Chapter 16

Elspeth

I texted Finn and invited him to dinner. We may as well let Pierre earn his money, even if he was on his way out the door. We hadn’t told him yet. There were three people you never told you were about to fire: your lawyer, your doctor, and your chef.

I’LL BE THERE AT SIX

Pierre went to extra trouble; I could tell by the way he cursed when something didn’t go as planned and the offending dish was unceremoniously thrown into the trash. There would be a flurry of French curses and pan washing as the next attempt was in line. Even Mary knew to stay out of his way. He was entirely too temperamental for my taste; eating should be pleasurable, not a labor.

I gave in and let myself wear the pink suit with the box jacket. I knew it was a bit much for just dinner at home, but it would be the only time I’d wear it, so I made an exception this once. Finn was on time, as expected.

“Hi!” I greeted him happily and could see something was wrong. “What is it?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry,” he said in a preoccupied voice. “Lost a friend today. I don’t know what happened and there’s no funeral.”

“I’m so sorry. That must really be painful.”

“You ever lose someone close?”

“I don’t know,” I said and I was being completely honest. “But I can tell he will be missed by you.” I went to him and laid my cheek on his chest, wrapping my arms around his torso as far as I could get them. He hugged me back and the remembered warmth between us caused us to melt into one another. I could smell his aftershave and remembered thinking how right he smelled that day in the blizzard, both of us naked and huddled into one another.

I took him by the hand and we went out to sit on the enclosed balcony overlooking the lake. The wind was calm and the sky prematurely dark. There were dark clouds to the northwest, and you could smell the promise of snow in the air. Under different circumstances, it would have been a highly romantic situation.

“Would you like me to have Pierre make you a drink? I’d do it myself, but he won’t let me in the kitchen, and I think that’s where the booze is kept,” I offered.

“No, I’ve had enough already today... and last night.”

“Last night?”

“Yeah, got carried away and never ate. I was sick as a dog on the bathroom floor all night.”

“Why?”

“Probably because I hadn’t eaten.”

“No, I mean, why did you get so drunk? Do you do that often?”

He shook his head. “Nah, very, very rare and usually in the company of close buddies where I can stay the night. I won’t drive if I’ve been drinking.”

“Something made you want to drink,” I pressed him further.

He opened his mouth, as if he were about to confess something, when Pierre opened the patio door and announced dinner.

“We’d better go in,” I told Finn. “He’s not had a good day and if we let it get cold, he’s liable to push us off the balcony. No matter what it is, pretend it’s good, okay? He’s kind of getting screwed out of this job and that makes me feel bad.”

Finn smiled and for me, it gave me a sense of relief. He hadn’t smiled since he came in the door so I knew whoever the friend was he’d lost had meant a lot to him.

Pierre, anxious to impress Finn, outdid himself. He proudly announced each course as he brought it in, and frankly I was glad he did, because I wouldn’t have recognized even half of it. Everything looked like something in a magazine; all blended colors with sprigs of plants or a flourish of some sauce dripped over the top of it.

Finn seemed to enjoy it. I could have settled for one course and been happy, but then maybe I was just not a gourmet. I made a mental note of that. I about died when Pierre came in with dessert and lit it on fire. Finn was smiling so I knew it was okay, but he could have just warmed it up in the microwave and I’d have been perfectly happy.

When Pierre’s show was done, Finn and I went back onto the balcony and were served coffee in small cups. I didn’t care for its strong taste, but pretended to sip it. When Pierre went inside, I tossed the liquid over the railing. “Don’t tell him,” I begged Finn, who only smiled and tossed his own. We were now cohorts in crime, and I loved it.

“So, did the doctor show up to talk with you today?” he asked.

I nodded. “He was right on time. Mary let him in and we sat in the living room. He was okay, but I don’t think we accomplished anything.”

“Why is that?” Finn was keenly interested; I could tell by the tone of his voice.

“Well, he asked a lot of questions and when I answered, which I couldn’t always, he’d just nod and write things down. He never told me what he thought was wrong or give me any idea how to get my memory back.”

Finn smiled. “I’m sorry. That’s my fault. Originally, before we had that talk, I’d told him to give me his impression of what he’d found. I know that was a lousy thing for me to do, and I’m really sorry.”

I nodded. “Okay, and I can sort of see why you would have done that, so we’ll let it go.”

“I’ll have a talk with him tomorrow. If you like, we can meet here and have him talk to both of us at the same time.”

“I would appreciate that. After all, it’s my life we’re talking about. It would be nice if I could hear about it first.” I knew that he could hear the sarcasm in my voice.

“No problem. I’m not sure what time he’s scheduled, but I’ll give you advanced notice. I’ll have to ask Leigh when I get in tomorrow morning.”

“There’s something I wanted to talk with you about,” I told him, hesitating because I knew it would cause him to argue with me, and he seemed to be having a hard day as it was.

“What’s that?”

“Promise not to get mad?”

“Okay, I promise.” Although we were sitting side-by-side, his head was turned so that he was looking at me full on. I could see he was tense and knew he was preparing himself for bad news.

I couldn’t stand to make him suffer with the suspense, so I blurted out quickly, “I don’t want the clothes. They don’t belong to me, I haven’t earned them, and I don’t want to keep taking things from you. It just doesn’t feel right.”

It was pretty much as I expected — he wasn’t terribly happy.

He drew a deep breath and said, “Don’t you like the clothes?”

“They’re beautiful, but as I said, they’re not really mine, and I think that it’s important that I do something to earn my keep.”

“Earn your keep? This isn’t charity, Elspeth. It gives me pleasure to give you things. Can’t you just accept it in that spirit?”

“I know you mean well, but this is more about my pride than your generosity.”

“Please, change your mind,” he begged me and I could hear in his voice a vulnerability that softened me inside. I knew it could be very rude to refuse well-intended gifts.

“I’ll tell you what. Everything you bought is very beautiful, but it’s really not me. Like this outfit I’m wearing right now. It was my favorite of everything you bought me and I think I’m way overdressed.”

“I noticed the moment I walked in how beautiful you look. You have to remember, the women I’ve dated in the past weren’t used to being complimented. They spent all day on their appearance and took it for granted that they were at their best.”

I must have looked disappointed, because he immediately tried to reframe his words.

“That didn’t come out right. What I’m trying to say is that you look beautiful tonight. You are simply a beautiful woman, and there’s nothing you could wear that would change that.”

“I appreciate that, Finn, but I don’t think I belong in fancy clothes, if you get my drift. They just don’t feel normal to me.”

He nodded. “Okay, I see where you’re going now. I hear you telling me that you are a more casual person, is that right?”

“I guess that’s one way you could put it,” I agreed. “Look, I don’t have any clothes of my own, and we both know I don’t have any money, so what if we make a deal? Why don’t you let me pick a few outfits from what you bought, some of the jeans and sweaters, for example, and a few other little things and you have the rest of it sent back. We’ll call it a loan and when I get on my feet, I’ll pay you back. Can we do that?”

“There’s no need…” he started to say, but I cut him off quickly.

“There is for me. I do have some pride, you know,” I pointed out and that seemed to get the message across.

“If that makes you feel better, so be it,” he replied and then looked out over the balcony railing. “As much as I love your company, it’s been a rough day. I’m wondering if you would excuse me? I’d like to hit the hay.”

“Of course, you must be exhausted. Thank you for coming to have dinner with me. I like being with you. And besides, Pierre would’ve killed someone if you hadn’t showed up to try his cooking. He’s been trying very hard to impress you.”

“I’ll remember that and say something nice on my way out. You going to stay out here?”

“Yes, I think so, for a couple of minutes. You go on and I’ll be in shortly. Good night.”

Finn stood up and walked over to my chair, leaning down to kiss me on the forehead. Before he could stand upright, my arms went upward of their own volition, wrapping around his neck and pulling his face down toward mine.

I looked into his eyes for a moment and saw sadness there. I wanted to make it better. I kissed him, for a long time, in fact. His arms came down and he physically lifted me out of the chair and held me against himself. I could feel the tingles in my stomach, the same way I had in the car that day when we were both naked and cold. The tingles felt much better than the cold, but I would’ve endured that again if it meant being close to him in that way.

“Good night, Finn,” I whispered.

“Sleep well,” he whispered back and left me there.

I watched through the patio doors and saw him pause as he passed the kitchen. While I couldn’t make out what he was saying, I knew he was telling Pierre how wonderful dinner had been. I was glad he had remembered to do so. It would make Pierre so much easier to live with in the morning.

I sat back down in my chair and looked up to the stars.

The door slid open and there stood Pierre, a mug in his hand. “Mr. Finn tells me you would like some hot chocolate,” he said and handed me the mug. I knew that Finn must have been diplomatic because Pierre did not seem to be upset in the least.

“It was a delicious dinner, Pierre,” I complimented him. He grinned broadly and went back inside. When I finished the chocolate, I followed him indoors and went straight to bed.

Mary was nowhere to be seen. I think she had already gotten the message that her days were limited. I was sorry for her sake, but she was just too cold for me to get close to. Maybe it was because she was a nurse; they often had to become cold to deal with very ill patients and still do their job. That’s how I also figured I hadn’t been a nurse. I was far too warmhearted to see someone hurt.