This sucked.

For the first time, I actually had true sympathy for what Alix had been going through this past month. He'd gotten involved with someone he shouldn't have and found inspiration in her...and then she left him, taking his inspiration with her.

Technically, Savannah hadn't left me, but she had betrayed me, so I counted it the same.

I'd already finished several pieces for the show, and even though I preferred not to, I'd use them if I must, but I was done making them. I wouldn't touch another piece of clay again. I shouldn't have gone back to it in the first place. I was a talented painter, and that would be enough. It had been enough for more than twenty years.

Except now I was back to where I was before she came. Standing in front of my paint-spattered canvas, waiting for something to strike.

I'd been tempted to drink myself stupid last night, if only so I didn't have to think about what happened, but I'd been too cautious, too concerned that I'd lose sight of all the reasons why I'd been right to end things and I'd go after her. I'd tell her that I still wanted her, despite what she'd done.

So I hadn't gotten drunk. But I'd needed something to distract me. I considered going to Gilded Cage, but the very thought of being with another woman turned my stomach. And since art hadn't offered me a refuge, I turned to physical activity. I'd fallen asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow...only to wake two hours later from the most intense erotic dream I'd ever experienced.

That was pretty much how my night had gone until dawn when I'd finally given up on real sleep. Things hadn't gotten better once I got up though. I'd shoved everything related to sculpting into the studio closet and pulled out my painting supplies.

And that's pretty much where I'd been stuck.

When my phone rang, I was frustrated enough that I snatched it up without even looking at the screen. "What?"

There was a pause, then a familiar voice. "Damn, what's stuck up your ass?"

"Alix?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I closed my eyes. "Sorry. I didn't sleep well last night. What's up?"

Another pause, and I could almost hear him debating whether or not to push the matter. Fortunately, he decided not was the better path to take.

"Can you meet up in an hour at Café Carlyle? I have important news to share, but I want to do it in person."

It wasn't until after I agreed and ended the call that it hit me. Alix sounded happy. He hadn't sounded happy in a long time, which meant that something had changed. Maybe he'd started taking pictures again. Which meant that I had hope for my own work.

When I arrived at the café, my friends were already there. I'd had to clean up, and traffic had been a bitch, so it'd taken me longer to get there than it should have. Alix was beaming from ear to ear as I sat down, clearly eager to share his news.

"Sine's back."

All three of us stared at him, but it was the still simmering anger inside me that made me speak first. "How is that a good thing?"

His eyes grew darker, but he didn't snap at me. Instead, his voice got strangely soft. "Her mother collapsed. That's why Sine left. She didn't think to tell me until her plane landed in Ireland, and by then..."

His expression twisted with a dozen different emotions, not the least of which was self-loathing. Then he shook his head and took a long drink of whatever was in his cup.

"None of that matters, not anymore. She came back yesterday and told me everything. We worked it out."

"I'm glad for you," Erik said, tapping his thumb on the table. "Really, I am, but I'm not sure why this was–"

"She's pregnant."

He could have dropped a bomb and it wouldn't have had more of an effect. This time, it wasn't me who spoke first, but Erik. He only said Alix's name, but it seemed to jar his cousin out of the slight daze his announcement had left him in.

"She flew back as soon as she found out," he said and looked at each of us in turn. "And I proposed."

"Fuck," I breathed as the other two seemed to struggle to know what to say.

That girl had practically destroyed Alix by leaving him without a word, then she came back, announced she was pregnant, and now they were getting married. Was I the only one thinking this was an awful idea?

Erik leaned back in his seat. "I have to admit, Alix, I'm a bit surprised."

That was one way to put it.

"Sounds like you're rushing things," Reb added. "I mean, you've only known her what, two months, and she was gone for one of them?"

"Why do you even believe her?" All eyes turned toward me, and any other time, I would've stopped there, but my head wasn't exactly on straight at the moment. "She could've been with some other guy, found out she was pregnant, and decided to try to pass the kid off as yours."

"Jace," Erik snapped.

Even Reb looked shocked, which was saying something because he was usually even more cynical of women than I was.

Alix, however, didn't looked pissed, which freaked me out almost as much as his little announcement had.

"I'm the one who fucked up," he said. "Rather than trust that she had a good reason to do what she did, I jumped to conclusions, lashed out, and made the stupidest decision of my life."

I almost winced as that hit way too close to home. "You at least asked for a paternity test, right? I mean, please tell me you're at least being smart about this."

To my surprise, he actually laughed. "You really don't get it, do you? There's being smart, and then there's having your head so far up your ass that you miss out on the best thing that ever happened to you." He leaned back in his chair, his expression growing even more serious even though the new light didn't leave his eyes. "I love her. I loved her pretty much from the moment I saw her. And I didn't stop, not even when I was furious at what I thought she did. It killed me when I realized what really happened. And when she forgave me, when she said she loved me..."

A lump formed in my throat as a desperate sort of hope twisted my heart.

"We're getting married in two weeks." He gave us a wry smile. "And then we're going to Ireland in the fall for a big Catholic wedding."

"Better you than me," Reb muttered, pressing the heel of his hand into his temple.

"You'll see," Alix said. "Just wait."

"Like hell I will." Reb reached for one of the appetizers. "I'm happy for you and Erik, finding these women you guys are head-over-heels for, but I'll be damned before I let some woman lead me around by the balls."

Erik shrugged. "Trust me, my balls quite like the attention Tanya gives them."

Reb rolled his eyes. "You two are pathetic."

"Perhaps." Erik got this disgustingly heart sick look on his face. "But she's worth it. Worth all of it."

Alix nodded in agreement. "When you find someone you can't stop thinking about, can't get enough of, when no distraction is enough, you'll understand that there's no excuse good enough, nothing that could ever come between you and the woman you love."

Nothing. Right.

But that didn't apply to me because they were talking about being in love.

I wasn't in love with Savannah.

I didn't fall in love. Not after watching my mother use men. Not after Bianca had used me and left me.

No, I didn't believe in the sort of love Erik and Alix claimed to have found. The fact that Savannah even spoke to my mother for two seconds had proven that she shouldn't be trusted.

Right?

I let my head drop onto the table with a hard thunk.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

What had I done...again?