I didn't sleep well at all. If I hadn't been dreaming up some way to get out of the whole arranged marriage thing I knew was coming up as soon as I arrived home, I was replaying every scintillating minute with Reed. Needless to say, I was both tired and frustrated when my alarm went off, and that was just the start of my day. Now I was on a train moving across France, headed for a private airport in Italy where a plane waited to take me back to Saja.

I'd tried calling my father as soon as I'd gotten back to the hotel, thinking I could at least talk him out of bringing me home early, but he hadn't taken my calls. The fact that he'd sent them straight to voicemail told me that he was angry with me, angrier than he'd ever been. He'd never refused to speak to me before.

“Not that it matters,” I said out loud. No one else was in the private car so my musings were safe. “What else can he do to me? I already have my degree, so he can no longer hold college over my head. He's already set up my marriage so he can't threaten to marry me off early.”

I was sure that the marriage was one of the things he was worried about. If my behavior caused a scandal, a chance existed that the man or his family would call off the engagement. I couldn't say that the idea didn't have its appeal. The fact still remained that it wouldn't matter if this fiancé bolted or not. My parents would simply turn to their second choice and the wedding would continue as scheduled. Someone was always willing to marry a princess, even if they themselves would never get to rule.

I scowled at my reflection in the window, watching the blur of scenery whipping by. Even though my parents wanted me to obey their rules and be the obedient daughter, they'd also raised me to be strong enough to rule the kingdom after they were gone. Part of that strength included not allowing my husband to override me. It was ironic, I thought, how one of the things they'd instilled in me from birth could be the same thing they were trying to suppress. I supposed their intent was for me to be strong-willed, but not against them. I may have been an adult, but to them I was still a child. I assumed it was the same for a lot of parents, but with mine, the difference was that I couldn't do the usual young adult thing of going off to do my own thing, knowing they might not approve but would accept it as a natural part of growing up. Abandoning my parents' wishes would mean walking away from my people, my country, my duty. I would be giving up a legacy that my family had upheld for generations.

And yet, I wondered if it would be worth it. Being able to choose what I wanted to do, how I wanted to live. My fingers touched my lips. Who I wanted to love.

I didn't love Reed. I wasn't a fairy tale princess, falling in love at first sight, but he intrigued me. Something about him called to me and I wished I had the opportunity to explore it.

I'd had that instant click with Aaron, but it had never been romantic, not even when we'd had sex. Sure, he was hot, but even the physical attraction had been different. With him, it had been more of an appreciation of his physique, an admiration. I could appreciate the muscles and his strong, masculine features. It had been that attraction that had made our sexual encounter pleasant, but we'd only ever connected as friends.

I didn't want to be friends with Reed.

I sighed and rested my forehead against the cool glass of the window. It wasn't like I wanted a relationship with Reed. Or maybe I did. I didn't know. But that was something a normal girl would be able to figure out, right? She would be allowed to take her time to get to know a guy she found attractive and amusing. See if he was the kind of man she wanted to be with. Find out what kind of sexual chemistry there was between them.

I snorted a very unladylike laugh and leaned back in my seat. I already knew the answer to that one. The sexual chemistry between us was explosive to say the least. I shifted in my seat, letting myself enjoy the dull ache between my legs. I'd heard the phrase “ridden hard” used when talking about sex, but I'd never had a clear picture of it until last night. Aaron had been gentle, and my body had responded. Reed had, most definitely, not been gentle and I'd enjoyed it even more.

My cheeks flushed at the memory of how he'd used his teeth on me. The first time, I'd been startled, but the zing of electricity racing through me had been something much different than pain, something more intense than any of Aaron's kisses or touches had been. All I'd known at the time was that I'd wanted more.

Now, I wondered how Reed had known something about me that I hadn't. How had this complete stranger been able to play my body with his fingers and mouth? How had he known that I would beg him to fuck me harder than I would've thought enjoyable? Reed had seemed like a man who had known many women, but Aaron had known both woman and men. Why had Reed been the one to truly show me what sex could be like?

I felt tears pricking at my eyelids and I rubbed my palms against my eyes. Now that I knew, could I be satisfied by anything else? What would I do if my future husband didn't understand me the way that Reed had? Would he allow me to teach him, show him what I liked? But would that reveal my secret? I could explain away certain biological things fairly easily. Saja wasn't so primitive that they would expect a woman's hymen to be intact, especially if that woman had spent a good part of her teenage years taking riding lessons. It would be the sworn statements of my bodyguards, my parents and myself that would be held as testimony to my virginity. But if I showed myself to be knowledgeable of what I liked, would my husband assume I had simply learned while pleasuring myself, or would he suspect the truth?

I couldn't be put in prison or executed for having lost my virginity before marriage. That wasn't how my country did things. Most Saja men and women engaged in premarital sex just as those in civilized places did. My virginity was only important because of what it meant to the man I was supposed to marry. If he – whoever he was – found out the truth, he could divorce me, and collect a hearty settlement for breach of contract, thanks to the papers we all had to sign. That was to say nothing of the scandal it would cause. Like the rest of the world, Saja citizens loved to gossip, especially about celebrities, and in my country, no one was a bigger celebrity than royalty.

I ran my hands through my short curls and nearly growled in frustration. Why couldn't I have been born somewhere else, to some other family? While I'd loved my time in America as well as what I'd seen of Europe, I'd never intended to stay away from Saja. I loved my home, my beautiful island. I loved my people. Unlike some royal families, we weren't kept quite so separate from everyone else, weren't taught that we were better than the common people. Sure, I'd had a bodyguard even there, but it hadn't been like college. They had been my people. No real danger there. But still, the line had been there, the separation of knowing who I was and who they were.

“Why couldn't I have been born to someone else? Some other family,” I spoke my thoughts out loud, needing to hear them. Needing to hear myself actually wish that I wasn't me. “I could be normal.”

I laughed softly. Normal. It sounded as funny out loud as it had in my head. Other girls dreamed about being princesses, but I dreamed about being other girls. But even as I said the words, I'd known I didn’t really wish them to be true. That's why I'd needed to hear it. To let myself know how ludicrous it sounded. Wanting to be something I wasn't, shirking my duty.

Sometimes though, I did wonder if things would've been different if any of the three children my parents had lost between my sister and I had lived. One would have been a son, the other two, we didn't know. If I'd had a brother who'd lived, I supposed things might have been different. I would have had a choice then. I could have given up my position as the eldest to him, let him be king and have lived my life as a princess like my sister. Still not quite a regular person, but with more freedom than I currently had.

I supposed, technically, I could have abdicated the throne in favor of my little sister. Halea was only sixteen. She'd have years before my parents would make her marry, and she was a much more compliant child than I'd ever been. She would do as she was told.

And that was why I never could've done it. No matter how much I longed to be free of the responsibilities that came with being the crown princess, I would never have put my sister in my place. Not because I wanted the power, but because I knew what it would do to her. She wouldn't just be bendable to our parents' wishes, but also to whomever she married. She would be queen in name only. It would be too easy for a man to take over, and I didn't know of any man on Saja who could be trusted with that responsibility and honor.

No, I would do my duty. Return home without complaint. I'd take over the responsibilities required of me. I'd marry the man they chose. I would be queen, the strong queen that Saja deserved.

With the choice made, all I had to do now was wait. The train would be in Italy soon and it wouldn't be long after that, I'd be on a plane home. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. Maybe I could get some sleep before it all happened.

I must have drifted at some point because I sat up with a start when the door to the car opened. I opened my mouth to ask my bodyguards what was wrong, but the words died before they came out. It wasn't Tomas or Kai who stood in the doorway.

It was Reed.