“Fuck, your mouth is heaven,” Noah says as I bob. “That’s it, sweetheart. Take me deeper.”

I do. I take his cock back as far as I can, and he groans. I love the way his face scrunches when he’s trying to keep himself in check. There’s something gratifying about a simple girl like me being the reason the vein in his neck is swelling.

His eyes find mine, and I take him deep to the back of my throat. “I’m going to make you come so hard,” he promises. “I’m going to see how many times your body releases for me. I want to taste you, fill you, love you until you can’t take it. Do you want that?”

I moan, knowing the vibrations will cause him to lose it.

Noah’s head falls back, and I run my tongue along his shaft as I move up and down. My hands pump him, and he grunts. Then I cup his balls, and he almost loses it. “You. Shit. I can’t. Holy hell.” He can’t get any words out, and I take great pleasure in seeing him out of control.

I lift, sliding my tongue around the head. “You like that?” I ask as I do it again.

“I want to come inside you,” he tells me. “Don’t make me come yet.”

“So, you don’t want me to do this?” I ask as I take him back into my mouth, going as deep as I can before releasing him. “What about when I do this?” I lick the underside of his cock and then his balls.

“Kristin.” He groans and then pulls me off.

I look at him with a satisfied grin.

He struggles for breath and then crushes his lips to mine. Our tongues duel, knowing that he enjoys me pushing him just as much as he likes to be in charge. Each time we’re together, it’s different. Noah allows me to be myself without any apologies. If I want something in bed, I have to ask, and he is damn sure to let me know how he feels.

I don’t have to wonder if he likes something, and he doesn’t hold back. Noah constantly lets me know how I make him feel both physically and emotionally.

Right now, his mouth is telling me everything I need to know. He’s feeling feisty and domineering.

Our lips break apart, and I’m ready for him. I need him inside me. I move down so I can ride him for once.

“Don’t move.” He grips my hips, stopping himself from entering where I need him most.

Oh, this is going to be good. I like bossy-in-the-bedroom Noah. He gives me control sometimes, but I’m more than happy to hand it over to him.

My pulse is racing as he moves his hands from the backs of my thighs to the front. Slowly, his finger feathers against my pussy, but he doesn’t touch enough to give me any release.

“Noah,” I beg. “Touch me.”

“I am touching you.” I hear the smile in his voice. “You played your game; now I’m going to drive you fucking crazy.”

I moan as his other hand moves to my back, pushing me onto my knees. He’s going the wrong way. I want him to fuck me, not move me farther from his dick. Right when my lips part to tell him, he starts to rub circles against my clit.

Damn it. I can’t think of anything but the immense pleasure that’s coursing through my limbs.

“So good,” I pant.

“You’re going to have to keep it down,” Noah warns as he pushes my knees farther apart and starts to slide toward the bottom of the bed. “When you come this time, no screaming.”

I’ve never had a problem keeping quiet before, but with him, I can’t control myself. It’s like a switch inside me has been flipped, and the more we make love, the more vocal I become. Noah makes it his mission to ensure this continues as well.

I’m. A. Lucky. Bitch.

My fingers slip in his hair, and I hold on. “I’ll be quiet, don’t you worry.”

Noah’s eyes spark with a challenge. “We’ll see about that. Get up here and let’s find out if you can handle it.”

I’m not sure what he means. Up where? I start to slither to where he is, but he stops me.

“No, sweetheart. I want you to sit on my face.”

I was about two seconds away from an orgasm before, but now I’m going to lose it. How in the hell is this my life? The sexiest man I’ve ever seen is in my bed, telling me to sit on his face . . . someone needs to slap me awake.

He grips my hips and positions me exactly where he wants me.

The first time his tongue brushes my clit, I fall forward, holding the headboard for support. Then he repeats it again and again until I’m biting my tongue so hard I’m seeing stars. Or maybe that’s the fact that each time I get close to release, he stops. He’s playing cat and mouse with my orgasm.

“Noah,” I moan. “Don’t stop. Fuck. Don’t stop.”

My nails dig into the wood as he continues to drive me crazy. His hand slides up my stomach, and he rolls my nipple. My muscles tighten before I shatter to pieces. Somehow, I’m able to keep myself from screaming, but there are some nice nail marks in the wooden headboard now.

Noah flips me onto my back, pushes my knees wider, and enters me. My eyes close as I’m filled to the brink.

“Look at me.”

My God, his voice is so damn seductive that I have no choice but to do what he asks. I look at the lust swirling in his green eyes, and my pulse pounds in my ears. Noah starts to move slowly as neither of us disconnects our gazes. His hands glide up my legs, and then we’re nose to nose.

Something shifts between us. It’s no longer just sex. I don’t know if it ever was, but there’s no denying it right now. His fingers cup my cheek, and I hold the back of his neck. Noah’s lips touch my nose, my forehead, my cheeks, my eyelids, and then finally my lips.

“You’re so beautiful,” he tells me as he moves slowly. “You make it impossible to think of anything but being with you.”

“I want you so much,” I tell him.

“You have me, sweetheart. You have me.” He continues to make love to me, whispering about how good it feels and how much he cares about me.

I’m overwhelmed.

Every part of me is becoming his. There’s no denying how I feel anymore. Whether I wanted to or not, I’ve fallen in love with him. He’s everything I could’ve ever wanted to find. In his eyes, I see all the answers to the fears I have about how he feels. Neither of us needs to say the words to speak them.

“I can’t hold back much longer,” he tells me.

I lift his head, waiting for him to look at me. When he does, I let all the remaining walls between us crumble. “Love me, Noah. Love me and don’t hold back.”

Our foreheads touch and Noah falls over the edge.

I lie here, totally spent loving his weight on top of me. My fingers make patterns on his back and he kisses my neck. “We were pretty loud,” he says with an impish grin.

“If we woke the kids . . .”

Both our heads move to the door, hoping no little feet are visible. “I think we’re clear,” Noah laughs quietly.

I hope so, that will be a conversation I’d love to avoid until the kids are . . . forty.

We clean up, and I go double-check to make sure the kids are asleep. Relief consumes me when I find them both passed out exactly like I left them an hour ago. I tiptoe back to my room, feeling like a teenager who is going to be caught by her parents.

He’s still in my bed with his arm behind his head and a smile on his lips.

“And?” he asks as I climb in next to him.

Noah’s arm wraps around me as I lie against his chest. “Both are sound asleep.”

“Good.”

My legs tangle with his, loving the way he lets me wrap myself around him like a vine. The closer we get, the more secure I feel. I have so many questions about what we’re doing, but I never know when to bring it up.

There are truths that aren’t going to go anywhere, no matter how hard we wish things were different. I live here, my kids live here, my life is in Tampa, but Noah’s isn’t. I’ve told myself this whole time it didn’t matter because I wasn’t going to fall for him.

That clearly didn’t work out.

It’s time we talk.

“Noah?” I run my finger across his chest. “When the feature is done next week, then what?”

He goes still, and I wish I could take the words back. Knowledge isn’t always power, sometimes, it hurts and is dangerous to your heart.

“Then we have to make a plan.”

Okay, plans aren’t bad. Unless it’s a plan to figure out a way to end this, then I would like a new architect working on this.

I lift my head. “Does that plan involve us being something other than the great friends we are now?”

He pushes the hair out of my eyes and smiles. “I think we’re more than friends, Kris.”

“Depends on what you think a friend is,” I counter.

“Do you let other friends touch you like this?”

I roll my eyes since he knows the answer to that. “I’m serious.”

“I am, too. My feelings for you are much stronger than just a friend. I think you know that.”

I hoped. I really hoped, but I didn’t know for sure. “Even after today?”

There’s no way to explain my embarrassment over the shit-show that unfolded this morning. I still can’t believe Noah witnessed all of that.

“Why do you think today changed anything?”

“Because you’re a famous actor who could get any girl you want with zero baggage. Instead, you pick me.” I shrug. “The drunk girl who falls in pools and has a crazy ex who is clearly an asshole. One of my kids spent an hour being a total shit, and the other one is obsessed with you. Let me know when I land on the part that screams to stick around.”

Noah shifts, rolling us so that we’re facing each other on our sides. “Do you think I don’t have a past? Do you think you’re the only one with things that make them less perfect?”

“I think I’m chock full of it.”

He huffs. “You’re not the only one who worries about the things in your life, Kristin. I worry you’re going to run.”

My throat goes dry at that statement. What is in his past that he thinks I’d run from? Whatever it is, if he thinks it’s worse than my baggage I’m not sure I would agree with him. “I don’t know what makes you think that.”

“My past isn’t perfect. My life hasn’t always been Noah Frazier the actor. I’ve worked very hard to keep my shit hidden.”

“Keep what hidden?”

Noah’s eyes fill with dread, and my stomach drops.

“I want to—” He stops speaking, sits up, and releases a heavy sigh.

“You can talk to me.” I place my hand on his arm.

His hand opens and closes as he battles whatever is raging inside him. “I want to,” Noah says. “I’m going to talk. There are things that we need to talk about.”

He’s scaring me a little, but at the same time, I want to be his safe place. Plus, my feelings for him have grown to the point that I couldn’t go back if I tried. Relationships aren’t easy, I know that, but he’s worth whatever effort I need to put in.

“Okay.” I sit up, pulling the sheet with me. “Whatever you have to tell me . . .”

His eyes meet mine, and his back straightens. “You’re what I want. You are everything that I want.”

“I want you, too.” I smile tentatively. I’m happy I’m what he wants, but I know that’s a prelude to what he has to say.

“I hope you still do after I tell you this.” Noah exhales and then begins. “I was born Joseph Noah Bowman. Most don’t know that because I legally changed my name to Noah Frazier, which is my mother’s maiden name. Growing up, everyone called me Noah because Joseph was my father’s name. I think it broke my mother’s heart to call me that name.”

My heart aches for him as he tells me that. I know a lot about his childhood, and I can’t imagine what it was like for him. It is a little strange that I’m in love with a man and I don’t know his actual name, but it makes sense why he changed it.

“So, you’ve sort of always been Noah anyway?” I ask.

“Yes, but I didn’t . . .” He stops and grips the back of his neck. “It wasn’t until after . . .”

I touch his cheek, hoping to give him a little encouragement. I’ve never seen him like this. Noah has been the driving force throughout the time I’ve known him. He’s pushed his way into my life and never backed down. He’s always been so self-assured and confident, and to see him shaken and unsure of himself has me scrambling for a way to reassure him.

“You don’t have to be afraid. I’m not going anywhere.” I tell him the words he’s said to me.

“My feelings for you are unlike anything I’ve felt before. I’ve never told anyone this, at least not anyone in a very, very long time.” He looks away. “I don’t talk about it because I’m not proud of it. I’ve gone to extensive lengths to keep it out of the media.”

I don’t want him to tell me anything he’s not comfortable with, and right now we’re not Kristin the reporter and Noah the actor. He’s the man who shares my bed.

“Noah, I would never . . .”

“I know you wouldn’t. I’ve put my past in the past because I can’t change it. I just want you to understand that this is something I’ve tried to forget. Shit like this ruins people in my line of work.”

“Hey.” I pull him back to me. “I will never betray you.”

“And I will never lie to you or hurt you. I have waited a long time to find someone worth sharing my life with. I need you to listen to everything before you judge me. Can you do that?”

I nod, praying I can actually do what he asks.

“A long time ago, I lost someone who I loved more than anything. It was our high school graduation night, and I was going to propose to her—” Noah’s voice cracks, and he clears his throat before continuing. “Tanya was going to college in Oklahoma, and I was staying in Illinois because I couldn’t afford college out of state. We had these big dreams about how we’d grow old together. I promised her I’d find a way because she was my entire world. But Tanya was . . . I don’t know.”

“A teenager?” I offer.

He tilts his head with a sad smile. “Yeah, she was eighteen, wanted to experience college, and in the back of my mind, I knew she would breakup with me after she left. I knew it, and I couldn’t let her go. I figured if we were engaged, it would change things.”

This is the part of the story where you know the floor is going to drop out. Noah’s anxiety is palpable. I move my hand to cover his and squeeze.

“I told her two best friends I was going to pop the question, and they never indicated it was a mistake. Hell, one even helped me shop for the ring. She agreed to meet me out at the ridge by the river on her grandparents’ property. We met there almost every night. It was secluded and gave us some”—he clears his throat—“privacy. We had sex, and I thought everything was perfect. God, I was so damn nervous.”

I don’t say anything. I’m not even sure I’m breathing. My heart is pounding against my chest as he’s lost in his memory.

He shakes his head a little and then continues. “I popped the question as we were lying in each other’s arms, not even considering the answer would be no. Tanya got to her feet and started flipping out. She was shaking her head, saying all kinds of shit about how she wanted space and I was trying to trap her. I stood there, listening to her tell me we were done.” He wipes his hand across his face. “You have to understand, I was young, but we had been together since eighth grade. I didn’t know what the hell to think. I accused her of cheating on me, lying, using me for whatever the fuck teenagers use each other for. She slapped me across the face, telling me I could go to hell. It was the worst fight we’d ever had. Then she started to walk away, and I panicked.”

The pain in his eyes causes tears to form in mine. He looks tortured, and I want to take it all from him. His thumb slides under my eye, catching the drop before it falls.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart.”

“You sound so heartbroken,” I explain.

He rubs my arm and begins again. “I grabbed her arm and pulled her to me. I held her, begging her to just fucking stop what she was doing. Honestly, I don’t even remember what I said because I was . . . wrecked? Devastated? I don’t know the right word, but I both loved and hated her in that instant. Tanya was crying at the shit I was saying about her, and she shoved against my chest at the exact moment I let go of her arms. We were close to the edge, I don’t know how we got over there.”

“Oh, God.” My hand flies to my lips.

“She lost her footing and fell, and I tried to catch her. I tried so hard.” Noah finally breaks, and the sound that escapes is the most broken noise I’ve ever heard. “I had her hand, but she slipped. I practically fell as I climbed down the ridge to get her.” Tears run down his cheeks as well as mine.

I never knew this girl, but the agony in his voice shakes me to my core. There’s no denying how much this has hurt him or the amount of guilt he’s still carrying. I move closer to him, resting my hand on his chest. “I’m so sorry.”

He shakes his head, wipes his tears, and forges on. “When I got to her, I refused to believe she was gone. I swear she was alive, and I begged her, I begged her to hang on while I got help.” He sighs. “I loved her so much, and I wanted to spend my life with Tanya. I carried her in my arms for a fucking mile. I didn’t stop no matter how tired I was. She needed me, and God knows I needed her.”

Noah’s eyes meet mine, and he comes back to the present. “I would’ve died if it meant I could have saved her, but I couldn’t.”

“It was an accident. A horrible accident.”

“If I would’ve let her go, none of that would’ve happened.”

“You can’t blame yourself. You didn’t mean to hurt her, did you?”

“Never. I would never hurt a woman. I would never hurt anyone.”

And I know that’s true. I spent the better part of my life loving a man who used his words as weapons, cutting me open at every turn he could. Noah isn’t anything like that.

“I know that. If you didn’t feel any remorse, then it would mean something else,” I tell him as I wrap my hand around his neck. “You carried that girl in your arms to get her to safety. At eighteen, I can’t imagine that you’d have done that if you had pushed her on purpose.” Our heads touch, and we stay this way for a few minutes, just being together.

The entire situation is horrible, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. I try to imagine what Noah must’ve gone through. The people all whispering, accusing him of killing her, and then actually having to endure losing the person he loved.

He lifts his head, holds my face between his palms, and gently presses his lips to mine. When our eyes meet, I see his anguish. I wish I could take it from him, give him some kind of peace. Noah’s finger slides across my cheek, wiping away my tear.

“I went through hours upon hours of interviews with detectives and the police chief. I was left in a cold room where it was the same questions repeatedly by different people. They had one detective who would be nice, then the next would flip and be a dick. I was distraught, tired, broken, and all I could do was tell the truth.”

I take his hands in mine and try to imagine Noah, being eighteen and stuck in a room being grilled for an accident. “I can’t even think what that must’ve been like for you . . .”

“I took a lie detector test, and since I was telling the truth, they said I was free to go, but that I had to stay in town in case they had more questions. They interviewed family and friends, but people knew I was madly in love with her. I was never charged with anything especially once the coroner’s report stated there was no foul play and police officially ruled it as an accident. But my life was . . . awful after her death. Tanya’s family blamed me at first, refusing to let me anywhere near the funeral. If I closed my eyes, I saw her falling, our fingers touching, and then her slipping away.”

“Why did they blame you?” I ask.

“She was their only child, and whether it was my fault or not, I was there when it happened. I felt like I lost a family when I lost her. Her father was the closest thing I had to one, and he cut me out.”

My lip trembles. “I’m so sorry.”

As a mother, I can’t imagine the grief they felt, still feel. Aubrey and Finn are my world, and if I lost them like that . . . I’d never get over it. There’s no moving on because you no longer have a heart. A parent should never have to bury their child, it isn’t meant to happen that way.

I close my eyes and see a young Noah begging for their forgiveness, but the maternal part of me knows she’ll never fully be able to.

“I wanted my friends to believe me, which many did, but some accused me of actually shoving her off the ledge, instead of her falling. I wanted to die alongside her.”

When he says that last part, my chest tightens. If our roles were reversed, I’d feel the same. People make their decisions on what the truth is without knowing the facts. I see it all the time, and it’s sad. We hear one version, taking it as gospel, and never actually listen to anything else. Noah had to walk around with people thinking he was a killer because they only had half the facts. I can’t imagine the agony he was in.

“I’m glad you didn’t, Noah. I don’t want to think of a world without you in it.”

Noah’s lips turn up just a little. “I don’t want any secrets between us. I wanted to tell you before, but it’s not something I’ve ever shared because there was no one worth sharing it with.”

I hold his wrists, needing to keep myself connected to him. “Thank you for trusting me.”

He stares at me with so much intensity that my stomach clenches. “You don’t think differently of me? You don’t see me as some bad guy now?”

Why would he ever think that? He’s the complete opposite of a bad guy. He’s a guy who went through a bad situation.

“God, no.” I shake my head. “You’ve been honest with me. You were a kid, and if you’d done something wrong, then you’d be in jail, Noah. It was a horrible accident, and I’m just so sorry you had to go through all of that.”

He’s still as he looks for something in my eyes. “I love you, Kristin. I love you, and I know it’s too soon, but it’s how I feel. I don’t need you to say—”

“I love you, too.” The words come out without a thought. I opened my mouth to say something else, and I couldn’t stop myself. I love him.