He was silent. He just sat there, his arms around me, and stared into the distance. I didn’t even know what he was looking at but I was damn sure it wasn’t the television. When I looked into his face it just looked blank.

“Damon?” I called out. “Are you okay?”

A great fear began to swirl in my guts. Maybe it was too soon to drop this information on him. Maybe it was all-wrong. However, I didn’t want to get into a deep relationship with him – and regularly have sex with him like this – without letting him know the truth. Jeremy was his and he had the right to know that.

“Y-yeah, I am,” he answered. “How sure are you that he’s mine?”

I giggled and tried to lighten the mood, “I didn’t fuck anyone else before or after our graduation night. I did try to move on and date someone else but by then I was three months pregnant and I dropped all attempts so I could focus on just staying healthy.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? It’s been so long,” he asked me.

“You were a rising NFL star,” I answered. “Could you imagine the trouble you’d be in if the world found out that the rookie of the year had an illegitimate son out there? It’d be a scandal. Now, however, the media won’t bat an eye.”

He scoffed, “What? Am I old news now?”

I shook my head, “No, it’s not that. What I mean is it won’t be much of an issue since you’re already a veteran player. When the people find out, they’ll just go ‘oh, he’s had a son all this time’ and just accept it.”

“There’s no way we can be sure of that,” he tried to point out. “I might lose my position in my team if this goes out to the public.”

Now I really felt worried. The heavy feeling in my gut sank and I was going down with it. I looked up at Damon and asked, “What are you planning to do?”

Damon didn’t answer immediately. He just leaned back against the headboard, finished his coffee and stared blankly at the television on the wall. He gripped my hand, gave it a squeeze, and just soaked in the moment as he pondered about his options.

I didn’t rush him. I knew this was something really important and difficult to think about. His whole career was on the line. He had been in the NFL for five years now and I was sure he still had another five years or so in him before he’d call it quits. I couldn’t just expect him to throw all of that out the window for a kid he just met a few weeks ago.

After what felt like forever he shifted in his seat and looked at me, “Let me think about this. I need some time to really consider what to do.”

I was so disappointed. I knew it would be impractical – and a little stupid – to hope he would accept Jeremy and I wholeheartedly and say he’d jump right in to be Jeremy’s father. Despite that I had hoped he would do so and now I felt crushed.

“I-I understand,” I told him. I couldn’t help but push his hands off me and I scooted a few inches away from him, hurt by his course of action.

Damon turned to me and tried to hug me closer but I shrugged him off. He then said, “Come on, Emie, you can’t just expect me to jump up and down in joy. I love Jeremy but there’s so much ahead of me right now. I need to think about this. It’s not an easy thing to deal with. It’s not like we’re choosing between apples and oranges.”

I bit down on my lip, preventing myself from lashing back, and took a moment to pause and sort out my thoughts. When I was a little calmer I said, “I can’t say I’m not a little bit disappointed. L-Look, we’re both a little shaken, okay? I’ll just go home right now. I’ll let you sort your thoughts about this.”

“Emilia,” he called me by my full name. “Look, just trust me on this. Let me deal with the game in London first, okay? Let me handle this one at a time and I’ll get back to you about Jeremy.”

For the first time since I got to be with him again, I felt the urge to just smack him in the face. He was seriously considering his football career over bonding with Jeremy as a real father. Maybe he was just as childish and irresponsible as I thought he was years ago.

I couldn’t handle it anymore though. Just when I thought everything was working out just fine and dandy this all had to happen. I wished I didn’t spill the truth to him just yet.

“Damon, take me home,” I told him as I got up from the bed and slowly began to dress.

“Emie, you don’t have to go,” he tried to beg. He reached out and patted the bed, gesturing for me to come back. “Just get back here. We can talk more about this when I get back from Europe, okay?”

I shook my head, “Damon… this is something you have to be ready to decide upon right now. Are you ready to be a father or not? Even if Jeremy wasn’t yours, would you be ready for the responsibility if you got me pregnant today? What would happen then?”

Damon hung his head in defeat. He knew he had nothing to rebuttal my challenge. He really needed to think about the course of his life. I literally just derailed him but that was how things were – Jeremy was his and he had to face that reality.

“Come on, you have to be a little fair,” he snapped back. “You don’t understand the magnitude of this information. I have a big NFL career in front of me. What do you have?”

That really flared me up and even Damon knew he just said something stupid. I wasn’t going to let it go though and shouted back, “Fuck you! While you’re out there playing games I was raising your son while running a damn fucking hotel. I’ve been dealing with a legit business. And just for your information, I know the magnitude of this kind of information. I’m the one who carried him for nine months in my womb, you freaking idiot. How do you think I felt when the doctor told me I was pregnant?”

I must have really struck a chord because he turned dead silent. Damon didn’t dare utter another word and simply slid out of bed to dress up. When we were both ready, he let me head out first and took me back to the car.

The drive to my place was in awkward silence. I could feel he wanted to say something. He must have been thinking of something to fix this and make everything all right but he didn’t utter the words.

Whatever he was going to say they were gone with the wind. I didn’t even care to look back and watch his car drive off. I just stormed into the home and waited until Jackson, Amy and Jeremy got back home from their shopping spree.

Damon tried to text me. He tried to call. I didn’t give a damn and just ignored his attempts even into the next day. I was still a little unsure.

I knew I was being unfair. I made him promise to be civil about this but I was the one losing my shit over his decision to take this situation nice and slow. However, my disappointment was over the roof. I needed to think about this as well.