A few days later, I showed up at the fertility clinic. It was nothing like I expected it to be.

The appearance of the building from the outside was almost like a fitness club, featureless and square and covered in rows of large windows. The walls and floor and ceiling were white, but blue and purple lights kept the atmosphere from being as sterile-seeming as it could have.

I checked in at the front desk. The receptionist acted like she hadn’t seen another person in years, enthusiastically chattering while checking out my information. She then bade me take a seat in the waiting room, to wait for my “partner” to arrive. I resisted the urge to correct her because that would only complicate things, and went to go sit down. I felt tired in my soul, having not slept very well the night before.

The waiting room felt not quite right in a way I couldn’t describe. Rather than chairs, there were long, low, modern couches in an inoffensive shade of blue. One wall was entirely taken up by an image of blurry greenery, in front of which there were hands holding small piles of black earth. The imagery was probably meant to be comforting, giving an idea of growing life, but it just made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want a child growing inside me. I wasn’t here to cherish a beautiful, hopeful time in my life with someone I loved.

I was here for the money.

No one else was there. Most people in the world had already accepted that they would need to adopt if they wanted a little one in their life. What with fertility being at an all time low, not even modern medicine could fix everything. For a time, the adoptions were very good news. Bloodlines mixed. Prejudices went down as families discovered that peoples of other races were just like themselves. Word spread. Things were good.

But all that had been going on when I was just a boy, before I even reached double digits. Good things don’t last forever.

With fewer children being born, adoptions became very difficult. And the new generation of adopted children were intermarrying with people of low fertility, which turned out to have a high chance of being passed on genetically. Things were even worse than before.

No one knew what the future had in store, but birth rates were dropping so fast that the population of the world now stood at just over six billion. It seemed that we might, someday in the future, simply cease to exist as a species.

Haley hopped up on the couch beside me, breaking me out of my gloomy thoughts. She cuddled into the arm of the couch, tucking herself into the nook as she liked to do. She had a children’s book in her hand, the pages stained and wrinkled from use. I kept myself from making a face at all the germs she was touching, because at least she seemed to be enjoying herself.

I squirmed a little and adjusted my position on the uncomfortable couch, watching the door to the clinic. I wanted it to open so I could get this over with. At the same time, I would be fine if it never opened at all. I could hardly believe I was doing this. My heart was pounding, almost shaking my entire body.

I curled my hands into fists and waited.

And waited, and waited some more. I kept shifting around, changing positions. At first it was because it was uncomfortable, but at around the thirty minute mark, I started getting angry. I’d already signed that damn contract James had sent along with that slimy lawyer dressed in an ill fitting suit. There was a whole lot of money on the line. If James was as serious about this as he seemed, then where the hell was he?

Probably slipped his mind. He’s moved on to something new already.

That was James for you. He changed his mind like the wind, going in whatever direction was the most appealing at any given time.

Thinking of James’s instability made me miss Alex all the more. Alex was the sort of man who made everyone feel special, giving everyone his full attention. He arrived to appointments early, stayed late after parties to help clean up. You knew you could count on him, and I certainly had.

At 45 minutes, Haley started shifting around too, looking bored. She tossed the book aside and folded her arms, kicking her legs. “I’m bored, Daddy.”

“I’m bored too, princess.”

Haley glanced at me, surprise shining in her bright blue eyes. In the past, I sometimes got impatient with her for getting restless. I couldn’t scold her for that right now, when I was about to give up on all of this.

When we had been sitting there in that stupid, ugly waiting room for an hour, I stood up. “I’ve had enough,” I growled. “Come on, Haley.”

Haley hopped off the couch and was already halfway to the door when she glanced back. “Oh, the book!” She scampered over again to put the book back where it belongedl on the little shelf in the corner where the other toys were kept, to entertain young children while their parents waited in a more adult manner.

I watched her, a little glow of pride in my chest like the warmth of a candle. Then, behind me, I heard the pneumatic hum of automatic doors. The clinic’s doors, opening and shutting behind a tall man wearing a gold satin blouse and dark slacks. His blouse was open at the neck, showing off a flash of his powerful chest and a few curls of dark chest hair. Large sunglasses hid his eyes from view.

There was no mistaking him. James Cobb. My ex.

James reached up and removed his sunglasses, offering a glimpse of his intense brown eyes. They were like strong cups of coffee, delivering a jolt directly to my senses. When he looked at me, I felt like he was seeing all of me at once, inspecting me, checking me out to make sure I was up to his standards.

James smirked, his lips curving full and sensual under the shadow of his mustache. My heart jumped up in my throat and my knees went weak. I raised my hand, not sure whether I wanted to touch his silky black hair, or whether I wanted to slap him for being so arrogant. Maybe a whack to the head would scramble his brains until everything ended up in the proper position again, giving him a reality check.

“Reid,” he said, his smooth voice a luscious purr. “It’s so nice to see you again.”

“Uh-huh,” I said. I leaned away from him, breathing through my mouth so the rich cinnamon-and-wood smoke scent of his cologne wouldn’t intoxicate me. “You’re late.”

A flicker crossed James’s face and his dark eyes went flat with displeasure. I was torn between feeling sorry for him, for whatever was causing him such discomfort, and being glad that he seemed to have gotten some just desserts. After all the troubles he’d caused people, it was about time someone caused trouble for him.

“Yeah,” James muttered. “I was. But don’t worry about it, okay? It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me,” I said. “I agreed to this crazy scheme, and it would have been nice if you’d showed some common decency.”

I had a lot more I wanted to say, with much harsher language, but I was very aware of Haley standing nearby. She didn’t know much about this whole meeting or why we were here, and I would prefer for it to stay that way.

James shifted a little where he stood, making it occur to me for the first time that he might be as uncomfortable as I was. “Anyway. Should we get to it?”

“If they’ll still accept our appointment. After all, we are literally an hour late.” I crossed my arms and frowned at James. “If you’ve ruined this, you aren’t getting a second chance.”

James shrugged, gesturing around at the empty waiting room. “Does it really look like there’s hot demand for this place? The doctor isn’t doing anything else with his time.”

“That’s not the point! It’s not about the doctor. It’s about you!”

James gazed at me. “You can walk away from this.”

Thinking of those overdue bills, and the life I wanted to have for my daughter, I knew I couldn’t. I shook my head. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Turning back to look at Haley, I said, “You’re going to have to stay out here, sweetie. We won’t be long. Stay wherever the nice nurse can see you.”

Haley nodded. I wouldn’t have left her alone like this in any other situation. Here, there were so few people around, and it was an enclosed space. Nothing would happen to her. “I’ll be good,” she said. “I promise.”

“I know you will.” I hated to leave her. I dropped down to one knee and swept her into my arms to give her a hug and an enormous kiss on the top of her head. She hugged me back, and her small embrace felt good, her hands clutching my back reminding me of who I was and what I was doing this for.

Stepping back, blinking hard to keep tears from forming in my eyes, I helped Haley climb back up onto one of the couches. Then, and only then, I faced James and looked into his eyes. “I’m ready.”

Together, we walked up to the nurse at the reception desk. She was nearly drowsing, bent over a magazine with her eyelids fluttering. Noticing us, she pushed the magazine aside and sat up straighter, rubbing her eyes. She opened her mouth, maybe to tell us to come back some other time.

James cut in front of her, his voice a little louder than it needed to be. “We’re ready for our appointment now. I assume the doctor is ready to see us?”

The doctor has been ready to see us, I thought sourly.

The nurse nodded and put on a cheerful smile, though I could tell she was put off by James’s behavior. “You’re in luck today,” she said. “The doctor has quite the open schedule. Let me take you to one of the rooms, and then I’ll let him know you’ve arrived.”

“Wonderful,” James replied, following right behind the nurse as she went around the desk to get to the door near the waiting room. She walked faster as he came up behind her, almost stepping on her shoes. “Though I’m sure the man will already know we’re there. It’s dead quiet in this place.”

It really was like a graveyard, or more like an abandoned building of the sort found in horror movies. The nurse led us down a long, narrow hallway past a series of doors, all of which were shut. When we passed by another hallway, leading deeper into the clinic, there was no telling where it led, because all the lights were off and the double doors at the end were shrouded in shadows.

Just before we reached the back of the building where the emergency exit was located, the nurse turned and gestured us into the only lit room in sight. James held back, motioning for me to go in first.

Even as uncomfortable as I was, I was curious and looked around before finding a seat. The room was spacious and not entirely uncomfortable, with informational posters on the wall that looked similar to what I’d seen in the OB/GYN’s office when I was pregnant with Haley.

James followed after me and leaned up against the wall, folding his arms. His expression was unreadable.

The nurse looked back and forth between us, trying to figure us out. James and I had a clear history between us; we must be acting unlike anyone else who had come through here.

I was proven wrong when she asked, in a high, nervous voice, “Are you Prince James?”

James looked at her and gave a simpering smile which was to die for. “I get that a lot,” he said, and that was all.

The nurse blushed and backed out of the room, her footsteps echoing down the hall.

I didn’t really know what to say to James, not that I had much to say at all. Keeping my focus on the posters on the walls, I tried not to be as anxious as I felt. I had done some research on this whole procedure; it wouldn’t be too bad, and I could survive another pregnancy.

All the same, this hadn’t really felt real until just now. Everything that was at stake was coming to hit me all at once.

Fortunately, I didn’t have long to sit and think before the door opened again and a portly, amiable doctor marched in. The top of his head barely came up to James’s chin, and his body was soft and flabby where his white clothes didn’t cover him.

“I’m Dr. Hungary Jensen. You may call me Hank. I’m looking forward to working with you gentlemen.”

Dr. Jensen shook James’s hand first, then mine. His grip was very strong, surprising me.

“Interesting name,” James commented.

Dr. Jensen folded his hands and smiled. When he did that, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes and mouth crinkled and folded up, causing them to nearly disappear. I decided I liked him, right then and there. “When I was born, country names were quite popular. My mother wanted a unique name. No America or Russia or Japan for her son.”

“I think I’ll call you Dr. Hung,” James said.

I groaned and put my face in my hand.

Dr. Jensen smiled again, calmly. “We aren’t here to talk about my equipment today. We’re here to discuss yours. You want to have a baby, and you feel this is the right option for you?”

“There’s no other option,” I said, cutting James off at the pass before he could say something else embarrassing.

“Then you’re in the right place. We are quite capable here. Let me give you a rundown of the procedure, and then we’ll begin.”

The procedure described was actually quite simple, more than I would have thought. James and I were going to have our blood taken, and after the results on that came back clear and ready to go, James was going to be taken to a private room where he would basically jerk off into a cup. His sample would be prepped for half an hour, and then it would be placed inside me by way of a catheter.

Having my blood taken was the worst part. A nurse I hadn’t seen before emerged from wherever she’d been hiding and proceeded to poke at me with an enormous needle for several minutes before managing to get inside my veins. “You’re a little dehydrated,” she commented.

All I could do was grunt in response, staring resolutely at the wall while she stole my blood. She took three samples in total, one after the other, making me wonder if I would have any blood left inside me when it was all over.

The bandage she gave me was bright pink. I fiddled with it while she tended to James, then went off with her collection.

The blood test took only five minutes to complete, thanks to a new examination procedure which had been developed within the past year. The doctor had two sheets of paper in hand, covered with an array of columns and categories, complex words and numbers, all of which amounted to a positive result. James and I were apparently at the peak of health, and we were very compatible. I, in particular, was very receptive to insemination right now, according to Dr. Jensen.

James went into his little room to produce a sample. Dr. Jensen had suggested I accompany him, as a familiar presence could provide a veritable helping hand, but I rejected the idea. And, in any case, James returned within only a few minutes. The doctor left again, after informing us that we would have a bit longer of a wait this time.

I took the chance to escape to the waiting room to check on Haley. She sat in the middle of the floor, stacking up blocks with the nurse. They were chattering away about hair bows and colors. Girl talk.

I decided not to interrupt them and shut the door quietly, then retreated back to the room.

James stood against the wall still, a conflicted expression on his face. Concern and annoyance battled inside me. “Having second thoughts?”

James looked up and grimaced. “No.”

“Well, I won’t give you a penny for them,” I said, sitting down again. “You hardly need the charity money.”

He flashed a strained smile, which hung crooked on his lips before dropping away. “I’m just wondering how long it takes other men to do that. Was I too fast? Too slow?”

I stared at him. “This isn’t a performance contest. And I’m glad you were fast. I want to get on with this.”

His dark eyes bored into mine, forcing me to look away as my stomach started to flutter with forgotten butterflies. “You’re right,” he purred. “Sometimes fast is best.”

I ignored him, making him chuckle. We went back to waiting.

Eventually, the doctor arrived and instructed me to undress and put on one of those horrid, unflattering hospital gowns with the open back. I didn’t bother telling James not to look, because I knew he would no matter what I said. I hurried through it as fast as I could, ignoring the way his gaze raked up and down my body. My stomach was still fluttering, still humming, and my skin felt heated wherever his eyes touched me. My breath was also a little short.

It was all only anxiety. Nothing more. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was looking at me like he wanted to eat me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I lay down on my back on the exam table, my feet in stirrups, my knees in the air. I gripped the sides of the table, trying to hear what Dr. Jensen said over my heart pounding in my ears.

The catheter was uncomfortable, causing an invasive, burning sensation inside me. It didn’t exactly hurt, but it wasn’t a sensation I would willingly feel every day.

I looked up at the lights overhead, counted them, counted the ceiling tiles and the cracks in them, while the procedure carried on. Then, almost before I knew what was happening, the catheter was out and Dr. Jensen was talking about side effects and self care and other similar things.

After fifteen minutes, I was allowed to sit up and get dressed again.

Dr. Jensen said, “You can resume your normal activities right away, though it would be best if you took it a little easier today. Give the sperm some time to do its thing.”

I shuddered a little at the clinical nature of the term. Once again, all of this seemed wrong. This was a place for happy, hopeful couples, and here James and I were doing this just for personal gain.

No. Not just for personal gain. For Haley.

And really, that was all there was to it. There was nothing else we could do but go home, resume our normal lives, and wait.

James and I went out into the hallway. I pushed ahead of him, eager to get out of here. A tap on my shoulder stopped me in my tracks and I held my breath, hoping he’d change his mind and leave me alone.

When he spoke, his breath was very close to my ear, stirring my hair around. “I released the first part of your payment. You should see the deposit immediately.”

“Thank you.”

“No, Reid. Thank you.” Leaning in, James stroked his hand down my shoulder to my waist. My knees went weak and before I could recover, he had moved away and was already out the door to the waiting room. I followed just in time to see him exit the building, where a handsome younger man with wide glasses met him with literal open arms.

Jealousy trembled through me, watching James stride away with that other man revolving around him like a captured moon. Then, seeing Haley bounce up from the couch to greet me, my jealousy transformed into annoyance. That other man looked as if he would jump in front of a bullet for James. Why hadn’t he been the one James chose to inconvenience with his whims and desires?

“Are we going to go home, Daddy?”

My phone beeped in my pocket. I grabbed it and looked at the notification, which had come from my bank. Seeing it made me feel relieved, yet also empty. Strangely empty, considering that there would soon be someone growing inside me, taking up all that extra space.

“Yeah,” I sighed. Reaching down, I took Haley’s small hand in mine. “Let’s go.”

When the two of us were safely home, I called Haley into the kitchen where a present was waiting for her. It was a robotic, trainable stuffed animal dog that she had been obsessing over for months now. I shouldn’t have bought it before I knew I’d be able to afford it, but there had been a sale at the toy store and I couldn’t stop myself.

Watching her squeal and tear into the packaging, yanking the little programmable dog from its restraints, I knew I had been right to buy it.

I had been right to do this for her.

She deserved the world, and that stuffed dog — which was not actually trainable in the true sense of the word, but a child wouldn’t know it — was merely the first step taken down a long, happy road.

“Why don’t you take him to your room?” I suggested. “See if you can teach him his name and then come show me.”

“Okay!” Haley cried. She dashed away with the dog tucked under her arm and slammed her bedroom door. Moments later, she ran back out and tossed her arms around my waist. “Thank you, Daddy! Thank you, thank you!”

I blinked away tears and ruffled her hair, which made her squeak and wriggle away from me. “You’re welcome, honey. But if he poops on my floor, you’re cleaning it up.”

“Can he do that?” she breathed, eyes wide with genuine delight. What was it about bathroom habits that children found so entertaining?

I handed her the instructions, which she’d left on the table with the torn remnants of the box. “Why don’t you find out and show me?”

Haley went back to her room. Faint shouts and stern words echoed through the house as she tried to get the dog to respond to its “name.”

Shaking my head, I headed into the living room and collapsed on the couch. Today had been a long, long day and all I wanted to do was lie there and fall asleep.

Instead of giving in to the temptations of exhaustion, I picked up the remote and turned on the television. The news was on. One of the hosts, a thin, plastic faced blond man, pointed at footage of a handsome man being swarmed by paparazzi and media figures as he emerged through a massive black gate.

That man was James. He wore the same golden blouse, the same wide sunglasses. His movements were graceful, but furtive. He seemed annoyed, though there was no telling what he was saying, because the audio from the video was composed almost entirely of the background noise of the crowd.

Cameras flashed in his face, and microphones came close to bashing him in the mouth and eyes. More reporters came at him from the front, blocking his escape while he tried to walk down the long path past the gate, in the direction of a number of fancy electric vehicles.

Judging by the lighting in the video, this hadn’t happened all that long ago. I wondered where James had been going.

I wondered if he had managed to get there yet.

The newscaster had moved on to talking about the clip, speaking on the same subject everyone already knew, which was that James was in the running for the throne. I grabbed the remote and turned the television off again, biting my lower lip. Against my will, I felt my anger at James softening, washing away under the deluge of this new information. No wonder he hadn’t been able to be on time.

He could have called or something, though. It was still inconsiderate of him.

Or, maybe, he hadn’t been able to call. That might have given away that he was heading somewhere important, and then they would have followed him to the ends of the earth.

Well, whatever. I was just glad he’d been able to shake them. I couldn’t have handled having my artificial insemination broadcast on live television.

Haley was coming back down the hall, carrying the stuffed dog. I turned my attention to her and let myself relax in her genuine, uncompromising company.