2000
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing, Tommy.” Ginny walked to him then. She stood there, looking down at him with her arms crossed in front of her chest. He didn’t know if she was going to cry or yell. He didn’t know which one he dreaded most.
“Gin, I’m sorry.” He looked down at his lap. “I wanted to be with you for as long as I could remember. I actually don’t remember a time when I was not wanting you. From the moment I saw you walking down the block and then setting up your lemonade stand, until today. And I know it was wrong to trick him, but—.”
She was getting flustered. “You’re telling me you actually, you know, you actually—”
She couldn’t finish her sentence. She gestured with her arm to the space between her legs. “You put your mouth there while I was asleep?”
He tried not to smile. “As passionate as you are, Ginny, and you can’t even ask me if I went down on you? No, I didn’t put my mouth there. But I wanted to. Can’t lie about that.”
She punched him as hard as she could right in his face. He recoiled as much from shock as from pain. But it was a good pain. He wanted to hurt, after all she’d been through. Needed to hurt.
“How dare you sit there and tell me I’m passionate without thinking that something like this wouldn’t anger me! That your so-called confession would make things right!” She clenched her fists, her body thrumming with fury. “I guess this is you trying to get something off your chest that made you feel guilty? But you know what, Tommy? It makes me feel used and cheap. How dare you and Grizz play with my life like that! I’m sitting here listening to a story about a decision you and Grizz made as to how I was going to lose my virginity! You could’ve been deciding on whether to order steak or chicken at a restaurant.”
“Ginny, it wasn’t a small decision. Don’t make it sound like that.”
“And it shouldn’t have been your decision! Grizz’s either.” She punched him again, this time drawing blood from his nose. “That’s the punch I should have given Grizz all those years ago, but I was only fifteen and naïve and hadn’t realized the magnitude or seriousness of what had been done to me.”
He recovered from the shock and looked at her.
“I deserved that. I deserve more than that.” He swiped the blood that was slowly coming out of his nose.
He remembered how he’d gotten more than that. After she’d left his room that night and gone to number four, Grizz barged back in his door without knocking. Grunt had been sitting on his bed, his head in his hands. He was overcome with guilt. When Grizz walked in, Grunt stood up and started to say something, but he never got the chance. Grizz punched him in the mouth so hard that he fell back on his bed. He was lucky that his jaw hadn’t been broken and he still had all his teeth.
“That’s for not making sure she was asleep, motherfucker,” Grizz said as he spun around and headed back to number four.
Grunt was surprised when Blue came down a little bit later and told him Grizz had given him permission to take her off the motel grounds. That shocked him, but he guessed Grizz was just feeling bad about her knowing what happened. Grizz had to leave on business and couldn’t take her with him, and he sure didn’t want her sitting in the motel all day thinking about what had been done to her.
Now, her body still tight with rage, Ginny turned her back on him. She walked to the railing and looked out over the massive yard. Once hers, now Carter’s.
“I thought I saw tears in your eyes that night. Did I imagine it?” she asked him without turning around. She was still angry and her breathing was heavy.
“No, Gin. You didn’t imagine it. I couldn’t stand that I would have to wait for you after that night.” He paused and then added, “Can I ask you something?”
She turned to look at him. “What?” Her voice was cold, distant.
“Why did you tell Leslie about the night you lost your virginity? Why bring that up?”
She shook her head. “It was stupid. She kept wanting to talk about how horrible Grizz was. She didn’t believe me when I insisted he’d never forced himself on me. That I was the one who’d initiated the first time with him. She couldn’t believe it. I thought I was making him look good by telling her he didn’t want to hurt me, so he wanted you to handle it. When she was appalled that you, the man I was now married to, were supposed to rape me with an old police baton, I jumped to your defense. I told her I’d asked you to do it personally. Looking back now, I should’ve just left it alone. Let her think what she wanted about Grizz. It wouldn’t have mattered now, anyway. I still can’t believe he died knowing.”
She cocked her head. “What would you have done if I didn’t ask you to do it?”
“I wouldn’t have done it. I wouldn’t have touched you. I swear it. I would’ve rather told Grizz I changed my mind and didn’t feel right about it. I would’ve rather done that than come anywhere near you with that stick.”
She looked down at the deck they were standing on, slowly nodding her head as she took it all in. She didn’t seem as upset as Tommy thought she would be. The punches were a surprise. He didn’t think she had it in her. He’d never even seen her step on a bug. But still, he was a bit relieved.
She asked some more questions about the part Blue played in the deception. Tommy told her how Blue and Grizz worked on his memory from the beginning. How they did everything they could to convince him he was Blue’s brother. He actually believed it for a while. It wasn’t until he got older that he suspected maybe Grizz was his brother. But, as he’d told her before, he never suspected that Grizz was his father. And that was the absolute truth.
“Did you ask him anything else about her? About your mother? How they met? Did he love her?” She asked Tommy that last question without meeting his eyes. She could never admit that the thought of Grizz loving another woman, even so long ago, somehow didn’t sit right with her.
“I wanted to know some things, but truthfully, Ginny, I really wanted to just put it behind me. I still do. He was in prison facing death in a few days and she was long dead. And at his hands. I was married to you, which is all I’d ever wanted. To be with you.” He shrugged. “Why? Why dredge up an ugly past? I could live without knowing the answers. You were always my goal and I had finally reached it. It was then and still is about being with you, Ginny. That’s all it’s ever been about.”
She bit her lip. “When did you find out about his real childhood? He told me a different story when I got pregnant that first time. Actually, it was the night I heard him talking with Candy.”
“Could you blame him for not telling you the truth? Believe it or not, he told me right after you were raped by that son-of-a-bitch, Darryl. We had been taking turns sitting with you while you were sedated. He had been drinking. I can honestly say I had never seen Grizz drunk before that night. Ever.”
“Neither had I. I thought he might’ve been a little tipsy the night I caught him with Willow, but that was it. I know he had an occasional beer and he never did drugs that I knew of.”
“Your attack really messed with him. He just started telling me some things. The same stuff I told you about Sunday. I thought my childhood was bad. I honestly think Grizz’s was worse. Not that he’d endured worse beatings or anything. But his helplessness at not being able to defend his sister. That seems to me like it would’ve made it harder.”
“It was a horrible story.” She shivered. “I can’t imagine the Grizz I knew being a child and having that stuff happen to him. Did he ever tell you where he was raised? Did all of this happen here? In South Florida? I think he mentioned West Palm Beach once. And did he ever tell you his sister’s name?”
She had a sneaking suspicion that she already knew her name, but she wanted to know if Tommy could confirm it.
“No, he never told me where he was born or raised, and he never told me her name. That’s the truth.” It was the truth. Grizz had told him the story, but never told him where it had happened or personal details about his childhood. The only name he’d ever heard was Ida.
Tommy wanted to go to her then, take her in his arms, but he was afraid of how she’d react. He wished that for a second he could read her mind. It had to be on information overload. After a few minutes of silence, he blurted out, “Ginny, I didn’t know who I was in this world. Someone’s brother, someone’s son, a criminal, a student, someone evil, or someone kind. But when you came into my life, I knew who I wanted to be.”
She started to get tears in her eyes and gulped back a response. She wouldn’t allow her emotions to rule this conversation. She didn’t want to remember that she liked waking up in his arms this morning. She looked away, and he could tell that she was thinking.
“Another thing, Tommy. Something else has never really added up or made sense to me. You used to spend a lot of time with me. Alone time. Wasn’t Cindy ever jealous or anything? I mean, I’m still surprised Grizz even allowed it. That Grizz insisted I marry you. It seemed to go against everything Grizz ever did concerning me. Do you know why?” She frowned then and looked at him. She tilted her head to one side. “Tommy?”
He took a big breath. “Yeah, about that.”