. “Please tell me the surgery took care of everything.”
The doctor held Sam’s file in his hand and from his expression, Chris could tell it wasn’t good news.
“The surgery went fine. The damage wasn’t as bad as it first looked,” the doctor said as he leaned against the wall and folded his arms. “I was able to get a better idea of how bad it actually was once I started working on her. It will take time for her lung to heal and she suffered a concussion. Her arm will heal completely, but none of that concerns me as much as her heart does.”
Her heart? Did I hear him correctly?
“What? What’s wrong with her heart? She was perfectly healthy before this.”
“Unfortunately, with the condition she has, a lot of times there are no obvious symptoms or warning signs.”
He was almost too afraid to ask, but knew he had to. “What is her condition? How do you know she has a bad heart?” Chris asked, near tears as he continued to hold Sam’s hand.
“I don’t mean to scare you Mr. Tyler, but we almost lost her once during the operation. It was a scary few minutes, but we got her under control rather quickly. One of my colleagues assisting me knows more about the heart than I do. He’s the one who not only saved her life but discovered what was wrong. She has what is called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. It’s a disease where the heart muscle becomes abnormally thick. When that happens it affects how the heart pumps, how it works. If there is significant thickening below the aortic valve it will obstruct the flow of blood out of the heart.”
The doctor watched as Chris lowered his face into his hands. He was barely keeping himself from screaming. Tears escaped his already bloodshot eyes, but he couldn’t hold them back much longer. He wasn’t able to speak as he tried to get his breathing under control when the doctor began again.
“I will say that with treatment there is a chance her condition can improve, but she will not be able to exert herself physically for quite some time. She will have to be very careful of everything she does from here on out. She will, in time, be able to work as long as it’s not strenuous, and of course regular check-ups and medications will be necessary.”
Hope began to seep in again when the doctor told Chris that Sam could live. Fear of losing her was beginning to subside, although only slightly, and he looked at him with trembling lips.
“She has a chance then?”
“She does, but as I’m trying to tell you it will be a long road from here on out. I can’t emphasize enough how much she won’t be able to do. She will have to take it easy. It will be hard for her because she’s still young, but she can have a long life if she does her best to do as instructed by her doctors.”
“Okay.” Chris sat up straighter as his breathing started to ease, but still nowhere near normal. “I’ll make sure she does everything she’s supposed to. How long do you think she will be in here? When can she go home?”
“She’ll have to stay here at least a week to heal from the surgery, but as long as she does well she will probably be able to go home then. I will be keeping a close eye on her while she’s here, of course.”
“Thanks doc. Please, do everything you can for her. I can’t lose her.”
“If you pray, then do it and have faith. I think she will pull through.”
The doctor left and Chris sat, stunned by everything he had been told. Emotions he had never dealt with before swam through him like a torrent. He was confused and scared and would need help to help her. He watched her, asleep from all the pain meds. He stared at the lights from the machines and looked at the tube leading from her mouth and the IV from her wrist. She had been his world for only a few years when fate stepped in wearing an ugly face. Chris ran his trembling hands over his tired face and cried.
***
The following week was long and draining. Both of their parents were there and helped as best they could as Sam began recovering. Chris had to go back to the hotel to sleep and take a shower, but didn’t stay away from her any longer than he absolutely had to. Sam asked him to call Tonya, her best friend, and let her know what was going on. He was glad he did, too. As soon as he told her what happened, Tonya dropped everything and flew there to be with Sam. Tonya’s support and presence was a God-send. Chris called Junior, his best friend, as well; Junior wanted to be there but wasn’t able to get off work.
“You keep me up to date on how she’s doing and let me know when you two get back home. I’ll do whatever I can to help,” Junior told him.
Sam and Chris were still in Myrtle Beach because she wasn’t healthy enough to transport. Her parents had flown in from California to be with her. His parents drove from Virginia to help as well. Thankfully, both families were financially set. Even with the teenager’s insurance money, what they had wasn’t going to be enough. Their families helped the best they could but had to start making plans to return home.
Chris called his boss to tell him what happened and was told to take all the time he needed. Sometimes, even in times of hardship, he managed to find gratitude and felt blessed. Other times it wasn’t so easy.
When Sam was able to travel and go home, they were more than ready. Their vacation had been cut short in a horrible way, but she was alive and would be okay. They took their time driving back to Connecticut, stopping every so often so Sam could get out and stretch and they could use the restrooms and eat. It took almost twice as long to get home, but Sam’s comfort and their safety were most important.
They arrived back at their apartment late Saturday evening around 10:30. Chris helped Sam inside and waited to make sure she was okay before he started bringing the luggage inside.
“You don’t have to fuss over me constantly, Christopher Allen Tyler. I’m fine.”
He knew she was irritated and tired when she used his full name. “Sorry honey. I will leave you to whatever it is you want to do. I’ll go get the suitcases.”
He walked outside leaving her in the kitchen while she got herself something to drink. He was at a loss thinking about how best to move forward. He set a suitcase on the ground and leaned against the car, trying to gather his thoughts. He knew he would have to give her space, but he also knew he wouldn’t be able to not help as well. It was who he was. She owned his heart and would need the best of his help.
He gathered everything in his arms and went back inside. He had only been away from her a few minutes, but to him it felt like fifteen. He knew she wouldn’t want him or anyone else fretting, but it was hard not to. She was his world. His everything.
Once back in the apartment he left the suitcases in the living room and went to check on her. He made sure he was simply getting a drink and leaned against the counter. He tried to look unconcerned, but failed miserably.
“I’m sorry if I snapped at you. I’m just tired,” she whispered, filled with guilt.
“It’s okay, no worries. I totally understand.”
She got up from the table and he had to mentally control the urge to help her. She walked over and leaned into his arms and laid her head against his chest.
“Everything will be okay, Chris. We have to believe and have faith.”
“I’m trying,” he told her and wrapped his arms tenderly around her waist.
“Hold me tighter,” she murmured. “I won’t break.”
Setting his chin on top of her head, he pulled her tightly into his embrace. The fragrance of her shampoo drifted upward and he inhaled deeply. She always smelled so good.
“I love you, Chris.”
Tears tried to attack, but he courageously held them back. With a lump the size of a golf ball stuck in his throat he managed to choke out “I love you, too.”
She looked up into his eyes and touched his rough and unshaven face. Stubble wasn’t a normal thing for him, but it didn’t seem as important these past couple of weeks.
“Can you do me a favor, baby?”
“Anything. Your wish is my command.”
She smiled. “Don’t worry so much. I need you to really try and I know it will be hard. It’s something I need to work on too, but we have to. If we stress ourselves out over this, it will bring us both down. We seriously have to do our best in everything, especially that.”
He couldn’t speak. He could only nod in response. She rarely asked for much, but that one request would be one of the hardest things ever.
“Can you promise me?”
He let his head roll back and looked at the ceiling as he held her and she waited. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes he wished they could go back in time. After a minute he looked back at her with more confidence.
“Yes, I promise.”
Smiling, she said, “Thank you,” and laid her head back against his chest. He didn’t know for sure how long they stood in each other’s arms, but he could have held her forever.
They decided to forget about doing anything else and go to bed. Fifteen minutes later they were undressed and she was laying against him snoring lightly. His arms were around her and the room was almost completely dark. The only light came from the outside when headlights from a passing vehicle danced on the walls. He was glad she had fallen asleep quickly. He didn’t want her to know he was crying and couldn’t stop.
***
The next morning after what felt like only a few hours of sleep, Chris woke up startled. He thought he heard Sam calling him, but after looking at her and hearing her snoring he realized he must have been dreaming.
He slipped smoothly and quietly from the sheets and walked into the kitchen. Once he had the coffee brewing he thought about going to the store for a newspaper, but decided against it. It was very early and still dark out so he turned the news on and watched the sports update. The Yankees were in fourth place and behind by eight games.
“Come on, Yanks,” he mumbled.
He had always been a Yankees fan. He remembered growing up watching the games with his father and how they both enjoyed watching the Yanks beat the Red Sox. The best time of year had always been in October when the heat really got turned up in baseball. Even if the Yankees didn’t make it they still loved watching the games together. Chris missed those days.
With his coffee, he watched the rest of the news and saw nothing had changed for the better in the world. The government was still a cluster of what he called idiots and ISIS was still around. His heart told him they would be difficult to get rid of. From what he read and saw on the news, ISIS was decapitating people in public and recording the murders for the world to see. They bragged about targeting Christians. The thought of the terror they spread sent chills through most of the civilized world. The only positive thing the news had to tell was the sunny weather for the next four or five days.
He walked back into the kitchen, poured some coffee, and looked at the clock to find it was only 7:45. He thought about calling his parents to tell them he and Sam were home safe and sound. He was supposed to do it last night, but forgot.
With his mug and cell phone he sat at the table and dialed their number. As he waited for one of them to answer he could already hear the relief in their voices. Most likely they worried because he didn’t call the night before.
“Hello.”
“Good morning, Momma.”
“Oh, Chris, good morning son. You had me worried. I was expecting you to call last night. Are you and Samantha okay?”
As he thought, relief and worry.
“I’m sorry about that, Momma. Yeah, we are both fine. I’m sorry I didn’t call last night. We were both tired from the drive and I forgot. Sam is still sleeping.”
“Good. I’m sure she needs her rest.”
“I have no doubt about it.”
A moment passed before either of them said anything and he had a feeling of what was coming next. He wasn’t disappointed.
“How are you, son? I’m worried about you. Your father is too. We were talking about all of this last night while we were waiting for your call. How are you holding up?”
Chris sat back in the chair and took a sip from his mug before answering. He ran his fingers through his already ruffled hair and thought. He didn’t want to worry her; he knew she worried about everything more than she needed to. He also understood where she was coming from. He and Sam didn’t have children, but even though he tried to hide it he’d been struggling.
“I’m okay, Momma. I’m not going to lie, I am scared, but I promised her last night that I wouldn’t worry too much. It won’t be easy, but I’m going to do the best I can with that.”
Being so far from his parents he knew them well. He could picture his mother standing in the kitchen with a concerned expression on her face. She was more than likely twisting some of the graying curls of hair in her fingers as she leaned against the wall talking to him. Even though he bought them both a cell phone last year, for some odd reason she didn’t like using it. She insisted on using the landline phone. His father loved his, but not his stubborn mother.
“I know you are worried. Of course, you are, she’s your wife. I want to know how you are doing with yourself. You can’t always be strong. Nobody can be all the time.”
Sitting up toward the table again, Chris rested his elbows on the edge. With closed eyes he lowered his head. What am I supposed to say? He didn’t know what to tell his mother.
“To be honest, I don’t know. Not right this minute. I guess it’s too early to tell. Everything has happened so fast. I feel like I’m supposed to stay here with her, but I need to get back to work soon, too. There’s so much I need to learn I guess. I want to take care of her, but I know it’s going to be hard for her to be limited on what she can do from now on. It’s not going to be easy, Momma. I guess it’s going to be a one day at a time thing. That’s the best we can do for now.”
“Well you know your father and I will always do whatever we can for you both. We love that girl like a daughter.”
Tears threatened to fill his eyes and he could barely swallow from the lump in his throat.
“I know and she knows, too. Thank you.”
“I love you, son. Your father wants to talk to you for a minute. Tell Samantha to call me after she wakes up if she wants to talk. I told her I would give her that apple pie crust recipe.”
He laughed and told her he would let her know. He talked to his father for a few minutes and could tell he was trying not to sound too gruff or concerned. He didn’t hide it well, though Chris loved him for trying. They agreed they would talk later or the next day. Chris said he would keep them updated.
When he finished talking to his parents he felt a boulder weighing down his heart. He looked around his and Sam’s apartment as one of those tears managed to escape and roll down his unshaven cheek. He let his gaze trail over what had been collected during the short time they’d been building their lives together. Even though he made good money they lived a simple life so Sam could go to school and live her dream of being a chef. One day she would open her own restaurant. He wondered if that dream would still be possible with her health.
He could see from the dining room table pictures of them when they first started dating, and more of the wedding sat next to the television. He knew they had already created at least a thousand beautiful memories together. He also knew he wanted to make a million more. He wiped his wet face and bloodshot eyes and stood. Whatever it would take he would do it to make that happen.
He rinsed out his cup and set it in the dishwasher. He looked in on Sam and she was still curled up with the blankets half on and half off her. One leg was poking out the side and most of her face was covered by her hair.
He smiled.
He kept the rest of his tears inside. It was time to be strong for her.