Chapter 8

 

Alec spied Lilly in the patio dining area the next morning, at a table for two near the fountain and not far from the breakfast buffet set up on long, white linen-topped tables. He halted, mulling over his choices.

Smartest was to keep on moving, avoiding her and taking breakfast at the pool bar or even outside the resort. There had to be dozens of cafés in Santa Barbara and it might clear his mind of all things Lilly if he took time away from the resort. After all, no promises or future plans had been made the night before.

As a matter of fact, she’d rolled out of bed ten minutes after he’d collapsed beside her. With a smile and a gentle kiss to his cheek, she’d left him, while he was still sex-rocked and full of unfamiliar feelings he didn’t know how to handle. Back in her clothes, so tidy he almost found it maddening, the Lilly who’d moaned and writhed in his arms seemed a mere memory. All her flushed responses and wet-and-ready passion were neatly tucked away again. Barred from him as if behind stark ledger lines.

It was almost as if he had never touched her, he’d thought as he’d watched her slip out the door, and his hand had passed over the damp sheets to reassure himself it all hadn’t been a fevered dream.

That’s what he could pretend it was, he supposed. It made good sense and if he had any he would have bypassed the row of little shops surrounding the resort’s lobby as he made his way toward a morning meal. There was a flower stall there, a boutique with tropical-themed resort-wear, a sundries store that had a cooler stocked with wine, beer, and sodas. Snack foods were piled in bins and various toiletries and over-the-counter drugs hung on racks. Boxes of condoms marched in a row beside tiny tins of pain relievers and small tubes of toothpaste.

There was no sound reason that a three-pack of prophylactics nestled at the bottom of his pocket right this very minute. No sound reason at all, because nothing had changed between him and Lilly last night. Neither wanted a relationship, he reminded himself. He should have no expectation of getting her naked once again.

At that moment, she glanced up from the perusal of her phone, saw him.

He tensed, wondering what reaction to expect. Would she flush with embarrassment? Turn her gaze away and pretend she didn’t see him? Throw him an annoyed look because she’d made it clear from the first she didn’t want a one-night stand but they’d went ahead with it anyway?

Lilly Durand did none of those. Instead, she smiled, as sunny as the morning, and gave him a casual wave.

His chest loosened, and he realized he’d been holding his breath. Okay, he thought, taking air in, letting it out. She didn’t seem worse for wear or ready to blame him for the fire between his sheets last night.

Well, good. Because that one-night stand had been her idea as much as his.

Now, still smiling, Lilly beckoned him forward.

Alec obeyed. Hey, if she could play it cool, no reason for him not to follow suit.

“Hi,” she said, still beaming when he reached her. “How are you?” With a gesture of her hand, she indicated the chair across from her. “Want to sit?”

“Sure.” He dropped into the seat, eyed the half-glass of OJ in front of her. “Are you finishing up or just getting started?”

“Finishing up.” She crossed one slender leg over the other, her creamy thighs revealed by the short skirt of a blue dress splashed with pink flowers that matched her lipstick. “Did you have a good rest last night?”

He stared at her, contemplating his answer, knowing her breezy tone would be impossible to match. The truth was, he’d stared at the ceiling for hours, recalling every sound she’d made, every restless movement of her body, that moment when she’d shattered, her body a vice gripping his fingers, so damn hard it had shoved him over his own edge.

It probably wasn’t breakfast conversation, however. And perhaps she was going with his first inclination and was intending to pretend last night never happened…so he should follow suit. “I—”

“Wait. Let’s start over.” Her mouth turned down and she shook her head. “That sounded wrong and I don’t want you to think I’m trying to be coy or anything. We had…well, we sort of had sex last night. I’m not going to act otherwise.”

“It wasn’t sort-of sex,” he protested. The orgasms had been completely legit, damn it. He stared at her neck, looking for a light bruise he might have left behind, and with a caveman’s regret didn’t see a single mark marring her beautiful skin. It would have proved their passion.

She waved a careless hand. “You know what I mean.”

The condoms were burning a hole in his pocket. If he’d been so blown away by “sort-of” sex with Lilly, where would the pure act land on the charts? His mind had started to wander in that direction when she spoke again, her voice low.

“I want to say once again how sorry I am.” Her eyes cast down, she drew designs in the condensation on her juice glass. “Things like that—your brother Simon—shouldn’t happen to families like yours.”

His focus tracked back to her, his gaze sharpening. “Families like ours?”

She shrugged. “You know.”

He didn’t, but something told him a huge clue had been dropped. A clue to more fully understanding Lilly Durand and what made her tick. Because you always want to learn everything you can about a casual hookup, a smirking voice said inside Alec’s head.

He ignored it. “Lilly—”

The sound of metal clattering against concrete drew the attention of the breakfasting crowd. Both he and Lilly looked over to see a flustered waiter retrieving scattered bundles of napkin-wrapped cutlery. Alec was about to return his attention to his tablemate, when beyond the server he spied a familiar figure scuttling behind an ivy-wrapped pillar.

“Shit,” he muttered.

“Is everything all right?” Lilly asked.

“Yeah.” He shot up from his seat. “I’m going to hit the buffet table, grab some breakfast, coffee. You stay right here until I get back.”

Without waiting for her acquiescence or refusal, he hurried in the direction of the weasel he’d seen skulking. Sure enough, he found Jacob Belcher just around the corner from the patio, lurking in a shaded corridor.

“What the hell are you doing?” Alec demanded.

“I knew you were staying here and I wanted to talk to somebody.” Dressed in board shorts, chewed-up flip-flops, and a faded shirt, Jacob crossed his arms over his chest. “No one will return my texts.”

“Because you fucking ruined a nice woman’s life, you asshole.”

“But you reached out to me.”

Christ, Jacob sounded like the whiney six-year-old he’d been on the bunk below Alec’s at summer camp all those years ago. But they’d forged a bond of sorts through sunrise nature walks and nightly charred marshmallows—the two youngest in the Walden Pond cabin. Eight Julys later, when they’d “graduated” from Camp Northwood, Alec had felt a responsibility of sorts for Jacob. Over the years, he’d saved him from angry hornets, a kayak excursion gone wrong, and an oversized bully called Moon-Faced Morton.

“You wanted to know how I was doing,” Jacob said now.

Not for anything would Alec say he’d made contact on Audra’s behalf. “I wanted to confirm you were properly miserable, you snake.”

Jacob hung his head, his dirty blond hair flopping forward. No expert on male attractiveness, Alec had to take his sister’s word for it that Jacob was what she termed a “California dime.” Jojo used a bunch of weird-ass lingo possibly understood only by herself, but he was told it meant a ten on the apparently higher, California scale of handsomeness. Then she’d told Alec, generously, that he qualified as a “California twelve and a half.”

Sisters.

Jacob’s head came up and he swooped his bangs off his forehead with his left hand, a boyish gesture that he’d been making as long as Alec knew him. “You think I should have gotten married when I didn’t want to?”

“I think you shouldn’t have gotten engaged when you didn’t want to get married.”

With a sigh, Jacob dropped his gaze to his toes. “Audra’s beautiful.”

“I hear she’s doing just fine, by the way.” Alec wouldn’t let the true nature of things slip. “Counting her lucky stars.”

Maybe he sounded harsh, but Alec felt no remorse. The pair had been engaged for fourteen months. Surely Jacob could have worked out his true feelings before the very day of the wedding.

His old friend began rotating a braided string bracelet at his wrist. The color of the twisted fibers looked bright and new and the thing reminded him of something an eighth-grader exchanged with his first crush. “Geez, Jake, are you seeing someone else already? You were just days ago engaged—”

“And that was a mistake,” Jacob said defensively. “Anyway, it’s not like you’re rushing to put a ring on anyone’s finger.”

“Me? Don’t bring me into—”

“How many times have you claimed you’re never getting married? Like three thousand times since Simon died and you started plowing through women.”

Oh, hell. Not this again. “Fuck, Jacob—”

“Maybe I just started seeing things your way. The stats are against it working out. Marriage, I mean. What is it, a fifty-percent failure rate?”

The numbers guy in him wanted to point out that anything involving statistics could be interpreted many ways, but Jacob was still talking.

“In ten years we’d likely divorce anyway,” Jacob said, his expression going dark. “Sharing the kids between two households. Arguing about who has to take the dog or whose idea it was to get a cat…”

Alec could only stare at his friend. “What about a more optimistic outcome?” His parents had been married thirty-five years and though there’d been friction over his father’s long working hours at times, no doubt Vic adored Miranda and their family had amassed good memories that involved shared jokes, holiday traditions, meals that failed spectacularly, and dicey vacation adventures.

Good memories that still survived even though Simon was no longer here to sift through the old or to make more of the new. Still there…even though Simon was not. That thought fell over Alec, another sweet spring rain. Damn. A thought to examine at a better time.

Jacob had wound down with whatever dire outcomes he’d projected for himself and Audra and was peering around the column in the direction of the patio again. “Hey, that’s Lilly Durand. That was Lilly I saw with you earlier.”

Again, Alec decided against mentioning Audra. “She’s taking a few days off before going back to work.”

“Yeah? I’m surprised she can afford this place. She’s got a good job, thanks to the Montgomerys, but I get the impression she comes from trash.”

His old buddy’s offhand classism made Alec want to punch him in his California dime mouth. “I don’t know, Jake, but it seems to me that what people do, not who they come from, determines whether they’re garbage or not.”

The other man flushed. “I didn’t want to hurt Audra,” he mumbled.

“Just stay out of her life,” Alec advised, then stepped around Jacob to return to the patio. Though he scooped up a plate and took his place in the buffet line, his gaze automatically moved to Lilly. Her hair, shiny waves and curls that went this way and that, framed that piquant face of hers with its mysterious eyes and the unforgettable mouth.

He’d kissed those lips, had his hands tangled in that hair, had been entwined with that small body of hers, creamy limbs and slender curves. Again, he remembered the first time he’d seen her, the moment that their hands had met, the shift inside him, the spark of flesh against flesh.

As inescapable as headlights on the highway.

What the hell was this, exactly, between them?

As if she felt his stare, she glanced his way and their gazes caught.

His muscles tightened as he recalled the sweet flavor of her, her gasps of pleasure as he discovered the secrets to her body, this need to know her inside and out, this drive to protect her, to be the one to catch the tears she claimed she did not shed.

What the hell? What was it about this woman that he found so different, so fascinating?

They had the rest of this week to figure it out. No matter how she fought him on it.

 

“What could I do but agree?” Lilly said, appealing to Audra, who had finally ditched the wedding dress for heather-gray baggy sweats. The lace she’d been using as a headband now bound the bottom of a single braid thrown over the ex-bride’s shoulder.

“I mean,” Lilly continued, when her friend didn’t say anything. “Now that I know she lost her son I couldn’t see myself saying no to her.”

She’d told her friend about Simon’s death and Audra had remembered hearing something about it from her former groom-to-be. “So what is it you exactly agreed to?” the blonde asked now.

Lilly clutched her shopping bag from the resort’s boutique. “The hotel is hosting a pool party movie night. They’re serving dinner first then passing out floats so you can watch Jaws from the water.”

“That doesn’t sound so terrible.”

Lilly leaped on the hint of interest. “Would you like to join us? I bought a suit at the resort boutique but I know you have at least one in your bag. Please say you’ll come with me.”

Audra was already shaking her head. “And get between you and your swain?”

“You mean Alec?” Lilly tried brushing that off. She hadn’t shared with her BFF what they’d done the night before in his bedroom, though she could feel her cheeks heating just thinking about it. Whirling around, she crossed to the mini-fridge in search of a bottle of water. “There’s nothing to me and Alec. I don’t want there to be anything between me and Alec. If anything we’re just acquaintances, not even friends really—”

“Gaga,” Audra interrupted. “Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’!”

They were playing their game? Perplexed, Lilly tried recalling the lyrics of the song and how they could relate to this emotional moment. “‘Poker Face’?”

“In that you don’t have one.”

Lilly glared. “So funny.”

Her friend gave her a little flippant salute, then her expression sobered. “Has he—Alec—said anything about Jacob? Does he know anything?”

Oh, damn. Lilly crossed to perch on the arm of the sofa Audra sat upon and softened her voice, wishing she could soften the truth as well. “He’s not coming back to you, Audra. You know you wouldn’t want him anyway. Some guys…” Most guys, Lilly thought. “They have misgivings about commitment.”

“Jacob never once told me he had misgivings.”

“I know, Audie. He’s a dick. Let’s—”

“You know what? I want a man who admits to misgivings. I want a man who admits to misgivings to want me beyond them. In spite of them. I want a gorgeous, arrogant man to fall in love with me so hard that misgivings are crumbs beneath my shoe.”

“Well, yes, um—”

“And then I’m going to dump him.” She rubbed her palms together, a classic villain move.

Lilly stared at her friend. “Uh, Audie. That doesn’t sound like you.” The other woman didn’t have a mean or calculating bone in her body.

“But it’s going to fix me.” Her eyes glinted as she seemed to relish the idea. “I’m going to take back my power by crushing this gorgeous, arrogant man’s heart.”

Eeek. Lilly didn’t know whether to laugh or shudder.

“But first I have to find him.” Audra continued. “And to find the kind of man who is going to fill the bill means I’ll have to get out of my comfort zone.”

And out of those oversized sweats, Lilly thought, but didn’t say so.

“I’ll have to get out of my comfort zone and be…” Audra eyed Lilly, her gaze steely. “Bad.”

The outrageous plan had seemed to cheer her best friend, so Lilly let it be. Even as she changed into the new suit and made her goodbyes before heading to the pool area, she didn’t enumerate the hundred-and-one ways in which it could all go wrong. Foremost, Audra seemed to assume she could crush the gorgeous, arrogant man’s heart without doing any damage to her own.

Lilly continued to consider that as she wound her way toward Miranda Thatcher, holding court at one end of the crowded pool deck—many guests obviously anticipating movie night. “There you are,” the older woman said, smiling. “Sit right beside me,” she said, pointing to a free chair, “and someone will be by with food.”

The anniversary celebrants were gathered there, as well as many other resort guests, and the staff passed among them palm-sized cardboard trays used to serve a version of summer picnic fare: small barbecued beef sliders; kebabs made of grilled hot dog slices between chunks of onion and sweet pickle; colorful potato salad with red and Yukon gold potatoes, with red onion and crisp celery; juicy watermelon pieces skewered between green and red grapes.

Lilly was enjoying the repast while casually chatting with those around her, when the scrape of chair legs alerted her to a newcomer. Alec dropped down beside her, and she suppressed the impulse to inch away from him. The urge for self-preservation was strong, but as she’d told him this morning, she wasn’t going to play the idiot and pretend she didn’t know the man. She’d promised herself not to worry about regrets and they had been naked in each other’s arms.

Goose bumps lifted on her arms at the memory and she snuck a quick look at him. He sat back in his chair, in black board shorts and a collared cotton shirt, looking like a high-end tourist ad for the French Riviera. Her gaze ran down his muscled legs, hairy but not too, then jerked it back to his face when she felt the heat of his own amused regard.

“See something you like?” he asked in a lazy voice. “Because I sure do. Has anyone told you that hot pink is your color?”

She refused to squirm in her seat or fidget with the deep V of the swimsuit that she’d covered with a matching sarong of a filmy fabric. “Shh. You’ll give people ideas.”

“About?”

“I’m here because your mother asked me,” she said, as he snagged a slider offered by a server.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t engage in meaningful conversation. Remember, I told you I intend for us to get to know each other better.” He laughed at her expression. “Why do you find that so alarming?”

“I’m here because your mother asked me,” she repeated.

“Her questions will be way more probing if you let her get a chance, believe me. And if I don’t appear to be charming you, I guarantee she’s going to fix you up with my cousin Edmund Pevensie.”

The name rang a bell. She narrowed her eyes at Alec. “That’s the younger brother from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. The one with the bad judgement.”

“Once again notice how much we have in common,” he said, admiringly. “I read that book as a kid too.”

She had to laugh. He continued to make her chuckle as they finished eating, regaling her with tales of his mother’s attempts to lure her sons into summer reading. “It was an exercise in frustration for all of us, since Simon and I only responded to rewards from the local skateboard shop, which made us eager to spend more time on our boards in the sunshine rather than with the books she stacked up everywhere.”

“I loved reading, particularly in the summer,” Lilly said. During those long days without school, she’d needed an escape from the disorder and dysfunction of her aunt and uncle’s household and had carted back armfuls of books from the local library.

He cocked his head. “Let me guess. The more fanciful the books the better. Princesses and fairies and exotic lands.”

She flushed, because it was true. “Biographies of world war heroes and heroines,” she lied. “Detailed texts on outdoor survival techniques.”

Now he laughed, as if he could see right through her.

When dark descended and it came time for the movie showing, it was Alec who stood in line as the staff handed out floats. He came back with one for each of them, then took her by the hand to tug her to the wide steps leading into the pool.

“You don’t have to be my escort,” she grumbled at him. The pool’s water was heated to such a degree she didn’t even wince as she waded in to mid-thigh.

“I’m your bodyguard,” he said, politely holding her donut-shaped float steady as she attempted to drape herself over it.

“That’s lifeguard,” she corrected, fussing with the now-wet sarong which, like an eel, had wrapped her legs and was making a graceful mount impossible.

Alec’s sure hand found the knot at her hip and in a second’s work had the fabric whipped from her body. He tossed it over an empty chair by the side of the pool, his eyes on her instead of the flying scrap of material. “Bodyguard,” he said, his gaze running over her curves. “As in keeping yours all for myself.”

“Alec!” she admonished, and scrambled into the float to avoid him guessing how flustered she was.

Then the nearby lights were dimmed as well as the pool’s underwater glow. Next the movie began, projected onto a huge screen set up amongst lush greenery. Laughter and chatter quieted as the film played, the audience, most of whom were gathered together at the shallowest end, rapt.

It took a couple of minutes for Lilly to realize she was being drawn away from the crowd, Alec walking through the water while towing her toward a small bubble in the pool’s lagoon shape. In the meager light, she couldn’t make out his expression—or intention.

“What’s this about?” she asked, as he slipped into his own float. His hand found hers, securing them close together as they bobbed gently, their own small oasis. “What are you doing?” It definitely felt isolated, with the rest of the people grouped at the other end of the water, their collective attention centered on the movie.

“Trying to keep you on your toes,” he said.

“I’m on my ass in the water,” Lilly countered.

He laughed. “It’s part of my plan to keep you off guard, if you must know the truth.”

“Why?” she asked, suspicious.

“Because of that wary face of yours, is why.” He squeezed her fingers. “For once, just relax. Enjoy the warm pool, the company, the stars coming out overhead.”

At that, she tipped her head back and saw them just beginning to wink through the palm fronds that quivered in the light breeze.

“Isn’t this nice?” he said. “It makes one wonder what more one needs out of life.”

“Mmm,” Lilly said, squinting upward to see if she could identify Orion’s Belt or the Big Dipper.

“What is it you want, Lilly?” he asked, in a musing tone. “Out of life, that is.”

“A hefty retirement fund, a mortgage I have a hope of paying off someday, good, affordable healthcare.”

He had no immediate response, the only sound the water lapping against the sides of their flotation devices and the soundtrack of the film droning on, far enough away that she couldn’t distinguish actual dialogue.

“You really aren’t a romantic,” Alec said a while later.

“Didn’t I make that clear?” Because paradise, to her, wasn’t people, or a particular relationship, but financial security. The certainty that she’d have a roof over her head and food to eat was the only thing she’d marry, if she could.

“Some guys in high school and college must have tried to put you in that frame of mind.”

“I didn’t spend time with guys unless it was at my part-time jobs or in study groups.”

“And now that you’re part of the working world?”

“I told you from the beginning. I don’t have the time or the inclination for romance.”

“That’s just plain sad, sugar.”

“Why? It’s okay for you. Why isn’t it okay for me?”

He let the question lie and she thought a smug, gotcha.

“I’m beginning to think it’s just plain sad for me, too,” Alec finally said.

Ignoring the sentiment and the weird clutch in her chest, she settled lower, resting her head on the inflated edge of the ring. Her eyes closed. Alec’s hand kept her from drifting away and she allowed her fingers to rest in his, for the first time in his presence her nerves almost settling.

“This is nice,” she heard herself say.

“Agreed,” he said. “You know what else is nice? La Casa Blanca. The Mexican place around the corner from Carol’s Coffee. We should meet there for California burritos next week.”

Lilly tensed. “We’re not going to do that,” she said. His hand tightened as she tried to pull her fingers free of his. “After we leave the resort, we’re never going to see each other again.”

“You can’t imagine you’re going to be all alone for the rest of your life, Lilly.”

But she had imagined that! Oh, there would be Audra and Audra’s husband someday and Audra’s kids after that, a family of sorts—a family who would never be totally hers, but that would be enough. “Alec—”

“What’s it going to take for you to fall in love?” he asked.

The question hit her with the power of a rogue wave. Instantly, she felt like a swimmer on the verge of drowning, her heart thrashing and her lungs ready to burst. She couldn’t put voice to her panic. There would be no falling. Definitely there would be no falling.

Because that led to crashing. Shattering. Sticky residue dripping down a wall. Shards of glass strewn across the floor.

This is how Durands love.

Alec’s voice lowered, but she could still hear it over the thundering of her pulse in her ears. “You know what I think? I think, deep down, you know exactly what it’s going to take.”

Anxiety knotted in her belly. “I don’t…there isn’t…”

He talked over her babble. “And sooner than later, Lilly Durand, you’ll trust me enough to tell me what it is you truly need—or maybe I’ll just figure it out for myself.”

Her throat seized as she tried to force words through it. Why was he saying these things? This had to stop. This had to stop now.

Suddenly Alec’s attention jerked away from her. His head craned in the direction of new sounds.

Raised voices, coming from the direction of where those landlubbers of the anniversary party had elected to stay in their poolside lounge chairs.

Lilly glanced that way too, taking in raucous tones and hair a belligerent shade of red not found in nature. Aunt Mariellen, she thought, on another flood of panic.

“Christ,” Alec muttered. “I don’t see my dad. I better go rescue my mom. You stay here.” He twisted out of his float and then vaulted from the pool in a single powerful move.

As he hurried off, Lilly tipped from her own device, then rushed through the water toward the steps, only to halt as she realized that it wasn’t her aunt who was talking in an over-loud voice to Miranda Thatcher, but someone Lilly didn’t recognize. A stranger.

Though massively relieved, she stayed on the move, snatching up her sarong, donning her flip-flops, grabbing an oversized beach towel from the stack on a nearby table, then making for the nearest exit. It would be best to get away from Alec and his strange and alarming turn of conversation. What’s it going to take for you to fall in love?

Cringing all over again at the question, she ducked her head and rushed around a corner, only to plow into a tall masculine body.

His big hands circled her arms, steadied her. “Hey, you okay?”

She looked up, taking in the finely honed features of Kane Hathaway. He smiled at her with all the smooth confidence of a man who knew how he affected the female half of the population.

“Lilly, right?” he said. “Remember me? Alec’s second cousin?”

“Right. Hi.”

“What’s going on?” he asked, studying her face. “You look like you have something big on your mind.”

“Misgivings are smart,” she blurted out.

His response was prompt. “I completely agree.”

“Because you have to be careful.”

“I always am,” he said, smiling again, another blinding flash of I-have-it-all-figured-out-don’t-you-worry.

Lilly continued to stare up at him, noting the clear resemblance to Alec with those good looks and that bold self-assurance.

Then she thought of something else. Kane Hathaway ticked off all Audra’s boxes, didn’t he? With not a little concern, she realized she better make sure he stayed clear of her friend, who was out to reclaim her power by breaking some man’s heart.

Though really, could Audra hurt a man as strong and secure as this?

These kind of men, Alec and Kane, were immune to love.

As was Lilly. Nothing could persuade her differently.