Chapter Eighteen

Hailey

I’m free, or at least I feel free. Sitting on the cold sand, I feel my head turning a bit. My heart is fluttering, my hands are clammy, and I have a smile on my face that seems to be permanent. This whole night was so different. Sitting without a care in the world. Being embraced by people and not judged or looked at differently. It was everything.

But then I looked into Jensen’s light brown eyes, and I got lost. Lost in him, lost in the feel of him, lost in myself. Every time he touched me, my body would tingle. I would feel his touch long after his hand was gone.

I sat in the car with him, so close, and knew I didn’t want the night to end. Knew that, if I let him go, I would regret it. Now, I’m standing here on the beach that let me become whole again, on the beach that didn’t give me answers but let me make peace. On the beach that made me want to wake up the next day. Asking him to kiss me, I looked into his eyes for the answers for anything. His hands push my hair back while it blows in the soft wind as I smile at him.

“How drunk are you right now?” He asks me the question, and I stop moving, thinking of how I want to answer.

“Drunk enough to ask you,” I answer him honestly as I look down at our bodies pushed together and then up again, “and sober enough to hope you kiss me.” His hands drop from my waist as my heart beats louder than the music playing on his phone.

His warm hands come up to cup my face as my heart beat continues faster and faster, and my stomach fills with little butterflies. But one thing never goes away, and it’s the smile on my face. “All night …” He starts talking, and his thumbs gently move over my face. “I had to hide my hands from grabbing you because they itched to touch you.” He brings my face closer to his, so close I can feel his breath on me and goose bumps cover my body. Not because I’m cold, but because I’m that much closer to him. The anticipation of his lips on mine has me licking my lips.

“So,” I ask him as the song plays, “are you gonna kiss me or not?” A nervous laugh escapes me, but it dies as soon as his lips touch mine. My hands go to his waist, pulling him closer. He tilts his head to the side, and I sigh when he slides his tongue into my mouth, and I revel in him. The taste of him and beer. His hands slide from my cheeks to my hair, and he grabs it in his fist. My hands go to his face, my fingers rubbing through the scruff of his face, bringing his face closer to me. My body wakes up as I press myself into him. Our mouths never leave each other as our hands roam. Mine go from his face to his hair and his go from my hair to my back and then down to my waist. As he breaks the kiss with a small peck, he looks at me. My hands go back down to his face, and my fingers trace his lips, my fingers tingling.

“Are you okay?” he asks as his eyes search mine, and his hands rub up my back to my hair. “Um …” he says as he looks down at my lips. I lean in and kiss him this time. I’m the one placing my lips on his, showing him I’m okay. That I’m more than okay. The only sound around us is the crashing of the waves and now a ringing cell phone. I pull back and look down at our feet to see that Gabe is calling.

“Fuck,” he says as he bends down and picks up the phone. “This better be you dying,” he says. I move into him and he wraps one hand around my waist. “Yeah, yeah,” I hear him say. “I’m on my way,” he says as he hangs up the phone, placing it in his back pocket. “Gabe’s car got vandalized.” I look at him in shock. “I have to go get him,” he says. I nod my head, and we turn to walk toward his car, his hand grabbing mine. I stand by the front door as I look at him, and he looks at me. His hand leaves mine so he can touch my face. “So tomorrow?” he asks as he smiles, and I lean in to kiss him.

“Tomorrow.” I kiss him, my lips on his as I breathe out a contented sigh. “Be careful,” I tell him as he gets in his truck and rolls the window down. “Get inside, Hailey,” he says. I watch him pull around until his red lights are in the distance. I walk back inside, locking the door but keeping the outside lights on for Crystal. I walk to the living room and turn on a dim light for her in there also. When I fall into my bed, my hands still smell of Jensen as I trace my tingling lips. I turn to look outside and replay the kiss over and over again as I drift off.

When my eyes open the next day, I’m still wearing a smile. Getting up and heading out to make coffee, I stop when I see Crystal walking in. “Did you leave to go out for doughnuts or is this your walk of shame?” I ask her as I walk to the machine and start the coffee.

“I don’t want to discuss it,” she says as she plops down at the table and places her head on it. “I’m going to sleep till Monday.”

I take down two coffee cups, then fill them and carry them to the table. I sit with my feet up on the chair and tie my hair on the top of my head. “I kissed Jensen last night,” I tell her as I hide the smile with the coffee cup, but you can’t hide the emotions from my eyes. Crystal raises her head from the table.

“With tongue?” I nod my head like a badass. “HUSSY,” she yells, and she slaps the table. “And how was it?”

I try to think of how to describe how I felt when he kissed me, what I felt after, what it all meant, and the only thing that I could come up with was, “Perfect.” I say, smiling, “Absolutely perfect.”

“I thought he was going to knock the shit out of Alan and bowl with his head. Every single time.” She laughs as she takes a sip of coffee. “It was quite funny. Gabe and I had a side bet going.”

“You and Gabe have a lot going,” I counter and see her eyes get glossy. “I know you’re a big girl, but I just want you to be careful. I mean, he’s your boss.”

“Technically, his father is my boss, but it was a one-time thing,” she points out, but I glare at her. “Okay, fine, it was more than a one-time thing, but it’s done.” She puts her hands up. “No blood, no foul, or whatever the country folks say.”

“I think it’s no harm, no foul, country or not,” I say as I sit up. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.” I look at her.

“Hailey, it’s fine.” She looks down and then up. “I promise I’m okay.” She gets up, grabs her cup of coffee, and walks up the stairs. My phone starts ringing from somewhere in the house. I run to my room to where I think the ringing is coming from and then it stops.

“Fuck,” I say as I toss the covers up and down, looking under the pillow and finally finding it there. I see I have a missed call from an unknown caller. I’m about to put the phone down when I see I have an email alert from a J. Walker. I slide my finger across the M logo and open it up.

Hey, I guess I’m really out of the loop because I forgot to get your number, and I don’t even know if you check your emails on the weekend.

Here is my number.

I don’t bother reading the rest of it. Instead, I click the number and press call.

He answers on the first ring. “Hello.” The sound of his voice makes me smile, and the butterflies start in my stomach.

“Jensen,” I say, “it’s Hailey.”

He laughs. “Look outside,” he says as I walk to the back door and see him standing by the beach with Flounder next to him.

“I’ll be right out.” I look down at my charcoal sleep pants tight around the ankles with the string tied at the waist and a white t-shirt. I grab the long knit black sweater to wrap around me and slide into my Uggs. I walk down, putting my hand in front of my eyes to block the sun as Flounder comes to me and nudges my leg. I pet his head and look up and Jensen is there. “Morning.” I smile at him. He’s wearing his work gear. “Have you been out here long?”

“No.” He shrugs, looking down then up again. “Maybe an hour.”

I clap my hands together, laughing. “Why didn’t you come knock on my door?”

“I didn’t know if you were up or not,” he says as I step up to him. His hand goes to my face, and he takes my lips in a kiss that starts off soft but quickly heats up. His hands slide under the sweater to my waist, leaving me breathless as he kisses me gently. “I could get used to kissing you every morning.”

I smile as I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him closer. “I don’t think I would complain,” I say as he holds me.

“Are we still on for dinner?” he asks as I tilt my head back and smile.

“I really hope so,” I tell him as he kisses me again.

“Okay, good. Now I can go to work.” He smiles as he rubs my arms. “How about you come by at around five?”

“Sounds like a plan.” I let my arms fall from him. “I’m going to walk there from the beach. Is that okay?”

It’s perfect,” he says. “Now are you gonna kiss me?” He laughs as I kiss him. “Have a great day,” he says as he walks away with Flounder following him. I wrap the sweater around me as I watch him walk away. I spend the day cleaning and dusting; there is so much dust. I don’t see Crystal the whole day. Even when I go upstairs to take a relaxing bath, the door to her room stays closed. I take out my white jeans with a chiffon white tank top and pair it with a cream-colored sweater. I take out a gold necklace and put some mascara and a light pink lip gloss on. I grab my ballerina shoes and the cherry pie I bought, then lock up and make my way down the beach to Jensen’s house.

I walk along the shore, slowly taking in the waves as my mind fills with Jensen and his kisses. I feel like a teenager going over to her boyfriend’s house. The butterflies float all over my stomach, and my hands get tingly. The wind blows in my hair, and I finally make my way up his walkway. His house is huge; I never actually looked at it before. I walk to the back and see him sitting slouched back in a wooden chair. His black jeans, worn perfectly, and his black tight V-neck long-sleeved shirt molds his chest and is pulled up a bit, showing me his black belt. The open button at the V-neck gives me a glimpse of his chest. “There you are,” he says as he gets up and makes his way to me. “I tried to text you,” he says.

“Oh, I left my phone at home. I didn’t think I needed it.” I shrug. Ever since I moved here, I rarely have my phone on me. “Did you need something?” I ask him as he stands in front of me.

“Yeah,” he says, raising his arm and scratching the back of his neck. His shirt lifts, so I catch a glimpse of his toned stomach. “You.” He leans in to kiss my lips, leaving enough room for the pie.

“Really?” I grab his hands and intertwine our fingers, laughing as we make our way to the house. “Your backyard is almost like a resort. I was here before, but I was carrying Mila and didn’t have time to look around.” I say as I look at the huge pool with a rock wall, hiding a slide.

“Good,” he says as he makes his way through a door that brings me to this huge great room. The high ceilings boast exposed wooden beams. A rock wall with a fireplace and a television right over it. Big leather couches sit in the middle of the room. “This is the great room.”

I look around. “It really is a great room.” I smile as he walks to the kitchen, which is right behind the great room, the whole room open. The kitchen cabinets are a dark wood, the counters a black granite. A big island in the middle has four stools around the front. The appliances are all stainless steel. He walks to the fridge that must be at least seven feet tall. “I thought we could have baked potatoes with the steaks.”

I lean against the island. “That sounds delicious.” I place the pie down on the counter. “What can I do to help?” I ask as he takes out four steaks and brings them over to the counter. “Are we having company?” I ask, a little sad that it won’t be just the two of us.

“No.” He smiles as he puts them on the counter. “I just got extra in case you’re a big eater.”

I shove his shoulder as he laughs out loud, turning to get the potatoes and a glass bowl. “You can prepare the potatoes, and I’ll marinate the meat.” He sets the potatoes on the counter with the aluminum foil. I walk behind the island and stand next to him as he prepares the steak, tearing off the foil to wrap the four potatoes tightly. I’m looking down as my shoulder touches his arm, but then I look over at him. He reaches his arm around me, his hand cupping my neck, and he brings me close to him, bending down to kiss me. The butterflies start in my stomach and spread throughout me. He tilts his head as he comes close to my face, and I open my mouth to kiss him. His warm tongue invades my mouth, and I groan into him. My heart beats fast as my stomach drops, and he kisses me softly and passionately. He pulls back, leaving me breathless, wanting more, aching for more. “I’ve been waiting to do that all day.”

“Me too,” I whisper as he comes close again and pecks my lips, leaving them tingling. He turns to get a baking sheet and then places the potatoes in the oven.

“Want to go sit outside? It should be ready in an hour.” I nod, and he opens the fridge. “Do you want something to drink? A beer, wine?”

“I’ll have wine if you have it.” He grabs a beer, then walks over to the other side of the island and opens another fridge, pulling out a bottle of wine. He turns to grab a wine glass.

We walk past the couches again, and he goes out another door off the side.

“Holy shit,” I say as I take in this side of the backyard. Its wooden roof covers the whole area, and the floor is all pieces of different rocks. To one side, there is a table with big brown chairs, and to the other side is a seating area with a matching couch set. Potted plants are everywhere. The barbecue is situated behind a half brick wall but is still covered. Tea lights are all over the place and slowly lighting up the area as the sun starts to set. He walks over to the table where he opens the wine bottle and hands me a glass. “Is that a hammock?” I ask him as I look in the yard and see two trees holding up what looks like a hammock.

“It is.” He nods as he opens his beer. “No one really uses it, though.”

“I think I would lie in it every single day. I love hammocks,” I say as he walks over to the couch and sits down. I walk to the edge of the rock floor and look to my left. “Is that a hot tub all by itself?”

“Yes.” He nods his head. “It’s right outside my room.” My stomach fills again as I picture him in it naked. I take a sip of wine to stop myself from asking him if he goes in it naked.

I turn and walk to him as I sit beside him and tuck my legs under me. “So tell me something about Jensen I don’t know.”

He laughs. “I sleep naked when Mila isn’t here.” He winks at me as my pulse speeds up. “What about you?”

I take a sip of courage, oh, I mean wine. “I sleep naked every single night,” I say as his jaw stays tight. I lean in. “Naked, naked.” I giggle when he glares at me. “Don’t play the game if you can’t handle the heat.”

“Oh, I can handle the heat,” he says and then looks out at the horizon. “This is the first date I’ve been on since Julia left.” He looks over as my mouth closes, and I swallow the feeling like something is stuck. “I just wanted you to know that I don’t do this”—he points to him and me as he takes a pull of his beer—“ever.”

“Why me?” I ask the obvious question.

“Because I know you won’t play games with me. I know that if you let me in, it’s genuine and real.” He puts his hands on my leg. “And honestly, I can’t get you out of my head.”

I take a gulp of wine, or rather, I finish the whole glass, then lean over him and place it on the side table as his eyes grow darker. “I won’t play games with you, and I know you won’t play games with me either. I didn’t come here expecting to find you.” I wipe my eye before a tear comes out, blinking the tears away. “I didn’t expect to find myself, let alone someone who makes my heart flutter.”

“I make your heart flutter?” His hand comes up to cup my cheek, and I lean into the touch.

“When you aren’t an asshole, yes.” I laugh as he smiles. “It doesn’t hurt that you’re easy on the eyes.”

“Were you checking me out?” He smirks.

“I can’t guarantee you anything.” I swallow, looking down at my hands as they tap together. “I don’t know when I’m going to be ready for the next step, but …”

He places his finger on my lips. “How about we just take this one day at a time?”

I smile and then kiss his finger. “I like that.” I lean in. “But with kissing, right? Because I really like kissing you.”

“Good.” He grabs my face as I lean over him. “Because there is a fuck load of kissing that will be happening,” he says right before he tilts his head and nips at my bottom lip. “In fact”—he kisses the side of my mouth—“I think we should practice right now.” He kisses the other side as my stomach pulls tight. “Actually, after dinner I think we should practice on the couch.” His tongue comes out to lick my bottom lip. His mouth devours mine, and my tongue dances with his. I climb into his lap, and we practice kissing till we are both breathless and itching with need. “I’m going to go check on the potatoes before I throw all the promises I made you out the window.”

I think that is a great idea. I’m going to go visit the restroom.” I follow him inside, and he points at the door across the room. I walk into the bathroom, close the door, and then collapse on the back of it, willing my heart to slow. Pushing off, I turn on the cold water. Wetting my hands, I pat my cheeks and look up. Little red dots are all around my mouth from his beard, and I smile at my reflection. My index fingers trace them; I’m loving them on me. My eyes that were dull a couple of months ago now sparkle, and the creases around them are back from smiling so much. “I’m happy,” I whisper to myself in the mirror. Turning off the light, I go in search of the man who helped bring some of the light back.