It’s been too long since I’ve felt so desired. A part of me doesn’t believe it’s possible, but there’s no mistaking the look in his eyes.

Noah wants to do everything he said.

He doesn’t move a muscle as he waits for me to say something.

Instead of speaking, thinking, or talking myself out of this, I feel.

My hands move from my lap to his stomach. Our eyes stay locked as my fingers make their way under his shirt. I take my time exploring his chest, feeling his muscles beneath me as we both breathe each other in.

I slide my hand higher, pulling the hem with me as I go. He doesn’t say a word as he removes his hands from my face and raises his arms, allowing me to inch the shirt higher and then over his head before throwing it to the floor.

“You ready to make good on your promise?” I ask with more bravado than I actually have.

I’m ready to live.

I’m ready to feel.

I’m ready to give myself permission to take chances.

Noah gives me his cocky smirk, which sends a current through my veins. His hands grab my ass, and he pulls me against his very noticeable erection. “What do you think?”

I think I’m about to pass out, that’s what I think.

“I don’t know how to do this,” I admit.

For years, it’s been a chore. One that, according to Asshole, I wasn’t good at. I’ve learned to sort of sit back and take what I can get. Noah clearly doesn’t want that, but I’m terrified I’ll disappoint him. I’m not sure I could survive being mediocre to him.

“You’re in control,” he tells me as his lips ghost over mine. “Take what you want, sweetheart. I’ll give you as much or as little as you say.”

“What if it’s not what you want?” I whisper, hoping he maybe doesn’t hear.

Noah shifts back enough to look me in the eyes. “I want you, Kristin.”

My pulse races, but there isn’t a chance in hell I’m going to walk away now. He emboldens me to take what he’s offering. I’ve never felt as safe as I do right now. He does want me, and I want him. I’m going to do what he said and take charge.

I push Noah back a little and get to my feet. Our chests touch and my hand slides to the back of his neck again, bringing his lips to mine. I lose all sense of time as both of us fight for control. He gives it to me and then takes it back as if he can’t stop himself.

Just knowing he’s relenting a little makes my heart race.

Noah brings his lips to my neck, his tongue traces my collarbone and tastes the skin across my shoulder.

I take his hands in mine and start to walk backward. He follows me as we make our way to my bedroom.

Nerves plow through me like a freight train as we reach the door.

“Are you sure?” he asks.

How do I answer that? Do I want him? Yes. I don’t even think it’s a choice anymore, it’s a need.

“Yes, I’m sure,” I reassure him.

“We don’t have to do this.” Noah gives me another out, to which I smile, running my fingers over his short beard.

It’s my turn to be vulnerable with him. He’s given me words of encouragement that have carried me through. The fact that he’s still cautious with me is answer enough. Noah cares about me. Not about getting laid, but my heart and soul. He’s the thread that won’t patch my heart, he wants to heal it, eradicating the scars.

“No, we don’t have to, but you’re what I want. The smile you say you love is there because of you. The laugh you hear, only started when you came around. I was drifting for so long, afraid to grab on to something because nothing was sturdy enough. I don’t know if you’ll be what tethers me, but right now, I know that I want to find out.”

He crashes his mouth to mine, kissing me hard, slamming my back into the door. I fumble for the knob, and I fly backward into the bedroom.

Noah doesn’t stop, and neither do I, we keep our lips fused as we blindly make our way to the bed. My legs hit the mattress, and he lifts me into his arms and places me in the center.

“I’m going to make you feel so good,” Noah promises as he stands in front of me.

I have zero doubts about that.

“He might have been right, Noah. I could be really bad at this,” I warn him.

“I very much doubt that.” He grins. “Take your shirt off.”

Seems I’m no longer in charge. However, the raw sexuality he’s exuding makes me totally okay with that. I do as he asks, taking my time, loving how his jaw ticks as he waits impatiently. “You know, you could always help.” I gaze at him through my lashes.

He moves toward the bed slowly, settling on the bed so his knees are straddling me. My hands move on their own accord, touching his bare chest. His muscles tense beneath my fingers as I make my way higher.

Noah grips my wrists, hoisting them over my head. “Keep them there,” he demands.

My chest rises and falls as he grips the bottom of my shirt, raising it slowly. He runs the back of his fingers against my sides, just barely touching me.

“I’ve thought about what you looked like in that bathing suit every single day. I’ve imagined touching your breasts, taking them in my mouth,” he rasps.

I make a soft moan, feeling his words everywhere in my body. “You don’t have to imagine anymore.” I’m all for the touching.

The fabric goes over my head. He reaches behind my back with his lips against my ear. “That’s not the only thing I’ve thought about.” He unhooks my bra but doesn’t move to pull it off. “Bring your arms down, and show me how fucking perfect you are.”

My arms fall, and I grip each strap, letting them fall, but holding the cups to keep me covered. I watch his eyes turn hard as I let it drop. Noah’s breathing accelerates, and once again our mouths find each other. He shifts forward, covering my body with his, bare chests rubbing against one another.

It’s as if he reminds me with each kiss how intimate this is. The talking, promises, and glances are hot as hell, but each time he kisses me, there’s more hidden. It grounds me to him, and even if it isn’t conscious, it keeps me here.

“Touch me, Noah,” I plead.

It’s all he needs, and the next second has his hands cupping me, his thumbs rubbing against my nipples. I’ve always had sensitive boobs, but this is off the charts for me. I could orgasm from this alone.

His head lowers, and his tongue rims my nipple. “Oh, shit,” I pant.

Noah repeats the motion and then does it to the other side. My eyes close as he blows across the wet skin. If I knew it would feel this good, I would’ve jumped his bones earlier.

I squirm beneath him as his hands roam my body and his mouth works its magic on my breasts.

His fingers inch down to my shorts and run along the band.

“How much more do you want me to touch you?” he asks before flicking my nipple with his tongue.

“Don’t stop,” I beg.

“I didn’t ask that.” He breathes the words against my skin.

What did he ask? I can’t concentrate on anything other than how fucking good this feels. “I can’t remember . . .”

He lifts his head, and my eyes fly open to see why the hell he stopped. “I want to know where you want me to touch you, sweetheart.”

Even in the heat of the moment, Noah cares about what I want.

Others may not understand why this matters to me, but it’s everything. He isn’t trying to get his and move on. The power in this moment breaks any walls I had built.

My fingers glide through his hair, and I hope he sees in my eyes the gratitude I’m feeling in my heart. “Everywhere. I want it all, Noah.”

The fingers that were resting on my stomach find their way under my shorts. “Here?” he asks.

“Yes.”

Lower he goes with our eyes still locked. “Do you want me to stop?”

I shake my head. “No,” I say, remembering he wants to hear the words.

He slides his finger against my center, finding my clit, and I no longer can keep my eyes open. My head falls back as he drives me higher than I’ve been able to do on my own. When he inserts a finger, I can’t stop the sound from escaping my throat.

“Do you like that, sweetheart?”

Do I sound like I don’t? I’m a mix between a cat meowing and a sheep baa-ing. However, I couldn’t give a shit less because it feels too good.

“Don’t stop,” I command.

Noah does exactly that. His hand goes still, and I want to cry.

“I said don’t. Don’t stop, please don’t stop.” I push up on my elbows to find him grinning.

“Oh, I’m not stopping. I’m just getting started.” Noah hooks his thumbs into my shorts and starts to pull them off. “I want you naked. I want to see every part of you, touch every inch, and I’m going to taste you.”

My anxiety spikes, knowing I’m about to be completely naked. Obviously, this was going to happen considering what we’re doing, but he’s . . . gorgeous and I’m . . . not.

He seems to sense my shift and looks up. “You’re the most beautiful thing. It’s like you were made for me.”

“Noah,” I say hesitantly as he spreads my legs, moving his head closer.

“Feel free to scream my name while I fuck you with my tongue.”

I gasp at his words, and then the sensation of his mouth overtakes everything. He isn’t tentative as he eats me out—he’s ravenous. Noah sucks, flicks, licks, and slides his tongue against my clit.

He moves back and forth, and the edge I’ve been trying not to fall off comes even closer. I grip the comforter, hoping to hold myself back for just a little longer, but then he slides a finger inside me, and it’s too much.

“Oh, fuck. Shit. God. Noah!” I scream as my back arches off the bed.

I’m done.

Who knew that lack of sex would result in the most intense orgasm of my life?

Dear God.

I will never recover from Noah. If he leaves and we never do this again, I’m going to have to do something to erase my memory. Nothing will come close to the things he says, the way he touches me, or makes me feel.

I’m not even sure if I have bones anymore. Maybe they’ve disintegrated. He climbs back up my body, kissing my skin as he goes.

My fingers tangle in his hair and then slide down his back as he gets higher. “You’re killing me, Kristin.” He pants the words against my ear. “You’re perfect, and I want all of you.”

He’s not the only one that wants it all. I move my hand to his ass, pulling him against me. “I don’t plan to stop.”

He rolls me on top of him and holds my face in his hands. “I don’t want today to be about anything else.”

I look in his eyes, trying to figure out what he means. “Today is about what we want it to be. It’s about us.”

Confliction plays across his face, and then he speaks. “Today you lost something.”

I wonder if he’s bringing up the divorce to see my reaction or for some other reason, but I haven’t thought of that once. All of my mind is on Noah and what he gives me. I don’t want what happens here tonight to be something he ever doubts.

“No.” I shake my head. “I gained something. You’re the only thing I’m thinking of. You’re the only thing I care about today. I want you. I want this.”

His head lifts, and he kisses me. With each touch of our tongues, my fear ebbs, leaving me with desire.

We break apart, and I lean back. “Now, I think you should lose your pants.”

“By all means.” He lets me go and puts his hands under his head. “If you want them off, you’re going to have to do it.”

All right then.

I slide off the bed, enjoying the view of Noah lying there. He took his time, and I plan to do the same. It’s my turn to make sure he remembers tonight. I pop the button of his jeans open and smile as the sound of the zipper fills the space.

He lifts his hips as I pull the clothes off and toss them to the floor. Noah is even better than I pictured. I remember thinking he was packing the good stuff when I was in the pool with him, but I didn’t do him justice.

“Talk about perfect.” I grin.

“I’m all yours.” He stays still, letting me look.

For as long as you want me.

My hands slither up his legs, and I grip his cock.

Now, it’s his turn to make noises.

“Fuck, Kristin.” His fingers grip my hair as I bring him into my mouth.

Noah grunts, groans, and curses as I bob up and down. His hands vary from being in my hair to slamming on the bed as I work to give the best blow job of my life. I take him as deep as I can, and his fingers tangle in my hair. He’s losing it and I’m loving every second.

“You . . . stop . . . Kristin . . . fuck.” It’s about time I’m not the only one who can’t speak.

I lift my head, and his emerald eyes meet mine. “Want me to—”

Noah sits up quickly, cutting off my ability to finish and tosses me to the other side of the bed. I squeak as I hit the pillow, and then we’re nose to nose. His breathing is labored and our mouths collide.

My fingers dig into his shoulders, and his cock moves against my pussy. I need him inside me—now.

“Noah, now. Please,” I beg.

“Please what?” he rasps.

“Take me. All of me. Take me.”

He grabs the condom from his pants, rolls it on, and we gaze into each other’s eyes. Noah watches my face as he slowly enters me. The look of ecstasy on his face is something I will never forget.

We make love, moving through different positions, exploring and learning each other’s sounds. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. Having someone so committed to making me feel so special. Between the immense amount of pleasure and emotions, I’m spent.

If wine and chocolate had a baby, it would be called Noah, both are satisfying and do my body good.

Noah’s arms are wrapped around me as he sleeps. I inhale, loving the mix of musk and sweaty sex that clings to his skin. He cocoons me in his warmth, and I could stay like this forever. I turn my head, listen to his heartbeat, and drift to sleep with a smile on my face.