Chapter Seven

Pops

IT’S BEEN ALMOST A YEAR SINCE I LOST MA. A year that I’m slowly learning to live again and make sure that my grandkids know who she was and that they should follow in her footsteps. The time has not gotten any easier. I still wake up reaching out to hold her every single morning. Just like I still walk through the house and expect to hear her laughter. It’s never going to happen and I’m slowly coming to terms with that.

I can’t stand to be in the house that once was made a home by Ma. So, I’ve been going to the Country Corner for most of my meals. The owner, Alice, is a sweet lady and makes the best food. Not only does she own the business, but she does a lot of the cooking too. She’s a tremendous woman and we share a few words when I’m in there. I’ve missed the companionship of having someone around me, but I don’t think I’m just ready to put my feet back in the water so to speak.

“Morning Pops,” Alice says, her voice as cheerful as always, as she walks over with a steaming hot cup of coffee for me.

“Mornin’ Alice. How are you today?” I ask, busying myself with making my coffee just the way I like it; super sweet.

“Tired as all get out. But I don’t know if I’d be able to handle starting a day when I wasn’t exhausted,” she says, laughing a little bit. “How are you?”

“Same as every single day,” I respond, knowing that this is how our days start out every single morning.

It’s a nice routine. One that I am used to and if I’m being honest with myself, it’s one that I look forward to. I’ll never admit to that though. I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t see Alice walking around the corner and taking a seat next to me. Not until she nudges me in the side as I set my spoon down on the counter.

“You know, I’m really sorry about the loss of your club. You’ve all been coming in here for so long now. I’ve gotten to know a few of the ladies and they’re all sweethearts,” she says, leaving me confused as to where this conversation is heading. “Ya know, Ma stopped in here for pie one day. We got to talking and she wanted me to make sure that you were okay if anything ever happened to her.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, turning to face her as pain tears through my chest at the mention of my wife.

“I mean, she didn’t want you to spend the rest of your life alone. Ma wanted to make sure that you would live the rest of your life and be happy. Her biggest fear was that you wouldn’t move on. You’d spend the rest of your days grieving and reliving the pain and loss you feel on a daily basis. I have to say that it’s what I’ve been seeing,” she answers, placing her hand on my arm in a comforting gesture.

I sit there in stunned silence. This morning’s conversation is not what I expected to hear today. Alice and I really don’t talk about personal things. We usually dance around one another and only have casual conversation with the heaviest topic being if I want pie before I head to the house at the end of a long, never-ending day.

“Why today?” I ask, needing to know why she’s bringing this up now. Today of all days. It’s a few days before Ma’s birthday and I’m feeling the loss even worse.

“Because I felt that since we’re the only two in here, it was now or never. I’m not trying to butt into your business or anything like that, but I hate seeing anyone filled with pain and heartache the way you are. I’ve been there and I know how you feel. I lost my husband going on five years now. I’d like to tell you that everything gets easier; that the daily memories and feelings begin to fade. But, you’ll always have moments where you stop dead in your tracks when a memory hits. Or you find something you want to share with that person. I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to,” Alice says, standing up and making her way behind the counter as the diner door opens up bringing in new customers.

I don’t delay in drinking my coffee this morning. As soon as I’m finished, I leave the payment and tip on the counter before making my way out to my bike. There’s only one spot I want to be right now; the cemetery. Straddling my only girl, I relish the feeling I get when my bike fires to life. The vibrations and rumble from the pipes makes the pain lessen a little bit. Pulling out of the parking lot, I make the short drive to the place my world rests.

As usual, no one is at her grave when I get there. In an odd way, I feel relief when I’m here. Especially when no one else is around. I can talk to Ma without feeling some type of way. Sitting down, regret hits me that I didn’t bring any sunflowers with me. Ma loved them and I normally bring some every time I come here to visit her. If it’s the visits are close, I spread them around to the other graves that I notice are always empty. She would want me to do that and I hope that in some way it brings someone joy to see the flowers there.

“Ma, I don’t know what you want me to do. Alice just dropped a fuckin’ load on me with the news that you had a talk with her about wantin’ me to be happy. That you don’t want me to go on alone and miserable. How can I move on knowin’ that you aren’t here with me? There’s nothin’ left of my heart to give to anyone else. You stole it the first second I laid eyes on you and now it’s with you for eternity,” I say, rambling on my thoughts as they continue to spin on a loop in my head.

As I sit there and wait for answers that aren’t going to come, once again the wind begins to blow and I look around. There’s a spot just past Ma’s headstone that shines brighter than all the rest. Looking there, I see a few sunflowers growing in a random spot and blowing in the breeze. I’ve never noticed them growing over there before.

“Are you tryin’ to tell me somethin’ Ma?” I ask no one as I continue to sit there alone and growing more and more confused.

I stand up and make my way over to the spot the flowers Ma loved so much growing. It’s at the edge of the cemetery property and they’re tall enough that they’ve been there for a while. These aren’t fresh and just starting to sprout. It amazes me to think that I’ve never seen them as much as I come here. What the fuck is going on?

Alice

After letting Pops know that I had a talk with Ma before she passed away, I haven’t seen him around. Everyone else has come in the diner for their meals and I watch them look around as if searching for someone. Have they not seen Pops in the last few days either? I’m trying not to be concerned about where he is and what he’s been doing. But, it’s hard when I’ve come to care about the man. He’s grumpy and rough around the edges; loving and kind. Pops is a man that’s in so much pain he doesn’t know how to get on the other side of it. I wish he’d let someone help him, but it’s up to him to make the decision to move on with his life the way Ma wanted him to.

Thankfully I don’t have much time to dwell on the fact that Pops hasn’t been in to the diner. We’ve been really busy today and I haven’t had time to do much of anything. Especially when one of the waitresses called in. Again. So, I’m bussing tables and trying to make sure the order is being taken so that food is here for me to cook. And, I have to cook the food too. So, I’m pulling triple duty until the next waitress comes in. That’s not for a few hours though.

I’m in the kitchen when I feel someone standing behind me. There’s not even time to turn around and see who’s back her though. That’s how busy I’ve been. I swear, I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

“You can’t be back here,” I say without turning my head as I continue to cook.

“Where’s all your help Alice?” Pops asks, stepping up directly behind me.

“She called in today. So, you’re looking at the help,” I tell him, becoming flushed as I feel his body heat wrapping around me.

“I got this. Give me five,” he responds, turning and walking away.

I’m not sure what the hell he’s doing, but I don’t have time to be worried about it either. So, I continue to cook until plating the food. As soon as all the plates are ready to be delivered to their respective tables, I take five seconds for a breather. Pops is sitting at the end of the counter and I grab a coffee cup before making my way toward him.

“I’m good Alice. Help will be here in a few minutes,” he says, waving the coffee cup away before I pour it.

“What do you mean? I don’t have anyone else to call in,” I tell him, leaning against the counter.

“The old ladies will be here in a few minutes,” he says like it’s an every day occurrence.

“I don’t belong to the club or anyone in the club. None of you are going to help me out. It’s not the first time I’ve had to work all the positions in here and it won’t be the last,” I tell him, letting my annoyance and the wariness of the day come out in my voice unintentionally.

“You are goin’ to accept the help. And tonight, we’re goin’ to have dinner. So, the diner will be left in the capable hands of the old ladies and you’re goin’ to go get ready,” Pops tells me like it’s a normal way of asking someone out. Even if it’s not a date and just two adults having a meal together.

“I have paperwork to do, orders to make sure are sent in, and a long list of things to do before I drop my exhausted rear end into bed. So, you’ll have to find someone else to have dinner with tonight,” I tell him, pushing off the counter to make my way around the diner.

“Nope. We’re havin’ dinner. Ma told you she didn’t want me alone and miserable and I figure there’s a reason for that,” he says, not giving up as he turns in his seat to watch me check on customers and clear tables.

“Yeah, she knew you guys came in here all the time and that I’d be the one to tell you what she said. Everyone is concerned about you because they love you. They’re not going to push you or try to get you to meet someone when they don’t know how to pull your head out of your ass,” I say, letting my sassy side out to play a little bit as I rush back and forth.

Before he can answer me, the bell above the door announces more customers arriving. As I turn to greet them, I see that all the old ladies are indeed walking through the door. Skylar and Bailey are giving out directions about who needs to do what as I stand there shell shocked.

“Alice, you do what you have to do in the office and orders. We got the kitchen and customers. If you need anything, let us know and we’ll do what we can to help you out,” Bailey says, placing her hand on my arm before making her way behind the counter.

Knowing that these girls will have the front under control, I make my way in back so that I can do inventory and place the order. Then I can go make sure all of my paperwork is done for the previous week. It’s going to take me hours and I’ll be done by the time everything I have to do is completed. There’s really no way that I can go out to dinner with Pops tonight. He’ll have to understand and we can try again when I’m not so busy.

It’s almost eight o’clock and I’m still sitting in my office. I’m just about done with getting the paperwork into the computer when I hear a knock on my door. Looking up, I see Pops standing there with takeout containers in his hands. I was so busy that I forgot to go talk to Pops and let him know that I wouldn’t be able to have dinner with him tonight.

“I’m sorry. I forgot to come talk to you,” I say, sitting back in my chair and stretching the kinks out of my back.

“That’s why I brought dinner to you. Skylar made us somethin’ to eat before she left,” he says walking in my office, shutting the door, and making himself comfortable on the opposite side of my desk.

“I still have a ton of work to do,” I say, trying to make him understand that I can’t do this. Not today.

“That’s why we’re eatin’ in here while you finish your paperwork. Then, we’re gonna go for a ride on my bike and I’ll bring you back here to get your car. Skylar is openin’ the diner in the mornin’ so you can sleep in,” he says, taking all the decisions out of my hand.

A smile crosses my face as memories of my late husband flash through my mind. Pops reminds me so much of Henry. They’re both demanding and stubborn as hell. Neither one will give an inch when they want something or think they’re right.

“It’s good to see that smile on your face,” he suddenly says as he opens the lid on his container and my office fills with smells that make my mouth water.

“Can I ask you something?” I ask cautiously, letting my nerves get the best of me.

“What’s up?” he answers, sitting back to look at me.

“Where were you the last few days?” I ask, not looking him in the eyes.

“I had some thinkin’ and soul searchin’ to do. Ma and I met when we were young. I was just eighteen and in the military. She immediately captured my attention and lit up my world. Honestly, she became the owner of my heart the day we met. I never thought she would be taken from me so early; I thought we had years and years left still. But, that’s not the case. Now, I have to learn to live my life again after so many years spent with her. You talkin’ to me made me realize that I was just coasting through life until I could be with her again. I don’t want to do that. Especially knowin’ that she didn’t want that for me,” he says, shocking me into silence. “There’s no one else I would want to get to know other than you. I’ve been comin’ in here for so long and you have been there, talkin’ to me when I didn’t want to talk and makin’ sure that I had a cup of coffee and a hot meal in front of me. That means somethin’ to me.”

“You had to eat and I know that you weren’t goin’ to the clubhouse as much as you used to. Just like I know that you barely go into the house you lived in with Ma. I’ve been there. I know that it hurts like hell to look around and see everything she touched and made come alive as soon as she entered the room. It was the same after I lost my Henry. It took me forever to pack up his belongings and donate what I could after making sure his family got what they wanted. But, I can’t go into whatever your looking for as some sort of rebound to get your feet wet again,” I tell him, letting him know I’ve thought about him wanting to spend time with me.

“I know you can’t. And if that’s all I was lookin’ for, I’d go to the clubhouse and make use of the club girls. I’m not lookin’ for that. I want somethin’ real and someone that I can spend time with. Someone that I can talk to and just relax with. I’m not sayin’ that I can give you my heart, but I’ll give you what I can. If you can live with that, then I say we give this a shot,” he says, taking a bite of the stuffed shells sitting in front of him. “Your husband and you didn’t have any kids?”

“No. Henry couldn’t have them. He had a very long battle with cancer and it just wasn’t in the cards for us. Even knowing that he wasn’t going to be with me forever, I wouldn’t change a single second of my time with him. Henry completed me and made sure that I was always put first. Even when he was so sick during his treatments. I stayed by his side because I felt the same way about him that you did about Ma. So, now it’s just me and the diner keeps me busy enough to get through the days,” I tell him, letting him know that there is a reason that I work so hard and spend so much time here.

We spend the next few minutes in companionable silence as we eat our dinner. Skylar really outdid herself with the stuffed shells. I never really put them on the menu because of how long it takes to make them. But, I may have to rethink that decision. These are really good. I could always make them a few days in advance and freeze them so I can pull them out once a week or something. Things to think about. Maybe I need to rethink the entire menu here.

Before I know it, my paperwork is done and our food has been finished. Pops stands up and takes the containers away as I shut everything down for the night. I run out and check on the front before meeting him outside at his bike. I’ve never been on a bike before and I know that he’s said no one besides Ma has been on the back of his. This will be a first for both of us tonight.

“Ready to go?” he asks, standing up and holding out a helmet for me to put on.

“As ready as I’ll ever be. Are you sure about this? We don’t have to take your bike,” I say, making sure that the straps are snapped tightly in place before walking a few steps closer to him.

“I’m sure. Told you I disappeared to think about some things and do some soul searchin’. It’s time now,” he says, helping me get on before he slides on in front of me.

Pops turns the bike on and the vibrations immediately fill my body with sensations that I’ve never felt before. As he pulls out on the road, I hear the rumble of the pipes get louder as he increases his speed. He’s not going fast enough to scare me, but I’m still nervous as we ride through the night.

As I hold on to the man sitting in front of me, I let the feelings take over. It’s freeing in a way that I never thought it would be as he takes the twists and turns of back roads like it’s nothing. The ride is smooth and I can see that he’s one with the huge machine we’re sitting on. I get lost in the thoughts and feelings running through me as we make our way back into town.

He pulls into the deserted parking lot of the Country Corner. I realize that we’ve been riding for over an hour if the diner is closed and no one is around. It sure doesn’t seem like we’ve been gone that long. Pops turns the bike off after coming to a stop next to my beat-up old car. I’m not sure that I’m going to be graceful getting off the bike, but I don’t want him feeling like I’m stalling for more time with him either.

“Thank you so much for dinner and the ride,” I tell him as I stand on the pavement next to the bike. My legs feel like jelly as I stomp them trying to get feeling back in them.

“It’s my pleasure,” he answers, stepping off of his bike and coming closer to me.

I watch as he walks over to my car and opens the door for me. He holds it open until I am safely in my seat with my belt fastened. As I turn to look at him, he takes my hand and brings it up to his mouth. Pops brushes a soft kiss on my hand as I feel a blush creeping up my neck to my face. No one, not even Henry, has ever done that to me before.

“Gonna follow you home,” he says, getting ready to shut the door. “See ya in the mornin’.”

I nod my head in a stupor. Watching him walk back to his bike, I think that I’m going to be in over my head with him. Pops is a man that can easily make a woman develop all kinds of feelings for him in no time at all. Shaking my head, I turn my car on and begin to make the short journey home. The entire ride I keep sneaking glances in the rearview mirror to check whether or not Pops is indeed still following me. He never leaves me until I pull in my driveway. I hear the rumble of his bike get louder as he revs the engine before taking off down the road. What am I gonna do?