Chapter 17
Emma sighed as she looked at a photo of Layla on her phone. They’d been at a farmer’s market over the summer, and Layla had picked up a large zucchini and was giving it a lusty gaze. No one else would think it was as funny as the two of them did.
Though she knew her sister’s shortcomings, Emma missed her. She wished her phone would ring with Layla’s song. Layla could be a hothead, and Emma was hoping that when she cooled down, she’d be more reasonable.
Getting their relationship out in the open brought Emma and Cole closer. They were both more at ease and focused on the details of her moving in with him. He’d insisted they have dinner with some of his high school friends the night before and she’d been nervous. Even at the age of 24, Emma harbored the insecurities of being an art nerd, and she didn’t want to spend an evening with the football players she’d never dared approach in high school.
But surprisingly, they’d been nice, and even funny. Sitting at a large table with Cole’s arm draped around the back of her chair was really comfortable. It was a perfect evening until someone asked Emma about Layla, which hit her with a pang of sadness.
She scrolled through the photos on her phone, considering calling Layla. Maybe if she let Layla vent some more, she’d decide to move on. Emma hated the tension between them, and she missed their daily conversations.
Maybe Mom will help me out and talk to Layla for me. Or maybe I should just give it some time. Surely Layla won’t stay mad forever.
Though she knew Layla would calm down eventually, Emma was worried that their relationship was changed forever now. That Layla would never fully trust her or accept her and Cole being together. And Emma wasn’t sure she could forgive her sister’s lie or her behavior. Or maybe the problem was that she knew she could, she just didn’t know if she wanted to.
***
The vibrant Christmas lights and colorful window displays in downtown Chicago made Emma giddy with excitement for the holiday. It was this – the decorations, the hot chocolate being sold on a street corner, bustling around in a wool coat with the throng of other shoppers – that made the bitter cold worth it.
“My parents will know I have a girlfriend when I walk in with wrapped presents,” Cole said, smiling. “That’s never happened. I’ve always been a gift card guy.”
“Well, I hope they like what we picked out,” Emma said, running her fingers over a delicate cream scarf that reminded her of Layla.
“They’ll love them. What are we doing for Christmas, by the way?”
“I don’t know.” Emma sighed. “My parents are hosting dinner, and I’m sure your parents will be there, and Layla. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmas with the tension between me and Layla, so I’m wondering if we should just skip it and do something else.”
“How would we explain that?” Cole asked, raising his eyebrows.
“With the truth, for once.”
“My parents aren’t going to be there, actually. Mom called me last night and said they’re leaving early Christmas Eve morning to go see Shay. They’ll probably stay for Christmas Day, too. Apparently Shay’s really down, but I didn’t want to remind Mom she’s been down for more than a decade.”
Emma smiled as she reached into the bag of fresh roasted nuts Cole offered.
“God, these things are good,” she said. “Why do they only sell them at Christmas?”
“Good question.” He paused, looking like he was going to say something else, but then his brows shot up questioningly. “Did you get all your shopping done?”
“Yeah, but … I want to go back to that store sometime and get that scarf for Layla.”
“Let’s go now,” Cole said, reaching to take a loaded shopping bag from her.
“Shopping with a man is the best. You carry all the heavy stuff.”
“For you, I do.”
Emma smiled warmly at him. “Cole, I think you should go to Indy with your parents and see Shay.”
He scoffed dismissively. “I’m not leaving you alone on Christmas,” he said.
“I won’t be alone. I’ll go to my parents’ house. They won’t care if Layla and I aren’t getting along as long as we don’t have guests. They’re used to it.”
“It’s been so many years, though, Em. It would be weird, for me and Shay.”
“Please do it, Cole. It would mean a lot to your parents, and to me.”
“It would mean a lot to you?” he asked, surprised.
“Yes. Just please go, okay? She’s your sister, and it’s Christmas.”
He nodded, looking thoughtful. “Okay. Should I bring her a gift?”
“Yes! That means we get to keep shopping.”
***
The flannel sheets and soft old quilt on Emma’s bed held in the warmth of their bodies, and Cole wanted to stay wrapped around her and go back to sleep. He groaned as he reached over to the nightstand and switched off the alarm on his phone. Emma shifted toward him, making it even harder to get up.
He could just make out her features in the darkness. Her bright eyes were closed, allowing him to admire her long lashes. She was peaceful and perfect as she slept. He wanted to run a hand over her hair, taste the skin of her neck and feel her warm, flawless round breasts. Actually, he wanted even more. He wanted to make love to her; to feel the connection with her that reminded him everything would be okay. That he wasn’t alone anymore.
He’d felt it the night before, as they’d had slow, sweet sex for the first time. Emma brought out his primal urge to fuck hard and fast, but he wanted her to know he was capable of more. When she said she loved him right before she came, Cole knew nothing had ever felt better. He’d held her body close against him as she fell asleep, thinking about the trip ahead of him.
It was what he needed to be thinking about now, instead of sex with Emma, and he begrudgingly climbed out of bed, tucking the covers in around her. He approached the bathroom gingerly, running into boxes on the way. Emma’s apartment lease was up Dec. 31, and she was in the process of packing.
As he stepped into the hot shower, he thought about the last time he’d seen his sister. He was in law school then, and she was at home for a visit from the hospital over the summer. His parents were keeping her under wraps in the house, and she did okay for a while, but then she got emotional. She broke dishes, cried and worried the hell out of their mother all the time.
“Try not to make eye contact, it upsets her,” his Mom had whispered to him one morning. Cole went back to campus that afternoon and lived with friends for the rest of the summer. Damned if he’d be held responsible for her craziness.
He hadn’t even said goodbye to Shay, and he wondered if she remembered it. Maybe she was angry about it. He didn’t want to be the cause of tension in the family on Christmas. He shook his head and chuckled at how similar his situation was to Emma’s.
After he showered and dressed, he realized his parents were due out front any minute, so he shuffled through his bag and found the small black box tucked into clothes at the bottom. He’d never had a relationship serious enough for jewelry, and he hoped Emma liked the necklace he’d searched far and wide for. It would have been nice to see her face when she opened it, but warmth spread through him at the thought of her waking up to it. He sat the box on the pillow he’d slept on and walked around the bed to lean down and kiss Emma lightly.
“I’m going, baby,” he whispered. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she said, sitting up to hug him tightly. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas,” he said as she sleepily tucked herself back under the covers.
He spotted his father’s Lexus when he walked out, and Cole threw his bag across the back seat before climbing in.
“Good morning,” his Mom said from the front seat. “When you gave Dad this address, you said you were staying with a friend, but who is it? Did you sleep here last night?”
Cole tried to suppress his smile. His Dad hadn’t even gotten the car out of park yet.
“I did sleep here last night, and it’s my girlfriend’s apartment,” he said.
“Oh? Why haven’t we heard about this? Don’t you ever tell us anything? If you’re staying over, it sounds serious, is it?”
Cole’s eyes widened at his Mom’s rapid-fire questions.
“Mom, which question am I supposed to answer?”
His Dad chuckled lightly from the front seat, and his Mom shot him a quick glare.
“I’d be happy with the answer to any of those questions,” she said, turning to give Cole a Mom look.
“Okay,” he said, smiling at her. “I have a girlfriend, Mom, and we’ve been seeing each other a few months. As for whether it’s serious — we’re together, it’s exclusive, and I love her.”
Her mouth fell open and he tried to read her expression. Shock and slowly blooming happiness seemed to sum it up.
“Cole,” she said, drawing her fingers up to cover her mouth. “That’s wonderful. Tell us about her! When can we meet her?”
“You already have, Mom. It’s Emma Carson.”
Only a second elapsed before his Mom’s face broke out into the happiest grin Cole had ever seen from her.
“You’re with Emma Carson? And it’s serious?”
They’d established that, but Cole wanted to let his Mom enjoy the moment.
“Yes to both,” he said. His Dad was driving, but shot him a quick smile in the rearview mirror.
“That’s … Cole, it’s wonderful!” his Mom gushed. “I couldn’t be happier. Emma’s a beautiful young woman. I always wondered if you and Layla would get together, but lately … wait! You said a few months! All those times we’ve all been over there! You were coming to see her! But you both acted like … why didn’t you want any of us to know?”
“Emma was worried about Layla, because Layla was interested in me for a bit, too,” Cole said.
“Both of those gorgeous girls fighting over you?” Cole’s Dad grinned from the front seat.
“Well, no … I mean, sort of. Layla did find out about me and Em the other day, and she is really pissed.”
“Cole, language,” his mother cautioned.
“Mom, I’m 27 years old. I can say pissed.”
“It’s vulgar,” she said.
Cole rolled his eyes, leaning back against the seat to relax during the drive. His mother chattered excitedly from the front seat.
“Tom, don’t you remember me saying after that dinner that Cole and Emma would make a nice couple? I must have sensed it somehow, with my mother’s intuition. Layla’s a little bit crass, anyway. I’d never want Eliza to know I said that, but it’s the truth.”
As he drifted to sleep, Cole wondered what awaited them at Tall Oaks Treatment Center, where Shay had lived for several years.
Does she look different? Is she all drugged up? Will she remember me? Does she remember the last time she saw me? Or worse, the time when I was in college?
Then – Five years ago
Cole stretched his legs out on the chaise lounge in his parents’ back yard. His college graduation party had wound almost all the way down, and now he sat alone with his high school friends Riley and Will. He hadn’t had anything alcoholic to drink until his aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents had all left, but he was making up for it now.
“Cooler’s almost empty,” Riley said, lifting out a bottle of beer. Cole got up from his chair to go in and get more. It still felt weird drinking in front of his parents, but he was 22, and he needed to get over it.
“Mom, do we have more beer?” he called, pulling open the refrigerator.
“Yes, it’s out in the garage, but I don’t want anyone drinking and driving,” she said from the living room. Cole smiled as he walked out to the old refrigerator in the garage. He’d realized that no matter how old he was, his Mom would always mother him. There was something familiar and comfortable about it.
He fished through the cases of soda and extra trays of party snacks until he found two cardboard cases of bottled beer. As he carried them out through the kitchen, he stopped for a second as he heard a female voice on the deck. When he walked through the sliding glass doors, his heart skipped a beat when he saw Shay leaning against the railing, staring stoically out into the back yard. Her hair hung to her shoulders limply and she chewed her bottom lip. His parents had brought her home for the weekend, but she’d stayed in her room for the entire party and no one even knew she was there but Cole and his parents.
“Who’s this freaky chick?” Will asked in a low voice as Cole bent down to fill the cooler up. Cole bristled, reminding himself not to be defensive. Shay could be unnerving.
“This is my sister, Shay,” he said, reaching for the beer he’d started before going to the garage and finishing it in one long drink. His friends both looked at him with surprise.
“Sister?” Riley asked. “I’ve known you for … seven years, and I didn’t know you had a sister.”
“I do,” Cole said, opening another beer.
“Well, nice to meet you, Shay,” Riley said. “Where do you live?”
“At Tall Oaks Treatment Center,” she said in a small voice. Riley’s brows shot up and he turned away.
“Are you like an alcoholic or something?” Will asked. Cole gave him a dirty look. He didn’t know how to handle this. Maybe there was something to his Mom not wanting anyone to know about Shay. This was awkward as hell.
“No,” he said, “She’s—”
“I’m crazy,” Shay said, looking intently at Will. “I probably would be an alcoholic if I could get alcohol, but I can’t anymore.”
“Hey, I like crazy chicks,” Will said, smiling. “And I can get you some alcohol. We’ve got some right here, you want one?”
Cole slammed the cooler lid shut as soon as Will opened it.
“She can’t have that!” he snapped. “She’s on medications and she can’t drink! Don’t be such an asshole!”
“You’re the asshole, Cole!” Shay yelled. Cole sighed with dismay as he looked at her and saw her blue eyes flashing with emotion. “You’re the perfect one and I’m the crazy one! It’s bullshit! Why should I come home for your party when you don’t even want me here?”
“Shay,” Cole said, keeping his voice level. “I do want you here.”
He was relieved to see his Mom pushing open the sliding glass doors. Her eyes widened when she saw Shay.
“Come inside, honey,” she said soothingly.
“No!” Shay’s expression was wild now, and Cole had a knot of nervousness in his stomach. “You’re all ashamed of me because I’m crazy!”
“Shay, please come inside,” their mother said, reaching for her arm. “We can talk inside.”
Shay glared across the deck at Will, and Cole’s body tensed. She looked like she was considering pouncing on his friend, and Cole knew he’d have to stop her if she tried. Finally, she turned and followed their Mom inside, and Cole let out a breath.
“Man, I’m sorry,” Riley said. “I didn’t know.”
“She’s hot,” Will said, chuckling. “I meant it about liking crazy chicks.”
Cole didn’t even think before he sprang up from the chair, his fist connecting with Will’s jaw. Will sprawled out on the deck, looking up in a daze.
“What the fuck?” He gingerly touched his jaw, wincing. Cole was about to jump on top of him when he was stopped by Riley moving in between them.
“Get the fuck out of here, Will,” Riley said. Will scrambled up and off the deck, turning to glare at Cole on his way out.
“You okay, man?” Riley asked.
“Yeah.” Cole shook his head with disgust.
“Let’s get out of here and go hit a bar,” Riley said. “I’m good to drive, I’ve only had one beer.”
Cole nodded and led the way into the kitchen. He just hoped they could get out of the house without upsetting Shay again.
Now
Tall trees huddled around the inpatient facility where Shay lived, but Cole couldn’t tell if they were oaks. His Dad pulled into a parking spot as his Mom chattered happily.
“We haven’t spent Christmas as a family in so long,” she said. Even though he only had a side view of her since he was in the back seat and she was turned in the front, Cole noticed that the lines in her face seemed softer. She was happy. Even if Shay wasn’t glad to see him, giving this gift to his Mom made the trip worth it.
Tall Oaks was as inviting as a place surrounded by a high barbed wire fence could be. It was a sprawling log building, with snow-covered benches lining a long sidewalk. A snowman had been built in the front yard, reminding Cole of all the times he and Shay had done that as kids in Wisconsin.
A wave of anxiety hit him when they walked through the door. There were a few people walking in the large lobby, which had rustic décor and a tall, vaulted ceiling. Cole scanned each face, looking for his sister.
“Hi, Carol,” his Mom said to the young brunette sitting at a reception desk.
“Jenny! Tom! Merry Christmas!” Carol said warmly.
“This is our son, Cole.” As his mother introduced him, Cole smiled awkwardly at Carol. Surely she was wondering where he’d been all these years.
“Nice to meet you, Cole,” Carol said. “I think Shay will be glad to see all of you. She just woke up a few minutes ago, and she knows you’re coming. So far it seems like a good day.”
Cole wondered if Carol noticed the sighs of relief both his parents gave.
They only had to wait a minute before being led down a long hallway by a nurse, who knocked lightly on Door 19.
“Shay,” she said, opening it and sticking her head inside. “Are you ready for a visit from your family?”
Cole shifted uncomfortably as the silence hung. Was this a good idea?
“I think she’s ready,” the nurse said, moving aside to allow them entry. Cole followed his parents in, not getting to see Shay before she flew into their mother’s arms, clinging to her tightly.
“I thought you were never coming back,” she said, her voice wavering.
“I always come back, Shay, I love you,” their Mom said soothingly. Shay went to hug their Dad, but stopped when she saw Cole.
“Shay, your brother Cole came to see you,” their Mom said, walking over to wrap an arm around Cole’s shoulders. “You remember Cole?”
Her blue eyes widened and though she was older, Cole recognized the sister he’d grown up with. Her blonde hair, the same shade as his, was cut above her shoulders. She was thinner than before, but she still looked okay.
“Are you with them?” Shay asked, eyeing him skeptically. Assuming he meant their parents, Cole was about to say yes when his Mom interjected.
“No, Shay, he is not with them,” she said in a firm, gentle tone. “He’s your family like we are. Cole loves you. He would never, ever hurt you.”
Shay’s face relaxed, and Cole wondered what that had been about. Clearly his hopes of finally connecting with his sister were pointless.
“Why don’t we go down to the game room?” their Mom said. “We can play ping pong if you want to.”
As they made their way down the wide, open stairway to the basement, Cole was amazed how quiet Tall Oaks was. Maybe it was just because it was 8:30 a.m., but the place seemed pretty zen. Even the lighting and décor were serene.
A middle-aged man was sprawled on a couch, engrossed in a paperback, when they entered the large game room. Cole followed his parents to a sitting area at the other end of the room, where he sat down next to his Dad on a loveseat.
“You look good, Shay.” Cole heard relief in his Mom’s words. She reached from her chair over to Shay’s and stroked a hand over her hair. Shay studied Cole impassively.
“Do you still play football?” she asked.
“Sometimes, but not as much anymore,” he said.
“I remember watching your games,” she said.
“Yeah, I liked football, but it was really hard on my body. Now I mostly just run and lift weights.”
A few seconds of silence stretched, and Cole looked around the room. Two people had wandered in and taken up a table tennis game, and one of them was getting agitated.
“Shay, do you remember Emma Carson, from across the street back home? She’s Cole’s girlfriend now,” their Mom said. Shay shook her head.
“She’s an artist,” Cole said. “She paints and draws and sculpts. Maybe I’ll bring her with me next time I come visit.”
Shay smiled for the first time since they’d arrived.
“Yeah, that sounds nice,” she said.
Their parents chattered about the weather and national news, trying to fill the silence. Cole watched Shay, who was studying her hands in her lap. She rubbed the thumb of one hand across her other palm rhythmically.
What’s she thinking about? Is she glad we’re here, or is she uncomfortable? Does she ever get to leave this place?
“Shay, can I take a picture of you with Mom and Dad?” Cole asked, taking out his phone.
“Sure,” she said, shrugging. The three of them stood and smiled, and Cole couldn’t help noticing how happy his Mom was. He knew she struggled with Shay being so far away, and with not knowing how she was doing all the time. But this place specialized in treating people with schizophrenia, and she seemed to have accepted it.
He felt a sudden urge to ask his Mom if it was hard to let go of the dreams she’d had for Shay, and replace them with new ones. Whether she worried every day about her only daughter.
“I’ll take one of you two,” his Mom said, taking the phone from Cole. He put an arm around Shay and smiled, reminding himself that the tears in his mother’s eyes were happy.
It was strange to be driving a car again, Emma thought as she turned onto her parents’ street in Cole’s navy blue sedan. He’d insisted she drive it while he was in Indianapolis, and though she was used to taking the train everywhere, it had been nice to leave her house when she’d wanted to, instead of having to meet a train schedule.
Layla’s little red car was parked in the driveway, and Emma considered just driving past the house and skipping this. Seeing her sister sounded painful right now. But she knew her parents were expecting her, so she swung into the driveway and parked behind Layla.
The house was quiet when Emma walked in, and she smiled when Layla’s dog Prince greeted her with a wagging tail.
“Hey, Prince,” she said, bending to rub his ears as he sniffed her thoroughly. “Do you smell Vincent on me? Do you like cats, Princey?”
She held her breath as footsteps clicked her way, knowing it had to be Layla’s heels.
“You traitor!” Layla chastised her dog and he looked at her with a guilty face, trotting to her side immediately.
“He’s a dog, Layla,” Emma muttered, standing up.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” Layla said, eyes narrowed.
“It’s Christmas Eve, where else would I go?”
“Is your boyfriend joining us?”
“No.” Emma walked past her sister swiftly.
Do not give in to her. She’ll try to bait you into a fight. Don’t fall for it.
“Emma! Merry Christmas Eve!” her Mom said cheerfully when she walked into the family room. Her Dad looked up from the newspaper he was reading, checking his watch.
“Was I supposed to pick you up at the train station?” he asked, concerned.
“No, I drove,” Emma said, sitting down next to him on the couch.
“Did you get a car?” he asked.
“No, I drove Cole’s car. He went somewhere with his parents for Christmas.”
“I heard about you and him,” he said, lowering the newspaper and patting her knee affectionately. “I think it’s fantastic.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“You’ve always liked her better,” Layla said in an icy tone from the kitchen.
“What did you say?” their Dad asked, his mouth falling open as he turned to look at Layla.
“You always preferred her!” Layla stormed into the room. “You always go on and on about how she’s such a ‘talented artist’ and how ‘independent’ she is! It’s bullshit! I went to law school and you act like it’s nothing! Of course you’re happy she got Cole – she’s your favorite!”
“Layla!” their Mom said, eyes wide with shock.
“This has nothing to do with Dad,” Emma said angrily, rising from the couch.
“You’re right! It has more to do with you being a backstabbing, slutty bitch!” Layla yelled, moving closer. “You knew I wanted him – you knew it, Emma, and that’s the only reason you’re into him!”
“That has nothing to go with it!” Emma yelled back. “I didn’t want to be with him at first, because I knew you’d go crazy over it!”
“If I’m crazy, it’s because you betrayed me! My own fucking sister! I would never do that to you!”
“Girls!” Their mother held up her hands, trying to get their attention, but it was no use. Emma covered the distance between her and Layla, her fury growing stronger with every step.
“You would’ve done worse to me, Layla!” she said. “You have done worse! Lying about sleeping with Cole—”
“I was 17, Emma!”
“I don’t care how old you were, it was a lie you calculated to be mean and hurtful. And it did hurt, Layla!” Emma’s voice wavered as she fought tears. “That lie almost came between me and Cole.”
“Oh my fucking God, I am not listening to your ‘me and Cole’ bullshit!” Layla raged.
“You’re just bitter because I have something you don’t! Why can’t you be happy for me?”
“Happy that you stole the guy you knew I wanted?”
“Now, girls!” their mother raised her voice, trying to stand between them.
“Oh, get over yourself, Layla!” Emma yelled. “You wanted him while you were dating several other guys — and fucking some of them! You want to be the girl who gets around and wants to get married, and you can’t be both.”
“Gets around? Are you calling me a slut?” Layla’s voice was cool and measured.
“Well, if the platform stripper heel fits …” Emma said coldly.
“You bitch!” Layla flew at her and Emma gasped as a handful of her hair was jerked so hard it felt like it had been pulled out. She pushed back at her sister, trying to get free from the hands that were clawing at her.
“Alright, that’s IT!” their father yelled, pushing them apart. “We did not raise you to behave this way! Certainly not in our home on Christmas Eve when your mother worked very hard to make a nice dinner.”
Emma hung her head.
“I’m sorry,” she said, adding, “Mom and Dad.” She didn’t want Layla to think she was getting an apology.
“Me, too.” Layla sniffed. “But Mom, you know how upset I am about all this. I shouldn’t have to spend Christmas Eve with her. It’s not fair. She has other people to be with, apparently, and that’s where she should be.”
“Layla …” their Mom started.
“No, it’s fine,” Emma said, raising a hand. “I’ll go. I really am sorry, you guys.”
“You aren’t going anywhere,” their Mom said sternly. “It’s Christmas Eve and no member of this family will be excluded. Layla, you need to accept that Emma and Cole are together. You’ll regret it forever if you let this come between you and your sister.”
Layla scoffed, crossing her arms and looking away.
“You know what, Layla?” Emma said, her voice strained with tears. “It’s not even that you want him, it’s that you don’t want me to have him. You think you should always be in front of me in everything. If you were with someone great, you’d be happy for me.”
The room was filled with tense silence and Emma watched Layla as she stared at the floor.
“I don’t know, Em. Maybe,” she said quietly.
“I idolized you growing up, Layla.” Emma wiped away her tears quickly. “You were everything I wished I could be. No one was more shocked than I was that Cole Marlowe fell in love with me instead of you.”
“Why?” Layla asked sadly. “You’re perfect, Em. I’m not surprised at all. I saw him looking at you at the Labor Day party. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you.”
The edge in her sister’s tone made Emma’s anger flare again.
“But why does that make you mad, Layla? Why should you get all the attention all the time?”
“Because you’ll leave me behind!” Layla yelled. Her tone was raw and tears welled in her big brown eyes. “You’ll get married and have all kinds of great adventures with someone and I’ll be alone! Pretending I love my life when I don’t!”
The air left Emma’s lungs as the silence stretched. Layla furiously wiped the tears from her face, looking nothing like the snarky, confident woman Emma was so used to.
“Oh, Layla,” she said softly. “You just don’t let anyone past your façade. If you did, you’d have everything you’ve ever wanted. My sister can be warm and vulnerable. She cares more than she lets on. She’s the most loyal person I’ve ever known. Why am I the only one who gets to see that?”
Layla sniffed, looking embarrassed.
“I am happy for you, Em. I’ve been a real ass. And I’ll be okay. I can always just get a bunch of cats or something.”
“You put so much pressure on yourself,” Emma said. “You’re only 26, Layla. You’ve been focused on law school. Give yourself a break on the rest.”
“Yeah.” Layla turned toward their parents sheepishly. “I’m sorry, guys. I didn’t mean to ruin Christmas Eve.”
“Honey, you didn’t ruin anything,” their Mom said, reaching for Layla with a hug. “Sometimes you just need to get it all out. I think you both feel better now.”
Emma glanced at her father’s ashen expression with a flicker of amusement. He’d apparently been shocked by his daughters’ cage-match style discussion about who they’d fucked and who was a slutty bitch. Their parents had never used that kind of language when they were growing up.
“I’ll get out some snacks,” their Mom said. Emma knew she was trying to clear the tension with her hostess skills.
A smile played on Layla’s lips, making Emma burst out laughing. They reached for each other at the same time, and Emma squeezed her eyes shut. The tightness in Layla’s body relaxed cathartically.
“Your necklace is beautiful,” Layla said in Emma’s ear in a low tone. Emma’s fingers flew to the white gold owl pendant Cole had left in a small box on her pillow that morning. Its eyes sparkled with diamonds, and its body was made of black onyx. It was a gift she’d wished she could share with someone, and Layla’s mention of it warmed her.
“Thanks,” Emma said softly.
“I want to hear all about it sometime,” Layla said. “Everything. I want to be there for you on this, Em. Not today. But soon, I promise.”
Emma grinned, feeling lighter as the dark cloud hanging over her drifted away.
***
Each piece of her art Emma gently wrapped and packed into the open cardboard box had special meaning. The drawing that won her the Emerging Artist award in high school. The first painting that Mr. Roselle, one of her instructors in Paris, hadn’t been disgusted with. A bowl she had sculpted with her eyes closed, to connect with what her hands could do completely on their own. When she came to the painting inspired by her first kiss with Cole, she smiled.
It had been just over four months since she’d run into him at the coffee shop, and she couldn’t remember life without him anymore. Soon they’d be living together, which was still surreal to Emma. The lease she hadn’t renewed on her apartment ended in six days, giving her less than a week to get everything packed and moved.
Packing on Christmas evening normally wouldn’t have sounded fun, but she could hardly contain herself knowing she was preparing to move in with Cole. It would have been fun to have Layla’s help, but Emma knew the subject was still sore. She’d told her family during Christmas dinner earlier that she was moving in with Cole, and a flicker of something crossed Layla’s face, though she hadn’t said anything. Emma hoped things would get better with time.
She turned to the front door as it opened, smiling as Cole walked through and tossed his coat on a chair.
“Hey,” she said, getting up from the floor to greet him. His face was drawn and serious.
“I’m so glad to see you,” he said, sighing deeply as he walked closer and reached his arms around her. He held on tight, pressing his face against her hair.
“You okay?” she asked softly.
“Yeah,” he said, leaning back to look at her face while keeping his hands on her hips. “I’m really glad you made me go.”
“I didn’t make you,” Emma said, laughing lightly.
“You did. I can’t refuse you anything, and you wanted me to go.”
“It went well, then?” she asked, reaching up to his cheek.
“I think so. Shay knows I care about her, and that’s … good, you know? It made my Mom really happy, too. She’s also crazy happy about us, by the way. My parents want to help with the move this weekend.”
“That’s nice of them. So how is Shay?”
Cole’s face grew serious as he considered.
“She’s okay,” he said. “A lot more stable than she was the last time I saw her. The place she’s at seems good. But it hit me really hard that she’s never gonna have a normal life. It’s shallow of me to resent someone who didn’t have a choice about any of this. If she had, I know she’d have chosen to be happy, go to college, fall in love … all the things I’ve done that she never will. She’s 31, Em. We’re not kids anymore. I just never thought of her in all this, and I feel like an asshole.”
“You’re not, Cole. Give yourself a break and move forward,” Emma said.
“Yeah,” he said, pulling her closer. “I’m working on it. I told Shay I’ll come back next month and bring you with me.”
“I’d love to go see her,” Emma said. “Did she like the iPod and the scarf we got her?”
“She loved it. You should have seen her when she tried out the iPod. I think it was the best gift I’ve ever given anyone.”
“Thank you for the necklace,” she said, running her fingertips over the pendant. “It’s beautiful. I have something for you, too.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything, Em.”
“Just open it,” she said, handing him a cylindrical package with a red bow. She was nervous as he pulled the end off and took the paper out, unrolling it slowly. His eyes sparkled as he studied it, and Emma held her breath with anticipation.
“This is … I don’t even know what to say,” he said. “It’s incredible. I love it.”
Though she knew it by heart, Emma looked at the drawing she’d done of Cole. He stood on an open football field, holding his helmet by his waist. His carefree smile had been hard to capture, but she’d finally gotten it. He was young and beautiful, with the world in front of him. His blue eyes gleamed and chin-length pieces of blond hair looked like they were being blown by a light breeze.
“How did you do this?” he asked. “Did you use a picture? I don’t know of any picture of me like this.”
“It came from memory. This is the way you looked in my mind and my heart before we ran into each other that day,” she said. “Perfect. Now I know you’re not perfect, but I love you more for it. I just wanted to get this image out of my mind and kind of say goodbye to it, you know? It seems like a good way to start out the next chapter.”
Cole rolled the drawing back up and sat it on a nearby table, turning to Emma with a tender look.
“You bring light into my life,” he said. “I can’t believe the most beautiful, smart, compassionate girl in the world lived across the street from me when I was younger and I was too blind to see it. I’m sorry.”
“Cole, you don’t—”
“I know,” he said, cutting her off. “But I’m sorry. For every time you wanted me to see you and I didn’t. Maybe I’m not apologizing to the woman standing in front of me today, but to the girl I disappointed. I’ll never disappoint you again, Em, I promise.”
Emma smiled, breaking away from his intense, gray-blue gaze. When he tipped her chin up to kiss her, his warmth and scent and closeness made her long for more of him. But she had work to do, so she pulled back and looked at the stack of boxes.
“Do you feel like helping me pack?” she asked.
“No,” he said, his lips moving down her neck. “I feel like taking you to bed.”
“That sounds better than packing,” she said, her head falling back as he kissed her chest. “But there’s still so much to do …”
“We can pack later.” He stopped suddenly, looking up at her. “Hey, how’d it go with your family?”
“Oh, it was okay,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Just some minor cat fighting that my Dad had to break up.”
“What? I can’t believe I missed that,” he said, grinning.
“You’re such a caveman,” Emma said, smacking him lightly on the arm. Cole bent quickly and wrapped his arms around her thighs, standing and throwing her body over his shoulder. Emma squealed as he carried her toward the bed.
“I’ll show you a caveman, baby,” he said, tossing her lightly on the bed. As he pulled his shirt over his head and climbed onto the bed, Emma’s desire rose quickly. Cole’s face turned serious as he hovered over her, looking into her eyes.
“This is one of the last times I’ll be able to make love to you here,” he said. “Pretty soon we won’t have your place and my place, just our place.”
Emma’s heart swelled at his earnest expression.
“You’re cute when you’re sentimental,” she said, smiling as she reached up to pull him down toward her. Cole laughed lightly and she felt the tickle of his voice near her ear.
“Only for you, Em.”