Sam called Tonya. There was no way she could go without talking to her about it. Like Junior and Sam, Tonya was baffled by the unexpected news.
“A million dollars? That’s unreal!” her best friend exclaimed. “Have you talked to the lawyer about it yet? The one on the paper, I mean.”
“No, not yet. I just found it this morning and I don’t know, I guess I’ve just been stunned by it. Confused and in some way a little angry. In a way, I feel that I didn’t really know the man I married. How could he have done something like this and hide it from me?”
“Easy girl. Don’t jump to conclusions. I know it is easy to do that, heck I have no doubt I would too, but you don’t know anything about it yet. Why don’t you call that lawyer and maybe he will be able to tell you everything. He has to know a lot more about it than anyone else, right?”
Sighing and falling back onto the bed, Sam replied, “I’m scared. What if he tells me something I’m not going to want to hear? What if Chris was living a double life and has another wife and a few kids somewhere?”
“Sam, you’re being ridiculous. Stop it. Chris was nothing like that. He adored everything about you and you know it.”
“Then how do you explain this?” Sam could feel tears beginning to well up in her eyes.
“I don’t know honey. I wish I could explain it, but I don’t know.”
“Well, I will call this guy tomorrow. I don’t think I would be able to deal with it tonight. Besides, it’s already getting late and I doubt he’s still there. Maybe I’ll drive there instead. I don’t know. My head’s so screwed up right now I don’t know what to do.”
“Why don’t you try to put it aside for tonight and relax? Deal with it tomorrow. You can’t be stressing out too much anyhow. You remember your heart, don’t you?”
“Yes, how can I forget?”
“Just making sure. You still taking your medicines like you are supposed to?”
Sam started smiling and began to feel more relaxed. Sometimes Tonya fretting over her would irritate her, but this time it made her feel better.
“Yes, Mother. I’m taking my meds.”
Giggling, Tonya said, “Okay, good. Call me tomorrow when you know something. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Sam dropped her phone onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. She felt numb and didn’t know what to do. Her mind was racing with so many thoughts and her heart was filled with emotional confusion.
“Who were you, Chris?” she asked the empty space between herself and the white speckled ceiling.
After a few minutes, she got up with her phone and walked into the living room. She called her parents and talked to them about anything in particular. She didn’t want to mention what she had found. She thought it would only upset them or maybe cause too much excitement for them and she didn’t want to do that. They had enough to worry about. When she had everything figured out she would fill them in then. Of course, she had no idea when that would be.
Later, she ate a grilled cheese sandwich for which she felt guilty. It had been years since she had the pleasure of one, and she knew she needed to take better care of herself. One huge way of causing more health problems would be her eating habits. At that moment though she was so anxious and going through so many emotions it didn’t matter as much as it should have. At least she did continue to take her heart medicines as prescribed. She had that going for her.
Sam took a shower and went to bed without bothering to put anything on. She had started to grow more comfortable that way. As she lay in bed her thoughts drifted away from her problems or what she believed were problems. Her mind drifted toward God. Even though she knew He had never left her, she hadn’t been as good about that as He had been. Guilt started to fill her as she thought about the last time she had been to church. The last time she had read from her Bible and the last time she had prayed. Too long. As the headlights danced across the walls of her bedroom she closed her eyes and did what she should have been doing all along. Talking to the Almighty.
“God, I know You are here with me. I know You always have been. Thank You for that. Thank You for always being here even when I couldn’t feel You and when I turned from You. Please, forgive me for having been so weak. I’m scared and confused right now. With Chris being gone and with trying to move on without him, then finding those papers. I don’t know what to feel or think. I need Your strength, Lord. I need comfort and guidance. Please, help me, Lord. Please forgive me for how I have been. Amen.”
Immediately, she felt better and rolled over onto her side. For an unknown reason, she wished she had a cat. Someone to sleep with and love on. Maybe she would get one. She could certainly use the company.
***
The next morning, Sam woke with a terrible migraine. It felt as if a hellish demon had managed to crawl inside her head while she was sleeping and thought it would be fun to play with grenades. It hurt to even open her eyes and the evil person that was outside blowing their horn was making it worse.
Moaning, she thought about opening the bedroom window and yelling at them to stop, but thought better of it. She knew the simple act of raising her voice would cause her head to go the rest of the way and split right in two. Instead, she very slowly removed herself from the safety of her bed and shuffled into the bathroom. As she looked for some pain killers the fluorescent light shining brighter than the sun caused her stomach to churn. She barely made it to the toilet before she threw up her meager supper of the cheese sandwich.
After the contents of her stomach were emptied she remained where she was for a moment. She hoped and prayed the intense throbbing in her skull would fade enough so she could move. The back of her neck started to hurt and she felt weak all over.
“God, help me,” she begged.
After what was probably ten minutes of resting her head on her arms at the toilet she decided to try again for the pain killers. She had to turn the light off to find them, otherwise she would have gone completely blind from the pain. After she managed to swallow a few of the pills with a handful of water she eased herself back into bed. She knew there was no way she would get anything accomplished feeling the way she was. It didn’t matter what happened. Unless Jesus Himself came back she had no intentions of leaving her bed again.
She fell asleep and hours passed without moving. When she finally opened her eyes again her head still throbbed, but not quite as bad as earlier. She thought she heard a loud noise coming from the living room, but decided she must have been dreaming. Until she closed her eyes again and heard the noise louder. Apparently, someone was knocking on her door.
“No-o-o,” she moaned. “I don’t want to.”
Hoping that whoever it was would give up and walk away she got up a little quicker than that morning. As she slid her robe on the uninvited guest knocked again and heard them call her name. It was Junior.
When she got to the door and opened it the look on his face told her all she already knew. That she looked like she had partied for a week without sleep. Her hair was all over the place. Her face was pale and her eyes had dark bags beneath them. Not caring even the slightest about her appearance she stepped back and let him in.
With a sudden expression of concern, Junior asked, “Sam, what’s wrong? You look terrible.”
“Thank you for the observation, Junior,” she mumbled and with baby steps scuffled to the couch where she plopped down and laid her head back.
“Sorry, I know that didn’t sound good of me, but what’s wrong?”
“I’m sick, obviously. Or can’t you tell?”
“Oh, I can tell. What is it? A cold? Flu? Hangover?”
“None of the above, but any of those would be better than this, I think. No, I have had a migraine all day. It’s a little better, but this morning I thought I was going to literally die.”
Finally, he sat in the chair opposite her and watched her.
“You need anything?” he asked her. “Some ibuprofen or some juice?”
“Yes.”
“Which one?”
“Both.”
He walked into the kitchen, got the juice, and brought it back to her. She told him the ibuprofen was in the bathroom. When he brought two of those she swallowed them hungrily hoping they worked so she could at least stay out of bed for a while.
“Well, I’m glad I came over then since you are so sick. I won’t stay long though. I know how it feels. I just wanted to check on you. I tried calling you three times today, but I guess you didn’t hear the phone and were probably in bed most of the day.”
Moaning she answered, “Yeah, I’m sorry. I had no idea you tried calling me. Sorry I worried you. Was that all you wanted?”
Junior nodded, not thinking that she couldn’t see his head moving.
“Yeah, pretty much. I wanted to see if you wanted to go get a bite to eat. It’s been a long time since we have done anything, well you know since before Chris died. I don’t know, I guess I was hoping to just get out for a bit with you. I think we could both use the time out of our apartments.”
Opening her eyes and slightly lifting her head to look at him, Sam could see the cuteness and pity in his eyes. She always did think he was cute and wondered many times why he wasn’t dating someone.
“I love the idea, but I don’t think you want to be seen with me tonight. Maybe tomorrow if I’m feeling better. Okay?”
“Oh, yeah, well I can see you wouldn’t want to feeling the way you do. Yeah, tomorrow will be fine. If you feel better.”
“Thank you.”
A few moments passed with neither of them saying anything. Finally, Junior got up to leave and she felt bad for him. She felt horrible, but at the same time she was tired of always being alone.
“Wait, Junior. I still don’t want to go out, because I don’t feel like getting ready, but I would like you to stay and keep me company. If you want to.”
Sensing that he liked the idea she didn’t feel as guilty.
“Okay, yeah I can do that. Have you eaten anything today?”
Slowly moving her head back and forth, she said “No. I didn’t think I could keep it down. I might be able to now, though. I need to try. I have to take my meds.”
“Let’s see what you have in the cabinets. Can you handle some soup?” he asked her.
“Yeah, I think there’s a couple containers of homemade chicken noodle in the freezer. You can throw them in the microwave if you want. Maybe a sandwich for yourself if you want it.”
“Okay, I’ll take care of it. You stay where you are. I’ll be the chef tonight.”
It hurt to laugh and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but it didn’t take much to heat up soup she had already made. She didn’t say anything. She let him think what he wanted as she sat on the couch. She heard him making more noise in the kitchen than what was required for those simple tasks, but did her best to ignore it. For some reason, and it shocked her, but she started thinking about Junior in a way she had never thought of before. More than just a friend. A man who had always been known as Chris’s best friend.
She dismissed those thoughts as quickly as they formed, but even though she wasn’t aware of it at that time, God was working in another of His mysterious ways. That evening as she started to feel better, they ate their bowls of soup and she even managed to get part of a sandwich down with it. They talked a little about her going back to school the upcoming week and what she thought she might do afterwards. A movie was on and they half way paid attention to it. It was late when he left and when he did she hugged him and told him she appreciated him being there.
“It was my pleasure.”
He kissed her on the cheek and turned to walk away, leaving her surprised once again. Especially when the idea of him being more than a friend entered her mind, again.