There really was no feeling like gliding over the water on a wave. Just you against nature. The day was so clear, I had difficulty seeing where the sky stopped and the ocean began—just vast sparkling blue everywhere I looked.

The only thing that even came close was being out on my bike. The bike that was now in the possession of some middle-aged moron who would drive it like a ninety-year-old grandma.

Having the money to come here with Vivienne was well worth it. Fuck, just seeing her in nothing but bikinis the last three days made it worth it. I compensated her well enough at night. And the morning. And the afternoon. There was no getting enough of that woman.

Three weeks flashed again in my mind, like a neon sign that wouldn’t let up. Three weeks. Three weeks. It mocked me. That’s all the time I had left to decide what the hell I was going to do. Give this woman up or begin the journey to starting a family.

My board rose and fell with the oncoming waves. I could see a big one coming in the distance. It took practice as well as a good eye not to miss your chance. If you missed out on a good wave, there was nobody to blame but yourself.

That’s how I felt about my relationship with Vivienne. I saw our potential, rising in the distance, much like that wave. Everything about it looked promising. More importantly, everything about it felt promising.

Was I going to paddle forward and ride it out? Or sit back and watch while someone else rode with her?

“You don’t have to be involved if you don’t want,” she whispered to me while we lay in sated lovers’ bliss. Her skin had a soft sheen of sweat, still smelling like her coconut sunscreen. I had a new appreciation for coconuts.

“Involved in what?” I asked, not understanding what she was talking about.

“A baby. If you just wanted to make one with me, but not be—around—that’s fine, too.”

What the fuck? “Do I seem like the kind of guy who wouldn’t be around?” Honest to God, this woman.

“No, but I just thought I’d put it out there.”

“Yeah, thanks for that. I’ll just put it out there that I’m not the kind of guy who gets a chick pregnant and leaves. Fuck.”

She pushed up on her elbow beside me. “Are you mad?”

“Am I mad that you thought I was the kind of guy who would do that? Yeah. That’s a really shitty thing to peg me as.”

“I was just giving you another option, that’s all,” she said quietly. “Not that it’s going to happen anyway. That doctor wasn’t very optimistic.”

“Come here.” I hugged her back into my body. “Everything will work out for you. Don’t give in to negativity. You’re the most determined person I’ve ever met. If you want something, you’ll find a way to get it.”

“I hope so,” she said, sounding the most defeated I’d ever heard her.

“Guess what?”

“What?”

“I’m taking you surfing tomorrow.”

She giggled into my chest, making me smile at the same time. “I think that’s possibly the worst idea ever.”

“Just try. It’s an amazing experience everyone should have at least once.”

“You know I’ll end up falling and hurting myself, right?”

“It’s water. Water is soft. Give me an hour, then you can go back to lying on the beach.”

“I don’t know. I think—”

I cut her off. “I’ve compromised on some shit, correct?” I said, because I fucking had.

“Yeah.”

“All I’m asking for is one hour of your time. Do you think you could give me that?” My arm squeezed her tighter to me.

I could feel her body stop breathing. “I can give you an hour.”

“Good. Now let’s shower and get a drink down in the lounge. Wear that skimpy thing.”

“Everything I brought is skimpy.”

“I know,” I told her. “Let’s stay here forever,” I muttered into her neck, making her wiggle in my arms.

“Try again.”

“It’s been over an hour,” she said, frustrated at her lack of progress.

“You’re doing great. It’s a balancing act. It just takes practice,” I told her, trying my best to encourage her. She really was catching on. It’s just a steep learning curve to get up on your board all by yourself.

“Bull, look at all those other people out there. They’re doing way better than me. I look like an idiot out here.”

“This is your own race. Nobody here’s going to make you feel stupid. You’re doing that all on your own. Yeah, you’ve got to share the ocean, but you’re also alone. This is your own game. You do as much or as little as you want. Ten more minutes and I guarantee you’ll be up on your own.” I held her chin with my thumb and forefinger before leaning down to give her a quick kiss.

“You’re crazy. Why won’t you let me quit? I clearly suck at surfing.”

“I want to share this feeling with you. There’s nothing like it—just you, the board, and the ocean. Complete serenity.”

“You’re quite persuasive when you want to be, you know that?”

I laughed manically at that. “Me? I’d say you own the title of most persuasive. Now stop stalling and try again,” I said, bossing her into lying back down on her board to give it another go.

Half an hour later, we were farther out. Vivienne had more than gotten the feel of how to get her balance. All she needed to do now was get a feeling for when to say when. That only took a few decades or so to learn.

“It’s so quiet out here,” she remarked to me. I was thrilled she was beginning to see my point.

“Yep. You ready to give it a go?”

She glanced at me nervously. “I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Cowards die many times before their deaths.”

“You’re talking about death out here in the middle of the ocean?”

That made me chuckle. Fuck, she was funny. “That’s from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. We die a little inside every time we give up.”

“Hmm, better inside than outside.”

My body shook as I howled at her joke.

“I’m serious. This is scary out here.”

“It’s scary, but it’s also peaceful and beautiful. Rarely do you get anything good in life with little or no risk. You can do this, baby. I believe in you,” I said, getting ready to paddle out away and catch a nice-looking wave.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” she said, her voice cracking with concern.

I turned my head back. “You’ve got this. You don’t need anyone to tell you what to do.”

That asshole just left me stranded in the middle of the goddamn ocean by myself. If I didn’t die out here, I was going to kill him. With my luck, sharks would start circling any minute.

Shit. Why did I have to watch Jaws so many times?

I continued sitting on my board, watching the other surfers successfully take wave after wave, while I sat here. Left behind. Nobody was coming to my aid. They were all in their own little worlds. Jason was right.

No way I’d admit it to him, but this was actually really fun. After I finally learned how to get up by myself, everything else fell into place. This was a much bigger deal now, even though I wasn’t out as far as the ultimate pros.

The swaying motion of the water beneath me soothed my current worries. It rocked me like a mother would her own child. That imagery brought emotions bubbling up from somewhere down deep, tears falling on their own free will.

What if I could never have a baby? What if Jason left me because I’d scared him off with my ridiculous two month ultimatum? Who the hell gave someone two months to decide if they wanted to make such a life-changing decision?

If he did leave, what made me think I could raise a kid all by myself? Children were a lot of work. How would I fit in work and kids with only me around to raise them?

I sniffed, wiping my eyes with my hand. God, I was such a complete coward. Again, Jason was right. A baby was my goal right now. Here I was, ready to give up before I even tried.

You know what? Fuck the doctors. Fuck my doubts. And fuck surfing. If that seventy year old woman I just watched could do this, I could, too.

“That was amazing,” I screamed as Jason greeted me near the shore. His arms wrapped around me as we both laughed.

“I knew you could do it.” His eyes were full of elation before he focused on my face. “What’s wrong?”

“Wrong? Nothing. I want to go again. Hurry,” I said, pulling his hand. We paddled out to about the same distance as before. I sat up, wringing my wet hair with my hands.

Suddenly, a very hot guy sprang out of the water, straddling my board with me. “What the hell?” I held onto the sides for dear life. “Are you trying to drown me?” I asked incredulously.

“Nope, I just want to know why you were crying,” he said in the sweetest man voice ever. “Shit, I shouldn’t have left you alone out here. I’m sorry.” His fingers smoothed down my hair.

“It was the best thing for me. Thank you. I had time to think things over, cry, say fuck the world, and take a chance.”

The gorgeous smile that flitted across his face made my heart stutter. That smile was just for me.

“That’s great news. I’m happy for you. You sure you’re okay?” he asked, still concerned. His eyes followed his fingers as he trailed them down the side of my face.

I reached up to grab his hands. “I’m great. Thanks for taking me out here. I would never have done this on my own.” He bent forward, taking my lips in the sweetest of kisses. “I love you. But you need to get off now. There’s a Vivienne-sized wave coming up.”

“Are you kicking me off your board?” he asked, feigning shock.

“You bet,” I said, giving him an extra shove to hurry him up. I lay down, paddling into the small wave, just how Jason taught me.

I wasn’t the best, and I certainly wasn’t as graceful as the rest of these people out here.

But I also wasn’t a coward.