“Natalie, I’m glad you’re here. I need to talk to you about next Friday night.” Mrs. Ross walked in the kitchen with her cell phone in hand. “Did you see the dresses hanging in your closet when you first arrived?”
“I did. They are still there.” I tried them on but I wouldn’t tell her that.
“Did you like any of them?” Mrs. Ross placed her cell phone on the counter and walked over to the sink.
“They are all beautiful. Why?” I watched as Mrs. Ross ran her glasses under the running water then wiped them with the paper towel. She brought them up to her eyes and checked if they were clean then mumbled to herself, “much better”.
“Follow me into the office.” She grabbed her cell and continued out of the kitchen with me trailing behind her.
Hanging on the window’s wood molding in the office was a long garment bag with a shoebox on the floor beneath it.
“Open that Natalie.” Mrs. Ross pointed to the bag as she sorted through papers on the desk.
I unzipped the bag. Inside was the most beautiful Carolina Herrera gown. It was a strapless silk faille gown in the softest shade of blush with a bow detail on one hip. It was perfection.
“Do you like that gown?”
“Yes, very much so.” How could I not? It was my taste to a tee.
“Mr. Westlake thought you would. It’s what you’ll wear next Friday to the Gala.”
“Gala? Mr. Westlake bought this for me. This designer, this dress, must have cost thousands.” I reminded myself to use Noah’s full name around Mrs. Ross.
“Yes he bought it for you and five thousand six hundred and forty-nine dollars to be exact and add another thousand for the shoes. He bought you the others as well, but now, knowing you better, he feels like this is more suitable for you.”
“Mrs. Ross, this and the other dress he purchased for me cost over ten thousand dollars, it’s way too much. Oh my God, and the car. The car, it’s all too much.”
“Well you can be the one to tell him.” I knew Mrs. Ross wanted no part of that conversation.
I shrugged knowing Noah would have no patience for a conversation about money or the cost of things. “What Gala?” I changed the subject.
“Mr. Westlake donates a lot of money for research in children’s cancer but it’s all done in Erin’s name and next Friday the three of you are attending a Gala for this charity.”
“I know he’s told me about the charity but he never mentioned a Gala.” I said.
“Yes, well, there’s a Gala and the three of you are going. Now, you can go, I have a lot of work to get done. Take the dress and the shoes with you.”
Mrs. Ross had many of the same tendencies as Noah. Abruptness was one of them. I draped the dress over my arm and picked up the box that read Valentino. As I plodded away, Mrs. Ross called out to me.
“Natalie, are you sleeping with him?”
Oh my God! She didn’t just ask me that.
“You are.” She knew.
My entire body dropped in place though I was still standing.
“Come sit down my dear.” She gestured for me to come closer.
I sat in the chair in front of the desk. She came around, took the box and the garment bag from my hands, and placed it on the couch. She leaned back on the edge of the desk and took my hands in hers. “My dear, the day I met you I knew this would happen.”
“But how?” Maybe that is why she kept rubbing the skin under her ear. It was like an intuitive tick.
“Besides the obvious reasons you are beautiful, smart, you also have a trusting nature and innocence about you. You give your love easily. I knew he would find you irresistible and fall in love with you.” She paused. “And not to mention that he had dozens of applicants but only interviewed you. At one point, I thought he fell in love with you before he even met you.”
That nugget of information was curious. “But he doesn’t love me, he made that clear to me.” I wouldn’t dare mention that he spoke those words once during our lovemaking but made sure I knew that he could never love me.
“My dear, you keep telling yourself that,” She paused, “Mr. Westlake doesn’t hate you, he fears you because he’s in love with you. The most important woman in his life abandoned him so he punishes women because of her.”
“He’s gotten better but there are still so many times he inflicts pain and in the past it was so bad I thought I wouldn’t be able to bare his cruelty,” I explained.
“He can be cruel, but be patient with him. He is a good man, but he has many issues that he needs to make right.”
“He fucks escorts!” I could not keep it in any longer. It disgusted me. It was foul, abusive on too many levels. Though he hadn’t brought one home in weeks, the fact that it was a consistent part of his life for so long repulsed me.
“I know. I pay the bills though it’s been awhile since I received a bill. That’s when I assumed that not only did he love you but he also considered you on a much deeper level.” She was so matter of fact that it eased my pain. “Sleeping with those women is his way of feeling like he’s getting revenge. They mean nothing to him. He doesn’t even know their names.”
I agreed with everything she said about the escorts. It was my feeling all along. But I could not believe what I was hearing regarding his feelings for me. “But that doesn’t explain why he is so cruel to me.”
“He is making sure he hurts you before you can hurt him.” She looked me straight in the eye. “Natalie, I have known this man for his whole life. I was his father’s assistant and I am telling you, he is in love with you.”
“I’ve been patient with him, Mrs. Ross but sometimes the pain is unbearable and even his kindness feels abusive because I know his cruelty is just around the corner.”
“I know he’s been horrendous to you, yet, you are still here. One day he’ll be able to speak those words to you but for now he’ll care for you with his wallet, hence the Amex, the dresses, and the new car.” She pondered for a moment. “Every time he leaves, I suspect he thinks you will not be here when he returns.”
Oh holy shit! It all made sense. He expecting me to up and leave him. Yet, I haven’t. I’m still here no matter how he’s treated me. Unconditional Love. “I’m terrified he’ll push me to where one day his cruelty will be too much and I will leave. I considered it once, but then he surprised with a trip to Colorado. And he’s been so much better since but he still has his moments. And the thought of leaving him terrifies me. The pain I will feel if I leave will be unbearable.”
“That’s a possibility and I hope it never comes to that but for now you are here.” She paused as she looked at the bag containing my dress. “Bring the dress upstairs and try it on, make sure everything is okay, because next Friday night you, Erin, and Mr. Westlake have a Gala to attend.”
The night of the Gala was here and I showered and stood wrapped in my robe staring at my gown when I heard Erin yell from downstairs.
“Nataleeee.” Erin screamed for me at the bottom of the steps.
“What? Are you okay?” I ran from my bedroom to the top of the stairs.
“Yes. Why?” She questioned my reaction.
“You seemed panicked.” I explained.
“No. I want you to come downstairs. Daddy sent over women to fix us up for tonight.”
“Oh. I’ll be right down.”
“Okay, we’re in the guest suite at the back of the house.” She ran from my sight.
Two hours later we were primped, prodded, and poked and ready to go to the Gala. All I needed was my gown. I wore a robe so I could slip into my gown when the team of women finished my hair, nails, and makeup.
I walked upstairs hoping to avoid running into Noah. I didn’t know if he was home getting ready for tonight because I avoided him as much as possible since the morning he told me he didn’t believe in love.
But I felt beautiful and I would have fun with Erin no matter what her father’s mood was this evening. That it was an Erin night meant his mood should be good.
Erin was running through the house in her princess dress when I came downstairs in my gown. I walked into the kitchen expecting to wait for Noah but he was already there looking mouthwatering in his tuxedo.
“WOW!” Erin yelled from the hallway adjacent the kitchen. “You look like a princess.” She ran towards her father. “Daddy isn’t Natalie beautiful.”
“She’s exquisite.” He looked down at his daughter than up at me. “You are beautiful, Natalie.”
“Thank you, you look very handsome and Erin, you look like Elsa from Frozen.” I wanted to take the attention off Noah and me. I had a weakness and its name was Noah. I focused on Erin, and her dress was the perfect shade of ice blue.
Erin ran around the house singing, “Let it go, let it go…it’s time to see what I can do…. I’m never going back, the past is in the past…the cold never bothered me, anyway.”
“Okay Elsa, the limo awaits.” Noah grabbed Erin the next time she flew past him and lifted her in his arms.
I followed behind them until we were outside. Noah waited off to the side while Erin and I stepped into the backseat of the limo then he followed in behind us.
“Daddy, sit here next to Natalie.” Erin tapped the seat next to me. “This way you are in the middle, Daddy.”
The limo ride over to the hotel was seen through the eyes of a nine–year-old girl. Noah and I barely said two words because Erin filled the small space with her excitement, her joy, and her childlike love for everything!
As we walked through the doors of the massive space, camera flashes and reporters bombarded us. Noah wrapped his arm around my waist while Erin positioned herself in front of us. People were shouting from different directions and our heads followed their voices. We smiled and posed for the cameras like the happy little family we were…for tonight. The paparazzi yelled out Noah’s name. “Noah your wife is beautiful what’s her name.”
“Natalie.” He didn’t correct the man behind the camera. Why would he want people to think I was his wife?
“Natalie Westlake what designer are you wearing?” The same man behind the camera asked. I looked at Noah confused by this charade so he jumped in.
“Natalie is wearing a Carolina Herrera gown.” He touched my cheek with the back of his fingers.
“Natalie you’re stunning could we get a picture of you alone.” The man behind the camera yelled back.
Noah and Erin took one step back and the camera flashes broke out in frenzy. I didn’t know where to look so I scanned over the crowd of faceless men and women behind there flashing cameras.
Once inside it was like being in the company of the president. All eyes were on Noah. People greeted him from every direction; having Noah acknowledge them was the thrill of their night. They all new Erin from past events and I recognized many of them from the fundraiser.
Noah introduced me to everyone I had yet to meet. Every introduction went the same way. With his arm around my waist he would say, “This is Natalie, Natalie I’d like you to meet (insert countless names here)” He made no explanation of how I figured into this scenario, I was Natalie.
Erin and I held hands as Noah escorted us to our table. Though his fans pulled Noah in many directions, he tried to stay as close to Erin and I as possible always only a few steps behind us.
Everyone gave Noah space and we could melt into our roles for the evening. Erin was very comfortable in these situations. This was not her first Gala, and this was Noah’s life but for me, I was not aware of his magnitude and how far reaching it was. He intimidated me at home and now more so seeing him in this environment.
At home, it was just the three of us, sometimes Mrs. Ross and with your occasional whore thrown in, but here I observed how the public viewed him. They worshipped him. He was a giving, benevolent man and tonight I felt like the woman who misunderstood him. He owed me nothing but gave me so much. He welcomed me into his home and into his life and his daughter’s life. I spent so much time being the victim of his cruelty and not enough time trying to understand him. But he also didn’t let me in. Not until he could talk to me about his mother would we be able to heal.
As they reached for him, grabbed him, bided for his attention, I judged him. It felt like my fault; I didn’t read between some imaginary lines. I should be more patient.
Tonight I would give to him as they gave to him. Erase all memories, all hurts and just love this man for exactly who he was, and I would accept the penalty. The penalty being the man I would know tomorrow and all his changing moods. The man who didn’t believe in love.
Tonight I would enjoy the closeness; the moments that everyone wanted to catch on film. When he rested his hand on my lower back directing me to our table, or when he wrapped his arm around my waist posing for a picture, and when we exchanged glances during a moment of understanding that no one else in the room could interpret.
I would display those moments for the world but just for tonight because my soul knew what would happen tomorrow. He would revert to the cold distant man that I lived for. I would give him time. I would wait and be open to him when he was ready to come around. And he was coming around but too slowly. I needed more from him. I wanted more from him because I loved him and wanted to give more to him.
We sat at the table with Erin between us. She chatted away about everything in her child’s mind turning towards me than back to Noah. She barely took a breath between sentences. Her excitement was palpable. Noah and I smiled at each other as Erin rattled on and on.
Erin stopped her chatter when a tall handsome man approached our table. Noah stood to shake his hand and introduced Erin and myself. “Ladies this is Gregory Reed. This my daughter, Erin, and this is Natalie.”
I was curious to see how Noah would label me but he chose not to. Again, I was Natalie, just Natalie.
Gregory took Erin’s small hand in his and said something charming about her dress then he directed his attention towards me.
“Hello, Natalie, It’s a pleasure to meet you.” My hand felt small in his.
“Nice to meet you, Gregory.” He was a handsome man, but nothing compared to Noah, and he also had a familiar feel to me. He seemed charming, somewhat too charming.
“If Noah can spare you later, I would love to steal a dance.”
I glanced at Noah. His face went rigid. His lips tightened. I shifted to face Gregory. I placed my hand on Noah’s back in a gesture to calm him.
“Gregory, Natalie is with me.”
“It’s just a dance.” Gregory answered.
I watched Noah’s jaw tick in response and I intervened. "Thank you, I’m flattered, Gregory.” I smiled, nodded, and sat back in my seat.
“Noah, do you have a second?” Gregory asked Noah.
Noah nodded and stepped away with Gregory. I watched as the two men walked away. They spoke and Noah returned to the table.
“Daddy what did that man want?”
“Something he can’t have.” Noah’s clipped response sent chills up my spine.
“Are you angry daddy?” Erin placed her hand on Noah’s cheek.
“Not at all, sweet pea.” Noah looked past me to Gregory’s table. I could see the tension settle in his jaw and I knew he was lying. I had a feeling I knew why.
Later in the evening, I was walking back from the ladies room when Gregory approached me. “Can I have the next dance?”
I looked over to our table hoping Noah was not witnessing this exchange. Thankfully, he was not there. “Let me check on Erin and I’ll be back.”
I scanned the room and my eyes were drawn to his stare. He was across the room standing with two other men. They were deep in conversation but Noah was somewhere else. His face strained and his eyes narrowed as he glared at me.
I stood in place staring back at him. I tried to remain emotionless, but he was making it difficult. He stalked towards me, his determined walk told me to stay where I was.
He left little space between us then placed his hand in my hair at the back of my head. Firmly he drew my face closer to him and nuzzled his mouth near my ear. “I don’t want you talking to him.”
“What? Why?”
“It bothers me.” His said in a stern tone. His warm breath tickled my ear.
“It shouldn’t and anyway, he seems like a nice guy. It’s just a dance.”
He opened his mouth as if he was about to say no and shut it. He sucked in his breath while his body stiffened. “Did he ask you out? I told him…” He stopped mid sentence.
“You told him what?” I was furious. I loved this man, but I had to draw the line somewhere. “Noah you can’t have things both ways. I tell you I love you and you tell me I’m a fool.” Though I would be patient with Noah, I won't lock myself in his home waiting for him. “Noah, you’ve said it many times that you can’t give me more. I need more and since you aren’t offering, I have no choice but to look elsewhere. But Noah, this doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
“Did he ask you out?” His voice grew louder which made a few people look over at us. He grabbed my hand brought me to a more private corner of the room. “Please, Natalie, I asking you not to go out with him.”
His expression changed, and I felt sadness for him. He was a desperate man who wanted to love but was so afraid to let go, so instead, he tried to control things, and he was trying to control me. “Noah, he didn’t ask me out, he asked me to dance.” Noah tried to interrupt me. “Noah, stop. It’s just a dance.”
I left him there when I noticed Gregory searching the room for me. The music started and couples flowed onto the dance floor. Gregory’s face lit up when he noticed me walking towards him. I slid my hand into his and he moved me around the dance floor. He was a beautiful dancer, and it felt like my feet barely touched the floor.
As Gregory spun me around, I noticed Noah moving closer to the edge of the dance floor. His hands were in his pockets as he stared the two of us down. Gregory seemed oblivious to Noah’s presence, or maybe, it was pure cockiness but I was all too aware of it.
Aware of his presence, aware of his moods and I hoped the song wouldn’t end, so I didn’t have to return to my seat and absorb Noah’s displeasure.
But the song ended, and another one began, and Noah cut in. “Natalie, may I have this dance.”
I looked to Gregory who had already put space between us. “Yes, Noah.”
My stomach fluttered as Noah drew me towards him. Something stirred in me whenever I was around him that I never experienced with any other man. Being in Noah’s arms differed from being with anyone else. By body pulsed when we touched. Though he could be so cold, when I was near him even at the worst moments, I felt warm and safe.
There was no space between my body and his. He rested his mouth near my ear. The warmth of his breathing traveled down my skin and I shivered.
“Natalie.” I felt him harden against my hip.
“Yes Noah.”
“I can’t see another man touching you.” There was a tinge of anxiety in his voice though he tried to control it as always.
“Noah, it was just a dance.” He pressed his palm firmly into my back as he spun me around.
“I can’t see it. Just don’t do it in front of me.”
“Do what Noah?” What did this man want from me? He does not want me but no one else can have me.
He stopped dancing. “Flirt, touch, any of it. I can’t watch it.” He took me by the hand and led me off the dance floor.
We returned to the table where Erin sat with some of the other children that attended the Gala. “Why did you stop dancing, Daddy? You looked so nice dancing.”
Noah had no suitable excuse prepared for his daughter so I answered for him. “My foot was hurting a little. He stopped for me.”
Satisfied with my answer, Erin went back to talking with her friends.
Noah leaned into my ear, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I can’t tell you what to do but I can’t control myself when it comes to you.”
He wasn’t kidding. The man had serious impulse problems when dealing with me. He controlled so much in his life and his daughter’s life but something about me, short- circuited his control.
“Noah, I understand. It makes me physically sick to think about you fucking those whores you bring home.” I whispered back into his ear.
He whipped his head around to face me. Shock written all over his face then an expression of sorrow replaced the shock. At first, he responded by squeezing my hand in his and didn’t let go. “It’s been a while, Natalie.”
“I’ve noticed and I appreciate it.”
Erin glanced over at the two of us. “Daddy, you're holding Natalie’s hand.”
Noah didn’t budge. “Yes I am.”
“Boys hold girl’s hands that they have a crush on. Do you have a crush, Daddy?”
“I hold your hand.” Noah countered.
“Yes, but you’re my daddy.”
“And Natalie is part of our family so I can hold her hand, right?”
Erin shook her head. Somehow, that was enough for her nine-year-old mind.
“Natalie, I’m trying.”
“I know you are and so am I.”
“What do you need to try?”
“To be patient.”
We rode home in the limo in silence. Erin fell asleep across her father’s lap and I stared out the window seeing nothing because I was lost in my thoughts.
When we arrived home, Noah carried a sleeping Erin up to her bedroom. Then shut her door.
We stood together in the hallway not ready to leave each other for the night. After tonight, I was ready to put aside Noah’s transgressions. I could lose nothing else and gain so much if I could be patient with him. I needed him. I saw the ache in his eyes that told me he needed the same. I didn’t care about the niceties or the cruelties that came with tomorrow. I only wanted tonight. Tomorrow would come no matter what.
He reached for my hand and guided me into his bedroom. At the foot of the bed, he stood behind me and caressed my shoulders with his lips. He reached for my zipper and dragged it down my back. With my back exposed he moved his large hands inside my dress and allowed them to caress my warm skin.
Every part of me wanted this man. He knew how to manipulate my body to take and give more than I could imagine. His hand trailed down the front of me and cupped the sensitive spot between my legs. I dropped my head back on his shoulder, pressed back into him and pushed my behind into his long, hard erection.
He slipped my dress off my body and dropped it on the floor. It pooled at my feet and I stepped out of it. Noah pulled back the comforter and guided me onto his bed. He kissed my skin as his hands glided over my body making me quiver from his touch. I reciprocated every touch exploring his body as if it was mine to own. I breathed in his scent as I kissed his warm skin. It was a heady mixture of leather, musk, and Noah. We whispered things to each other, words of lovers, sentiments of needing and wanting.
I needed him deep inside. The pressure, the pulsating became too painful to bear. Noah moved his engorged head between my wet lips and pushed deep inside of me. Every sensitive part of me felt him. He filled me. At the perfect pace, he moved in and out of me bringing me to the most intense orgasm then his followed mine while my name fell from his lips.
We woke the next morning in the exact position we fell asleep in. Noah’s body tucked in to the side of me and his arm and leg draped across my body.
“Good Morning, Natalie.”
“Good Morning, Noah.”
He kissed my mouth then flipped over on his back reaching for his watch on the nightstand. “It’s late, do you think Erin is awake?”
“Considering how late we got in I doubt it but I should sneak back to my room before she does.” I stretched my hands above my head.
“Not yet.”
Noah twisted back to face me. He brushed the strands of hair that settled across my face then stroked my cheek. “You are so beautiful.”
I tilted my head down feeling exposed by his kindness.
“Look at me, Natalie.” He tilted my chin up to face him. “Thank you for being patient with me. Don’t run into another mans arms.”
Patient. For how long?
Right before I could respond there was a small knock on Noah’s bedroom door. I sat up in bed covering my naked body. Noah remained calm. “Don’t worry. You stay here and I’ll bring Erin downstairs while you sneak back to your room.”
I listened as Erin’s chatty voice faded down the stairs then I snuck back into my room. I could not believe what just happened. I should have felt happy, but this man has yet to prove to me that he can be different. I was glad Erin interrupted us because I was not prepared to respond to him. He played my emotions like a Ping-Pong machine. I didn’t know how I felt hour to hour.
I dressed and went downstairs. Erin and Noah were eating a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table. There was a bowl waiting for me filled with Cheerios with a banana sliced up on top and the carton of milk next to it.
As soon as Erin saw me, she squealed. “Wasn’t last night magical!”
Noah looked at me as I answered. “It was magical.” I wanted to bottle Erin’s innocence. I came behind her wrapping my arms around her little body and gave her the biggest squeeze.
Just then, Noah’s phone rang. He stepped away from the table to answer it. When he came back in the kitchen, he was angry about the phone call. His moods permeated the surrounding air so thickly they altered everyone in proximity to him. Light and airy became dark and heavy.
“Daddy, what happened?”
“Nothing sweet pea. Finish your breakfast and I have a surprise for you.” Even Noah knew not to let his moods infiltrate light and airy Erin.
“Can Natalie be in on the surprise?” Erin jumped up and down in her seat.
“Not today.” Noah left the room without looking at me. I didn’t need to know whom he talked to or what it was about to know that he already abandoned his promise to be a better man.