It hurt that Tyler suddenly didn’t want anything to do with me, but I had brought it on myself. I hadn’t had to hide Brody from him, and yet I had. I had thought it was for the right reasons. I had thought I was doing the best for everyone in the situation we had found ourselves in. But that didn’t excuse the hurt I had caused, the confusion I had brought down on my son and Tyler.

And myself.

“Things were really looking up, Kristi.”

“I know they were,” she said.

“And I ruined it with my selfishness.”

“Ana, you were caught up in a whirlwind no one could have prepared for. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

“I hid Brody from his father.”

“You did what you thought was best for Tyler at the time. And you were right. He probably would have resented you in the long run for keeping him behind and from going to Harvard—though it wouldn't have been your fault in the first place.”

“I hurt him, Kristi.”

“Well, yes, you did.”

I sipped on my wine as that reality dawned on me. I had hurt him the way he had hurt me all those years ago. And yet revenge wasn’t sweet. Not that I had sought revenge. Quite the opposite. There was a time I had wanted Tyler to feel the hurt I had, but I’d been pregnant and hormonal and generally angry with the entire situation.

I hadn’t actually wanted it to happen.

“Do you think he’ll give me a second chance?” I asked.

“I don’t know, Ana. Do you want one?” Kristi asked.

“Of course I do. I love him. I want to be a family with him, if we can.”

“Then it’s up to him how he wants to process this. It’s out of your hands.”

“He told me he loved me. I believed him. I still do. So why is he doing this? Why can’t we sit down and talk?”

“Because he’s hurt and confused.”

“So was I! I still am! You don’t see me trying to dodge his phone calls every time he wants to call and ask about Brody.”

“True, but it’s your responsibility as the one who created this situation to give him access to his son,” she said.

“We both created this situation.”

“You both created Brody. It was your decision to hide him.”

“Thanks,” I said flatly.

“Ana, I’m your friend. I’m not here to make you feel better. I’m a sounding board and a giver of truth. If you can’t accept your part in this, it’s just going to keep hurting.”

“I have accepted it. I told Brody who Tyler was without Tyler there because he was being an asshole!”

“And that was his choice. But you made a choice as well. Had you waited a little while longer, you might not have had to tell him alone.”

“You can really be a bitch sometimes.”

“Ana, don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Throw your guard up. This is a serious situation and there is no right answer. There is no ‘least messy’ way to get out of this. It’s as complicated as it gets. You can rant about it, you can talk to me about it, you can tell me how you’re feeling, but I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you. Someone has to start coping with the reality of this situation.”

“Then why can’t that someone be Tyler, huh? Why does it always have to be me coping with reality? Why can't he do it for once?”

“He is, in his own way, by putting space between you two.”

“Just like I did with us all those years ago,” I said.

“Looks like the two of you are more alike than you figured then.”

I bit down on the inside of my cheek and swirled my wine around in my glass.

“He wanted a second chance and he fought for it,” I said.

“He did.”

“Then I guess that means I have to fight for my second chance if I want it,” I said.

“Do you want it?”

“Yes. I really do.”

“Then it sounds like you need to draw up a plan to start fighting.”

“I’m so tired of fighting with him, Kristi. I just want to be happy with him for a change.”

“You’re not fighting with him at this point. You’re fighting for him. There’s a difference.”

“I know, I know. I’m just so tired. I’ve been tired for eight years.”

“Which is all the more reason for you to fight for this. Tyler can provide you a great deal of help, financially and emotionally. He can help you shoulder the burden of raising Brody.” She held up her hand. “Not saying Brody is a burden. Don’t put words in my mouth.”

I snickered and took another sip of my wine.

“You know me too well,” I said.

“And Tyler does too. Don’t think he doesn't know what this is doing to you, and don’t think he doesn't feel shitty about it. You know Tyler, even after all these years. The two of you haven't changed as much as you may think.”

“I feel like we have.”

“Because it’s the low point in the road. That always feels worse than it actually is.”

“Gosh, I’m glad Brody is with my parents tonight. I needed time to think, time to talk with you. How could I have been so stupid?”

“You were eighteen. You were thrust into a situation you thought you’d never find yourself in. You did the best you could. It doesn't make you stupid. It makes you cautious. Caring in your own way.”

“I still hurt him.”

“I didn’t say you didn’t. All I’m saying is that it came from a good place, and you have to let that count for something—even if it doesn’t with Tyler right now.”

“He told me he wasn’t sure about our relationship, that he wanted to work on his relationship with his son but not with me,” I said.

“And maybe that’s a blessing in disguise for now. Tyler’s back in a life he left for multiple reasons. Didn’t you say his mother was in the hospital?”

“I didn’t, no, which means you heard it somewhere else.”

“Well, you know how people talk about her.”

“Does anyone know how she’s doing?” I asked.

“Not from what I’ve heard. Only that she has serious cirrhosis and there isn’t a viable donor as of yet to give her a liver.”

“I wish there was something I could do.”

“Just stop and put yourself in Tyler’s shoes for a second. He recently came back to town and opened his own business. Then suddenly he’s got a son and his mother’s dying. That’s a lot to process without throwing a relationship on top of it all.”

“I guess you’re right,” I said.

“Give him some time. He’ll come around and talk to you. He always does.”

“How could he want anything to do with me after all this?” I asked.

“Because he loves you. You and I both know it. He’s upset and hurt, and he’s angry and feels alone. He has a right to his emotions, just like you do. We all told you that you needed to talk to him about this sooner rather than later. Now you’re dealing with the consequences of your decision.”

“I was wondering when the ‘I told you so’ would happen.”

“That’s not the point at all. The point is to get you to see that things can and will get better with time. Don’t force it and don’t hold anything back. You’ve told him how you feel and he knows about Brody, so now the ball is in his court.”

“What if he still doesn’t want me after all this?” I whispered.

Kristi grabbed my hand, pulling my attention to her.

“Then it’s his fucking loss,” she said.

“I know we talked about going out tonight since Brody’s with my parents, but can we stay in? I really don’t feel like getting dressed up and trying to put on a smile.”

“Why do you think I came over in sweatpants? We aren’t going anywhere. We’re going to sit right here, finish our wine, and talk as much as you like.”

“You know, Tyler promised Brody he’d take him to a Dodgers game,” I said, grinning.

“Oh, I bet Brody’s excited about that.”

“He is. He keeps talking about it, but Tyler hasn’t called about it yet. What if—?”

“Don’t conjure scenarios that haven’t happened yet. Don’t do that to yourself.”

“But what—?”

“Stop it.”

“Kristi, I—”

“You don’t know what kind of father Tyler’s going to be until you give him the chance. And if you start wondering about worst-case scenarios now, you’ll sabotage it and drive yourself nuts.”

“I need a contingency plan, Kristi. I need to know what I’m going to do if Tyler isn’t the father we all think he might be,” I said.

“You’ll do what you’ve always done, Ana.”

“And what is that?”

“You’ll be there for your son.”

I finished my glass of wine before I reached for the bottle.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” I said.

“I’ll drink to that,” Kristi said.