I spent a lot of time thinking as I checked on Ethan every day. I wasn’t sure whether we were ever going to be close again, but I did know I wanted to make sure he was fully recovered and could move on with his life. I decided to have a quick glance at his chart. He wasn’t one of my patients, but I still preferred to personally check his care. One of the other doctors smiled at me as I was leaving Ethan’s room.

“Well, well. One would have thought that you’re the one with a head injury, O.” He laughed as he passed me in the hallway.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Dare I ask why?” I responded smiling back; it wasn’t uncommon for us to joke with each other and banter to relieve the stress of our work.

“Well, I’ve never seen you so involved with a patient before. Almost as if you were sweet on him or something. You’ve been a lot less reserved lately. We’ve noticed,” he told me with a shrug.

I froze for a moment as I felt myself blush. It was true that I’d spent a lot of time checking on Ethan, and I realized I’d been a bit more open with people around me. I wasn’t exactly going to go into all that in the hospital hallway.

Instead, I laughed and made a joke about someone spiking my morning coffee before we parted to go about our own business. As I clocked out of my shift, I went straight into Ethan’s room. It had become something of a routine for me to visit him before and after my shift, and sometimes I’d pass by during my breaks.

I sat on the chair next to his bed and dumped my backpack under it before glancing at the chart. While physically he was recovering as well as you’d expect, I knew something else was wrong. He was quiet and kept our conversations as shallow as possible. I wasn’t sure whether things had changed that much since we were kids, but I knew he’d always kept his problems to himself. Often it was better to act as if you had gone blind, deaf, and stupid than ask him what was wrong. I looked at the tray in front of him.

“You haven’t eaten much,” I pointed out. His food was barely touched.

“Not hungry,” he replied shortly.

I looked closely at his face, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he’d been crying. I considered muttering something about the quality of our hospital food and offering to grab something for him from the café but decided against it. Instead, I leaned forward and slipped my hand into his.

“Spit it out,” I said shortly.

He glared at me. “There isn’t much to say,” he grumbled.

I sighed. “You need to try and get your strength back. Barely touching your food isn’t going to make that easier,” I told him as I brushed a strand of hair away from his face.

He chewed his lip in silence for a moment. “What for?” he asked after a long pause.

I leaned forward, as I’d noticed one of his dressings needed adjusting. He hissed as I brushed past. I apologized swiftly. The more time I was spending with him, the more I realized that I was still head over heels in love with him. I decided not to dwell on that particular issue at this point. Instead, I focused my gaze on him again.

“I’ve already explained. You need your strength to get better,” I said carefully, as I could sense that his emotions were boiling up.

He rolled his eyes at me. “Opal, what do I have left? My mom is dead. My fiancée's gone. I don’t think Martin and I are much in the way of friends anymore, considering that, as I mentioned before, he is banging my now ex-fiancée. Oh yeah, I had a true, loyal, caring best friend, but that’s been gone for the last…eight years? So, tell me exactly what do I have to look forward to? Let’s think nice and hard: my job may, or may not, take me back if I’m able to do it, but I honestly doubt that after a sick leave this long they’d be thrilled with the idea. My condo…well, I’m not sure whether it’s Claire’s or mine now, if I have to be honest. Either way, I can’t stand the idea of living there, so she might as well keep it. No job, no house, no car, no family, no fiancée, and no best friend. You’re right; it’s all sunshine and rainbows,” he snapped after another long pause.

I took his hand into mine.

“Ethan… I’m not saying it’s all perfect. You have a lot on your plate, and it’s not going to be easy. I’m saying that you need your energy and strength to deal with that pile of crap. I can’t speak for anything else, but… I’m still here for you and always will be. Yes, we’ve had our differences, but you never lost me, not really. I was always just a message or a phone call away,” I told him slowly.

He glared at me and quietly stared at his blanket. Neither of us said much more. After a long silence, we exchanged some casual comments before I left. As I walked to my car, I thought about everything that had been said and things that were going on in my head. The real reasons why I hadn’t dated for the last few years. The main reason why I’d avoided getting close with anyone. I still loved Ethan.

That wasn’t to say I hadn’t been with anyone else since that fateful night… I had, but I’d never wanted anything serious. I kept my relations casual and non-committal. I didn’t feel comfortable with opening up to anyone, and I didn’t want to risk getting hurt again. I didn’t see a future with anyone other than Ethan. I took a scenic route home, feeling like I needed to clear my head before I could get on with my evening routine.