Chapter 15
Then – 10 years ago
The beat of the hip-hop music blasting from the speakers in the basement family room of Jimmy Perino’s house was so loud Cole could feel it, and it was getting on his nerves. He hated hip-hop music.
Actually, he hated parties like this, where everyone competed to see who could be the most obnoxious jackass. But as a member of the football team, attendance at big parties was pretty much mandatory. He knew he could take Allie Portman to one of the bedrooms whenever he was ready, and that would be a good time. She was a cute, blonde gymnast with a tight body she didn’t mind bending.
He made his way up the stairs, needing to escape the noise, pushing himself against the wall as a member of the wrestling team lost his balance at the top of the stairway and tumbled down, spilling beer all over himself and the carpet. Jimmy might have a hard time keeping that from his parents.
Scanning the kitchen, Cole saw no sign of Allie, so he made his way out to the back yard to find her and escape the throbbing music. But one annoying sound was replaced by another as he heard girls screeching at each other.
“I will rip your fucking hair out if you go near him again, you trashy bitch!”
“I was more than near him, I was fucking his brains out! And he loved every second!” That was Kelsey Grainger’s voice, Cole was sure.
The blow of a slap stopped the discussion, and Cole walked closer out of curiosity. Layla Carson was pulling Kelsey’s long red hair, pinning her to the ground as she jerked it skyward.
“Stay the fuck away from Colby or I will rip your nasty orange hair out!” Layla screamed.
“Ouch! That fucking hurts, Layla!”
“It’s supposed to! Trashy skanks do not steal cheerleaders’ boyfriends!”
“He’s not your boyfriend! Ouch, stop!”
Colby Weber approached from behind, an amused smirk on his face. Cole’s anger rose immediately. He hated that asshole. Colby used his pretty face to get anything he wanted. His parents were well-off, and he thought everyone should bow down to him.
“Ladies,” Colby said, stretching an arm around each of the girls. “No need to fight over me. There’s enough for both of you. We can go find someplace private and I’ll show you.”
If Layla agreed to that, Cole decided he’d step in and stop her. It was a recipe for disaster. But the look of fury on her face told him he wouldn’t have to.
“Fuck you, Colby!” she yelled. “We’re done! I don’t need this crap.”
She stomped away and Cole followed her around to the side of the house, where she leaned against the brick garage wall, letting out a deep breath.
“Hey, you alright?” he asked. She looked at him, seeming surprised she wasn’t alone.
“Oh,” she said with a small smile. “I’m fine. I should’ve done that a long time ago.”
“Yeah, you’re too good for him,” Cole agreed, leaning against the wall next to her.
“You think so?” Layla asked, laughing. “I kind of made a fool of myself back there.”
“Most everyone’s drunk, they’ll forget by tomorrow,” Cole said.
Layla looked hesitant before she spoke again.
“Do you think … guys don’t take me seriously because I’m a cheerleader?” she asked.
“No. Plenty of guys would like to be with you, Layla.”
“Really?” The hopeful look on her face made Cole uncomfortable. She knew plenty of guys wanted to be with her. He wondered if he’d given her the impression he did. Layla was gorgeous, but she was too moody and intense for him. His senior prom was in a couple months, and he’d thought of asking her, but now he was planning to ask Jess Zimmerman. He’d taken Layla out on a casual date last year and seen quickly that she was high maintenance. But damn, was she pretty.
“Hey, I’ve gotta go find someone,” he said, stepping away from the garage toward the back yard. “See you around.”
Cole sighed deeply as he walked away and scanned the yard. Allie was leaning against the fence, and she smiled widely when their eyes met. It was time for a distraction from the loud music, drunken idiots and cat fighting girls at this party.
Now
Hauling around several sacks full of clothes and shoes didn’t slow Layla down at all, but Emma was dragging. They’d been to a mall, several other stores and a small downtown flea market. Though Layla had turned her nose up when Emma wanted to go to the flea market, she’d ended up buying a pearl brooch.
“Should I have bought those black boots in brown, too?” Layla asked, stopping in the middle of an open-air shopping center.
“Do you need brown boots?” Emma asked.
“I kind of do, yeah. And I still need to buy Prince a sweater.”
Emma rolled her eyes at the vision of Layla’s tri-colored hound dog in a sweater. They always had trouble finding just what Layla wanted for him, but he was her pride and joy, and she loved dressing him in sweaters.
“So how’s it going with Chad?” Emma asked as they walked back to the shoe store.
“Oh, it’s not,” Layla said, wrinkling her nose. “I’m just over it, I guess. The sex was good and all, but I couldn’t even carry on a conversation with him. He pretty much just uses single syllable words.”
“I thought you didn’t want to carry on a conversation with him,” Emma said, grinning.
“I don’t know what I want, I just know it’s not him. What about you and Brian, is that still on?”
“I’m not dating a married guy,” Emma said.
“Good for you! You can do better than that pig.” Layla stopped at a store window to admire a pale gray wool coat. “Hey, will you make those cranberry cakes with the vanilla glaze for my office again this year? We have to bring in Christmas treats.”
“Are you going to tell everyone you made them again?” Emma asked, rolling her eyes.
“Of course,” Layla said.
“I’ll make them,” Emma said begrudgingly.
“You’re the bestest sister ever!” Layla said, pulling her close for a hug. She wrinkled her brows suddenly, sniffing. “Wait – do I smell man on you?”
Emma’s heart pounded as she realized she must smell like Cole from sleeping with his body wound around hers.
“That’s wishful thinking,” she said, laughing. “Or maybe I shouldn’t buy such cheap perfume.”
“Ugh,” Layla groaned, disgusted. Emma breathed a sigh of relief as her sister headed in the direction of the shoe store. How had she gotten herself into this mess? If she’d just told Layla about Cole from the beginning … but she hadn’t. And now there was no way out.
***
Cole cursed as the basketball rolled around the rim before tipping away from the net. His partner in the two on two game, Riley Moss, jumped up and shot it in.
His gray t-shirt was soaked through with sweat, and as they took a break from the game, Cole pressed his hands behind his head in a stretch, breathing hard.
“You’re a lot slower than you were in high school,” Riley cracked to one of the other players, Dylan Overstreet.
“Fuck you,” Dylan said, panting and wiping his face with a towel.
“I’m just saying, man, might want to lay off the cheeseburgers.”
Cole smiled. Dylan had gained weight since high school. And Jake Kircher, the fourth player, had lost a lot of hair. He was still in good shape, though.
“You haven’t played with us since right after you moved back,” Riley said to Cole. “What the hell you been up to, man?”
“Working a lot,” Cole said.
“Did you hear that Natalie Crawford married Mr. Sykes?” Jake asked.
“What?” Cole stared at him in disbelief. “Our old gym teacher?”
“Yep. She’s hot, too, I have no idea how he pulled her. I always liked him cause he let us watch the girls climb the ropes in gym class.”
“Fuck yeah,” Dylan said. “I still have wet dreams about Layla Carson’s legs wrapped around that rope.”
“She’s hotter than ever,” Riley said. “I saw her at a bar a couple months ago. “I’d tap that anytime. I heard she’s a wildcat in bed.”
“No chance you’ll get to be on top, with that controlling bitch,” Jake muttered.
“Man, having Layla Carson demanding to ride me does not sound like a problem.” Riley laughed.
“I saw Layla’s little sister at the grocery store last time I was home,” Jake said. “I can’t remember her name, but she looks just as good as Layla. Maybe even better. She’s not as curvy, but everything’s all tight and toned.”
Cole looked away, trying to ignore the anger rising in his chest. He was picturing Emma, innocently shopping for groceries, unaware she was being ogled by an asshole.
“She was always kinda mousy,” Dylan said. “Super quiet.”
“You should see her,” Jake continued. “She’s got these hot little tits—”
“Shut the fuck up!” Cole interrupted, unable to hold back. “Don’t fucking talk about Emma!”
“Emma — that’s her name!” Jake said. “What’s your problem, man?”
“I’m with her, and if you say one more word about her I’ll kick your fucking ass,” Cole said, stepping closer to Jake.
“Sorry, man, I didn’t know,” Jake said, holding his hands up.
“Is that where you’ve been?” Riley asked with a grin. “Why didn’t you just say so?”
“Yeah, I’m usually working or with her. I didn’t mean to get so pissed.” Cole ran a hand down his face, trying to clear his mind.
“Hey, it’s cool,” Jake said. “I’d feel the same way if I had a girlfriend and some dude was talking about her tits. You know, I used to want all the pussy I could possibly get, but now I’m at a point where I’d like just one good one.”
“Hey, that’s a hell of a pickup line,” Cole said, grinning. “I can’t imagine why you haven’t found anyone.”
“Well, if Cole Marlowe’s settling down, I guess I should think about it, too.” Jake laughed.
“I’m not settling down. We’re not engaged or anything. We’re together and so far it’s really good and we’ll see where it goes. She’s better than anyone I’ve ever been with so I just hope I don’t screw it up.”
“Well, if you do, give her my number,” Jake said, throwing the basketball toward Cole with a smirk.
“You’re an asshole,” Cole said as he caught it. “She’d never go for a bald guy anyway.”
Jake’s eyes widened and Cole wondered how pissed he was.
“Let’s just play,” Jake said, scowling.
***
Emma slipped out of her shoes, smiling at the sight of Cole reclined in her favorite overstuffed reading chair, his long legs sprawled onto the velvet-covered ottoman in front of it.
“Hey,” he said, rising to greet her. “How was your day with your sister?”
“Good. She wanted to go to so many stores, but we managed to make it to all of them. My feet are tired.”
“Come here, then,” he said, sweeping an arm around her back and another behind her legs as he pulled her into his lap in the chair. She curled up, closing her eyes with satisfaction as he massaged a strong hand into the bottom of one of her feet. “Did you guys buy anything?”
“Mmm,” Emma said, relaxing. “We did.” She reached into the canvas tote bag that was still slung over her hip. “Layla bought some Manolos, boots, clothes and a sweater for her dog, and I bought this.” She produced a clunky blue glass owl with sparkling silver eyes.
“Where’d you find that?” Cole asked, still working his fingers into her instep.
“At a flea market. It’s a fitting metaphor for me and Layla; her buying Manolos and me buying this.” She chuckled as she moved to push the owl back into her bag, but Cole stopped her, wrapping his hand around it.
“I agree,” he said. Emma tensed, a flare of disappointment running through her that Cole hadn’t disagreed and told her she’d look just as beautiful in Manolos as Layla. “Designer shoes are mass produced, superficial and not all that special. But this…” he held up the art deco owl, “is unique, beautiful and alluring.”
“Really?” Emma’s heart raced as he spoke, his eyes never leaving hers.
“Absolutely. It’s sexy and sweet and everything I could ever want.”
“I’m really jealous of that owl,” she said softly.
Cole laughed lightly and stroked his hand across her face to brush her hair back.
“I missed you,” he said, kissing her gently.
“I missed you, too.”
“Let me take you to bed and show you how much I missed you.”
“That sounds perfect,” she said, snuggling closer to him.
“You like having me in your bed?” he asked in a low voice, his breath tickling her neck.
“Yes, very much.”
“Tell me what you like.”
Emma flipped her legs around so she could straddle his lap. Cole gave a low groan as he pulled her body against his. A surge of hot desire flooded through her, and she nibbled on his ear gently.
“There are so many things to like,” she said softly. “I like your hands on me. And your mouth. I like the way you sound and the way you seem to know whether I want it nice and slow or hard and rough.”
Cole’s hand slid under her shirt and up her bare back, his long fingers wrapping around the back of her neck. She gasped into his ear at the feel of his skin against hers, and then closed her teeth tightly around his ear lobe.
“God, Em, what you do to me… Hearing you talk that way makes me crazy. I don’t ever want anyone else to know my sweet Emma is really a dirty girl. Save all that for me.”
Emma wanted to tell him that she had no choice anymore. Everything in her that had anything to do with sexual desire always started and ended with Cole now. What scared her were the other feelings – joy, attachment and even love – that she couldn’t deny she had for him. Did he feel that for her, too, or was this just a sex thing? She wanted to ask but was worried about the deer-in-the-headlights expression she might get if she did. But hearing Cole call her “my Emma” gave her hope that maybe this was something for him, too.
Her mouth found his, and she was crushed with a wave of desire when he pulled her against him tightly. Her worries faded as Cole kissed her deeply, reminding her that right now, she was the object of his desire.
He pulled her shirt over her head, tossing it on the floor, and she reveled in the powerful sensation of his eyes roving over her body, his gaze darkening as he drank her in.
She slipped from his lap and slid her jeans down, his eyes never leaving hers as he pushed his hips up from the chair to pull his jeans and boxers off. He pulled a condom from his pocket as his pants hit the floor, and Emma took in the sight of him. Usually their clothes came off in the heat of the moment. She’d never been able to look so closely at his entire body, and it set off a fresh wave of longing.
He seemed as lost in desire as she was as he sat in the chair and rolled the condom on, eyeing her as he reached for her hips.
“You’re beautiful, Em,” he said softly. He guided her body on top of his, and she tried to swallow the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. She knew his words were more than just a casual comment about her looks. He was telling her what she meant to him, and the flood of passion it sent through her made her grind her hips into his with a force that made her cry out with pain.
“Slow, baby … slow,” Cole said, his voice tinged with arousal and concern as he moved her hips back slightly. But Emma couldn’t hold back, and as her body adjusted to the deepness of him inside her, she rocked against him with a fierceness that made him throw his head back and groan loudly.
His hands locked around her narrow waist as he gave in to her deep, fast pace. As she arched her back to throw her hair behind her, Cole caught one of her nipples between his teeth with a nip that made her cry out for more.
She hadn’t been able to find the words to tell him what he meant to her, so she was showing him. When she lowered her lips to his for a kiss, she instead found herself moaning into his open mouth as she was overcome quickly by powerful waves that coursed through her entire body.
“Oh, God,” she cried, gripping his shoulders roughly. “God, Cole!”
“Yes, Em,” he said, his voice low and rough. “Come hard for me.”
His words made her sink her fingertips deeper into his shoulders, and she panted against his ear as he pulled her hips tightly against his one last time with a long, loud groan.
She collapsed against him and he let go of her hips, wrapping his arms around her back. His low laugh rumbled against her chest.
“Fuck … you do something to me no one’s ever done before, Em,” he mumbled into her hair.
“What, no one’s ever ridden you shamelessly?”
“Not … like that. Never like that.”
He gathered her hair and laid it over her shoulder as she knew he’d watched her do so many times. His fingers traced circles on her bare back as her body relaxed completely into his. She wanted to tell him it had never been like this for her, either, but she didn’t want to ruin the moment with words.
***
Emma was pulled gently from sleep by Cole’s light, rhythmic snoring in her ear. When she shifted, he reached around her waist to pull her back against his chest.
“Let’s sleep in,” he said with a grunt.
“You go back to sleep. I’m getting up to paint,” she said softly.
“Stay here,” he said, tightening his hold.
“I’m awake now, I can’t go back to sleep.”
“We don’t have to sleep,” he mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her neck. Emma laughed as she turned to face him.
“You’re insatiable,” she said.
“Only when you’re around.”
“I really like waking up with you.” The vulnerability in her statement sent a trickle of anxiety through Emma, and she watched for a reaction on Cole’s face.
“I like it, too,” he said, pushing a section of her hair away from her face. “And since our mornings often start out the same way … I’ve been meaning to ask you if you’re on the pill.”
“Yes,” Emma said quickly. “I have been for three years.”
“What do you think about not using condoms? I’ve been tested for STDs and I’m clean. And if you’re on the pill…”
“Oh. Maybe, I don’t know,” Emma said, sitting up. “I’ve always used condoms.”
“We can keep using them if you want,” he said, running a finger lightly over her bare shoulder. “I just thought we’d talk about it, because, you know, when you’re in a relationship, it’s, you know … an option.”
Emma sighed as she looked away.
“Are we … in a relationship?” she asked hesitantly.
Cole’s deep exhale set her on edge.
Do I want him to say yes or no? Yes. Wait, no.
“I hope so,” he said, his voice tight. “It feels like one to me.”
“I know, but it’s … complicated, with Layla and with our mothers both wishing you’d go out with her.”
Cole sat up quickly, running a hand over his hair in aggravation.
“They’ll get over it!” he said loudly. “Is this all you ever want us to be? Pretending we hardly know each other, lying to our families … I hate it, Emma. You’re the only woman I’ve ever been with who wanted to hide it.”
“You know why, Cole. It’s because of Layla,” Emma said, agitated.
“I think you’re kidding yourself with that shit. You don’t want anyone to know about us, but it has nothing to do with Layla.” He shook his head bitterly, and Emma couldn’t hold back the anger that rose within her. She jumped out of bed, hurling her words at him.
“It has everything to do with her! Why would I ruin my relationship with my sister so I can be with a man who lies to me?”
“Lies?” Cole recoiled, looking hurt. “You think I’ve lied to you?”
“I know you have!” Emma’s voice shook and tears sprang to her eyes. Cole stepped out of bed and looked at her expectantly, and she steeled herself. “About Layla. All those times you told me it was ‘no big deal’ and you ‘went out a few times’?”
“It was no big deal!” Cole yelled. “Christ, I never would have—”
“Then I must not be a big deal either, Cole, if that’s how you feel about the women you sleep with!”
“Emma?” His voice sounded hollow and stunned as he reached for her hand, moving it away from her face. “You think I slept with your sister?”
“You did!” she cried.
“I didn’t.” He said it flatly, and Emma’s face flamed with anger at his denial.
“I already knew! You don’t need to lie about it!”
“I never slept with Layla.”
“Maybe you just forgot,” Emma said snidely. Cole shook his head and gave her a look of disgust.
“That’s what you think of me? I sleep with so many women I can’t keep them straight and I lie to you?”
“She told me when it happened!” Emma said.
“Well, she lied, then. When did she tell you this?”
“The morning after prom night.”
Cole’s jaw tightened in anger.
“No, Em. She wanted to, but I stopped. I could tell she wanted something more than just sex, and I was leaving for college. I didn’t want any attachments. I wanted to take her home, but she asked me to drop her off at a party instead, so I did.”
“My sister wouldn’t lie to me, Cole.”
He ran a hand through his hair, and Emma could see his muscles were tensed.
“I’ve got to hand it to her,” he said coldly. “She’s driving us apart and she doesn’t even know she’s doing it.”
“Your lies are driving us apart!” Emma said bitterly. The hurt on Cole’s face ripped at her heart.
“Layla’s a lying bitch,” he said. “But if you choose to believe her over me, fine. I didn’t lie to you, but if you don’t trust me, we’ve got nothing left to talk about.”
His face was still set with anger when he turned toward the door.
“What about your sister?” Emma asked, her voice thick with emotion. “Have you lied to me about her?”
He froze, and Emma wished she could see his face. His shoulders dropped as he sighed, and she cursed the part of her that wanted to run to him and wrap her arms around his back, to feel his closeness and tell him it didn’t matter.
When he turned around, the anger was gone from his face. Now he was stoic and resigned.
“Yeah,” he said softly. “I did.”
Emma cringed, new tears welling in her eyes.
“Well, I’m sorry, Cole, but I don’t know what to believe. It sounds like when you told me you’ve never lied to me, you were lying.”
He shook his head, looking away.
“Em, I’ve never lied to you about anything else. Shay … it’s complicated. But she has nothing to do with us. I haven’t been dishonest about anything to do with us.”
His tortured expression made Emma want to cross the room to be near him, but she folded her arms over her chest, determined to stand her ground.
“You say you want us to be together, but I don’t know if I can trust it based on your actions,” she said. “I think when someone’s just a casual fuck, lying to them is no big deal. When you care about someone, you don’t lie to them. Ever.”
“You think you’re a casual fuck to me?” Hurt, anger and disappointment were all etched on his face.
“I don’t know, Cole. I don’t know. Here’s what I know: I’m terrified of this thing between us. It feels like I’m back to being pathetic and lovesick and you’ve got me at arms’ length.” Her voice rose with emotion and she wiped the tears from her cheeks.
“How do I have you at arms’ length?” he yelled, incredulous. “I’ve been chasing after you since the day we ran into each other at the coffee shop! I’m the one who wants to tell our parents about us! I’m not seeing anyone else! What more do you want from me?”
“I want you to not lie to me,” she said, her voice sounding small. He shook his head with disgust.
“I didn’t sleep with Layla,” he said, his eyes flashing angrily.
“Cole, the problem is that you say one thing and she says another, and she’s never lied to me about anything else. But you have.”
He put his hands up to signal his defeat.
“I guess we’re done, then,” he said, looking away. Emma’s stomach dropped with terror as she wondered if he meant done with the conversation or done with everything. She wanted to ask, but she knew if she tried to get past the lump in her throat, she’d break down in tears.
Every step he took toward the door was like a punch in her gut, with a knockout delivered as he closed it behind him. Emma dropped to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and releasing the flood of emotions she’d been holding in.
After a long day of trying to work while avoiding the unwanted attention of Aaron Wright, Emma just wanted to go home. A long bath, some good wine and painting in her pajamas sounded better than anything. Unfortunately, she’d agreed to go out with Layla, Lane and Dani.
Lane Morganstern was Layla’s oldest friend. They’d been cheerleaders together, and Emma found their strolls down memory lane gag-inducing. But Dani was looking forward to going, and Emma figured it would be good for her, given how down she was about Cole.
The sweater dress and leggings she’d worn to work would do for a night out, she decided, grabbing her purse and running down the stairs where Dani was waiting to pick her up.
“Hey, girl,” Dani said as Emma got into her sleek black Volkswagen.
“Love the car,” Emma said.
“Thanks. It was an engagement present from Kyle.”
“Wow. Maybe you can introduce me to some of his surgeon friends.”
“You have a fine lawyer boyfriend, Em,” Dani said, rolling her eyes as she pulled out into traffic.
“Not anymore.” Emma sighed.
“What happened? Why didn’t you call me?”
“I just … haven’t wanted to talk about it. We had a big fight, and he said we’re done.”
“Em,” Dani said, squeezing her hand. “What did you fight about?”
“He’s lied to me. I can’t trust someone who lies to me.”
“Cole? That surprises me. What’s he lied about?”
“Well, sleeping with Layla is the big thing. It’s bothered me from Day One, the way he minimizes her and says it was nothing between them.”
“Did he specifically deny sleeping with her?” Dani asked.
“Yes, when I confronted him about it. It was the first time I asked him directly. Usually when I start freaking out about him and Layla, he tells me they went out a few times, and it was nothing.”
“Maybe it was nothing to him.”
“Yeah, well, that’s a problem, too,” Emma said. “If sleeping with someone is nothing, he doesn’t respect women, and I’m not okay with that.”
“But, Em, that was high school, and now it’s almost ten years later for him. A lot’s happened in his life since then. Maybe he means it’s not a big deal now, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I think you’re hung up on something stupid. Sorry if that’s mean, but I do.”
“No.” Emma sighed with frustration. “It’s not mean. I just don’t know what to do.”
“So he’s mad because he says it didn’t happen?”
“Right,” Emma said. “And the lying is worse than him sleeping with her.”
“How do you know he’s lying?”
“Because I still remember Layla telling me the day after prom that she lost her virginity to him.”
“Oh yeah, I remember,” Dani said. “You were really bummed. We ate so many cookies and candy bars that night that I actually threw up.”
Emma smiled at the memory.
“Thanks for coming tonight,” she said. “Lane drives me crazy.”
Dani skillfully snagged a tight downtown parking spot and they went into the crowded bar, where Layla and Lane were waiting, howling with laughter.
“Dani!” Layla called as they approached. “You look so hot! My God, what a transformation!”
“Thanks,” Dani said.
“Where the hell did you get that?” Lane screeched, reaching for Dani’s hand to gawk at her engagement ring. Emma had always found Lane, a very petite platinum blonde, to be overly dramatic.
“I’m engaged,” Dani said simply, grinning.
“Engaged?” Layla asked, stunned. “But you’re like 24! Where did you come up with a guy who can afford a rock like that?”
“Geez, Layla!” Emma said, pulling Dani’s hand away from Lane. “Congratulate her and buy her a drink.”
“Congratulations,” Layla said, choking a little on the word.
“Thanks,” Dani said. “Em, I’ll go get us drinks. What’ll you have?”
“Whatever.” Emma waved. “Thanks.”
The catty laughs about high school antics from Layla and Lane were enough to make Emma want to get so drunk she thought it was funny, too. But she didn’t want to have a hangover, so she stopped at two and carried on a side conversation with Dani.
Lane interrupted them, her pink drink sloshing onto the table as she waved it around wildly.
“You guys!” she yelled. “I ran into Tyler Parkinson the other day at Ikea. He’s still fucking hot, but sadly, married. I took his virginity though, his wife will never have that!”
“He was always hot,” Dani agreed. “Was he your first?”
“Yep. Under the bleachers at the stadium.”
“Probably better than my first time, with Chris Shaefer in his Mom’s minivan,” Dani said, laughing.
“Eww!” Layla laughed. “Peyton Shaefer’s little brother?”
Dani nodded, laughing with her.
“You have no room to talk, Layla!” Lane said. “Remember your first experience — with John Jeurgens? He jizzed on your purple prom dress and you bitched him out and stormed out of that party! Whose house were we at?”
“Oh, yeah,” Layla laughed, covering her red face. “I can’t believe I did jerk’em Jeurgens!”
Emma felt Dani’s glance, but she was unable to look away from her sister. The noise in the crowded bar had faded away, replaced by a vacuum that had sucked the air out of Emma’s lungs.
“Layla,” she finally managed. “You told me you lost your virginity to Cole.”
“She wishes!” Lane said, rolling her eyes. Layla shot her a death glare.
“What?” Lane said, spilling more of her drink as she returned it to the table. “Everyone knew you only did jerk ‘em Jeurgens because Cole rejected you.”
Layla flipped up her middle finger at Lane and drained her drink.
“Layla,” Emma insisted. “Why did you say that?”
“It was so long ago, Em, who knows?”
“I know!” Lane said, raising her hand in the air obnoxiously. “Because she knew you had the hots for him and she wanted you to feel bad.”
Emma’s face burned at hearing Layla had known about her crush, even all these years later.
“Why would you want me to feel bad?” she asked, anger building inside her. Layla shrugged dismissively.
“I was a bitch back then, Em,” she said.
“Was?” Dani muttered.
“Excuse me?” Layla said hotly.
“I think you heard me,” Dani said, meeting her eyes.
“Fuck you, Dani! You were a nothing loser then, and you still are.”
“Layla!” Emma said, grabbing her purse as she jumped up from her seat. “What is your problem?”
“It’s fine,” Dani said, also rising from her seat. “Let’s go drive home in the new car my surgeon fiancé just bought me and talk about the plans for my wedding in Hawaii. Layla, you stay here and relive your glory days, which have been over for a while now. Then let me know who the nothing loser is.”
As she and Dani made their way to the front of the bar, part of Emma wanted to look over her shoulder to see if Layla was flying through the air to jump on Dani’s back. Layla wasn’t used to people standing up to her.
“That was freaking awesome,” she said to Dani as they got in her car.
“I know! I always wanted to tell her off when we were younger. That felt good!” Dani said.
“Let’s go back to my place and make cookies and watch movies,” Emma said.
“Maybe you can call Cole, too,” Dani said softly.
“Yeah, I should. I want to. I miss him so much, even though it’s only been a few days.”
“You have to call him, Em. I can just drop you off if you want.”
“I’ll call him. I still want you to come up, though,” Emma said.
The thought of hearing his voice made Emma’s heart pound as they drove in silence. He hadn’t lied. Something was up with his sister, but he was right, that had nothing to do with them. Things could go back to the way they were. It was what she wanted more than anything.
Dani parked in front of Emma’s building, and when they reached the top of the third flight of stairs, Emma drew back with alarm. She reached for Dani’s arm, startled by the sight of a man sitting with his back against the door to her apartment. When she realized it was Cole, she exhaled with relief.
“Hey,” he said softly. His long legs stretched into the hallway, and Emma’s heart raced at the sight of him. He wore faded jeans, a long-sleeve blue t-shirt that matched his eyes and a frayed Cubs baseball hat.
“Hi,” she said, unable to contain a small smile.
“I’ll see you later, Em,” Dani said, dashing down the stairs. Cole rose from the floor as Emma fished her keys from her purse to unlock the door.
“Can I come in?” Cole asked. His forlorn eyes melted her heart.
“Of course,” she said, stepping inside.
She waited for him to pull her into his arms in the powerful, affectionate way she had grown so fond of. It wouldn’t take more than a kiss for her to invite him to bed. The familiar sight of him was so sweet it melted her anger over their argument. She didn’t need all the answers. She just needed him.
But Cole paced across the living room nervously, not looking at her.
“Can we sit?” he asked. Emma walked to her couch and sat down, and Cole sat in front of her on the trunk that served as her coffee table, taking both of her hands in his own.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted, tears blurring her vision. “I know you didn’t lie about Layla. I’m sorry I doubted you. And your sister … that’s none of my business. I miss you, Cole – you can’t imagine how much.”
He held her gaze with a serious expression.
“I miss you, too, Em. So much. I wasn’t looking for something like this to happen right now, but it did, and I … I want you to know I trust you.” He sighed deeply. “Shay—”
“You don’t have to, baby,” she said, scooting forward to lean her forehead against his. “I do trust you. Tell me when you’re ready.”
Cole squeezed her hands.
“I’m ready,” he said. “Let me do this, okay?”
Emma nodded silently, leaning back.
“When I was 13 and Shay was 17, she started having problems. We lived in Wisconsin then. She was depressed and then she started hallucinating. It was awful. She would scream and cry and fight my parents when they tried to help her. They tried different doctors, but nothing seemed to help, and she tried to kill herself.”
Emma clutched his hands as he spoke, feeling a deep sadness for the blond-haired, blue-eyed 13-year-old-boy who had gone through that.
“It just got worse. She was so paranoid. She was sure the doctors were trying to kill her with the medication, so she would do anything to avoid taking it. When my parents would hold her down and force it into her, she’d make herself throw it up. Our lives were ruled by Shay’s moods, and they were very unpredictable and usually bad. My Mom woke up in the middle of the night once and Shay had a knife to her throat. They tried to cope, but my parents were stressed and worried all the time.”
His shoulders dropped as he sighed, and Emma could see it was hard for him to talk about this. She wanted to offer words of comfort, but she stopped herself, not wanting to interrupt as Cole allowed her to see such an intimate part of himself.
“So,” he said, looking up to meet her eyes, “Shay had inpatient and outpatient treatment. There were different diagnoses and different medicines, but nothing helped for more than a couple of weeks. And my Mom – she didn’t want anyone to know. She was so emphatic about it. She didn’t come out and say it, but I know she was embarrassed because she thought Shay’s problems made her look like a bad mother. She lied to the school, told them Shay had to be out because she had a blood disorder.”
“Cole …” Emma said, squeezing his hands. She remembered the waify blonde she’d seen when the Marlowes had first moved in, and never again after that. Cole’s expression was grim, but he seemed resolved to finish what he needed to say.
“When we were still in Wisconsin, we were at our next door neighbor’s house one day for a cookout, and my parents had left Shay in her room. They thought she was stable then, but she opened a window and climbed onto the roof and she was up there screaming and acting crazy – completely naked. A lot of our neighbors saw her. My Dad and I went to get her, but she jumped off the roof before we could get there. She was okay, but my Mom decided we were moving then. That’s why we came to Chicago.”
“What was that like for you?” Emma asked, remembering the way Cole had captured her from first sight. She’d had no idea his family was suffering something so terrible.
“It was hard,” he said, stroking a thumb across her wrist. “I was angry. I didn’t want to leave my friends. I was going to be the starting quarterback on the varsity football team, which was a pretty big deal for a sophomore. But there was no choice, so I tried to make the best of it.”
“What happened to Shay?” Emma asked. “She was with you when you guys moved in, and your Mom said she went back to college.”
“Right after we moved here, my Mom took her to a hospital in New York and finally got the right diagnosis. Shay’s schizophrenic.”
Emma gasped unconsciously.
“You mean, split personalities?” she asked.
“No, but that’s what a lot of people think schizophrenia is.”
“Sorry,” Emma said, embarrassed.
“Don’t be sorry, Em. Ask me whatever you want.”
“Did she ever get better?”
“Yes and no,” Cole said, a cloud crossing his face. “The doctors got her pretty stabilized, but it never lasted. We’d bring her home and she’d be a mess again. She tried to kill herself a couple times and my Mom was just about out of her mind trying to protect Shay from herself.”
Emma’s chest felt heavy as she wondered where Shay was. She didn’t want to ask, because she had a terrible feeling Cole had been keeping secrets about Shay because she’d committed suicide. She cringed at the way she had treated him for lying to her.
“She didn’t kill herself,” Cole said softly, seeming to know what Emma was thinking. “She lives at an inpatient facility in Indianapolis.”
“Do you see her?”
Cole dropped his eyes, sighing heavily.
“No. I haven’t seen her for a few years. It’s hard, you know? It wouldn’t take a shrink to see I have a lot of resentment toward her.”
“Why?” Emma asked softly. Cole gave her a puzzled look.
“Can’t you see why?” he asked.
“Sure, but sometimes it feels good to say it out loud.”
Cole gave her a tiny smile.
“Everything’s always been about her,” he said bitterly. “My parents have fought over her, cried over her, spent a fortune on her. And she doesn’t even care. Do you know my parents missed the playoff game my senior year because they were at the hospital with her? She’d stolen her roommate’s medication stash and overdosed on it. And my Mom missed my college graduation because Shay had a violent episode at the hospital. There was always this thing hanging over us, even when she was away at the hospital. Always wondering, every time the phone rang, if she’d killed herself. I tried so hard to be the best, to make my parents happy and proud, but it was fucking impossible.”
“Cole, I’m so sorry,” Emma said, pushing down the tears that threatened to fall. “I wish I could have been there for you then, more than you know.”
“I’ve kept it all to myself for such a long time, and I don’t want it to poison me, Em. I don’t even talk to my parents about it. These past few days I’ve been so pissed at my Mom because the lies she created about my sister caused tension between you and me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Shay sooner, but I didn’t know where things were going with us, and—”
“Don’t apologize,” Emma said firmly, reaching up to his cheek. “I’m so sorry for doubting you. It was more about doubting myself, anyway. I keep waiting for you to realize you can have any woman you want. In some weird way, I think I wanted to sabotage things to save myself from heartbreak down the road.”
“Em,” Cole said, his expression serious as he met her eyes, “You have to stop thinking that way. You’re not a teenager with a crush on an older boy anymore. You’re a beautiful, smart, incredible woman. I’m the lucky one, not you.”
Emma smiled, flattered but unconvinced by his words.
“Cole—” she started.
“I love you,” he said, reaching his hands around her hips. “I’m in love with you, Em, and I want us to be together.”
She stared at him, too stunned to speak. It took a few seconds for his words to sink in, but when they did, she couldn’t keep her tears from falling. Every time she considered speaking, she stopped, replaying the sound of his words in her head instead.
Cole looked at her imploringly, leaning forward and causing Emma to catch a hint of his scent.
“Be with me,” he said. “I’ll never let you down. Just give me a chance to make you happy, baby. If you don’t love me now, I’ll do whatever—”
“I do love you!” Emma blurted loudly. “Of course I love you! And of course I want to be with you.”
Cole’s muscles relaxed as he sighed, looking relieved.
“You weren’t sure?” she asked, confused. “How could you ever wonder if I’d want to be with you? I’m hopelessly in love with you, Cole.”
“How could you ever wonder if I’d want to be with you?” he challenged playfully. “I’m hopelessly in love back.”
Emma laughed loudly, overwhelmed with happiness. She reached for Cole, but he tightened his hold on her waist, keeping her back.
“Listen,” he said earnestly, “We need to tell our families. I don’t want to hide it anymore. I’ll tell Layla with you if you want.”
Emma sighed heavily.
“You’re right. We do need to tell them. I think it’d be best if I tell Layla when we’re alone. We’re going out to dinner Friday night, I’ll tell her then. Hopefully she won’t beat my ass in a crowded restaurant.”
Cole laughed, pulling her close in a hug.
“It’ll be fine,” he said. “She knows I’m not interested in her. Why would she care if I’m interested in you?”
“Oh, Cole,” Emma said, resting her head against his shoulder. “In a lot of ways, it all started with you. Layla always wanted me to know I couldn’t have anything she wanted. She knew about my crush on you and that’s why she lied to me about sleeping with you.”
“But that was when you were teenagers,” he said, pressing his nose into her hair. “You’re adults now, and I’m sure she has the maturity to be happy you’re happy.”
Emma smiled to herself, knowing Layla wouldn’t be happy. She wasn’t sure how bad her sister’s reaction would be, and she wasn’t looking forward to finding out.