2000
Ginny opened her car windows and enjoyed the warm breeze as she drove to Carter’s. The kids were back in school, and she planned to clean out the garage before she took on a new bookkeeping client, hopefully next week.
She sang along with her favorite seventies station as she thought about the potholders Tommy had returned to her the first night they’d made love after their short separation, right before they renewed their wedding vows. She knew the moment he told her how long he’d held onto them that she’d made the right decision to believe him—and to trust him with their future. She had no more doubts about his genuine love for her.
She felt bad that she hadn’t remembered the exact incident he’d described in the schoolyard, but she remembered the potholders. He teased her that he was going to have them framed and hung in his office, but she’d finally agreed with him that he was right earlier that night: It was time to put the past away. All of the past. It was time to pack up the potholders along with Grizz and Mavis’s chess sets, Moe’s drawing, and even Grizz’s jacket.
He was glad she had agreed.
**********
They’d sat on his office floor, cross-legged, after they’d talked about the potholders.
“Ginny, I’m curious about something. You said in the last interview with Leslie that she missed the real love story. A story about a man that had loved you from the beginning, from the first glance. I know you were talking about me. Did you mean it when you told her I was always your soul mate? Did you ever consider Grizz your soul mate?”
She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, hugging them tightly. She didn’t answer right away, just tilted her head to one side, considering what she was about to say.
Before she could say a word, he added, “I can tell by your body language that you’re trying to decide whether or not to tell me the truth. You don’t need to lie. You can tell me.”
“I told Leslie the truth. This is the only love story now.”
He nodded his head at her last comment. He couldn’t help himself. He knew what her answer was going to be, but his question was out before he could stop it.
“It’s the only love story now, but it’s not the only love story, is it?”
“I know what you want to hear. You want to hear that you are my one and only true love and soul mate. I don’t want to hurt you. God knows I don’t want to hurt you, but I will never deny that he was my first love and a true love. I meant what I said about you being my soul mate, Tommy. But I also think a person can have more than one. I still consider Grizz a soul mate, too. I say consider because I believe his soul still lives on.”
She toyed with Tommy’s hand. “I was very much in love with Grizz. I still love him in my own way, even though he’s gone.” Absently she played with her wedding band.
Looking quickly back up at her husband, she added, “Don’t let what I’ve said take away from what we have now. I can’t deny my past and my love for him. But that doesn’t mean I love you less than I loved him. He’s not here anymore. You are here, and I am in love with you. That is the truth. I am not pining away for Grizz. Am I mourning him? Yes, because he’s gone for good. But it’s getting a little easier each day. Sorry, there was more to that answer than what you asked.”
He kissed her hair. “I understand.”
She frowned then. “You know, I always resented Sam’s insinuation that I suffered from Stockholm Syndrome. I can see why he thought it, but it was never true. Nobody ever glimpsed into our marriage.”
“Who could? Grizz kept you in a protective bubble. Kind of like one of those snow globe things.”
“Tommy, Grizz and I had a good marriage and, yes, I despised the gang, his activities, some of his so-called friends. But I really loved the man. It didn’t happen right away, but slowly, I started to draw things out of him. Did you know Grizz loved the stars? I bought him a telescope for our anniversary one year. I think it must still be in the guest house over our old garage.” She had a faraway look in her eyes.
“How would I know something like that? Grizz rarely discussed anything personal.”
“He used to take me on midnight picnics. We would go places he knew would be vacant or empty. The zoo, an amusement park. We even laid on the deck of someone’s yacht and watched the stars one night.” She paused before adding, “He liked building, construction. Did you know that?”
“No, I don’t think I knew that either.”
“He practically lived at our house in Shady Ranches when it was being built. He couldn’t get enough of it. And I guess you already know about his soft spot for animals. Especially after hearing about what happened to his dog. I think it’s why he was so agreeable to Carter living at the house and keeping her animals there.”
She looked at a spot over his shoulder and he knew she wasn’t finished. He would let her talk. It’s what they would want, anyway.
“I would get up and go to church every Sunday by myself, then come home to find Grizz in his favorite chair with the newspaper scattered everywhere. He would get embarrassed when I caught him reading the comics. For someone with such a mean streak, he had a certain quality of vulnerability that I fell in love with, Tommy. I really was in love with him.”
Tommy just nodded.
“You probably didn’t know that he was afraid of the dentist. That his favorite color was blue, and believe it or not, he was a better cook than me.” She smiled, still that distant look on her face. “He took me fishing once. There were some kids nearby and they were using their slingshots carelessly and aiming for little animals. Squirrels and birds. Grizz stopped them and told them that they should never hurt an animal, any animal, just for sport. I think they were too scared to disagree with him, but he won them over after giving them slingshot lessons. He was an excellent shot. It was the cutest thing I ever saw.”
Tommy didn’t say anything, just continued to listen.
“I lost my job because of him. Did I ever tell you that? When I was working for that accounting firm in Miramar?”
“No. I thought you quit.”
“I let Grizz think I quit. The owner’s daughter drove me home one day. My car wouldn’t start and I couldn’t get ahold of him to come get me. She practically jumped at the chance to take me. For some reason, I was a curiosity to the people in the office.”
“What happened?” he softly asked.
“The reason Grizz never answered the phone was because he was in the garage working on one of his bikes. When he heard the car pull up he walked out to see who it was. He was wearing a dirty tank top and he was carrying a wrench. My friend thought he was robbing my house. She was embarrassed when I told her it was my husband.” She looked away from Tommy then. “They started hinting the next day that they were probably going to start cutting back and that I should maybe consider looking for another job. I knew that was their way of telling me they would be getting rid of me. I quit before I put them in the awkward position of having to fire me.”
“And you never told him?”
“No. I didn’t tell him because as surprising as you may find this, Grizz had feelings, too.”
“I never doubted he had feelings, Ginny. I just never saw him show them.”
“Well, he showed them to me. Losing the job wasn’t a big deal, anyway. They went under less than six months later. They were caught helping one of their clients in some tax evasion scheme. I was shocked. They seemed like an above-board firm to me.”
The room was quiet for a minute. Tommy looked at her, and she knew what he was thinking.
“What?” she asked. “Say it. You know what? Don’t say it. I know what’s coming. You’re going to tell me Grizz had something to do with them getting in trouble. Don’t say it and don’t think it, Tommy. Just don’t!”
He didn’t have to say anything. Tommy knew Grizz would’ve noticed the surprise on the face of the lady who drove Ginny home. He was too smart not to have seen the coincidence in Ginny resigning immediately afterwards. He tanked that company because they had dared to hurt Ginny’s feelings. He was relentless in his protection of her. Almost overboard. No. Definitely overboard. He was trying to make up for what he never was able to give his sister.
Come to think of it, Tommy realized he himself was a lot like Grizz. Relentless in the pursuit of what he wanted. And he’d gotten it. He’d gotten her. The only thing he’d ever really wanted. It hadn’t gone like he’d originally planned, and it took a lot longer than he’d expected, but he’d won.
Tommy interrupted the silence with another question. “So when did you fall in love with me, Ginny? You told Leslie that if it weren’t for Grizz, you wouldn’t be married to the man you were completely in love with today. You resisted me for years after I married you. When did you know you were in love with me?”
**********
“But both programs concentrated on architecture and classical arts from Ancient Greek and Roman culture. This was the only school of architecture in the western world until Jonathan Seely graduated from the University of Illinois as its first student of architecture in 1874.”
Ginny stopped short when she heard Tommy’s voice coming from the den. She peeked around the corner and tears came to her eyes. It was 1988. Tommy was sitting on the couch and had Mimi situated in the crook of his arm. He was holding up one of his architectural magazines with his other hand and reading it out loud to her. He was using voice inflections that had her captivated. His story made absolutely no sense to the almost three-year-old, but she was mesmerized by him. She was looking up at him, hanging on every word.
Ginny’s heart melted at the sight.
“Okay, sweetheart, I’m finished with my story,” he told Mimi. “How about I tell you another one?”
She heard Mimi clap her hands. “Nudder tory, Daddy! A fun tory!”
She smiled, then leaned against the wall next to the door. She listened as Tommy started to tell Mimi another story.
“Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a beautiful princess—”
Ginny closed her eyes as she listened to Tommy tell Mimi about a princess who was so beautiful she was likened to a pot of rubies and emeralds as brilliant as the sun. The princess’s name was Ginny. She actually lifted her hand to her heart and had to stifle a sigh. How sweet was this?
“If you marry my daughter, you will have to take all of the rubies and emeralds in my kingdom,” the king told the brave knight.
“I would be honored to marry your daughter and take the precious gems that represent her brilliant beauty, and I will guard them all with my life,” the brave knight answered the king while bowing before him.
“But wait!” the king added. “If you take my daughter and all of my precious gems, you must also take something else.”
The king told the brave knight to stand, and when he did, the king handed him a beautiful baby girl. This is my granddaughter, the Princess Miriam. She is the rarest gem of all. Rarer and more beautiful than her mother. You cannot take one without the other, and you must take this pot of flawless diamonds for they represent the purity and innocence of the tiny princess.”
The brave knight looked into the eyes of the Princess Miriam, and he knew that his heart had been forever changed. He would love Miriam as his own. He would protect her with his life. He would put her on the highest pedestal of his heart and never let her fall from it.
“It is my honor, Your Highness, to protect and love that which you value most dear. I would lay down my life for both of your princesses.”
Ginny’d had to stifle a sob as she’d quietly made her way down the hallway and into the small bathroom off the kitchen.
**********
“That was the day, Tommy. The day I eavesdropped on you telling Mimi that story. I was so broken up over how you were making it sound like someone was giving you a pot of rubies and emeralds, but in order to take the pot of rubies and emeralds you had to take a pot of diamonds, too. It wasn’t like you had taken on the burden of a child. Rather, it was like you saw it as a gift. You welcomed her and loved her in spite of knowing that she was Grizz’s daughter and that I had been in love with him; I think I may even still have been in love with him then. But you loved her without question. You didn’t have to love her, but you did because you loved me.” Ginny blinked, surprised to find her eyes wet with tears. But they were happy tears. “I had been holding back, denying the feelings I’d had for you when I was younger. I still remember struggling with feelings I was having for you back then. I was only fifteen. I was confused. After I heard you tell that story, I let myself feel again.”
He smiled at her. “Ginny, of course I loved her. She came from you. How could I not love her? She is my daughter. Never let yourself think otherwise.”
She sniffled and smiled back at him. “Can I go back to your original question?”
He nodded.
“Yes, I consider you my soul mate, but I consider Grizz one, too. I hope you understand that. I hope you can accept that.” She looked at him questioningly.
“I do understand it and I do accept it.” He smiled warmly at her. But he couldn’t deny that his heart suffered a small blow.
As if reading his mind, she quickly added, “And yes, Leslie did miss the real love story. The real love story is the one I’m living now.”
She grabbed both of his hands in hers, there on the floor of the office. “Did I have a real love story with Grizz, too? Yes, I did, in spite of the stupid Stockholm Syndrome accusations. But I guess my story with him ended when he told me to marry you, Tommy. You are the only love story there is now, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t have one before you. Does that make sense?”
He breathed a sigh of relief. That was what he’d really wanted to know, anyway. That she loved him now. He had subconsciously wanted to hear that her love for Grizz wasn’t real to her. As much as it hurt to hear about her feelings for Grizz, at least he could appreciate her honesty. He knew she was telling him the truth about her love for him in the present.
It was more honesty than he’d given her for most of their marriage.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” she said then. “Moe’s journal. I haven’t read it yet. Do I even need to?”
It was time. He knew they’d be listening, and he’d been waiting for this moment. He was glad she’d brought it up so he didn’t have to figure out a way to work it into the conversation.
“I don’t think you need to read it if you trust me to tell you the highlights.”
She frowned, but he added, “I know you’re worried about trusting me, but you really don’t need to read it. I can tell you everything.”
“Okay, then. Tell me what you think I need to know.”
“For starters, you had nothing to feel guilty about. Moe didn’t kill herself. It was an accidental overdose. She’d been writing about how she’d been having difficulty sleeping and kept taking more and more pills to help with it. She was so little, Gin, I guess her body couldn’t handle it.”
He wasn’t being completely truthful. Yet. He couldn’t tell her that Moe committed suicide because she felt guilty for helping someone named Wendy set up Ginny’s attack. He would’ve felt like he had to spill it all. The whole Sarah Jo being Wendy thing. He would definitely tell her all of it. But not yet. It was too soon and there were still too many emotional bruises. The counseling they’d agreed to get would help. He would have to wait.
“Really? Are you serious, Tommy?”
“Yes, Ginny. I’m serious. It had nothing to do with feeling guilty about having the dogs that night. Yes, she felt bad. She mentioned that a few times. But she didn’t kill herself because of it.”
“I’m so relieved to hear that! I’ve had enough guilt of my own over the years about different things. It’s a miserable feeling. I almost envy that Grizz never seemed to feel guilty about some stuff. Lots of stuff, actually.”
“Oh, and this you might find interesting. When Jan told you why Grizz cut Moe’s tongue out because of a comment she made about me? Not true.”
“What?” Ginny practically shouted.
“Nope, Moe saw Grizz with some gussied-up fancy dude in a suit and told him about it.”
“And he cut her tongue out? That can’t be right!” Ginny replied, the doubt in her voice obvious.
“Think about it, Ginny. It was the late sixties. He was starting to make his drug connections with the South American Cartel. She was a blabbermouth. He really probably thought he was doing her a favor. He concocted the blow job story for everybody else, including Blue.”
“I’m sorry to have to admit this, but yes, I can see Grizz doing that.” She shook her head then as if waking from a dream. “So what do we do with it? Do we save it, turn it in to the police? Find Moe’s remaining family and give it to them?”
“Can I make a suggestion, Gin?”
“Of course, Tommy. What should we do with it?”
“Tomorrow is garbage day. I say we throw it away.”