Chapter Ten

Alice

TODAY IS THE DAY THAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR. Pops and I are spending the day with the kids at Skylar, Cage, and Joker’s house. There’s a pond there that they’ve been telling me about and I can’t wait to see it. We’re making sure that the kids know who Ma is and that they have all the good memories they can get of her. Pops is taking stuff to grill and I’m bringing a bunch of little snacks and things that we can munch on throughout the day. I’m not sure if anyone else will show up or not, but we’ll have more than enough food for anyone that shows up.

I’m just finishing up a few things as I hear a car pull up in the driveway. Pops left a little while ago saying that he needed to get an SUV so we could pick the kids up and drive out to the pond. He doesn’t want us to try to walk all the way there with little ones. They’ll get tired and not have any fun according to him. So, it gave me time to take a shower and throw on a suit before putting a pair of shorts on over it. I’ve made sure we have towels and plenty of sun screen for the kids if we’re going to be in the water. I swear it’s already hot as hades out there and it’s not even ten in the morning.

“Alice, you ready to go?” Pops calls out before I hear the front door shut.

“Yep. Just throwing my hair up,” I answer as I put my hair in a messy bun.

Pops is taking the last of the things out to the SUV we need for the day as I grab the cooler and the bag I have filled with all sorts of games and things in case the kids get bored. As I make my way outside, Pops takes the cooler from me and loads it in the very back of the SUV so we can go. I lock up and walk over to the waiting vehicle so that we can get this day started.

“Kids are all at the clubhouse,” Pops says as he backs out of the driveway and heads that way.

Pops

We’re just pulling up to the pond behind my son and daughter-in-law’s house. It took forever to get the kids in the SUV so that we could make it over here. So, it’s now almost noon and I know a few of them are gonna be ready to take a nap soon. Tank and Maddie said that they’d bring the boys over after they woke up, but I vetoed that real quick. This is our day with them. Not only do Alice and I get to spend the day with the kids, we’re giving the adults a break. Something that I haven’t been able to do in a while because I forgot myself for a little while.

Jameson is helping me get everything out and set up along with Anthony. They’re trying to help while keeping an eye on the other kids. I’ve made sure that Reagan is in the shade and that Alice is aware of the situation. I want all the kids to have a good day today. It’s a day of fun and remembrance that we’ll celebrate once a year. I think it’s important that the kids understand the kind of woman Ma was. And that I’m not trying to replace her with Alice.

The boys start running around close to the pond while I make sure that the babies are all in the shade so that they can nap. Alice is hovering around the pond, dipping her toes in the water and making sure that the boys don’t fall in. I sit on the bench and watch everyone around me for a while. This is the time that I love. The kids are being kids and having a great time, Alice is relaxed and open, babies are sleeping comfortably, and the day is hot with a breeze blowing gently through the trees.

“Pops, whatcha doin’?” Jameson asks, climbing on the bench next to me.

“I’m sittin’ here watchin’ my family have a great day. What are you doin’?” I ask, smiling down at my grandson as he settles in on the bench next to me.

“Waitin’ to talk to you,” he says, putting his small hand on my arm.

“What do you wanna talk about?” I ask, wanting to make sure that nothing is wrong with him before we get on with the day.

“I know that Ma is up in heaven watchin’ over us. Mom said that today is about her. What are we doin’ for her?” he asks, watching out over the kids.

“Ma is up in heaven. A lot of our family are up in heaven now. Today we’re gonna be sharin’ memories about Ma so that you all learn that it’s okay to remember her. You don’t have to be sad when you think about Ma or anyone else that was taken from us. We can be happy when we remember them. That’s what today is about,” I tell him, waiting for his next thought to come out of his mouth.

“So, it’s okay for me to laugh when I think about the time Ma was teachin’ me how to bake and we ended up coverin’ the kitchen in flour? Or what about the time that Ma was chasin’ Anthony and me and ran right into the pond? Those are funny times that I remember with her,” he says, completely flooring me with the memories I forgot in my grief.

“Those are good memories Jameson. It’s more than okay to laugh at those kinds of things. You were havin’ fun with Ma. That’s not a memory that should make you cry or be upset. Moments like that are the ones you want to remember and share with the younger kids. It’s up to us to make sure that they know the kind of woman she was. That she loved with her heart and would do anythin’ for anyone that needed help. Today is about sharin’ those memories with everyone. Even if the younger kids don’t understand it and think that we’re just here to play and have fun,” I say as Alice comes to stand next to us. She wasn’t far enough away that she couldn’t hear what was being said.

“Do you wanna know what Ma did the first time I met her?” she asks Jameson as she kneels down next to him. He nods his head in response before she goes on. “She tried to take my kitchen at the diner over. Told me that she would help me cook so that I could go eat. Then she talked to me about changing my entire menu. It was great! Every day she came in after that, we talked and got to know one another a little bit.”

“Did she make the changes?” Jameson asks, wanting to know how much power Ma had over everyone because she truly wanted to help others out.

“We made some of them,” Alice answer, shocking even me with that knowledge. “Ma mentioned making more meals for kids and things like that that I’ve been adding slowly to the menu.”

“Those are good memories then too,” he says, getting restless in his seat as the triplets begin to stir from their nap.

“It is,” I say, confirming that those are all good memories. “Why don’t you go check on them and we’ll be right over.”

Alice takes the seat Jameson vacated as we watch Anthony and he run over to Killian who’s waking up from his nap. Shawn is beginning to stir as well. I put my arm behind Alice as we sit there for a minute longer. After she lays her head on my shoulder, I look down into her face and see that’s she truly cares about being here with me. That she’s not here for her own selfish reasons or to make sure that I’m moving on. Alice is here because she’s a part of my life and wants to share these moments with me. We’re making our own memories. They’ll never take the place of what I shared with Ma but they’ll add to them.

The kids, Alice, and I are sitting around a fire when the first adults begin to make their way over to us. Bailey, Grim, Joker, and Skylar are the first ones to show up. They join us around the fire and pull their kids in their laps. Jameson is sharing another story about Ma with everyone when they walk up. He’s telling us about the time that he peed outside and Ma caught him. She yelled and carried on forever about that one. I think Joker and Cage even got a smack on the back of the head for teaching him that one. We’re all laughing by the time that he’s done talking about it.

“The thing that I remember about Ma the most is that she never made me think I couldn’t do something because I was a girl,” Bailey says, beginning to share her own memories of her mother. “I remember the one day that Grim, Cage, Joker, and I were playing outside. The boys decided that they were going to climb a tree to get away from me. What did I do? I followed them right up that damn tree. When mom came out, she yelled at me to get down. I thought she was afraid I was going to fall and get hurt. Nope. She brought me over to a different tree that would be easier to climb so I get higher than all them. When they tried to come up with me, she wouldn’t let them. Said they had their own tree to climb.”

I laugh at that. When that happened, I wasn’t home. But I remember looking all over for Bailey a few days later and I couldn’t find her anywhere. Ma told me to go out to the tree to look for her and that’s where I found her. She was over halfway up the tree sitting there with a shit-eating grin on her face because I didn’t know where she was. That was the first of many moments like that.

“Remember when we got our first bikes?” Joker asks as Tank, Cage, and Maddie walk over to us. “Bay wanted a ride so bad and we couldn’t give her one yet. Pops, you didn’t want us to take her because we were just learnin’ how to ride. What did Ma do? She went out and got Bay her own fuckin’ bike. Even taught her how to ride it herself. I’ll never forget the look on your faces when you came ridin’ up on that fuckin’ thing. Ma was so proud of you and couldn’t wait for us to see what you did. Pops, I think you about had a heart attack over that one because even you didn’t know what was goin’ on.”

“What about the first time that I stayed over?” Cage asks, wondering if anyone remembers that eventful night. “We had so much food and were out runnin’ around the backyard for so long. I’ve never been so tired in my life. When it was time for settlin’ down and watchin’ movies, Ma was right there with us watchin’ the horror movies. She would laugh if we jumped and throw caramel popcorn at us when we screamed. I was covered in caramel before the night was over with. But, she took me in and got me cleaned up before kissin’ me on the top of my head and sendin’ me off to bed. We all became her kids. Didn’t matter how many of us were at the house. Or how soon Pops ran off so he didn’t have to hear us screamin’.”

By now everyone has joined us. We’re all telling our own stories about Ma and what she did to help us, make us laugh, prove the girls were just as good as the boys, or hold us when we cried. I want to get up and walk away as I remember all the memories Ma gave us. But, we’re here to show the kids that it’s a good thing to remember her. That it’s okay to be sad and miss her, but we need to follow in her footsteps at the same time.

“I know that I don’t know Ma as good as the rest of you do. But I still have some great memories of her. Before you all started to come in the diner on a regular basis, Ma came in almost every day. Sometimes she wanted to have a chat over coffee while others she would just walk in the kitchen like she owned the place and help me cook or prep food. There was a few days when I was sick and feeling the loss of my husband worse than ever. She brought me over homemade soup, talked with me, helped me clean out his room, and held me while I cried. Ma was a whirlwind of activity that sucked in everyone that came near her. I’m glad that I got to know her before this tragedy happened. And that I get to know her a little more with all the stories you have of her,” Alice says, looking away as she finishes talking.

“She picked you,” Tank suddenly says, making everyone in our circle stop talking. “She knew your story and that you were on the same level as she was. You’re kind, stick up for people you hardly know, and you have taken on this club without a second thought. Not many people would put themselves in the position you have because you care about a man that’s been lost for a long time now. Ma knew what tellin’ you would do. Just like she knew that there was no one else that Pops would let in and allow to be in his life in the role you fill. Ma knew what she was doin’ by bringin’ you in. Even if we hadn’t lost her, she’d still be pullin’ you in because you fit with us.”

“Before we douse the fire and all make our way back home, I want to share my favorite memory of Ma,” I say suddenly. “Well, it’s not a memory exactly. It’s more of what made Ma the woman that she was and made everyone meetin’ her fall in love. Ma was comfortable on the beach, in a field of wild flowers, married to a man in the service, or surrounded by a bunch of unruly bikers. She would make sure her daughter knew she could be and do anythin’ she wanted while silently puttin’ the boys in their place. Ma would take someone becomin’ a friend soup because they needed it. Or she knew they just needed someone in that moment. Her family was her life and she’d fight to the death for them. She did fight to the death for the kids that captured her heart and became her grandkids whether they were blood or not. She loved with everythin’ in her and could laugh at herself. The simple things in life that most people take for granted are the things that meant the most to my wife. I’m not replacin’ her with havin’ Alice in my life. No one will ever take that spot in my heart. But, I’m livin’ my life and I know that I’ll care about Alice in different ways than I did Ma. This is goin’ to happen every single year. Next year, it won’t just be about Ma. It will be about everyone that we’ve lost over the years. And those that we’ll continue to lose as their journey comes to an end. I love you all and I’m happy that you’re in my life. You’re my family and we will find our own paths in life,” I say, standing up before holding my hand out to Alice. We walk away and let the kids have the rest of the night to themselves.

“Babe, you know I care about you. I’m not sayin’ that I’ll never love you. But right now, Ma still owns my heart. She always will. But, we’ll be happy and have a good life,” I say to Alice as I help her up in the SUV. “I’m sorry I can’t give you more.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about Pops. You’ve never lied about that. I know that Ma owns your heart and always will. Henry owns mine. Has since I was a little girl,” she responds, leaning down to place a soft kiss on my lips before I shut her door and make my way over to the driver’s side.

As I go to open the door, the wind picks up slightly. I can feel it in my bones and know that it’s meant for me to feel. Looking up to the sky I see the clouds moving silently through the night sky and the stars coming out to play. The moon shines bright as the trees, sunflowers we’ve planted for Ma, and the grass gently blow in the breeze. Closing my eyes, I see a vision of Ma on our wedding day. Her smile shining bright as she looks out at me. This is the version of Ma that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. The one that will get me through my tough times and lead me down the path I need to be on. Especially the path that led me to Alice.