They fell into an odd routine. Von didn’t leave. Justin never asked him to either. At some point, it became a habit for Von to take him everywhere and take care of everything. More and more of his things invaded Justin’s apartment each day. Justin didn’t mention it. Not that he knew what to say anyhow. Von never missed an opportunity to touch or kiss Justin unless they were in bed. Once they were under the covers, it was up to Justin to initiate anything sexual. If Justin didn’t start things, it didn’t happen. He hadn’t decided how he felt about that. Sometimes he thought Von was playing games with him, because Justin found himself going to outrageous lengths to see if Von would break, but he never did. If Justin wanted sex, he had to start it. Justin was by no means starved for affection. Von held him, talked to him nonstop, and never left his side. Justin still couldn’t take that leap and say they were a couple because they weren’t. Von had proven one too many times he didn’t want a real relationship. He just liked playing the part until something else snagged his attention.

Justin stared at his reflection as he dressed. Under Von’s care, he’d regained some of the weight he’d lost. Before Von moved in, if Justin didn’t feel good, he didn’t eat. Von never let that mess go on, even if it meant spoon-feeding him. He hadn’t figured out why Von stayed. Mostly, Justin didn’t let himself think about it too much.

Justin’s cellphone buzzed across the bathroom counter, snagging his attention. He opened his messages. They poured in like a flood. A smile exploded across Justin’s face. He burst from the bathroom, going in search of Von. He found him in the kitchen.

“Look what Jamie just sent me.” Justin moved in close, and Von shifted in behind him, putting his arms around Justin’s waist and staring at the phone over Justin’s shoulder.

Jamie: I’m sorry we had to skip town without saying goodbye. Our surrogate, Bethany, went into labor early. Meet our daughter, Luna Arbor Roussel.

Dozens of pictures followed. Luna was pink and tiny. Her eyes were wide open and green like Hawke’s.

“Oh my God,” Justin breathed. “Jamie wasn’t lying. He’ll have to kill a fuckboi someday.”

“She’s beautiful,” Von said over Justin’s shoulder, almost sounding sad.

Justin glanced over. “Are you okay?”

Von’s arms tightened on Justin’s waist. A smile stretched his lips. It looked forced and brittle. He nodded toward the phone. “Is this something you’d want for yourself? I never thought to ask what you dreamed of having most from life.”

With a shrug, Justin closed the messages. “I guess I never really thought about it, since I don’t have their life.”

“What do you mean you don’t have ‘their’ life?”

Justin stepped out of Von’s hold. He kept his gaze averted as he answered. “They’re loyal to each other, putting each other above all others.” Justin shrugged again. “I don’t know. They’re happy.”

“And you’re not. I see.”

At Von’s dead tone, Justin’s head snapped up. He tried meeting the man’s stare, but Von wouldn’t look at him.

“Are you ready? Your chemo is in half an hour.”

Guilt twisted Justin’s gut. He couldn’t claim he hadn’t known he was hurting Von by not giving him all of himself. Today was the first time he’d not liked himself for it. He made several attempts to cheer up Von on the way to his appointment. It was useless. Von stared into space, lost in his thoughts. Justin worried at his bottom lip and scolded himself. Why was he doing this? At some point, had he become a child over this entire matter? Did he even know what he hoped to accomplish? He hadn’t sent Von away nor did he have any intention of doing so. Maybe Justin had thought—in the beginning—that he was protecting his heart, but the truth was—he’d done no such thing. If he eventually succeeded at driving Von away, it would crush him. There’d be no one to blame but himself. There was a very real possibility that Von would skip out him again. Justin couldn’t control what Von did, but he could control the way he treated the man. For a moment, he stared at the IV dripping meds that would make him feel like death for two days. When he’d first started these treatments, he’d done them alone—steeped in misery. Now they were so much easier, because Von was there.

Reaching over, he stroked the top of Von’s hand until the man turned it palm up so Justin could link fingers with him. It was such a tiny thing, having someone hold his hand, but there was nothing small about it at all, really. Having someone to cling to was a huge anchor, keeping him from drifting away.

“I never really thought about having kids,” Justin said without looking at Von, but he clung tight. He couldn’t let Von slip away. “In a way, I guess I thought that wasn’t something in the cards for me.” Justin snorted. “On the other hand, I did think I’d travel the world someday, so I guess I’ve never been smart about what options are open for me.”

“I don’t have a dream,” Von surprised him by confessing.

Justin chuckled. “I should suppose not. Your dreams have all come true. Not many people can say they’ve accomplished what you have.”

Von’s grip tightened on Justin’s hand and his thumb stroked back and forth over Justin’s. “I did what my papa wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I love playing hockey, but I’ve never had anything that was for me alone.” He brought their joined hands to his lips and nibbled on Justin’s knuckles. He stared into space, seeming to think things over, before adding, “Except you, of course. I thought we’d grow old together, doing nothing special other than loving each other—being together.”

Justin’s heart hurt. He’d done that. He’d put the past tense in Von’s speech—was slowly destroying the man’s hope.

“That does sound nice,” Justin admitted, hoping to make things better. He’d never considered himself a cruel man before now. “I don’t guess I’ve ever pictured myself growing old either, but every dream I’ve had included you.”

Von finally met his gaze. This time, the man’s smile was real. It stirred something inside Justin’s chest—something Justin thought long dead. Von’s smile slipped, but his eyes softened.

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I’m not sure if I ever said that.”

Justin honestly couldn’t remember, but Von’s words mattered to Justin’s heart. “You’ve shown it even if you haven’t said it.”

“I guess I thought we were indestructible.”

Justin looked away and nodded. Maybe they were. After all, they might be limping along, but they were still standing together.

* * *

Each week, it got a little harder to resist Von. Justin couldn’t shake the idea of Von picturing them growing old together. Every day, Justin wanted it too until that dream was all he could think about. Unfortunately, he’d built a wall so tall and strong, even Justin no longer knew how to move past the pain. Von was making it easier with the way he was looking at Justin tonight. Over an hour earlier, he’d grabbed Justin a blanket, pulled Justin into his arms on the couch, and snuggled in. There was no TV or noise whatsoever to distract them. Von still hadn’t been the one to initiate sex with Justin since he’d moved in. The way Von was staring at him now had Justin wondering if things were shifting his way. Even though he’d gone to chemo today and felt terrible, Justin worried Von’s refusal to make love to him meant they weren’t getting better.

Von toyed with Justin’s bottom lip while staring at it like a starving man. The scariest thought Justin ever experienced sneaked in. What if Von really stayed this time? What if he meant every promise? Each breath Justin took came harder than the last. He wanted to believe.

Justin couldn’t tear his gaze away from Von’s face as the man lowered his head. Even as Von captured the lip he’d been playing with, Justin couldn’t close his eyes. Von scowled when he kissed. It was one more detail about the man he would’ve never learned if he hadn’t let Von stay. If he let the man get away, how many details would he miss out on learning in the future? He allowed his eyes to slide closed. Justin spent a moment enjoying Von’s flavor—like orange and mint. Without warning, the dam in Justin’s chest broke. Emotions poured through him until he shook from the power of them.

Von pulled away. Concern etched his features as he stroked Justin’s jaw. “What is it?”

“Von, I—”

Someone knocked on the door. As one, they both glanced toward the slab of wood that separated them from the rest of the world. No one ever stopped by. Justin didn’t have any friends. His parents lived two states away, and Jamie and Hawke had gone back home to England. With a sigh that sounded a lot like regret, Von slid out from beneath him before tucking the throw blanket around him once more.

“You stay put. I’ll take care of it. It’s probably someone trying to sell us something or convert us.”

Justin swallowed down a happy hum as he watched Von cross the room. He loved the way the man moved. In truth, he loved everything about Von. He just loved him. If they hadn’t been interrupted, Justin would’ve admitted as much. The door opened and Justin’s emotions dried up. His heart hardened. Luka Turner stood on the other side.

“Luka,” Von said, sounding surprised. He stepped aside, inviting Luka inside. “What brings you… how did you know where to find me?”

A gigantic mocha-skinned male with awesome eyes stepped through the door behind Luka. Justin’s money was on the man being Luka’s bodyguard. He looked like someone Justin would want watching his back.

Luka motioned toward the man. “You remember my husband, Brady.”

“Of course,” Von said, shaking the man’s hand, even though Brady looked like if he had his way, he’d snap Von in two instead.

Von turned and waved in Justin’s direction. “This is Justin. He’s mine.”

Justin bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling at Von’s choice of words. Luka turned a kind smile Justin’s way, making it hard for Justin to hang on to his animosity toward the man who’d not only dated Justin’s man but fired him for no reason.

“It’s nice to meet you, Justin. Jamie has told me a lot of great things about you.”

“Sang your praises for half an hour, actually,” Brady added, surprising Justin with how deep his voice sounded.

Justin’s smile grew more genuine by the second. It was hard to hate anyone who was a friend of Jamie’s. “Please have a seat,” Justin said, struggling to sit up and make room.

Von rushed to his side. “Nope. You stay put,” he ordered as he grabbed Justin’s legs and sat down. He set Justin’s legs in his lap and massaged them. Damn, it felt good. He was so sore all over.

Brady and Luka took the loveseat.

“What brings you by?” Von asked. Despite his steady voice and neutral expression, Justin could feel the tension rolling off the man’s body. His discomfort fed Justin’s.

Luka leaned forward and set his elbows on his knees as he focused on Von. “I’m sure you heard that Reynolds broke a leg and will be out for the remainder of the season.”

Von’s hands stilled. Justin didn’t know who Reynolds was, but it was apparent Von did. “No,” Von said. His voice sounded dead. “I’ve had more important things to do than follow the season.”

Luka nodded. His closed expression never slipped. “I’d like to have you back. At thirty-eight, twenty-five, and eleven, we’re third in the western league. These last nine games could make us or break us. We need you. Not only for this year,” Luka said, obviously attempting to sweeten his deal.

Von wasn’t looking at anyone.

Justin was resigned. Von wouldn’t choose to stay. If roles were reversed, Justin wouldn’t choose him either. Millions or a man who had more bad days than good—there was no choice, really. Justin tried finding some anger or outrage to cling to, hoping to save himself from the impending heartache. He couldn’t find any. Von loved hockey. Justin loved Von. There was nothing to discuss.

“It’s okay, Von,” Justin said, surprising even himself with the honesty in his voice. It was okay. Justin loved Von enough to set him free. “I know it’s what you love.”

Von glanced over and smiled. A lump rose in Justin’s throat. He’d miss this man for the rest of his life, but Von deserved happiness too. “No,” Von said, still smiling. “This is what I love, being here with you.” His gaze moved back to Luka, leaving Justin shocked speechless. “Thank you for the offer, but I’ll have to pass.”

Luka shook his head. “If this is about what happened at the beginning of the season—”

Von made a slashing motion, cutting Luka off. “Not at all. As I told you before I left town, there’re no hard feelings. Hockey is a business for us. This isn’t about that. I’m done. All I want is to drive Justin crazy with my constant presence until he begs me to find something else to do.”

Before Luka could respond, Justin butted in. “I’m afraid this is my fault. You see, I’ve been battling cancer for several months.” Justin pulled his stocking cap down lower, feeling self-conscious as he made the confession. “Von doesn’t want to leave me alone. Do you mind giving us a few minutes alone so we can discuss it?” Justin tried moving from the couch, determined to take things to the bedroom.

Luka stood. “We’ll step outside so you don’t have to get up.”

Justin flashed him a grateful smile. “You don’t have to do that, but I appreciate it.” Some people breezed through chemo. Justin thanked every deity listening that he only had two treatments left. They kicked his ass every single time. He’d hated the thought of moving from the couch. Luka and Brady stood and headed for the door, leaving Justin to relax. The moment the door closed behind them, Justin pounced. “You can’t give up hockey for me. Not only would I never ask that of you, I’ll never be able to live with myself if you’re sitting around here miserable instead of winning another championship.”

One corner of Von’s mouth lifted, as if he found Justin’s claims ridiculous. “I don’t want another championship. It means nothing.”

Exasperation rose inside Justin. “Von, I love you. You don’t have to do this to prove a point or win my affection. I already love you. You’re already everything to me. Go. Do what you love.”

Von’s smile grew. “I’m not trying to prove a point, Justin. There’s nothing to discuss or think about. I don’t want it. When I retired, I didn’t do so lightly. I wanted to come back home to you. Being here with you—this is my biggest dream coming true. Don’t take it from me.”

The front door reopened and Luka reappeared. “Sorry to burst back in,” he said as he came to stand over them. “Brady and I were discussing matters outside, and I’ve decided to temporarily withdraw my offer. It’s not that I don’t want you on my team,” Luka rushed to reassure Von. “But there’s nothing more important than the people we love. I gave up a lot of responsibility for the team when I married Brady because he takes precedence. I cannot, in good conscience, ask you to take on an end-of-the year race toward the championship when your man needs you here.” He handed Von a card. “I know you have my info, but this is Brady’s too, so there’s no chance you can’t get in touch with me should you change your mind about joining us next season.” He dipped his chin in Justin’s direction. “It was nice meeting you, Justin. I hope you win your fight soon.”

“Thank you,” Justin said, since he was too shocked to think of anything else.

“Thanks,” Von said, setting the card on the end table. “I’m sorry you came all this way for nothing.”

Luka smiled, making Justin’s stomach churn with jealousy as he realized exactly what Von had seen in the man. His glasses did nothing to hide his gorgeous green eyes, but that smile; it was sexy and sweet. “I never do anything for nothing. It was good seeing you again.” He switched his attention Justin’s way. “Thank you for allowing us to invade your home. Von is a lucky man.”

Heat rushed to Justin’s cheeks. He had no idea why he was blushing. All Justin could think was it must’ve been Luka’s power and money bleeding from his pores, making Justin feel overwhelmed and flattered.

“Good evening to you both,” Luka said as he headed for the door, seeing himself out.

“You should go after him,” Justin said the instant the door closed behind Luka. “If you ask, I’m sure his offer will still stand. You should be on the ice.”

To Justin’s surprise, Von chuckled. It was a low sound that curled around his heart and squeezed. Justin couldn’t look away from Von’s sexy smile. “It amazes me you still think I’m making some huge sacrifice to be with you. This, right here with you, is the only life I want. Leaving here would be the sacrifice, and for what? More money? I don’t need that. All I need is right here in this apartment.”

Even though Von’s claims caused Justin’s heart to beat a little faster—in a good way—Justin tried one last argument. “But you’re so sexy on the ice.”

Von sprang, ripping the blanket from Justin’s body before settling on top of him. They were nose to nose and Justin couldn’t look anywhere but at Von’s sexy blue eyes. They flashed with lust, fire, and love. “I bet I’m even sexier between your thighs,” Von said, practically growling each word. After going up on his knees, Von reached over his head and pulled his shirt off, baring his delicious hard chest. He popped the button on his jeans, drawing Justin’s gaze to the trail of hair that disappeared inside his jeans. Justin’s mouth went dry. His palms itched with the need to rip open Von’s jeans and play with the body that belonged to him. That thought gave Justin pause. Von did belong to him. He couldn’t deny it any longer. Von wasn’t finished making his point, and Justin was happy to let him undress to prove himself. “Are you telling me you’d rather watch me on TV than have me right here?” Von asked, taking Justin’s hand and flattening it against his chest. Von’s eyes fell closed, as if Justin had been the one to reach out and touch him, and the pleasure was too much.

Von’s expression broke Justin. He couldn’t hide the way he felt with Von being so real. “If you’re asking me if I’d rather rip out my heart than see you unhappy, then yes. Haven’t you figured that out yet in the years I’ve been right here? I’ve watched you go with a smile on my face, because you had a smile on yours. If you’re asking if I’d do it again—yes, I would. I’d do anything for you, because I love you.”

The way Von watched him with such intensity should’ve warned Justin. Nothing could’ve prepared him for Von’s next words. “If you’d do anything to make me smile, then marry me. That’s the one dream I have that hasn’t come true.”

Justin couldn’t speak. He could barely breathe. The vulnerability written on Von’s face let Justin know he meant it. Von wanted to marry him. This wasn’t him trying to make things right. Things were already right. Justin had forgiven Von a long time ago. Not because of some grand gesture that blew Justin away. He’d earned Justin’s forgiveness with a steady hand that wiped the past clean.

Von’s expression shifted in the face of Justin’s silence, as if he braced himself to get shut down. “I guess I screwed you out of a good story—one where I got down on one knee and had a ring.”

“No,” Justin choked out past his swollen throat.

Pain flashed in Von’s eyes. “I get that. It’s not like I’ve done anything to make you want to keep me.”

Justin shook his head. “I mean no, you didn’t screw me out of those things. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Von’s expression went blank. He blinked as if Justin’s words were slow to sink in. A chuckle escaped Justin as a burst of excitement hit him. The sound seemed to jar something loose inside Von’s head. A smile stretched his lips. “You said yes.”

Justin nodded. “I did.”

Von covered Justin’s body with his once more. “Oh my god. I get to keep you.”

Justin snorted as Von pressed kisses along his jaw. “You’ve always had me. Never once have I locked my door against you, even when I’ve slammed it in your face. All you’ve ever had to do was turn the knob to find me waiting on the other side.” Von met Justin’s gaze. The confessions kept coming. “I’ve just been angry and hurt, but I’ve never stopped loving you. I could never stop loving you.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t had the words to make it better. Thank you for hearing them anyhow. I’ll make you a proud husband. No one will love you better.” Von touched his lips to Justin’s, as if sealing his vow with a kiss. “I really want to make love to you,” Von whispered against the corner of Justin’s mouth. “But I know you don’t feel good.”

Justin hands slipped down Von’s body. “I never feel too bad for you,” he said as he shoved his hands inside Von’s loosened jeans.

Von sat back on his heels and set his erection free. “I’ve got a plan,” he said, wearing the sweetest smile Justin had ever seen. Justin’s body lit with need at the sight. There’d never been another smile he’d ever seen that screamed he was about to get fucked the way Von’s did. Von snagged the blanket from the floor and covered them both as he lowered himself onto Justin’s body. Working magic with his fingers, he released Justin’s throbbing cock. Their dicks brushed, stealing a gasp from Justin. With his weight braced on one elbow and his hand wrapped around both their erections, Von stroked. Justin’s hips left the couch.

Von shushed him. “Be still, baby. I’ve got you. You don’t have to do anything but enjoy.”

Jesus, he loved this man. Justin couldn’t tear his eyes away from the way Von’s face mimicked Justin’s every emotion. It was hard to hold still as Von worked his cock, but he knew if he moved too much, he’d regret it later. But damn, Von rocked his world. Tiny shivers ran through Justin’s body. With every pull of skin on skin, Von brought him closer to the edge. A flush pinkened Von’s cheeks. His lips parted slightly and his eyes were unfocused. He was the picture of lust.

Twisted images rose in Justin’s mind. He couldn’t stop them from falling from his lips. “Goddamn, Von. I want to do everything to you right now. I want to suck your dick and play between your knees. When you give in and let me shove my fingers inside your ass, you have no clue how sexy you look in those moments. You’re mush and surrender. Sometimes I think you’d let me do anything if I have you turned on.” Von twisted, tearing a moan from Justin. He knew he was pushing Von too far, making him fear he’d come before Justin. Justin wanted it. “Damn, I wish I had your knees shoved high and my tongue in your ass. The way you squirm beneath me is so fucking hot.” Von’s grip tightened. His movements quickened. Justin saw stars. Sweat broke out on Justin’s skin, mixing with Von’s. Pressure beat at the head of his cock. “When your salty thick cum covers my tongue—fuck,” Justin cried as Von exploded. Hot cum hit the over-sensitized nerve endings in Justin’s crown, stealing his orgasm without warning. He gasped and strained, trying desperately to cling to every last sensation before it disappeared.

Von, being perfect, kissed Justin’s neck instead of his mouth, because he knew Justin had trouble catching breath after they made love. Each brush of the man’s tongue against his throat had Justin panting.

“I love you,” Von gasped against Justin’s skin. “We’ll have a beautiful life,” he promised, making the glow of Justin’s orgasm seem dim in comparison to their future.

“I know we will,” Justin agreed, because it was Von. If anyone would give him their all and never let him down, it was the man in his arms.